Monday, April 22, 2019

The Alt-Hist File: Lightspeed Magazine


Everyone buckle up, because in this edition of The Alt-Hist File we're going to lightspeed. Lightspeed Magazine that is. Lightspeed Magazine was founded in 2010 by John Joseph Adams, who continues to serve as the magazine's editor. The Lightspeed podcast is created in association with Skyboat Road Company Inc, the largest independent audio producer on the West Coast, and is headed by the Audie and Grammy award winning narrators Stefan Rudnicki and Grabrielle de Cuir. Originally, Lightspeed only published science fiction short stories; however, in 2012 Lightspeed merged with its sister magazine Fantasy Magazine and now publishes fantasy short stories in equal quantity to science fiction.

In 2014, Lightspeed won the Hugo Award, and many of the stories published in it have won the Hugo, Nebula and Sturgeon awards. Lightspeed includes both the text and audio versions of their stories, but not all stories have an audio form. Interviews with the authors are also included with the text of the stories and I always enjoy getting the author's insight into the stories. Lightspeed has also run various special issues including Women Destroy Science Fiction, highlighting great women science fiction writers, Queers Destroy Science Fiction, featuring LGBTQ science fiction writers, and People of Color Destroy Science Fiction, featuring minority writers. Lightspeed also has a sister magazine know as Nightmare Magazine, which publishes horror and dark fantasy short stories.

Besides John Joseph Adams, Lightspeed's podcast has been hosted by Jack Kincaid, Jim Freund and featured Mur Lafferty for Women Destroy Science Fiction, Cecil Baldwin for Queers Destroy Sceince Fiction, and Rajan Khana for People of Color Destroy Sceince Fiction. John has also created several themed anthologies, many of whose stories have been featured on Lightspeed. Also, be sure to checkout Lightspeed: Year One, a collection of stories from Lightspeed's first year, which was nominated for the Hugo Award.

Well, that about does it for the intro. So, everyone fold your tray tables up, return your seats to the full upright position and without further ado let's make the jump to Lightspeed.


"The Old Equations" by Jake Kerr
A Full Cast Production

This story is set in the 22nd century, but it takes place in a world where Albert Einstein died during World War I before developing his Theory of Relativity. As a result, quantum theory became the foundation of modern physics. An astronaut named Jim is embarking on a ten year mission to another planet. The story is told as series of message transmission between Jim, his wife Kate and Mission Control. At first things seem to be going well, then the message times get increasingly out of sync. Scientists search for answers and begin to wonder if those old equations of Einstein's might have had something to them after all.

In case it wasn't obvious, this was that story I hinted at in my review of "The Cold Equations". I liked how the story was presented as a series of message logs, and everyone in the full cast production did an excellent job. Now, in terms of plausibility this story is a tad shaky. Admittedly, it is rather odd that it took so long for humanity to discover relativity, but then we'd have no story if they had. Jake said that he was directly inspired by "The Cold Equations" and he certainty did a great job of capturing the themes and emotions of that story.

A modern take on a classic of science fiction. Very much worth your time.


The Aetherian Revolution series by Carrie Vaughn
Narrated by Roxanne Hernandez and Gabrielle de Cuir

I'm going to do something different with this one. Instead of reviewing a single story I'm going to review several stories set in the same world. Specifically, a world where an alien spacecraft crash-landed in Surrey in 1869. The pilots died on impact, but British scientists were able to reverse-engineer much of the alien technology. Before long the tech leaked to other nations and the Victorian era was forever change. The series follows Harry, better known as Princess Maud, and Lieutenant James Marlowe as they defend the British Empire and try to discover the secrets of the Aetherians.

You may have heard of Carrie Vaughn through her Kitty Norville urban fantasy novels or her After the Golden Age superhero duology. Carrie, however, has also written quite a few short stories and she's quickly become one of my favorite writers. As for the Aetherian Revolution stories, I absolutely love them. They're action packed adventures of machinations and alien machines; from lost Viking tribes in Iceland to mechanical insects in Paris. At the same time they don't shy away from the more unpleasant aspects of the Victorian era such as classism and the restriction placed on women.

I'm not sure if the stories are exactly steampunk, given that the changes come from alien technology, but they certainly have that aesthetic to them. As for the narration, both Roxanne and Gabrielle do excellent jobs narrating their stories. I can only hope Carrie considers expanding the series into a novel.

It goes with saying that I recommend all of them.


"The Cristobal Effect" by Simon McCaffery
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki 

James Dean, John Lennon and Princess Diana are just a few of the many people who died before their time. They would have had such great lives and would have left such an impact on the world if only they'd survived...or would they? Our protagonist possess a device that allows him to travel to different universes. He's decided use the device to save James Dean from dying in a car accident. It works, but things don't quite go as he envisioned them.

Before listening to this story I didn't know much about James Dean, but by then end I had a great appreciation of who he was. I also liked the way that travel between universes is described; it resembles time travel, but it isn't, and some universes change more easily than others. It is not the most uplifting message, but living longer might not have meant more success for people like James Dean and I appreciate that this story didn't take the easy way out with that message.

Stefan did an excellent job with the narration. He really is one of the top narrators out there. Another story I very much recommend.


"The Cross-Time Accountants Fail To Kill Hitler Because Chuck Berry Does The Twist" by C.C. Finlay
Narrated by Mirron Willis

Yes, that's actually the name of this story. It follows two time travelers named Mabel and Harry. They come from a future ravaged by environmental damage and have been sent back to 1956 to set things on a better path. Oh, but this isn't the 1956 we know. In their world World War II has dragged on into the 1950s, the United States has allied with Nazi Germany against the Soviet Union and the United States has become fairly authoritarian. Mabel also hopes to save Chuck Berry before he gets murdered by a klansman named Elvis Presley.

