Wednesday, April 26, 2017

I'm On Patreon and Some Announcements

So I thought I'd make a quick blog post about some recent happenings around the blog.  First of all, you will notice that we are now known as The Audiophile.  I'd been meaning to find a better name for quite some time now, and I figured there could be no better name than one the reflects my love of audio fiction.  It's also a nod to The Audio File, the audio fiction review column I ran for Alternate History Weekly Update and Amazing Stories.

That brings me to my second big announcement.   Yes, I am bringing The Audio File to this blog.  All the stories related to alternate history and thereabout will be known as The Alt-Hist File, while the stories related to other subjects will be known as The Audio File proper.  The alternate history stories we just so big, and such an important part of what I do, I just had to spin them off into their own thing.

Now for the final big announcement: I'm on Patreon now.  If you love me enough to throw a few buck my way on a monthly basis, or if you possibly need to waste some money (hey, I don't judge) click that link and become one of my patrons today.  You can get all kinds of neat perks when you support me on Patreon, so become a patron today.

Well, that about wraps things up...oh, almost forgot!  I'm going to be starting up a Facebook page for this blog soon.  I'll keep you update on how that turns out and when it launches.  In the meantime, I'll leave you with this logo I made.

That officially wraps things up, and I'll see you guys next time

Flag of the Commonwealth of California

I'm back with another flag.  So without further ado, let's dive into it:

This is the flag of The Commonwealth of California.  It comes from a world where the Constitution was never ratified, and the Articles of Confederation remained the primary governing document for the United States.  Unfortunately, this meant that the federal government remained weak and ineffectual.  The states soon began to question why they needed to take orders from Washington, and regionalist movements began to spring up.  By the early 19th century the United States had completely collapsed.  Each state became its own nation, with smaller states joining bigger ones either willingly or by force.  Though the United States had failed as a nation, the idea of the United States inspired other colonies to rebel against their mother nations and seek independence.

The ideal of Manifest Destiny never really became a thing, but there was a general westward movement among the peoples of North America.  However, how they got westward was considerably different than in our world.  That brings us to California.  It was primarily settled by British colonist from the Oregon Territory.  This had multiple effects on California's development.  For example, California is governed by a parliament, led by a prime minister, and the Queen's Birthday is a national holiday.  California is also a proud member of the Commonwealth of Nations.  Just as in our world California has a significant Mexican minority, and most Californians are bilingual. 

California is one of the most prosperous nations in North America. It has a booming tech sector, and it's farms help feed people across North America. In the past California had a history in intervening in wars, but it has back off from that in more recent times.  The big focus now is space exploration.  California has launched multiple missions to the Moon and now there's talk of a possible Mars mission.

California's British heritage is very much reflected on its flag with the blue background and St. George's canton.  The seal hearkens back to the early days of British settlement, all under the watchful eye of Britannia herself. 

Monday, April 17, 2017

Interview: LadyLoriel

Today we've got another interview from one of the artists I frequently commission things from. She's known as LadyLoriel over on Deviantart, but in real life her name is Sofie. She's an artist from Sweden, and without further ado let's get on to the interview.

1) In your own words, tell us who you are.

Well, my name is Sofie but I’m also known as LadyLoriel and some other names on the internet, though LadyLoriel is the main one. I’m mainly a hobby artist and writer who enjoy working with Fantasy themes a lot.

2) I understand that you are from Sweden, can you tell us a bit about what life is like in Sweden?

Well, I guess peaceful is the best word to use in my case. I live in the north of Sweden in the middle of a forest at the moment. So, as you can imagine I don’t exactly have to deal with loud neighbours or anything like that. Over all I’m not sure how to describe the life here as I never lived in a different country. But I can say that if you like snow and long dark winters, and not a lot of people around then North Sweden is a good place to be.

3) Is there any story behind your user name?

There isn’t much of a story behind the username LadyLoriel to be honest. Loriel was the name of a city in a Fantasy series written by Niklas Krog that I enjoyed a lot when I was younger. So, I started of using that as a name for a character I played when I tried Utopia for the first time about 11-12 years ago. And Lady later became added to it as it was a title I gained in Utopia. Since then it just got stuck with me.

4) What inspired you to be an artist?

I don’t know if there was ever a specific inspiration as much as it was just something I enjoyed at first. I didn’t start drawing until I was about 16-17 and I thought it was fun and sort of relaxing so I just kept doing it and along the way I got to know other artists who in turn inspired me to improve and try new things with art.

5) What works of fiction are you a fan of?

There are a lot, but the first thing that comes to mind is the Locke Lamora book series. I absolutely love those stories and eagerly await the 4th book now. But besides that I do enjoy J.R.R Tolkin’s work, The Discworld series by Terry Pratchett, and similar Fantasy books.

6) What other interests or hobbies do you have?

Well, video games are one of the things that take my time. Especially when I get a sudden urge to play through old LucasArt or Sierra games, or reply Skyrim. I also do bake a lot (but might also come from that I studied to be a baker)

7) What's a typical day like for you?

It mostly consists of waiting to be called in for work (which can be a day, evening, or night shifts) and looking for a more stable job. And walking the dogs of course. When I have some time for it I do work on art (be it commissions or for myself. Depends on what kind of art day I have)

8) What advice do you have for aspiring artists?

Keep drawing what you like to draw, if someone gives you constructive critic or give you an advice do take it and learn from it. You might not have to follow it, but it can contain a point that helps you improve. And lastly… Don’t shy away from references, they are excellent to help you get a pose down or see how proportions and anatomy work. Learn from references and you will be able to learn to break things down and work without them in the future.

