Saturday, March 7, 2020

The Audio File: Bad Gladiator

I tend to have fairly high standards when it comes to comedy podcasts. I don't like ones that are overly self-referential, or self-indulgent. I don't like ones that drag jokes out for too long. Comedy podcast are under an additional layer of scrutiny when they're themed around history. So why am I tell all of this to you? Because I've found a podcast that both meets and exceeds my standards. We're taking a look at the podcast Bad Gladiator


For the glory of Rome! Bad Gladiator follows a young aspiring gladiator named Atticus. He's got high hopes, but pretty much no talent. Thankfully, he's just started at the Roman Empire's worst gladiatorial arena. It is owned by a patrician woman named Domitia, who hopes that the arena will go bankrupt and she can move back to Rome. Unfortunately, Atticus soon become a massive hit because of how hopeless he is. The story follows Atticus, and the colorful cast of characters who run the arena, as they have wacky adventures at the worst gladiator arena in the Roman Empire. 

Like I said, the standards were met and exceeded by Bad Gladiator. The episodes of the first season typically clock in at between twelve to fifteen minutes. By season two, the episodes are closer to twenty minutes, but that last few minutes are usually reserved for a brief word from the cast and crew. This keep the episodes fresh and snappy, and ensures that the jokes never overstay their welcome. Of course, this is also due very much to the genuinely intelligent and witty writing. It's not a "wacky thing every thirty seconds" sort of comedy. Bad Gladiator has the feeling of a sitcom in an unusual setting. Sort of like The Flintstones, but with occasional swearing and sex jokes. Fun fact, Hanna-Barbera did create a show called The Roman Holidays that pretty much was The Flintstones in Ancient Rome, but it only lasted for thirteen episodes. 

There's plenty of fun little deliberate anachronisms throughout the show. For example, the Ancient Roman equivalent of Twitter is literally sending messages on birds, and you send dick picks by panting and/or carving frescoes. That one has a kernel of truth to it, given how shameless Roman art could get. You'd even seen penises in places you wouldn't expect, such as on the signs of bakeries. Though, that was because penises were associated with fertility, as in fertile crops of grains used to make bread. So, I wouldn't call this alternate history, at least not deliberately, but it should appeal to alternate history fans. It is never clear when the show is set, other than vaguely Ancient Rome. Of course, as stated, that's not really of much importance, given the comical nature of the podcast. 

One thing I love about that writing is that, though historical accuracy obviously wasn't a priority, occasionally it does slip in real facts about Ancient Rome. For example, the characters often mention drinking wine flavored with lead, and that the water pipes are made of lead. Both of these are indeed real things the Romans were known to do. Admittedly, not as crazy as it might sound. Lead does have natural anti-bacterial properties. The Ancient Egyptians used lead in their eyeliner, and that contributed to them having good eyesight. Unfortunately, lead is also toxic to humans, so you know, win some loss some. 

Now let's talk about the characters. Many members of the cast are professional actors who have appeared in shows such as Sleepy Hollow, The Resident, The Detour, and Rectify. You may remember the writers of Bad Gladiator from podcasts such as Bad Gladiator and Bad Gladiator. Yes, that's a joke, but good on the writers for assembling such a talented cast. 

Atticus is our leading man. He's got high hopes, but low talent. I mean, the dude fought a stingray that had no water, and the stingray won. To be fair, some stingrays do have long and sharp barbs, and some are venomous. He earns the title of Jaculator because he fights with a javelin. It's a joke based on the Latin word for someone who fights with a javelin. Atticus is played by Jim Hodgson, who delivers an earnest and endearing performance. Jim is also one of the writers for the podcast. It might be fun to watch...listen...you know what I mean. Let's try that again. It might be fun to watch Atticus get beat up by animals, but he's endearing and sympathetic enough that we want to see him succeed every now and again. 

Domitia is the reluctant owner of the arena. She's cynical, sarcastic, and almost comes across as a movie star past her prime. She is voiced by Leanna Adams, who really nails the jaded wash-out sort of voice and demeanor. Domitia constantly switches between hoping the arena will go out of business, and trying to take advantage of various situations to make a quick denarius. Denarius is the name for Roman coins, if you were wondering. 

Domitia's daughter Claudia serves as Atticus' primary love interest. She's generally nice and sweet, but she can certainly snark with the best of them. She's voiced by Lauren Schmuck, who goes for the girl next door feel. She dreams of one day becoming a gladiator herself, but Domitia forces her to peruse more traditionally feminine activities, such as pottery class. She's not much for clay pots, but makes lovely ceramic swords. She's not immune to the slapstick, and is just as likely to have misfortune befall her as the male characters are. Claudia does get her wish to be a gladiator in one episode by switching clothes with Atticus, who finds he rather enjoys pottery. Interestingly, there were at least some female gladiators in real life. However, they were, for lack of a better term, publicity stunts. For example, Emperor Commodus like to have women fight against midgets and dwarfs. Were the midgets stacked on top of each other, or spread out individually? Well, you got me there, the historical record is vague on that point. 

Atticus also has something of a mentor in the form of Magnus. Well, mentor is a strong word. Magnus is lazy, slovenly, lecherous, and is one of the oldest gladiators at the arena. He's Domitia's on-again-off-again boyfriend, and he likes to sleep in the sewers. Magnus is voiced by Rob Lawhon, who really goes for a past-his- prime dirty old man sort of performance. Still, a broken clock is right twice a day, and occasionally Magnus does pull through and do something useful. 

Starting with season two, we get an antagonist in the form of the Piss Witch. Well, she prefers to be called the Pee-Pee Witch, but everyone calls her the Piss Witch. She's one of Magnus' many ex-girlfriends, and as her name suggest, she has power over all forms of urine. She is played by Jaymi Curley, who is clearly having a blast portraying the Piss Witch as hammily over-the-top evil.  

I also love the arena's delightfully campy promoter, and how he finds ways to charge the arena audience for pretty much everything, including using the bathroom. In fact, he's more concern with that than actually promoting the fights. His constantly hawking of merchandise might seem like an anachronism, but that's more accurate than you might think. Real gladiator arenas did indeed sell figurines of the gladiators, as well as commemorative glass cups and other souvenirs. Also, the arena sells flamingo tongues, which were indeed considered a delicacy in Ancient Rome.  

Bad Gladiator has, as of this writing, two seasons with a third on the way. It certainly sounds like they've got even more great things in store for the future. I'm particularly intrigued by the hints that we might get a musical episode. That sounds awesome, I'm totally down for that. 

Well, there you have it. Bad Gladiator is a smartly written historical comedy about the Roman Empire's worst gladiator arena. It is funny, entertaining, and I can't recommend it enough. Tragedy tomorrow, comedy tonight! Do yourself a favor and check it out now, you'll be glad that you did. 

Well, I think that's enough from me for now. I will see you guys next time. 


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