Yeah, this one's probably going to be a tad controversial, but just bear with me for a minute. I didn't really know about Chuck Berry before I listened to this story, but now I do and that's always a bonus...clearly my pop culture knowledge has a few gaps. Anyway, I enjoyed how the story implied that our world is the alternate universe created as a result of the accountants changing the past. I also thought that opening and closing the story with an instrumental version of Rollover Beethoven was a nice touch. As for the whole Elvis killing Chuck Berry part, remember, it's alternate history and nothing is set in stone. People are products of their worlds, and not always in a good way.

As for the narration I thought that Mirron did a great job. It's a story with more than a few twists and I happily recommend it.


"Cimmeria: From the Journal of Imaginary Anthropology" by Theodora Goss
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki 

This story follows a group of anthropologists as they try to envision what a modern day nation of Cimmeria would be like. Before long, however, they find that their creation has come to life, and one researcher finds himself involved with the royal family and nation's political intrigues.

The premise of a group of people believing a nation into existence brought to my mind the Tibetan Buddhist concept of tulpa; basically, it works on the same principle, but with a single entity and only experienced monks can pull it off. Back to the story, I must say that the worldbuilding is spectacular. The culture of Cimmeria is one of the most unique alternate history cultures I've encountered in quite some time. For example, blue is considered a sacred color and as many women dye their hair blue, twins are considered one soul in two bodies, Cimmerians are Orthodox Christians, but believe that cats will guide them to the afterlife.

It's mentioned another team of anthropologists created a modern nation of Scythia, which only served to intrigue me more. I really felt like I was walking on the streets of a Cimmerian city. Also, I should mention that this Cimmeria has no relation to the Cimmeria of Conan the Barbarian; it's based in the Cimmerian people of Eastern Europe. Once again Stefan did an amazing job with the narration.

An imaginative alternate history that I couldn't recommend more.


"The Case of the Passionless Bees" by Rhonda Eikamp
Narrated by Johnathan L. Howard
Featured in Lightspeed's Women Destroy Science Fiction

In an alternate Victorian England where robots with artificial intelligence, known as amalgamated, fill servant roles there is a detective who is second to none. His name is Gearlock Holmes and he is an emancipated amalgamated. A murder has been committed in Gearlock's home, and the clues point towards one of the mechanical servants...or there's always Gearlock himself.

This story did a great job capturing the style and feel of the original Sherlock Holmes stories. It was also interesting how the story incorporated Victorian attitudes with regard to the new technology of artificial intelligence. Watson considers Gearlock a friend and colleague, but at the end he ultimately views Gearlock as just another machine. In fact, the way the amalgamated are treated can be seen as an allegory for Victorian class relations.

In terms of the narration Johnathan did excellent job. A steampunk twist on Sherlock Holmes that I happily recommend.


"Willful Weapon" by Fred Van Lente
Narrated by Sile Bermingham

This story takes place in an alternate 19th century in which magic and mythical creatures have returned to the world. Several mythical creatures are immigrating to the United States via Ellis Island. The story follows a fae from Ireland named Cellach mac Rath as he and his fellow immigrants make a new life in New York City. Along the way he gets involved in a series of events that could explain why magic has returned to the world.

In many ways this was very much a magical twist on the immigrant tale. We see Cellach and his friends struggling to find a place in a nation that seems to simultaneously welcome and reject them. I liked how we had so many different mythical creatures interacting together. Among other things we've got fae and fomorians from Ireland, gnomes and dwarves from Germany and so on. Would have been nice if dragons had played a bigger role, but that my personal bias. It also made me wonder what Angel Island in San Francisco must be like with all the mythical creature of East Asia.

Fortunately, Fred has written another story set in the same world and is working on a full length novel. Now, let's talk narration. Certain podcasts only have one narrator, and with those podcasts you get used to the narrator voicing stories from the opposite gender. Lightspeed, however, is not one of those podcasts and has always had a wide selection of narrators. For what it's worth I think Sile did a pretty good job, but it still seemed odd to have a female narrator for a story with a male main character, and so many male characters in general.

All things consider it's an immigrant tale with a magic twist, and I couldn't recommend it more.


"The Litigation Master and the Monkey King" by Ken Liu
Narrated by John Chu
2013 Nebula Award Nominee 

Set in Qing Dynasty China, this story follows a litigation master named Tian Haoli. He's renown for his intelligence and resourceful thinking and he frequently receives visits from the mythical monkey king, Sun Wukong. After taking on a new case Tian soon finds himself in a plot to preserve the truth of how the Qing rose to power; a truth the emperor would rather be forgotten.

Well, if you've been paying attention to my past review you ought to know how much I love Ken Liu stories, and this was no exception. I got to learn about Qing Dynasty legal tradition and seeing Sun Wukong is always a plus. I'd alway known that the Manchurian occupation of China had disastrous consequences for the nation, but I had no idea just how brutal it was until I listened to this story. I also enjoyed the theme of speaking up about that past rather than letting it be forgotten to serve the future.

John Chu did a great job once again with the narration. Another story that I happily recommend.


"A Princess of Spain" by Carrie Vaughn
Narrated by Karesa McElheny 

This story follows Catherine of Aragon as she is sent to England to marry Prince Arthur Tudor. Catherine learns to love Arthur, but she's always felt a connection with his younger brother Prince Henry. A courtier from the Low Countries, or so she claims, has taken an interest in Arthur, and Catharine and Henry suspect she could be supernatural in nature.

I admit my knowledge of Catherine of Aragon is a bit sketchy, besides that she was the wife Henry went on to divorce, but I think this story did a good job humanizing her. I really felt for Catharine as she tried to find her place in an unfamiliar land. I also liked how the story brought that same humanizing quality to Henry and the person he was before becoming king.

I know this is a fantasy story, and (minor spoil) the courtier turned out to be a succubus, but based on the dialog came across more like a time traveler or that there's something bigger we're not seeing. Not sure if Carrie intended that, but it was something that stuck out to me.

Karesa handled the narration quite well. Another Carrie Vaughn story I happily recommend.