9) What are you working on at the moment?

Well commissions are my main priority at the moment. Got more at once than I thought I would, which surprised me. But other than that, I do have my own project that I work on, there are about 15 of them. I have finally started to write some properly and not just small scenes. I also sometimes draw some quick things for contests and groups on dA.

10) Do you have any plans for the future?

Well, getting a stable job first of all. But, when it comes to my art and writing, I do hope to one day be able to publish one of my stories, and maybe try to learn to draw comics (since it’s a thing I would like to do but have yet to learn).

11) Obviously, I've commissioned a lot of stuff from you, but before you go tell us where other people can commission you and find you?

Well easiest way to contact me would be to send me a note on
but you may also get a hold of me at
In the future I might also set up a specific email address for those who aren’t comfortable with using these sites, but as it is right now I don’t have one set up.
I also have a page on Facebook, that is rather new, where I can be reached. It’s simply called Art of LadyLoriel

Thursday, April 13, 2017

TV Review: Childhood's End

There have been multiple attempts to adapt Arthur C.Clarke's classic novel Childhood's End to the silver screen and the small screen.  The most well-known attempt was by famed director Stanley Kubrick.  Unfortunately, at the time someone else had the movie rights, so Kubrick and Clarke collaborated to adapt Clarke's short story "The Sentinel" into what eventually became 2001: A Space Odyssey.  There were other attempts over the years, but for one reason or another the plans always fell apart.  That is, until 2015 when Syfy, former known as The Sci-Fi Channel, adapted Childhood's End intoa three-part miniseries.  Adapting such a beloved novel is no easy task, so how does it hold up?  Let's take a look.

I should preface this by saying that spoilers ahoy will be occurring from this point forward.  Turn back now if you don't like that sort of thing.  

Okay, so first of all let's discuss the setting.  The novel was published in 1953 and is set, at least initially, in what was then the relatively near future.  The miniseries, by contrast, is set in the present day.  In the book the United States and the Soviet Union are involved in a Space Race and teetering on the edge of nuclear war.  This gives the Overlords' intervention a seems of urgency, though they probably still would have intervened anyway.  In the miniseries, the Overlords still justify their intervention on the grounds that humanity is destroying itself.  Don't get me wrong, they have a point, but pollution and climate change just don't have the same sense of urgency that nuclear war do.  To be fair, Clarke himself admitted that assuming the Soviet Union would still be around was, in hindsight, a mistake on his part.  

All things considered I think they made the right call with the settings update.  What about the characters?  Before we get to that I think I should also address the time span of the series.  The book spans of multiple decades of history, but the miniseries greatly condenses the time span.  This was most likely so that they could use the same actors throughout the whole production.  It might upset purists, but I understand why the change had to be made, and it didn't really bother me that much.  Now then, let's talk characters.

First, we have Ricky Stormgren.  In the book, he worked for the United Nations, but in the miniseries he's a farmer from Missouri.  He's noted for his ability to broker peace during times of crisis and tension.  He's about to marry a beautiful woman named Ellie, but he's still haunted by the memory of deceased wife Annabelle.  Now, in the book, Ricky's love life didn't really factor into things.  Some might say that this was pandering to the lowest common denominator, but I disagree.  I thought it added depth to Ricky's character.  He's been asked to shoulder an enormous burden for an alien race who, initially, won't even show him their faces.  He certainly more than rises to the challenge, but at the end of the day he's still just a man.  He has hopes, fears and dreams just like the rest of us.  There are times he isn't perfect, but he tires his best to do right by those he cares about.  

I actually think making Ricky an average Joe was a smart move.  Everyone would expect the Overlords to pull the "take me to your leader" cliché.  Plus, let's be honest, the United Nations is hardly the most objective organization in the world.  They bully Israel, but never condemn atrocities of the Islamic world.  They condemn American slavery, 160 years after the fact, but not the slavery going on the Islamic world here and now.  They give equal speaking time to nations that deny freedom of speech to their own citizens.  They even...well, you get the point.  Again, this is another example of time working against the book's original setting.  Moreover, I think Karellen does a good job justifying why he picked Ricky to be his representative.  

Something else of note is that Ricky's actor, Mike Vogel, is pretty much the sole American actor among a cast of Australians, Brits and the odd Irishman or two.  This is in large part because the miniseries was primarily filmed in Australia.  Now, most of the actors involved with the miniseries have appeared on America TV shows and, in some cases, American movies.  So it not like they're a cast of nobodies hired to cut down cost.  On the whole, they do a good job of faking American accents.  That having been said, it does make for a jarring experience to hear them speak in their natural voices during interviews.

In other notable characters, we have Milo Rodericks.  In the book his name was Jan Rodericks and was half-white and half-black.  In the miniseries, besides the new name, he appears to be fully black.  I don't know why they felt compelled to change his name; it certainly seems to be something of a trend for Syfy to change at least one name with each of their adaptations.  Leaving their mark on the production perhaps?  Anyway, what drives Milo more than anything else is his quest for knowledge.  He wants to know everything about the universe, but interest in science start to decline as the Overlords make the world into a utopia.  

Like Ricky, Milo's relationship with his girlfriend gets a lot more focus in the miniseries.  Again, I think this was a smart move on the producer's part.  In the book, when Milo's decides to stow away on a ship bound for the Overlord's homeworld, he leaps at the opportunity without hesitation.  In the miniseries, his decision carries more weight because now he stands to lose something.  There's a certain poetic element in how he ultimately becomes the last of the old humans and dies in Africa.  Humans originated in Africa, so it makes a sort of poetic sense that the last human would be of African heritage.  

