Wednesday, November 3, 2021

The Audio File: The Lavender Tavern

As I have said many times before, I'm always more than happy to review and audio drama that is asked of me. It is a great way to find audio dramas that might otherwise fly under my radar. That obviously includes the audio drama we're reviewing today. We're taking a look at The Lavender Tavern.


The Lavender Tavern is an anthology of original LGBT fairytales. Well, more specifically, they're fantasy short stories that feature LGBT characters, and sometimes themes, to varying degrees. I first became aware of The Lavender Tavern when series creator Jonathan Cohen contacted me to ask if I could give The Lavender Tavern a review. He had greatly enjoyed my review of We Fix Space Junk. I said yes, after I took care of a few other things, and now here we are.

Now, this won't be a review of ever story from season one. I'm only reviewing stories that proved memorable in some way. I need more to go on that just "meh, that was a story and it happened" to give a proper review. However, as you will see, the majority of stories from season one managed to be memorable in this way. That would be a pretty good score if I assigned such things. There really isn't much more to add, so let's jump right into the stories.

Our first story is called "The Unlucky Gambler." Our tale is set in a city where everything is literally determined by a roll of the dice. All the citizens choose a pair of dice shortly after they are born. There are many different kinds of dice, and all with different amounts of luck. The citizens roll their dice whenever making a major decision. The higher the number, the better your luck, and thus more favorable the outcome. Oh, and you only get one roll per decision. So, if you get a bad roll, well, though luck. The story follows the life of a man named Anders. His dice are smokey crimson, which means he has an unprecedentedly high amount of bad luck. The story follows Anders across several misadventures as he tries to make the best of his bad luck.

The Lavender Tavern certainly starts off strong with an excellent first story. This one is interesting because, unlike most of the other stories, it appears to be set in a world with technology and society on par with the present day. I kept thinking that maybe there was going to be some sort of twist. Like, perhaps the dice didn't have anything to do with luck, and it was all a scam by the soothsayers to stay in power. But no, it appears that the dice do indeed control one's luck in life. That has some rather dark implications about the world of this story. For example, the story mentions that the city assigns people job based on their luck levels. As a result, poor Anders is stuck with jobs like garbage truck driver and factory janitor. Not that he keeps these jobs for very long. Something always happens to make Anders lose his jobs.

On the one hand, I can understand not wanting people with bad luck have jobs where things could go seriously wrong. You wouldn't want someone like that to be a surgeon, a firefighter, or a bomb disposal technician. Still, in essence, the city seems to run on a caste system of sorts. What do you don't if you don't like any off the jobs available to you? Or what if you don't have any aptitude for those jobs? Of course, Anders is on the more extreme end of things. Perhaps people of more average luck have more options available to them?

People are also segregated into different parts of town based on their luck. Well, technically you can live with friends and family in other parts of town. However, you can only own property within designated areas based on your luck levels. Granted, there is somewhat justification for this. Anders is shown to cause misfortune to befall other people simply by being too close to them. Still, with everyone's luck literally decided by a role of the dice, wouldn't that mean the people of the city don't have true free will? I suppose you could see the dice as an allegory. There are a lot of factors affecting our own lives that are totally outside of our control. We don't choose what social class to be born into. We also don't choose our whether or not to have disabilities or illnesses, or what race we are, or a million other things that can impact our lives.

We also see that having better luck doesn't necessarily guarantee happiness. At one point, Anders works for a... legitimate businessman, shall we say. Anders' boss has solid gold dice with diamonds for dots; one of the highest possible amounts of good luck. The boss is pretty much guaranteed to succeed at everything he does. However, this also means he never has any real challenge, and thus, his victories don't bring him much satisfaction. He uses Anders to cause misfortune to befall other people are part of various schemes he's running. Also, having Anders around means potential for failure, and the boss has to actually work towards his goals.

I won't give away the ending, but I really liked it. It goes that show that even the losers get lucky sometimes. As you can see, this is a very thought-provoking story. All in all, an excellent first episode.

Our second story is called "The Demon's Tale." As the title suggests, this story is about a demon named Akuma. He has been bound to grant three wishes to whoever finds the bottle he is imprisoned in. Just don't try to wish for more wishes. Oh, and he'd prefer if you'd ask for something nobody has ever ask of him before. Do that, and he grant whatever you want, no questions asked. He's about to regale you with his life's story, and will give you clues along the way.

And we have an excellent second episode for The Lavender Tavern. I just loved how flamboyant and full of himself Akuma is. You can tell that Trevor Schechter was having a lot of fun when he narrated this story. Really, this is one of those stories that was going to rise or fall based on the narration. Thankfully, Trevor was more than up to the task. I did like that Akuma had some noble qualities. For example, at one point a cult is created in his honor. However, Akuma draws the line at sacrificing babies. He might be a demon, but even he isn't that evil. Of course, towards the end of the story the mask begins to slip. we see that Akuma's blustering and boasting is, at least in part, do disguise the shame and insecurities he feels about having been humbled and imprisoned. This story was a fun twist on the genie in a bottle story, and great second episode.