"Second Hand" by Rajan Khanna
Narrated by Phil Gigante
Featured in Dead Man's Hand anthology 

This story is a sequel to Rajan Khanna's "Card Sharp", which I reviewed in the post about PodCastle. You don't have to have read/listened to "Card Sharp" to enjoy this story, but it does add something to the experience. This time the action is moved west of the Mississippi and into the Wyoming Territory. Quentin Ketterly is training his old master's son, Hiram Tetch, in the art of being a card sharp. They've come to Wyoming in hopes of tracking down a fellow card sharp and learn how to better utilize the magic within their playing cards.

As you know I enjoy "Card Sharp" and this story was even better. I liked how this story expanded the mythos of the card sharps. I also enjoyed seeing some of the ways the other card sharps made use of their cards and how they were able to bend the rules of the cards in their favor. The change of setting to the Wild West was another welcome addition.

Phil Gigante is another of those top quality professional narrators, and he did a great job here. An even better sequel to a great story. Very much recommended.


"None Owns the Air" by Ken Liu
Narrated by Paul Boehmer

This story is a prequel to Ken Liu's Dandelion Dynasty trilogy, the first book of which, The Grace of Kings, is out now. The story is set on the fictional archipelago of Dara. Our protagonist Kino is from Xana, the poorest and most looked down upon of the seven islands of Dara. Kino is determined to do something to prove not only his own worth, but also Xana's worth to all of Dara. Soon the answer becomes clear; he's going to invent a flying machine, but what will be the consequences of such an invention?

Okay, this story isn't alternate history or historical fantasy, so why did I include it? I included it because it is an excellent example of silkpunk. What is silkpunk? Silkpunk is a fairly new punk, so new it might have just been invented. It incorporates materials and technologies common to East Asia; so we're talking things like armored whales, battle kites, hot air balloons and airships made of silk and much more. Many of the machines are usually based on living creatures and the natural world, and it gives them an organic feel.

I don't know if Ken Liu invented silkpunk, but he's certainly helped raise awareness and might even do much to popularize it. As for the story itself, it wetted my appetite and I'm hungry for more. Ken intended the series to be a retelling of the founding of China's Han Dynasty. However, rather than being a fantasy China, Dara is a blend of many different cultures that combine to create a setting unlike anything I've encountered before. You see bits and pieces of various cultures, but none that are 100% recognizably based on preexisting civilizations. It was nice to see a fantasy story that broke from the standard European-esque setting.

I liked how the story asked a lot of tricky questions, especially with regards to science and religion, but didn't give any solid answers. I also thought that Paul did and excellent job with the narration.

It's a great silkpunk story that I couldn't recommend more.


"The Battle of York" by James Stoddard 
Narrated by Vikas Adam
Originally Published in The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction

During the mid 21st century a shift in the Earth magnetic poles caused all electrical technology to be destroyed. America collapsed, but hundreds of years later humanity has recovered and pieced together a history known as the Americana. It tells of the great General Washington, wielder of the battle-axe Valleyforge, as he seeks redemption following humiliation in battle against the Gauls and American Natives. Waynejon, also know as The Pilgrim, tells him that to achieve redemption he must travel to Mount Rushmore to attain the Words of Power as that he can defeat the wizard Cornwallis and his legions of frost giants. Along the way he is joined by Arm Strong, with hair like custard, the eagles E Perilous Unum and Apollo Leven, Eisenhower Iron Hewer and even the Star Weaver Betsy Ross. Together they must make America a land of freedom and second chances.

Okay, it's not exactly alternate history, but still plenty of fun. Obviously, the history the future humans established is laughably off the mark, but yet it still retained an essential Americaness. I liked how a lot of the names were purposefully misspelled, suggesting the writers were guessing based on oral accounts or than language had changed. It might seem a little crazy and off the rails at time, but I liked how the story embraced it's insane mishmash nature.

Of course, a story like this needs a good narrated to keep it entertaining and heartfelt, and Vikas did a spot on job in that regard. It's a fun and mythologized take on American History that I happily recommend.

"Crazy Rhythm" by Carrie Vaughn
Narrated by Gabrielle De Cuir


This story is set during the Golden Age of Hollywood. It follows a woman named Margie Stewart who is the assistant to a director. During the filming of a movie about World War I she meets Peter Jeffries. He's a set designer, but he's also a World War I veteran. Peter's about to bring the Great War to life in a way Hollywood has never seen before.

Those of us with an interest and passion for history are all too keenly aware of how often Hollywood warps and distorts history. Peter is also keenly aware of this, especially given the time period this story takes place in. The Golden Age of Hollywood was not the sort of place that made movies that captured the raw experience of war. You certainly didn't see anything on the level of Saving Private Ryan or Full Metal Jacket, and not just because World War II and the Vietnam War hadn't happened yet. As for how he accomplishes this, I'll leave that for you to discover. On an unrelated note, I founded it interesting that the director compared the movie they're making to Gone with the Wind in terms of budget. As in, they don't have nearly as much money. I've noticed several stories set in this era use Gone with the Wind as a unit of measurement.

Once again, Gabrielle does a great job with the narration. A story about the crossroads of history and Hollywood. I give it a thumbs up.


"The Cassandra Project" by Jack McDevitt
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki


This story takes place in the near future. America and Russia have teamed up for a joint mission to the Moon. While there the astronauts discover a giant metal dome. The inside of the dome is covered in Ancient Greek writing. So who built the dome, and what where they trying to say?

It is impossible to discuss this story without giving away the ending, do I'm afraid I'll have to spoil it. It turns out that the dome was created by aliens who visited Earth during ancient times; hence so why it was written in Ancient Greek. The aliens discovered that societies tend to completely eradicate themselves 1000 years after industrialization occurs. This unless the societies can revert to a pre-industrial state of being. This is presented as the explanation for why humanity hasn't encounter other intelligent lifeforms. There's also the implication that the aliens are dead now. It's a very thought-provoking story. What would you do with that sort of information? I'm not sure what I would do.