So that brings us to the Overlords themselves, specifically Karellen.  First of all, let's talk about their appearance.  Yes, it is a bit on the nose to have them look like stereotypical red devils, but I think it kind of works out.  In the years since Childhood's End was first published, science fiction writers have dream up all sort of weird and wonderful winged aliens.  The Overlords had to look more obviously demonic so that would look like they inspired the Medieval image of demons.  Otherwise people would be more likely to compare them to science fiction aliens.  

I think pretty much everyone was expecting that Karellen was going to be a CGI character, but nope, not the case.  Charles Dance appears in full make-up and prosthetics to portray Karellen.  Though a few shots are obviously manipulated to make him appear taller and more imposing, since Charles Dance isn't quite as tall as Karellen is supposed to be.  I gotta admit that is impressive; especially considering the hell is must have been to have all of that make-up and prosthetics put on every day of filming.  The scene where Karellen finally reveals himself to humanity is one of my favorite bits.  I knew what was going to happen, but it was just shot so well I had goosebumps the whole time.  

The plot of the miniseries actually follows the plot of the books fairly closely.  I'm certainly impressed that Syfy was able to pull it off.  Don't get me wrong, Childhood's End is a great book, but it never struck me as particularly filmable. I always figured that was one of the reason it took so long to get a solid production going.  Each episode, each of which clocks in at a little less than a hour and twenty minutes, adapts a third of the book.  The first episode is excellent.  Pacing is good, acting is also good, it's an all-around good time.  I do find it a bit funny that the leader of the anti-Overlords faction vaguely looks and sounds like Alex Jones.  Granted, it was probably unintentional on the producer's part, but I thought it was humorous. 

Of the three, episode two is definitely the weakest.  I feel like some of the stuff in episode three should maybe have been in episode two.  It would have helped things out with pacing of episode three, but we'll get to that in just a minute.  Now, the middle part of the book is primarily just characters talking and that would have been a bit difficult to translate to a visual medium.  It also kind of feels like the original script wasn't quite long enough and the producers were struggling to fill the extra time.  They also kind of half-assed it when it came to addressing the quasi-supernatural elements.  It's like they wanted to keep it true to the book, but they got cold feet half way through production.   

The biggest flaw, however, came towards the end of the episode.  Karellen pays Ricky a the middle of broad daylight, while there's a large crowd of people around Ricky's house.  One of the subplots of the episode has followed this woman named Peretta.  She used to work as a missionary with her mother, but religion more or less died out after the Overlords showed up, and she thinks they're demons.  She decides to see Ricky and Ellie for...some reason, and hang out with the other people hanging around their house.  So, Karellen shows up and she sneaks past the rope, which is guarded by police.  She does this by saying that she's a friend of Ellie.  Uh, what?  You seriously expect me to be live that nobody else pulled that sort of stunt?  I mean, how dumb were those police?!  

Oh, but there's more.  Ricky has been shooting tin cans to blow off steam and brings his gun with him to meet Karellen.  Karellen is there to explain why Ricky and Ellie are having trouble conceiving...despite that fact that it's implied he already did that earlier in the episode.  Then Peretta bursts in and start blabbering about Ricky being a false prophet, and Karellen being a servant of Satan.  Despite the fact that there is a crazy woman in his barn, Ricky doesn't do anything to prevent his gun from getting grabbed.  And wouldn't you know it, Peretta grabs the gun and shoots Karellen.  Thankfully, Karellen has given a panacea earlier, and Ricky selflessly uses it to save Karellen.  Peretta is completely crestfallen, leaves in defeat and commits suicide by jumping off of a building.

What irked me the most about this scene was that it required pretty much everyone involved to act like idiots.  I get what the producers were trying to do with Peretta.  They want to show that, even in this world of plenty, there are still those who are dissatisfied.  Problem is that they already have that opportunity with the island of New Athens.  As I was watching this episode I was wondering if they were gonna drop the New Athens subplot, but it appears in episode three.  We'll get back to that in just a minute.  There's also a bit of a plot hole when Karellen gets shot.  In the first episode, Milo got shot, but the Overlords transferred his injury to the person who shot him.  Why couldn't they do the same with Karellen?  Granted you could argue that humans and Overlords are different species, so it might not work, but it irks me still.  

For that matter, why didn't Karellen just send a hologram instead of showing up in person?  Again, I see the intention.  They want to show that Ricky is selfless and willing to put other's needs ahead of his own.  I can see the intention, but it wreaks of bad writing.  I also don't like that it's implied that the children awaken their psychic abilities because of stuff the Overlords did, rather than a natural evolutionary process.  I know it gave it a hard time, but there were some good moments in episode two, mostly set up for the final episode.  Okay, enough about episode two, let's move onto the final episode.

Overall, I'd say episode three did a pretty good job.  Like I said, we get a proper view of New Athens in this episode.  Everything about it checks out fairly well in relation to the book.  We also see the children awaken their powers and their leader comes to embrace her destiny.  What is the name of the leader of these children?  Her name is...Jennifer.  Granted, there was a character by that name in the book, though not nearly as important.  It just struck me as...I don't know, anti-climactic?  The scene where the children all chant her name just wound up look more silly than creepy, in my opinion.  