Our third episode is called "The Scrying Eye" and it is a two-part story. Bernard is a bright young boy and an aspiring chef. One day, he meets a man name Radolf, who appears with a bright flash of light. Radolf claims to be from the future. He says that one day he will create a device capable of gazing into the past, and Bernard is destined to sketch him doing so. Bernard is determined to fulfill his destiny at any cost, but is that really such a good idea?

This was another story with a lot of interesting ideas. Most of us would like to believe that we are destined for greatness and glory. We wanted to believe that we're going to do something amazing that will go down in the history books. And yet, it is highly likely, if not probably, that you weren't place on this Earth of any grand purpose or destiny. But that's okay. Sometimes, we get so focused on trying to find our purpose, and we fail to realize how good our lives are. We get so swept up in grand narratives and supposed destinies that we fail to appreciate what we have. The true value to our lives is not in great triumphs, but in the simple joys of daily living. Love today, and seize all tomorrows!

All of this easily applies to Bernard. He is a master chef, and an absolute genius in the kitchen. His mentor at the cooking academy even says that he has the potential to be the greatest chef of his generation, and that he has a true gift. However, as soon as Bernard meets Radolf, he drops all of that and goes in enroll in the art academy. Bernard's mentor bemoans how Bernard is throwing away his talent. Bernard's father is one of the greatest artists in the land. However, Bernard hasn't inherited his father's artistic talent. In fact, he only gets into the art academy due to his father's reputation. Barnard's art skills do somewhat improve, but he never gets beyond just passable. He remains a supremely talented chef, and it is clear that cooking is where his talents and passion truly lies. It never seems to occur to Bernard that Radolf might have lied to him, or possibly left out vital context. Context is everything when it comes to prophecies; just ask Oedipus of Thebes.

As you can see, this is another very thought-provoking story. It is also an excellent two-part episode.

Our fourth story is titled "A Plague of Reason." It is set at a land that was once filled with magic, but that was long ago. The universities that once taught sorcery and potions now teach physics and natural science. The age of magic is but a distant memory, if it even existed at all. The story follows a professor named Sorrel. He has received a visit from an old student of his named Edric. Edric claims to have witnessed magical things, and to have even performed magic himself. He doesn't know how, but he swears it is true. Sorrel, however, remains skeptical and offers rational explanations for how these seemingly impossible things could happen.

Well, this was certainly an interesting story. I kept waiting for Edric to pull out some irrefutable trump card, but Sorrel always had a perfectly rational counter. Well, that is...ah, but I should leave that for you to discover. I suppose something like the backstory of this world happened in our own world. In many ways, the forces of nature were considered mythical and almost magical in ancient times. Then we developed the scientific method, and began to unravel the secrets of the universe. Perhaps we did lose a bit of magic in the thrill of the unknown, but I'd argue that we gained so much more.

I've found that I tend to gravitate towards fiction that is set in the real world, or draws heavily from the real world. I spent much of my childhood immersed in books, websites, and documentaries about science, history, geography, and other such subjects. Some people explored the lore of their favor fictional worlds, but I explored the lore of the real world. I guess that's why, with a few exceptions, I tend to not prefer fantasy set in secondary worlds. Who needs a fantasy world when our world is full of wonder and a certain magic all its own? Knowing more about the world doesn't make it less wondrous and magical. Far from it. The world became even richer because we know more about it.

It wasn't all the long ago that flying in an airplane was considered but a distant fantasy. Now, airplane flight has become a mundane part of life. Also, consider the following: at this every moment you are on a rock that is hurdling around a ball of fire at millions of miles per hour. And who are you? You are what hydrogen becomes given billions and billions of years of cosmic evolution. The hydrogen in your body is the same element that Stars use to burn bright. In this way, you and I, and all other living things, are all distant relatives to the stars themselves.

I could go on, but we need to move along. Suffice it to say, that I greatly enjoyed this story, and I'm sure you will as well.

Our next story is "Tavern at the End of the World." A weary traveler seeks shelter from a cold winter storm. He finds a tavern at the end of the world, or what might as well be the end of the world. He is greeted by the man and woman who own the tavern, and they all tell stories to pass the time while the storm rages on.