I do know what Stefan did a great job with the narration. A story that is sure to keep you thinking long after it is over. I give it a thumbs up.

"Delhi" by Vandana Singh
Narrated by Vikas Adams
Featured in Lightspeed's People of Color Destroy Science Fiction


This story takes place in Delhi, India. It follows a man named Aseem. He has the ability to peer through time and interact with echoes of the past and future. He sees emperors of the Mughal Empire, soldiers of the British East India Company, but lately he's been focused on a girl from the future. She enraptures him, but also seems to come from a dystopian India. Aseem must find a way to help her, but how?

There is history all around you; you only need to look in the right places. For example, certain streets in Broadmoore, the neighborhood of Shreveport I live in, are extra wide because they were where trolleys used to drive. In fact, if you dig deep enough, you'll eventually find trolley tracks dating back to the 1920s. I've been to cities such as Rome, Florence, Paris and London, but it was only after I got home that I really appreciated that I'd walked the streets as countless other people from hundreds and even thousands of years in the past. Delhi has been around since before the Romans conquered England. I've always thought that it must really be something to live in a place that has existed for thousands of years.

It would potentially be amazing to have Aseem's power. I'd get to see countless individuals from the past and future, and get to interact with them. On the other hand, I'd be powerless to help them too much, so it might get depressing after a while. Still, as you can tell, I very much enjoyed this story. I also really enjoyed Vikas' narration.

A story about the history that surrounds us all. Very much recommended.


"From the Root" by Emma Törzs
Narrated by Gabrielle De Cuir


This story takes place in 18th Century London. Our protagonist is a Regenitrix. Regenitrix are reasonably similar to humans, but they can regenerate lost body parts, and are exclusively female. The only way they die are either by old age or childbirth. The protagonist has caught the attention of a doctor who has been studying regenitrix, and hopes to alleviate their birthing issues. Our protagonist, having always wanted to go into medicine, agrees to help.

Childbirth has claimed the lives of quite a few women over the years. During the Middle Ages, one out of every four pregnancies resulted in the death of either the mother, the child, or both. One of the first things women knitted were their own burial shrouds. Even up until the 1930s and 1940s death by childbirth was still fairly common. So I see this story as giving a fantasy twist on all of that. I also liked how the protagonist was able to figure out the solution to the problem, but I'll leave that for you to discover. I will say that I can't believe that I didn't think of it. Though regarding how the protagonist meets the doctor. She donates her teeth on a regular basis, but wouldn't that hurt? Regeneration doesn't necessarily mean freedom from pain. Still, not like a single woman has many other sources of income in 18th Century London.

In any event, Gabrielle does a great job with the narration. A story of hope and survival, and one that I recommend.


"Ghost Days" by Ken Liu
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki and Gabrielle De Cuir


Attention readers, our next story is a three-for-one special. The first part of the story takes place in Hong Kong in 1905. William is a Chinese man who has studied in Britain, and has grown somewhat ashamed of how his father sells knock-off antiques. The second part takes place in East Norbury, Connecticut in 1989. Fred is the son of two Chinese parents who came to America to flee political oppression. He wants nothing more than to fit in and be a typical American kid. The third part takes place on the planet Nova Pacifica. Ona is one of the many genetically engineered children of the colonist who have been cut off from the portal network of Earth. The adults want her and the other kids to be interested in Earth culture, but she wants to know more about Nova Pacifica's original inhabitants. Though separate, these all interconnect via a Chinese candle holder.

The structure of this story was very reminiscent of Cloud Atlas. This is good because I absolutely adore Cloud Atlas. We start out in reverse chronological order, each story only being told in half, and then move forwards chronologically to get the other half. The central theme of these stories is how we deal with our heritage. William comes to embraces his heritage as he learns that his father is creating counterfeits to preserve real Chinese artifacts. This is something that actually happened in the parts of China that came under European occupation. He also does this when he sees how badly the British treat the Chinese.

Fred chooses to reject his heritage, and with it, the weight and baggage of history. It's implied, but never outright stated, that William is Fred's great-grandfather. Fred's family has a whole lot of history and baggage, but he's considers himself an American first and foremost, and that's all that matters in the end. Ona discovers the remains of the aliens who used to inhabit Nova Pacifica. They knew they were doomed to die, but they left behind a testament to their memory in hopes that some other intelligent species should remember them. In the end, she choses to make her own new identity, composed of both human and alien heritage. It is mentioned that she and the other children were created by combining human DNA with genetic samples of the local lifeforms. So, in a sense, the aliens live on through her and the other kids. Nova Pacifica is much hotter than humans consider comfortable.

Hey, it's a Ken Liu story. It's almost guaranteed to be well-written, thought provoking, and packs and emotional punch. I can also guarantee that both narrators do and excellent job.

Another excellent story from Ken Liu. Do I need to say that I recommend this one.


"The Horror of Party Beach" by Dale Bailey
Narrated by Norm Sherman


This story is told as the reminiscing of a older man named Mike about his youth in the 1950s. He fell in love with a beautiful girl named Elaine. Her father was an ichthyologist known for his eccentricities. In particular he was obsessed with the use of radiation to accelerate and/or reverse evolution.

Not much of a summary, but you know the drill. This is part of a series of stories that Dale has done. He takes these various B-Movie tropes and uses them to make emotionally compelling stories. This time the trope is the mad scientist and his beautiful daughter. We also get the trope of radiation being, essentially, magic, but it is played both ways. Radiation does mutate certain characters into monsters, but for others it realistically causes cancer. Usually, with these sort of stories Dale provides within them a bit of a commentary about how the 1950s were a rather repressed time. Here, however, he takes a more wistful, almost nostalgic approach to the era.