In other developments, Ricky finally succumbs to his illness because he used his panacea on Karellen.  In the process of his dying he finally makes his peace with Annabelle's death. There's some really touching scene of Ricky spending his last moments gazing at the stars with Ellie.  We also get a brief montage of their happy times together.  Okay, it wasn't actually a montage, and I do think it would have been better to have lingered just a little longer.  I mean, a major character whom we have become emotionally invested in has just died.  I'd say that merits a bit more lingering.  

So, Milo embarks on his journey to the Overlords' homeworld, gets to meet the Overmind and then immediately demands to be taken back to Earth.  Yeah, I get the feeling that the production team were pressed for time by this point.  They probably could have avoided that, if they hadn't dawdled around with episode two.  This is one of the big reveals the series has been working towards, and they kind of just drop it within a few minutes.  I would have liked to have seen more of the Overlords' homeworld, and their museums, but I understand that might have been outside the budget of the miniseries.  Plus, more Overlords means more people sitting through hours of makeup and prosthetics, and that's bound to drive up cost.  

Milo returns to Earth, and since it was a eighty year round trip, he's now a the last human on Earth.  His girlfriend Rachael, and presumably her and Milo's fellow scientists, appear to have died in a cryonics accident.  It's time for the kids to join the Overmind, and Earth must be destroyed for that to happen.  This is an instance where being true to the book actually works against the miniseries. When the book was written, environmentalism hadn't really taken off, so it glossed over the fact that all life on Earth is being destroyed.  They kind of address this with all of the animals the Overlords were taking to be part of their zoos, but it's seems kind of flimsy to me.  Why not use one of the many lifeless planets in the solar system for the energy and spare Earth?

Anyway, let's talk about the ending.  Karellen offers to let Milo explore the universe with the Overlords, but Milo rejects the offer.  Instead, he chooses to report and record the last moments of Earth from the surface.  We're back to where the miniseries started.  He's scared, but he has Karellen's kind words to comfort him.  As the world crumbles around him Milo begs Karellen to save something to serve as the enduring memory of the human race.  Karellen complies and plays a recording of the orchestral song "The Lark Ascending".  Everything about that scene is just so perfect.  The music is perfect, Milo and Karellen's expression are perfect, the pacing is perfect.  

And so the Earth is destroyed, humanity joins the Overmind, and the Overlords move on.  Karellen leaves the music for whomever passes by to hear.  It was such a beautiful ending, and I can't think of any way it could have possibly been better. 

Alright, that's all well and good, but what's the verdict on this one?  I'm giving it a thumbs-up and a happy recommendation.  I know I kind of dwell on stuff that could have been improved, but that's always a bit easier than talking about what I liked.  When I consider Childhood's End as a whole, I really think that it got far more right than it got wrong.  Even if it wasn't always perfect, they followed the method of adaptions that I prefer the best.  They stayed true to the source material, but made change where necessary to better fit the new medium and time.  It's clear that the producers had a great amount of respect for the book.  Some people have been waiting their entire lives for this miniseries, and I promise you, it is well worth the wait.  

I think that it's really great that Syfy is getting back to its roots and adapting great works of speculative fiction, both classic and modern.  So there you have it.  Childhood's End is a worthy adaptation that should appeal to fans of the book and the general population.  With that I wish you all the best, and I will see you guys next time.

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Nile High: Baku In A Haystack

Okay gang, it's here at last!  This is the first story of the new Nile High.  For those who don't know, it a little something I've been working on about mythological gods and goddesses attending boarding school, and having adventures, in a deliciously anachronistic ancient world. What started life on Fictionpress all those years ago is now finally gaining a fresh new life on my blog.  I've wanted to share this world, and these characters, for a long time.  Be sure to let me know what you think in the comments.  Oh, and if you can thing of a good title, don't be shy about making suggestions.  Alright, enough with the intro, let's get on with the story!      

Thoth was used to seeing the halls to the Nile High Academy of Gods and Goddesses bustling with students going to and from class.  Walking the halls during class, went they were almost completely deserted, was almost like stepping into a totally alien world.  Thoth had asked to be excused his world philosophy class to use the restroom, but in actuality he just felt like strolling around for a bit.  Besides, he'd pretty much had the entire world philosophy book memorized, so it wasn't like he'd be missing much.  It was shaping up to be a day of smooth sailing, but fate had other plans for Thoth.

Thoth noticed move out of the corner of his eye.  At first, he just brushed it off, but then he noticed that the blur was getting closer to him.  Thoth looked again and saw his best friend Anubis poking his head out of a trash can.  Anubis darted his eyes around nervously and motioned for Thoth to came over to him.  This could only mean one thing: Anubis had gotten himself into some sort of mess, again.  Thoth sighed and walked over to where Anubis was hiding.

"I really blew it this time, Thoth!  Okay, admittedly I use that line on you a lot, but I really, really mean it this time!  You gotta help me!  If Tsukuyomi finds out what I did, he'll have my head on a spike for sure."

"And what exactly did you do to put yourself in this predicament?" Thoth inquired.

Anubis took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "So you know the other day how you said I needed more responsibility in my life?  Well, Amaterasu was looking for someone to watch her pet cat-tiger-tapir-elephant...thing."

"Ah, her pet baku.  His name is Haku, if I recall correctly."

"Yeah, that's the one!  So anyway, there's a pretty nice reward attached to the job and I decided to take it.  Amaterasu and her bro Tsukiyomi gave me the usual rules spiel, handed me some instruction papers and sent me on my way."