I always assumed that The Lavender Tavern was just the name of the show. I didn't think that we'd actually get an episode about it; much less an origin story of sorts. My favorite of the three stories told was the one about the woman named Havila. She always loved sword-fighting, wrestling, roughhousing, and other traditionally masculine things. Her parents, however, wished that she'd become a proper lady and find a husband. Havila was also a lesbian, so this created issues. Eventually, Havila got fed up with all of this and sought out a wizard to make her a man. The wizard made her wait thirty days to make sure she really wanted it, but Havila remained steadfast. So, the wizard changed her from Havila to Havil. Everything seems well, but Havil had friend name Orlow, who pinned after him when he was a woman. I should also mention that Havil was a lesbian woman, but is now a gay man. Oh, but wouldn't you know it, Orlow also went to a wizard and is now Orla. Interestingly, Orla still likes girls, despite having gone through the gender-changing magic.

It's almost like "The Gift of the Magi" by O. Henry, but with a more depressing ending. We must assume that the wizard Havil visited lives in a red kingdom, while the one Orla went to lives in a blue kingdom. Hey, Havil's wizard is from the south, while Orla's wizard is from the north.

The other stories in this episode are good too, but I'll leave them for you to discover. This was certainly an unexpected episode, but not an unwelcome one.

Next up we have "The Golden Door" another two-part story. The story follows a man named Finn who lives in a small village. Many years ago, the village was hit by a massive famine. As a result, most of the villagers prefer to eat simple light meals, even though they have plenty of food. Finn, however, loves to eat and cook, and has grown rather plump as a result. This means that Finn is the only person in town who can't pass through the golden door at the village temple. None of the other villagers will tell Finn what is behind the golden door. Finn is determined to get beyond the golden door at any cost. But what will he find on the other end?

Several religions preach against gluttony and eating to excess, but usually don't do very much to enforce these teachings. Historically, there usually weren't very many fat people, prior to the invention of processed food. Those who were fat tended to be members of the nobility, and nobility were the biggest donors to religious institutions. So, you know, don't bite the hand that feeds you, and all that. I suspected from the start that the villagers' prejudice against fat people might involve religion. As the story went on, my suspicions were confirmed.

Now, the villagers aren't overtly mean to Finn. They did all attend the opening of his restaurant. None of them ever go "Hey, fatty! Why don't you lose some weight alright, fatso?" However, they do passive aggressively fat shame him. For example, it's only when Finn begins to lose weight that people are willing to actually give him the time of day. Before that, Finn only has one real friend. Her name is Celine, and she goes on to become a traveling singer. She's a good friend, and at least makes an effort to truly enjoy the food Finn makes. However, she's not exactly romance material, because Finn is gay. It's just as well, because Celine is a lesbian. When I heard her name, and that she's a singer, I immediately thought of Celine Dion. 

Jonathan tells me that he intended the story to be an allegory for male eating disorders, and society’s impact of body imagine. I can certainly see that. Finn starves himself so that he fits what the village considers acceptable in terms of body size. However, he makes himself completely miserable, and is not true to himself and his convictions in life. Psychologists have increasingly suggested that eating disorders are far more common among men that previously estimated.  

So, we're going to have to talk about what is behind the golden door. So, skip down about five or six paragraphs if you'd rather not know.

What is behind door number one, you ask? Why...a glorious tavern. It is like a tavern from heaven itself. Oh, and the man running the tavern, and preparing the meals, is quite the Adonis himself. This divinely handsome man is named Valery. His food is...rather unconventional. It looks like geometric shapes in various primary colors. The taste, well, imagine if you poured sugar into a cup of tea, but you made a mistake and poured salt instead. I'm not entirely sure, but the way the food is described might possibly be a dig at molecular gastronomy.

Finn invites Valery back to his restaurant to see what real food is like. The two grow close, and we learn how the temple works. Before the famine, the temple priests performed rituals that involved eating foods which represented the gods. I'm reminded of how Catholics believe themselves to regularly consume their patron deity during communion. Naturally, villagers flocked to the temple when the famine hit. So, they created the golden door as a way to encourage people to eat less. That way, they'd have more food to go around if another famine happened. Of course, this also resulted in passive-aggressive bullying of fat people. This reinforces my theory that this story is an allegory for the prejudice LGBT individuals have received from religious institutions.

Valery works the temple tavern because the priests believe he was chosen by the gods to do so. Despite this, he's miserable, and is aware that his food is terrible. He's eager to learn proper cooking from Finn, and they grow close.

Finn and Valery throw a massive multi-day feast that the whole village attends. For once, Finn gets people to genuinely appreciate his cooking. However, three days of non-stop feasting later, the villagers are too fat to fit through the golden door. It doesn't take long for them to revert to their old ways. Sadly, this is probably fairly realistic. It's going to take more than just one feast to overturn an ingrained religious tradition. Finn decides that he'll never be accepted in his village, so he strikes out for other towns with Valery at his side. This is also realistic. Sometimes, especially in smaller towns, you just won't find acceptance if you fall outside the norm. Leaving home can be scary, but it can also be rewarding, once you find where you truly belong.