This story shares its name with a movie that...well, it's often considered one of the worst ever made. Like I said, I love how Dale is able to take these various B-Movie tropes and use them to make something wonderful. Norm's narration was also wonderful.

Another great Dale Bailey story that I'm sure you'll love. I give it a thumbs up.


"Power Armor: A Love Story" by David Barr Kirtley
Narrated by Norm Sherman
Originally Published in Armored 


This story follows a man named Anthony Blair. He's a time traveler from a repressive future, and he's doing his part to ensure the terrible future never comes to pass. He's constantly paranoid about assassins, so he never takes off his trusty suit of stolen power armor. He's met a woman named Mira Valentic at a recent gala, and he's smitten with her. The two soon begin to date and fall in love, but Anthony just can't shake the feeling that something is a bit off about Mira.

This is a special story for me, because it was the one the really sold me on the concept of Lightspeed. In fact, it was one of the very first Lightspeed stories I ever listened to. I could kind of tell where the story was going, but it was a fun ride to get there. The story revels in the silliness of a man wearing futuristic power armor to everything. For example, Anthony eats and drinks via a top in the fingers of the armor that leads to a tube in the helmet. Still, the ending is heartwarming. Norm's narration was also a joy to listen to.

One of my first Lightspeed stories, and still one of my favorites. Very much recommended.

"Time Shards" by Greg Benford
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki
Originally Published in Universe 9

This story follows to researchers at the Smithsonian Institute who are helping to create a vault-size time capsule that will be opened in 1000 years. They're also researching items from 1000 years in the past as part of a special exhibit to celebrate the BiMillennial. During this process they discover that, by running copper wiring against clay pots, they can hear voices from the past.

For those of you wondering, this is an alternate history, albeit a subtle one. The story seems to take place in 2000 or thereabout, and it's mentioned that the president is a woman, though I have no clue who that could be. The other obvious divergence is the discovery the researchers make by playing the clay pots like records. I found that particularly intriguing because it sounds like something that could happen in the real world. It was interesting getting to hear the Middle English messages in the pots. It didn't sound anything like Modern English, but at the same time I could catch little snippets that I understood or could guess the meaning of.

I guess you could almost consider this a time travel story with history as the time machine. As usual, Stefan does a great job with the narration. I give this story a hearty recommendation.

"Selfie" by Sandra McDonald
Narrated by Judy Young

This story follows a girl from the future named Susan. Her mother is a researcher at a colony on the Moon, and her father is a time traveling travel writer/tour agent. She's been on plenty of vacations to the past with her dad, but she yearns for the promise of outer space. To get out of the latest trip to the past she buys a robot copy of herself known as a Selfie. It seems like the perfect plan, but things don't work out as she expects.

Yeah, it's kind of hard to talk about this story without spoiling the whole thing, but I'll give it a shot. First off, I have no relation to Sandra. I found Selfie to be an interesting concept. You can give them any memories you choose, send them off to do whatever you want and when you're done their memories of the experience are downloaded into you. A time traveling tourism agency also sounds intriguing, though you'd think it would have to be highly regulated because of all the things that could potentially go wrong.

I thought Judy did a really good job with the narration. I can't really say much more, but I can say you ought to check this story out

"Get a Grip" by Paul Park
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki
Originally Published in Omni Online

This story follows a fellow by the name of Paul Park. He's a lawyer living in New York City with a pretty good life. That is until his friend Boris beings to suggest that the world as Paul knows it is in fact a lie. At first Paul brushes it off, but then he begins to wonder if Boris might be onto something.

Okay, that's not much of a explanation, but there is a huge twist in this story and it's next to impossible to talk about this story without mentioning the twist. That being said, I will try my best. This story is technically alternate history, but that isn't apparent until the end so I can't give too many details. I can, however, say that I thought that the writing was excellent. I also thought that Stefan did a great job with the narration.

Even if I can't give away to much I can at least say it's a good story well worth your time.

Conclusion


So we've made it to the end of the list once again. I hope you've had a good time, and found some new stories to discover and enjoy. If you enjoy what you read be sure to share this and my many other fine posts on the social media venues of your choice. So that's all for now, see you next time, I'm Sam McDonald wishing you cheers and happy listening from The Alt-Hist File and The Audio File. 

Sunday, April 14, 2019

The Audio File: Feast of Fiction


It’s often said that good fiction is a feast for the imagination. In today’s edition of The Audio File we’re going to take that saying a bit more literally. All of our stories will be about food, drink and sharing a meal. I could talk about the significance of food and drink throughout speculative fiction, and literature in general. After all, sitting around a fire and sharing a meal with friends is one of the oldest traditions of humanity. However, I thought it would be more fun if we set the table using our imaginations.


Imagine you and I are sitting down for dinner at Chez Audio File. It is a fancy upscale restaurant renowned for the succulent audio offerings. The other patrons are spacemen, wizards, aliens, dragons, superheroes and anything else you can imagine. Our favorite drinks have been poured in our glasses and I have made an order for the restaurant’s finest offerings. Our meal has been prepared by some of the finest writers I have been able to find, and they’re cooking just for us.

Before long a team of waiters arrives at our table with steaming silver domes. With mounting anticipation the first dome is opening and our feast of fiction begins…


A Memory of Seafood” by Tina Connolly
Narrated by Angela Lee
Originally Published in Yog’s Notebook

This story follows a futuristic travel writer who recounts a visit to the planet named Estplanet. It’s a marshy world with lots of rain, and more than a bit of strife between the locals, but the food is amazing. So she stops by a seafood restaurant run by two chefs from both of the feuding species. The meal is great, but what was that banging noise from the kitchen?

Yeah, I think you’ve probably pieced together by now that the thumping noise was one of the chefs getting murdered and cooked. To make matters worse he was apparently the most amazing thing the protagonist ever ate. Personally I kind of saw this story as allegory for the vegetarian vs. omnivore debate. True, farmed animals do often live in harsh conditions and they are often rather cute. On the other hand, meat is rather tasty and it is a good source of nutrition. All I’m saying is there’s shades of gray to go around, though I personally am omnivorous.