"I see, and what did you do with those instructions?"

"Oh, dude!  I went hang out with Thor and we made these awesome paper airplanes.  You should have seen them go!  I never knew paper airplanes could fly that high.  We also made some paper balls and played fetch with Haku.  It was kind of cute."

"Hey, that might be something.  Did the papers say what to do didn't even glance at those papers, did you?"

"Nope, not a single word, but I did manage to make a paper airplane do, like, seven loop-de-loops in a row."

Thoth sighed and massaged the bridge of his beak. "Okay, so where was the last place you saw Haku?"

"Well, after playing catch I took Haku to the library so we could take a nap.  We found one of those sections nobody ever uses, fluffed up our pillow, curled up on the floor and and had the best nap ever.  Then when I woke up Haku was gone, I freaked out, and now we're all caught up.  Come on buddy, help a pal out?  Tsukuyomi ain't gonna let this slide if he finds out."

Anubis certainly had a point there.  Thoth could well recall an occasion when he'd accompanied Thor to Japanese dorm on official business of the student council.  The Norse thunder god, completely ignorant of proper Japanese etiquette, had made numerous faux pas through the meeting.  Tsukuyomi had tried his best to be indulgent, but he'd slowly become increasingly unhinged as the meeting dragged on.  Eventually, things came to a head when Thor belched without excusing himself.  After that Tsukuyomi judo flipped Thor at least twelve times before literally kicking him out of the dorm.

Thoth certainly wanted Anubis to learn from his mistakes, but leaving him to Tsukuyomi's wrath would be complete overkill.  The library seemed the most likely place to start the search; given that it was where Anubis had last seen Haku.  Thoth did briefly worry about walking out on his world philosophy class, but he quickly dismissed the concerns.  Mr. Tenjin tended to be fairly understanding whenever Thoth needed his fellow students on short notice.


The library was one of Thoth's favorite parts of school.  Whenever he was having a bad day he could instantly perk himself up with the wonderful smell of books and scrolls that greeted him whenever he first walked into the library.  The library spanned multiple levels; in fact, some of the shelves stretched all the way from floor to ceiling.  Thoth had spent many a happy afternoon getting lost among the forest of shelves and alcoves.  Even if he didn't find specifically what he was looking for, rare as that was, he was sure to find something of interest and have a good time.

Of course, scouring the library for a lost baku was quite a different matter.  Anubis had lost Haku a section hardly anyone used, but where could that be?  Perhaps they could narrow it down by going through some of the more esoteric subjects.  History of sweet potatoes in Japan?  No, that wasn't obscure in the slightest.  Survey of underwater basket weaving technics?  Underwater basket weaving was one of the most popular classes, so that was a no.  Comparative methods of alchemy?  Well, that was practically a trend these days.

After a while Thoth and Anubis decided to take a break at one of the work tables.  Thoth wondered to himself if he was looking at the problem from the wrong angle.  Haku was a moving target, and that meant he could be anywhere in the library.  A bit more troublingly, it also meant he could potentially be anywhere in the school.  Maybe they needed to focus less on find Haku, and more on getting Haku to come to them. 

As Thoth pondered these thoughts he felt a tapping on his shoulder.  He looked up to see a Greek goddess with long blue hair, and who was wearing an olive-green chiton with bronze battle armor, standing next to him.  Before he'd gotten tied up with Anubis, Thoth had agreed to meet Athena in the library.  Every Tuesday they got together to discuss the craziness going on in their dorms, a subject they had yet to exhaust, and make a plan of action for when, inevitably, things really went off the rails.

"Hey, guys...what's with all the scrolls about baku?"

"In a nutshell?  We need to find a missing baku or Tsukuyomi will kick Anubis' ass into next Thursday."

"Yeah, that's about what I figured.  Any progress so far?"

"None so far, but I did have an idea.  Dreams, practically bad ones, are a baku's favor food source.  So, what if we were to lure it out by sleeping?"

Athena nodded in agreement. "It does have a high probability of success.  We'll need somewhere secluded to pull it off.  Perhaps the sociology section?  Hardly anyone ever goes there."

"Ooh, that's a big no-can-do on that one.  Hermes told me that he and Freya were gonna have...a study session!  Yeah, they're having a very important study session and they don't want anyone to disturb them," said Anubis.

"And what exactly are they studying?" inquired Athena.

"Uh...anatomy and biology."

"Pre-modernist critical intersectional dance therapy section it is then!"

Anubis was quick to volunteer himself as the one to take a nap.  He quickly pulled several books off the shelves and assembled them into a bed.  Next, Anubis unfurled a particularly large scroll and laid it on top of the books like a blanket.  Satisfied with his work, Anubis plopped down on the bed of books and covered himself with the scroll.  He nestled into a comfortable position, closed his eyes and immediately reopened them.  Anubis tried to shift into a more comfortable sleeping position, but nothing he seemed to do worked.

"Hmm, that's weird.  This is one of my favorite places to nap.  You know, now that I think about, I might have some honey cakes stashed around here.  Yeah, maybe that'll help."

"Just purely out of curiosity, why do you like to nap in the library?  You do know that's what the dorms are for, right?" asked Thoth.

"Thoth, please.  There ain't no sleeping in Egyptian Dorm!  There's always something fun happening; it's like a big party!  Of course, sometimes I need to just get away from it all, so I come here."