Well, as you can see, I greatly enjoyed this story. It certainly gives a lot to think about, and the descriptions of Finn's cooking were mouthwatering. Be warned, you might not want to listen to this one on an empty stomach.

Out next port of call is "The Merchant of Dreams." The story follows a traveling merchant named Dimitri who sells bottled dreams. However, he never dreams when he sleeps. Dimitri ponders about why this might be.

This story reminded me a bit of the Oscar Wilde short story "The Happy Prince." I wonder what sort of dream I would buy from Dimitri. I guess it would depend on what he had in stock. Ooh, maybe something like going on adventures with dragons. I liked that Dimitri had no ulterior motives. He genuinely wants to make other people happy. In a way, he's living the dream in the waking world. Not much more to add here, other than a firm recommendation.

Our next stop is "The Arbiter's Ruling." Two wizards have gotten into an intellectual property dispute over a spell. So, they're taking the matter to court for the arbiters to settle.

Well, that was unexpected. You don't see too many fantasy stories that are also courtroom dramas. To say nothing of fantasy stories about intellectual property law. And yet, despite the unusual premise, this story works and is quite engaging. I had a similar idea for a short story that I never got around to writing. I should probably do something about that. If you've ever wondered what a legal procedural with a fantasy twist would be like, look no further than this story.

Next up we have "The Gods Above the Table." This story follows two wizards who get together each week to play a board game. It's a bit like Dungeons & Dragons, but they use their magic to literally bring the game to life. The two wizards control the lives of the tiny people within the game. The wizards wonder if perhaps there is a higher power controlling their lives.

This story wasn't bad, but I felt like it was a bit too short for its own good. It comes up with a potentially interesting idea, but doesn't really do anything with it. It seems to have been trying to out for some sort of Inception style metafictional thing, but it missed the mark. Is there a higher power? What does it mean for the lives of the characters and their place in the universe? Beats me, and the story doesn't offer any answers either. I did enjoy the repertoire the characters had with each other. Still, I feel that this story got yanked out of the oven before it had a chance to bake properly.

We move on to "Auerbach's Destiny." There is a prophecy that speaks of a great hero who shall embrace his destiny and vanquish darkness from the land. The sages have searched throughout the land, and have identified a young man named Auerbach who they believe to be the chosen one. However, he's slightly different than what the prophecy said he'd be. Moreover, Auerbach claims that he isn't really the chosen one, and he has the evidence to back it up. Just what is going on here?

This story feels like a deconstruction of the chosen one trope. There are plenty examples of chosen ones who really wish they weren't; Harry Potter, Avatar Aang, Bobby Pendragon, and Percy Jackson, just to name a few. Many will sulk and complain, but will more often than not resign themselves to their fate. There's always something of an unspoken guarantee that everything will be alright, and the hero will save the day. That is, of course, assuming the prophecy got everything right. Or more accurately, that people wrote down the prophecy correctly. Hey, ambitious syntax can lead to some nasty surprises if you aren't careful.

This story asks what it would be like if the great prophecy got things wrong. For example, the prophecy claims that the chosen one will be gay, and even names his one true love, but Auerbach is straight. Moreover, he claims to have uncovered evidence that he was actually switched at birth, and the true prophecy hero died as an infant. He makes a pretty good case for all of this. But, how can this be.

Skip down a couple paragraphs if you'd rather not know.

So, it is possible...because Auerbach lied. He was not switched at birth. He fakes some evidence to make it appear so. He is indeed the hero of the prophecy. However, the prophecy says that darkness will not rise unless the chosen one embraces his destiny. This gives Auerbach a convent loophole to avoid his prophesied fate. I guess the lesson here is that, despite what the world might expect of us, we are the ones who truly shape our destiny. You are the one who writes your own story. So, make sure it has a happy ending. Chalk another one up for The Lavender Tavern.

Our final story is "Boulder in the Sky." This story is told to us by one of two wizards who are using their magic to hold up a massive boulder above a village. In years past, they fell in love and we're happy together. How, one wizard is a light magic user, while the other is a dark magic user. As you might imagine, this created some issues, which ultimately result in their current predicament. The boulder requires them both to keep it aloft, and they both refuse to let go.

This was a shorter story, but still plenty of fun. The two wizards are a bit like the yin-yang symbol. They're two opposites, one light and one dark, locked together in an eternal dance. Well, eternal unless they work out their differences. Love might be able to conquer a lot of things, but I guess stubbornness triumphs over love. I guess the moral is that you should really get to know a person before you take further. This was another story where the narration really sells it. Not much more to add, other than that I enjoyed it.

And so that is all the episodes that caught my attention. It wasn't every story for, season one, but it was most of them, and would probably make for a respectable score if I assigned such things. I'm always on the hunt for more great anthology fiction, and The Lavender Tavern more than delivers on that. Taken as a whole, I found it to be an enjoyable and well-written podcast. why not give it a listen?

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

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