I’d like to take this opportunity to state that I do not condone the killing and eating of humans or other sentient species. I’d also like to take this opportunity to say that Angela did a really great job with the narration. A somewhat darkly humorous story that makes for a great first course. I very much recommend it.

Local Delicacies” by Fran Wilde
Narrated by Lauren Synger
A Drabblecast Original

This story follows Besha, the manager of the El Corazon restaurant on the Vegas Strip. Besha often has to keep her boss Danny, who has a bit of a gambling problem, from completely ruining the restaurant. One day an alien named Xlot arrives and says Danny has betted that El Corazon is the best restaurant on Earth. A group of slug aliens are on their way to judge the contest. Besha’s in for the craziest shift of her life.

This was a really funny story just because of how over-the-top it got. I’ve never worked in the food industry before, but I imagine this story captured the feelings of stress and chaos those who do feel. I particularly liked the scene where the health inspector shows up, and how the characters took care of him. The little audio quirks really helped moved the story along, such as the record scratch at particularly incredulous moments. Speaking of audio, I thought that Lauren handled the narration quite well.

A humorous story that serves as a great pallet cleanser after heavy reading. Very much recommended.

The Carnival Was Eaten, All Except the Clown” by Caroline M. Yaochim 
Narrated by Norm Sherman
Originally Published in Electric Velocipede

This story is about a sugar clown who has been created by a magician to be the leader of his candy carnival. It is the clown’s job to generate the other members of the carnival and instill them with joy that they are to be eaten at children’s birthday parties. Admittedly, she isn’t quite sure what it means to be eaten for she never gets to go to the parties. That all changes one day when she goes to spy on her crush, the gingerbread daredevil. What will the sugar clown do with this horrible revelation?

It would have been very easy to play this story for some very dark comedy. Therefore, the fact that Caroline played this story completely straight and have it work really shows her skills as a writer. I know we’re supposed to sympathize with the clown, and for the most part I did, but the descriptions of the candy carnival made it sound really tasty. Plus who wouldn’t have wanted something like that when they were a kid for their birthday? The writing itself has a very rhythmic and poetic quality to it.

Norm really nailed it with his narration. It’s a story that’s short, sweet and to the point.

Ghost in the Coffee Machine” by Charity Tahmaseb
Narrated by Veronica Giguere
A Drabblecast Original

This story follows a ghost hunter named Katy who catches ghosts in a magic coffee machine passed down from her grandmother. Things had been going well, but now she’s got competition from a ghost hunter named Malcolm who uses a Persian tea samovar. It seems like Katy’s out of business, but a few ghosts in the machines could change all of that.

I guess you could kind of describe this story as Ghostbusters, but as a romantic-comedy with lots of coffee. Personally I’m surprised that it didn’t occur to Katy to team-up with Malcolm sooner. You gotta figure she must have encountered a ghost who didn’t like coffee at some point. I know that would be an issue if I were a ghost that needed to be captured. Then there’s the question of what to do when a ghost doesn’t like coffee or tea, but maybe I’m overthinking things. The story kind of reminded me of how Danny Phantom caught ghosts with his…well it wasn’t quite magical but it was a thermos.

Veronica’s narration certainly managed to capture my attention. All in all it’s a good little story that I give a recommendation.



The Rum Cake Runner” by Jessi Cole Jackson
Narrated by Michelle Ristuccia
Originally Published in Crossed Genres Magazine

This story takes place on the planet New Rio where sugar is a contraband substance. Nesi De Luca is a member of an Italian family who operate an illegal sweets bakery out of their home. Her job is to make deliveries for their various clients without getting caught. Little does Nesi know she’s about to make one of the biggest runs of her life.

Well first of all I thought that this was a fun little story. Having said that I had a few hang-ups with it. I guess my biggest one would be why is sugar banned on New Rio? I know Jessi was trying to draw parallels with Prohibition, but that ended after a few years whereas the sugar ban is implied to have been going on for generations. Surely there was a revolt at some point in New Rio’s history? On the other hand, maybe that goes to show possible dystopian undertones to New Rio’s government?

The name of the planet itself seems to suggest that it was colonized by Brazilians, but we don’t really see any in the story. Then again, Brazil is a fairly diverse nation, so perhaps its off-world colonies follow suit. There was like one racial slur in the story, but Nesi gets immediately reprimanded for using it. It didn’t bother me, and I think that Cast of Wonders really overdid it with their explanation of why it was included. Guys, we get it. Racism sucks, but you’re a young adult podcast. Young adults can handle that sort of stuff without being mollycoddled.

In terms of narration I thought that Michelle did a stellar job. I don’t want you to walk away thinking that I didn’t like this story. Despite its flaws I quite enjoyed it and I still give it a recommendation.

Lizzy Viscera and the Quest for the Perfect Sandwich” by Spencer Koelle
Narrated by Danielle Daly
A Cast of Wonders Original

This story follows a college student/necromancer named Lizzy Viscera. She likes to eat different things for breakfast and dinner, but she likes her lunches to be consistent. She tries to make herself the perfect sandwich. Unfortunately, she’s all out of mayonnaise, and so Lizzy embarks on an epic quest to complete her sandwich before her next class begins.

I loved the way this story juxtaposes Lizzy’s cheerful and sunny personality next to some of the darker aspects of necromancy. For example, Lizzy uses a spellbook bound in human skin and written in blood and rides a flaming skeleton horse, all while being a slightly chubby blonde girl with rainbow streaks in her hair. Spencer has stated that he did this deliberately so that he could write about a female necromancer who wasn’t a stereotypical goth girl in a skull bra. I remember how hectic my first year of college was, so I can relate to Lizzy’s desire to beat the clock and get some decent lunch.


In terms of narration I thought that Danielle did a great job brining to story to life. It’s a fun little story that’s sure to liven up your day.