"Oh please, you guys have nothing on Greek Dorm.  Just the other night, Dionysus flooded the entire dorm with wine, and then he let at least thirty wild leopards into the dorm.  Why did he do this?  He's Dionysus, that's why.  Oh, but that was just the beginning.  After that, Hephaestus' automatons began to malfunction..."

"Gah!  Oh man, that is an epic story of awesomeness!  I'll never get to sleep at this rate!"

Thoth snapped his fingers. "I just remembered, I forgot to fill you in on that math class you missed.  So, we start by factoring a really big number..."

And just like that Anubis was out like a light.  Now it was just a matter of patiently waiting for Haku to take the bait.  Fortunately, it wasn't long before there was a rustling from a nearby bookshelf.  The little baku trotted over to Anubis and wiggled under his arm like a stuffed animal.  Anubis smiled happily and stroked Haku in his sleep.  Everything was going exactly as planned, but then Thoth caught movement out of the corner of his eye. 

Thoth had to look again to make sure he wasn't seeing things.  He glanced over at Athena and confirmed that she'd seen it as well.  A few months ago, some of the Egyptian students had thought that it would be funny to bring some of the library books to life.  Most of the books had been captured and rendered inanimate, but a few remained free.  Normally, the flying books were harmless, so long as it wasn't their nesting season.  The books turned especially territorial and aggressive during nesting season. 

Thoth and Athena did their best the avoid any sudden movements; lest they spook the books.  The books were beginning to circle around the trio of deities, and a few had perched themselves on the tops of nearby shelves.  Thoth extended his spell staff to its full length and Athena unsheathed her sword.  At first everything was still and there was nothing but a tense silence, then the books made their attack.

Most of the books attacked by dive-bombing, but a few had more specialized attacks.  A book about weather shot bolts of lightning, while a book about volcanos emitted a stream of fire.  Thoth cast a few basic shielding spells in hopes of getting the books to back off.  Unfortunately, this only seemed to irritate the books further as they began to swarm even faster than before.  Athena unsheathed a second sword and proceeded to tear through the books like the tornado.  Tattered pages scattered everywhere as papyrus and parchment met bronze blades.  Athena managed to do quite a number on the books, but it still wasn't enough.

Thoth considered his options; he needed something that would be quick, but also kept collateral damage to a minimum.  A fire or water spell could easily get out of hand in a confined space such as the library, and wind spells could prove tricky as well.  He considered using a speed spell to make it appear that time was froze, but those spells drained a lot of energy.  Hmm, freezing, perhaps that could be something?  Thoth pulled out his curved ivory wand and drew a snowflake hieroglyph in the air.  Each stroke of the wand produced a glowing line, and when it was finished the hieroglyph burst into a shower of blue sparks. 

The air grew noticeably colder and frost began to form along the covers of the flying books.  Before long they began to look more like ice sculptures than books.  The books gave one last flap of their pages before they completely froze solid, dropped to the floor, and shattered into millions of pieces.  The few flying books that had managed to survive quickly darted away for parts unknown.  Athena nudged the pile of frozen book bits with one of her swords and gave Thoth a quizzical look.

"Hmm, flash freezing spell?  That's a new one."

"It's, uh, just a little something I've been working in my spare time.  The snowflake hieroglyph is, admittedly, a bit of an improvisation, but it certainly gets the job done."

Just then, Anubis woke up and affectionately scratched Haku's head. "Now that's a good nap.  So anyway, what did I miss?"

Athena arched her eyebrow in suspicion. "You seriously didn't hear any of that?"

Anubis shrugged.  "Well, I had help from this adorable little fuzzball."

Anubis tucked Haku into his satchel and the three gods made their way out of the library.  The baku hunt had taken so long that it was just about time for alchemy, a class all three of them had in common.  The halls had once again returned to life with the hustle and bustle of students going to and from class.  Thoth, Athena and Anubis were about to round the corner when they found their path blocked by an imposing figure.  He was tall and intimidating, but his most notable feature was, without a doubt, his eyes.  He had at least 100 eyes scattered all across his body.  He was Argus Panoptes, Vice Principle of Nile High. 

Mr. Argus was not particularly fond of Athena, and they frequently butted-heads with each other.  This wasn't because he held any particular ill will towards Athena.  However, Mrs. Hera despised Athena with every fiber of her being, and Argus took an immediate dislike to anything Mrs. Hera hated.  He had served as her bodyguard for many years, and he still tried his best to win her favor whenever possible. 

"I spy, with my hundred eyes, three students who appear to be up to no good."

"Oh, hello Argus," remarked Athena as she nonchalantly studied her fingernails.

"That's Mister Argus to you, girl.  So watch your mouth."

"Are we really about to go through all of this again?  Is the kiss-assing business really that slow today?"

"Do not speak ill of Lady Hera!  She is the Queen of Olympus, and I my duty bound to defend her honor!"

"But I didn't even..."

"Don't try to deny it!  I can see what your intentions were!  Remember, I am watching you, Pallas Athena!  I am always watching you, and when you slip up, I will be there!  Now, away with the three of you!  I have important matters to attend to."

With that, Argus marched into his office and slammed the door behind him.  Thoth breathed a silent sigh of relief.  Argus and Athena's mutual vendetta could get rather heated at times.  If they managed to get through an encounter with causing any collateral damage, well, it was a certainly small blessing.  Thoth's relief soon evaporated when he glanced over at Anubis.  The jackal-headed god was staring in disbelief at the gaping hole in his satchel.  Thoth stared at the Anubis, then at the hole in the satchel, and back to Anubis once again.  The baku hunt was back to square one.