"The Four Stewpots" by DK Thompson
Narrated by Tina Connolly
Collected in And Welcome Back


This story takes the form of a Yelp review. She recently took her daughter to a new restaurant called The Four Stewpots. Her daughter loved it, but she though it had something to be desired. The stews claim to be made of things such as kraken and leviathan, and the waiters are dressed as creatures in surprisingly convincing costumes. Her daughter also talks about going on adventures with pirates, and where did she get those new clothes?

This was another really fun story. There's clearly some magical stuff happening, but the mother can't see it. Maybe it could be seen as a metaphor  for how kids are more open to new things and experiences, while adults tend to be more set in their ways. That or maybe the mother is so focused on the mundane and the day-to-day that she's forgotten how to dream. I liked how the story took the form of a review, and mixed up the style of a typical story.

Once again, Tina does an excellent job with the narration. A short but satisfying story that I'm sure that you'll enjoy. 



Thanksgiving Day” by Jay Werkheiser
Narrated by Paul Haring
Originally Published in Analog

This story follows a group of colonist on a planet in the Tau Ceti system. Their crops haven’t been growing in the native soil, and local plants contain dangerously high levels of blood-thinners. The food supply is getting lower by the day and the colony is teetering on the edge of an all-out civil war. Can a good source be found in time to prevent disaster?

I was considering saving this one for my post about space colonization, but at its heart this is a story about the quest for food. Therefore, I figured it would fit in pretty well here. Navigating biochemical barriers is always a concern when colonizing other worlds, as are the different paths that evolution may have taken. I did find it a bit odd that the colonists had a ship that got them to Tau Ceti in ten years and artificial wombs for cloning rats, yet they still used manual labor rather than using robots. Of course, if they had those then it might have meant no story.

It was nice to see a story about two different groups of people learning to set aside their differences to solve a problem. It was also nice to hear Paul’s narration of the story. It’s a science fiction take on the story of Thanksgiving, and one you won’t want to miss out on.

The Love Quest of Smidgen the Snack Cake” by Robert T. Jeschonek 
Narrated by John Cmar
Originally Published in Space and Time Magazine

This story is set in the not too distant future in which all foods have limited AI capability. That means that items in a grocery store will do everything in their power to talk you into buying and eating them. The story follows a chocolate snack caked named Smidgen as he tries to convince a woman named Linda that he’s the snack she’s been desiring all along.

Smidgen can get fairly suggestive at times, but overall nothing too inappropriate happens in this story. That having been said, it certainly brings a new meaning to the phrase “food porn.” The scary part about this is that I can totally see this happening. Companies are always looking for new ways to push their products onto the public, and they’d probably leap at an opportunity like this. I’m not sure how the FDA would feel, but money certainly goes a long way with that sort of thing.

To pull off a story like this you need a good narrator, and Paul more than delivers in that regard. It a fun and slightly sexy story with a sweet ending. Very much recommended.


It’s Easy to Make a Sandwich” by S.L. Bickley
Narrated by Ben Phillips
A Pseudopod Original

This story follows a young man who is a bit down on his luck. Life has dealt him more than a few knocks and he now finds himself working a dead-end job at a sandwich restaurant that is most likely a Subway. One day he decides to liven up his life by deliberately poisoning his customers.

I know that isn’t much for a description, but it isn’t that long of a story. It might no be a long story, but it is a very effective story. Whenever we go to a restaurant we put a certain amount of trust that those behind the counter won’t try to harm us. As this story show, if they wanted to, those in the service industry to do quite a bit of damage before anyone noticed. Though if you think that’s bad you might want to look at all the stuff the frequently goes on behind the scenes in the fast food world. It’s enough to make you swear the stuff off for good.

The story may be stomach-churning, but Ben’s narration goes down smooth. It’s a story that’ll have you thinking twice about where your food comes from. It’s also one I readily recommend.

Raw Appetite” by Christa Pagliel
Narrated by Brian Rollins
Originally Published in Fictionvale’s Kitchen Sink

This story follows a culinary student who is living in Paris and studying under Chef Catalan, one of the finest chefs in all of France. One day Catalan take our protagonist into his confidence and unveils his latest plan. One of their finest customer’s is about to move away, and Chef wants to throw a farewell dinner so that he can murder the customer and cook his flesh into a delicious dish.

Again, the summary doesn’t sound like much but I promise it’s a good story. It kind of has a Ratatouille meets Sweeney Todd vibe to it. If there is a theme throughout this story it’s about the dangers of letting your passions consume you and going too far in pursuit of your art. The scene where they dispose of the customer’s car was kind of unintentionally funny. They find a series of fast food wrappers and Chef reacts as if he just discovered that his lover was having an affair. Though I suppose, from a certain perspective, that’s what it was.

The story may leave a bad taste in your mouth, but Brain’s narration is pleasing to the ears. A cautionary tale about raw passion gone wrong, and one that is very much recommended.


Help Summon the Most Holy Folded One!” by Harry Connolly 
A Full Cast Production 
Originally Published in Help Fund My Robot Army! and Other Improbable Crowdfunding Projects

This story is told as a series of Kickstarter posts. It follows two former Chipotle employees as they try to raises funds to summon the great taco god Tacothulhu. He is the holder of filling and the feeling that is held. They claim that Tacothulhu will unveil the secret to the perfect taco to them. Hilarious commentary occurs along the way.

If you hang around Kickstarter enough you’ll probably run into something very similar to this story. Though to my knowledge no real world Kickstarters have ever actually summoned a Lovecraftian taco deity. It was funny seeing the various ways the duo attempted to pitch their wild scheme to the masses, and that their taco religion had experienced a schism at some point. It was also rather humorous that the character True American was obviously voiced by a New Zealander.

Speaking of the narration, I thought everyone involved in the production did an amazing job. There not really much more I can add other than that this is a fun little story you won’t want to miss out on.