"I don't understand; how could Haku have chewed though the satchel so quickly?"

Anubis placed his hand behind his head and smiled sheepishly.  "Hypothetically speaking, I may possibly have forgotten to get my satchel patched up."

"Well, 'hypothetically speaking', I'm about three seconds away from slapping you!" snapped Athena.

"Okay, okay, let's all take a step back and think before we do anything rash," said Thoth as he stepped between Anubis and Athena.  "What we need right now a way to determine probability.  What's the most lie lot place Haku could have gotten to?"

Athena pulled out a stylus and clay tablet and quickly began to jot down mathematical equations.  In a way, mathematics was a kind of magic in its own right.  Anything that could be proved mathematically it could be proved in the real world.  Thoth had the upmost most respect for Athena and her mathematical formulas; though they did have a bit of friendly rivalry over whether science or magic sliver a given problem better. 

Athena frowned as she examined her work.  She ran the equations few more times, but the results were the same no matter what she did.  It didn't take much deduction for Thoth and Anubis to know that the answer wasn't going to be good.

"The math checks out.  I can say with eighty-eight percent certainty that Haku is in...Argus' office."

"Well, on the bright side, at least Tsukuyomi doesn't know," remarked Thoth.

Immediately after Thoth uttered these words the trio of gods saw the one deity they least wanted to see.  It really goes without saying that this deity was, in fact, Tsukuyomi himself.  Anubis stared in bug-eyed horror at the Japanese moon god, but he quickly composed himself and casually leaned against the wall.  If Tsukuyomi suspected that anything was off, he made no sign of it.

"Hello, Anubis.  Fancy meeting you here.  Is everything going well with Haku?"

"Haku?  Yeah, that little rascal's having a blast.  Things couldn't possibly be any better.  You know I got this, man!"

"Why that's just dandy.  Say, where is the little fellow?"

"Where is he?  Um, uh, er, well you see, Haku is...under Athena's helmet!  Yeah, that's where he is!  He got a little sleepy, and baku like to sleep on people heads so...there you go."

"Really?  Looks like there wouldn't be that much room, but if you say so.  At any rate, I'm glad I ran into you.  Just wanted to check in and make sure everything's okay.  That baku means the world to my sister.  If anything were to happen to him, well, I'd do anything for my dear Amaterasu."

With that Tsukuyomi bowed to Anubis and went on this way.  Anubis let out a sigh of relief, knowing that he'd just dodged a major bullet.  Of course, there was still the issue of getting Haku out of Argus' office.  Mr. Argus' hundred eyes could see almost the entire electromagnetic spectrum; a basic invisibility spell simply wasn't going to cut it.  Thoth snapped his fingers as if he was summoning something, but nothing seemed to appear.  He then bent down, as though he was picking something up, and then Thoth's right hand completely vanished. 

"I figured this old thing might come in handy someday."

"The invisibility ring we made for the school magic fair!  Every time we fixed one problem another one popped up.  It still amazes me that we got first place," said Athena. 

"Okay, so if it's an invisibility ring then how do you see anything?  Like, wouldn't your eyes be invisible too?" asked Anubis.

"That is...actually, that's a really insightful question.  Normally I would have just used a sight charm, but Athena insisted we challenge ourselves.  It has to do with the fractal foldings within the..."

"Okay, I'm bored now.  What's that plan?"

Athena rolled her eyes. "I'll use the ring to look for Haku, you guys run interference and keep Argus distracted."

Thoth's relation with Mr. Argus was, at most, fairly indifferent.  Thoth was a model student, and certain did his best to stay out of mischief.  However, whenever Argus and Athena got into a particularly heated argument he almost always sided with Athena.  Thoth wasn't sure what to expect when he knocked on Argus' door.  The door swung open and Argus...just stared at Thoth and Anubis, as if he wasn't sure what to make of them, or what to do.  After a few minutes of drawn out, and considerably awkward, silence Argus cleared his throat.

"Oh, uh, hello there.  Might I inquire about your business here?"

"Hello, Mr. Argus.  As I understand it, part of your role as vice principal is being there for students when they have problems and concerns.  That is to say, Anubis and I really would appreciate it if you took a few minutes to speak with us."

"I, er, alright then.  Come on in and have a seat."

Thoth lingered at the door in order to assure that Athena slipped in.  Argus briefly eyed Thoth suspiciously, but he soon went back to looking confused and awkward.  Thoth hadn't really had any time to prepare a cover story; he was going to have to improvise and hope that Anubis could keep up. 

"Have you ever felt...well, suppose that you like someone, but they don't know that you like them.  Almost like, well, almost as though you were totally invisible and they didn't even know you were there.  Do you know what that's like, Mr. Argus?"

Thoth immediately felt a sharp pain in his leg, as though he'd just been kicked.   He could practically see Athena giving him a look and, okay, admittedly he been a bit on the beak just then.  Argus gazed longingly at photo of Mrs. Hera that was on his desk.

"Yes, I suppose I do know what that's like."

"It's like your chasing after that one thing that will solve all of your problems.  You're constantly running around, but then it turns out that what you're really looking for is much closer than you think.  Maybe it's not where you want it to be, certainly not where you'd have preferred it to be, but when you find it..."

"What my buddy Thoth means to say is, don't you think Mrs. Hera is the best teacher this school had ever had?"