"Recipe: 1 Universe" by Effie Seiberg
Narrated by Wilson Fowlie
Originally Published in Galaxy's Edge 


This story is told in the form of a recipe for how to cook a universe into creation. Briefer description than usual, but this is a flash fiction story. I always like story that are told in an unusual format, such as a recipe. There's tons of little references to what science knows about the early formation of the universe scattered throughout the story. For example, one of the steps mentions that the universe will look orange in the early stages. Cosmologists do indeed believe that the early universe had an orange color to it.

As is usual, Wilson does an excellent job with the narration. A fun little story where you might even learn something. I recommend it. 



This story…well, the title really says it all. It’s told as a series of observations an old man makes to a young woman sitting next to him on a flight. He waxes on about the many magical qualities of eggs and the mysteries contained within them.

Okay, that’s not much of a description but…well, I assume you know the drill by now. I think we’ve all met the old man in this story at some point in our lives. It makes the story relateable. Plus the story is just pure unwatered down fun. In terms of narration Stefan does the same great job that he always does.

Not much more to add other than that this story is more than worthy of your time.

"Taste the Singularity at the Food Truck Circus" by Jeremiah Tolbert
Narrated by Paul Boehmer


This story takes place in Kansas City in the not too distant future. Nico is an accountant with a love of food, and he's just run into his old cooking class buddy Alberto. Alberto is part of a secret group of food truck chefs who use science to make fantastical new culinary creations. He's about to give Nico a golden ticket to a world of pure imagination.

This was a really fun story. Jeremiah was clearly trying to invoke Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and he certainly succeeded in this regard. There was so many amazing and wondrous things at the food truck circus.  I think my favorite was the Kaiju Experience. It's like a Godzilla movie where you get to play Godzilla. You get to stomp around a gingerbread city full of gummy people who run around and scream. Then, at the very end, a cotton candy atomic bomb gets dropped on you. I also loved spaghetti on a stick.  It's a 3D-printed spaghetti wrapped around a 3D-printed breadstick.  Simple, yet sounds delicious. There's also mention of soup on a stick; I just gotta know how that one works. Interesting, 3D-printed food is a thing that exists in our world, but isn't nearly as good as the food featured in this story. There's also these mechanical tapeworm things that convert the calories from the food into charge for you phone and bio-implants. I gotta get some of those in my life.

As per usual, Paul does an excellent job with the narration. Why are you still reading this? Go out and listen to this wonderful story.


Tales to Terrify


"Dining with the Devil" by Arthur Davis
Narrated by Drew Sebesteny
Originally Published in Allegory Magazine


This story follows a waiter in an upscale restaurant in New York City. One day, a customer comes in who, by all accounts, appears to be the Devil himself. He asks for a cooked human soul. Our protagonist is even more surprised when the head chef actually produces the cooked soul. Just what is going on here?

I guess the Devil is a big fan of soul food. Well puns aside, I really enjoyed this story. Apparently, the head chef comes from a village in rural Spain that was hit bad by a plague. The Devil agreed to spare the village if the chef's family cooked souls whenever he asked for them. Of course, this raises the question of where the chef gets the souls, and how they are harvested. Strangely enough, the description of the cooked souls sounded rather tasty, as did all the other descriptions of the various foods.

I also enjoyed Drews narration. A devilishly delectable story that you won't want to miss out on.



"A Gifted Chef" by Max Lobdell
Narrated by Mr. CreepyPasta
Originally Published in Unsettling Stories 


This story follows a man whose next door neighbor is a professional chef. The chef always whips-up amazing smelling dishes, and the two soon strike-up a friendship. Then, one day, our narrator smells a particularly alluring scent coming from his neighbor's house. Except that it's been several days since he's seen his neighbor.

To discuss why I liked this story I'm going to have to give away the ending. Cannibalism creepypastas are a dime a dozen. Usually, the protagonist will discover some fabulous new mystery meat, but wouldn't you know, it turns out to be human flesh. This story looks like it's setting up to be another of these, but then subverts it. Turns out the chef got drunk and died in his indoor hot tub, and the mysterious smell was his flesh being cooked by the hot water. I love it when stories surprise me like that.

A story that subverted my expectations, and one that I happily recommend.


The Witches of Athens” by Lara Elena Donnelly
Narrated by Anaea Lay

This story takes place in Athens. Athens, Ohio that is! It follows a pair of witch sisters who each run their own diner. The sister on Court Street is beautiful and runs a very flashy diner, while the sister on Union Street has a more working class look and her diner is more down to Earth. Despite their differences they often work together to help those around them. The story follows their attempt to play match makers with two gay men.

I really liked the way that magic in this story was based around different foods. For example, scrambled eggs and jalapeño burgers give you the ability and courage to speak up. It was also nice that the two witches were still close despite their differences. Admittedly I was a little disappointed that this story didn’t have anything to do with Greek Mythology, but the story I got more than made up for it. All things considered it’s a really sweet and heartwarming story.

I give it a hearty recommendation.


Soul of Soup Bones” by Crystal Lynn Hilbert
Narrated by Wendy Bowlsby

This story follows a necromancer named Adrienne. She has revived the famous necromancer named Jacoben Stoyan. She expects that he’ll be a fountain of knowledge, but all Jacoben does is cook all day. Could the nonstop cooking be the key to it all?

Well what I can I say without giving it all away? It’s a fun and lighthearted story. It’s another one of those stories that combines necromancy and cooking. The descriptions of the food were mouth-watering. Wendy’s narration was spot on.

Uh…why don’t you go ahead and check the story out for yourself.

Conclusion


Ah, wasn't that a lovely meal we just enjoyed? A true feast for the imagination. Well, the bill has been payed for, everyone has their doggie bags, and it is time for us to leave the restaurant. I hope that you will return to The Audio File again some time. There are many more great stories to discover across a wide range of subjects. Do be careful on your trips back home, and I will see you all again next time.