This definitely got Argus' attention.  A significant portion of the office appeared to have been turned into a miniature museum dedicated to Mrs. Hera.  Overseeing the assembled collection of assorted knickknacks and paraphernalia was an imposing portrait of Mrs. Hera.  Argus walked over to the portrait reverently and motioned for Thoth and Anubis to join him.

"Quite a sight, isn't it?  Easy the most expensive item in the collect, but it was worth every drachma.  I took out four different insurance policies just to be on the safe side.  Not that I think I'd need them, but you never know, especially at this school.  Now then, let's start the tour.  You'll notice the scent of pomegranates in the air; they are Lady Hera sacred fruit, and I always keep a few scented candles burning.  Over to your right you will see a tea set that Lady Hera once touched for exactly thirty seconds.  Wouldn't it have been something to have been there when it happened?"

Just then Thoth and Anubis noticed something poking out of the tea pot.  It was a tiny trunk and that could only mean one thing: they'd finally found Haku!  Their elation was short-lived once they realized that they'd have to snatch Haku from beneath the all-seeing eyes of Argus.  Thoth ran through multiple scenarios in his mind.  His thoughts were moving faster than the speed of light; a magnitude of possibilities stretched before him.  He had his answer in less than the time it took to blink an eye. 

"Mr. Argus, that teapot is looking a bit dull.  However, if you'll allow me to borrow it for a minute, I think I have just the spell to resort its shine good as new."

Argus narrowed his eyes. "Well alright, but I've got my eyes on you."

"The spell will cause the teapot to disappear, but don't worry, that's perfectly normal.  Rest assured, it will return to you momentary.  And now, I shall begin the spell."

Thoth held out the tea pot in his hand, and recited some random gibberish to act as a cue for Athena.  The seconds seemed to drag on for an eternity as Thoth waited for Athena.  Then, without any fanfare, the teapot turned invisible.  The whole office fell to dead silence; the only sounds came from the ticking of clocks on the walls.  Thoth hand felt like it was on fire as soon as the tea pot returned to visibility.  The invisibility ring granted whoever wore it, and anything they held, total immunity to the electromagnetic spectrum.  As a consequence, this meant that anyone, or anything, under the rings power was completely immune to thermal radiation. 

The teapot was so burningly cold Thoth felt as though he was holding a piece of molten magma.  He instinctually let go of the teapot, but not before whispering a quick fortification charm so that the teapot didn't shatter into a million pieces.  Argus dove across the room and caught the teapot just before it touched the ground.  The vice principal held his hands, and their eyes, as close to the teapot as possible.  There was a steely look in all 100 of Argus eyes as he searched for even the tiniest imperfection.  Argus gave a nod of approval after inspecting to his satisfaction.

"Admittedly, a bit unorthodox, but I can't argue with results.  Though I would work on that dexterity if I were you."

Thoth was about to respond when he felt something small and furry rubbing against his leg.  He didn't even have to look down to know that it was Haku.  The little baku must have wiggled out of Athena's grasp.  Thoth tried to hid Haku behind his leg, but this inadvertently drew Argus' attention.

"Say, what have you got there?"

"Nothing!  Nothing, it's just a...a leg exercise that I do sometimes."

"You've got something alright, let's see it."

"Ooh, are those toffees?  I love toffees!  Can we have some toffees?" asked Anubis in a desperate attempt to distract Argus.

"Those toffees are strictly for..."

Suddenly, Argus hunched over as if he'd just had the wind knock out of him.  Before long the hundred-eyed giant of a man had collapsed to the ground and was groaning pain.  Athena faded into visibility and surveyed her work with a satisfied grin.

"Crotch shot, works every time."

Anubis winced. "Girl, that is low!"

Athena shrugged. "It gets the job done.  Now let's grab Haku and get out of here."

Thoth paused to examine the scented candles.  He had to admit, they were certainly good quality candles, and such reasonable prices as well.  Unfortunately, Thoth failed to notice that Haku was darting towards him, with Anubis in hot pursuit.  Anubis slammed into Thoth before he had time to react, and the candle went flying.  The candle soared so high it nearly touched the ceiling; then it arced back down and slammed into the portrait of Mrs. Hera.  Before long the portrait was completely consumed by flames.  Anubis tried to dowse the inferno using water from a nearby flower pot but, owing to the chemical composition of the oils in the paint, this only made the fire stronger.  

It was as the flames surged in strength that Argus regained consciousness.  All 100 of his eyes stared in horror at the burning portrait.  Thoth cast a spell that stripped the air around the portrait of its oxygen, thus extinguishing the flames.  However, there was nothing left of the portrait except for a pile of ashes.  Argus rushed over to his desk phone and swiftly dialed the number for his insurance agent.

"Hello, insurance agent?  A tragedy has occurred and need you to give me money!  Yes, that is correct, my portrait of the Lady Hera.  It was completely destroyed in a did it happen, you ask?  Well, it would appear that three deeply disturbed miscreant hoodlum students of mine...what do you mean you're denying my claim?!  Fire damage is clearly covered under...why yes, I am vice principal at Nile High, what of it?  Acts of the Gods?  Not covered under my policy?  Look, I know there were three gods involved, so I suppose that could be interpreted as an Act of the Gods.  What I don't know, however, is why you're taking so long to give me my money!  Hello?  Hello?  They hung up."

"Sir, I know it looks bad, but I have just the spell to..."

"I think you've done quite enough as it is.  But don’t worry, I'm sure we can work something out when I see you and your girlfriend in detention for the next five months!"

"Detention!  You can't do that us, we're heads of dorm!  Heads of dorm don't get detention!" exclaimed Athena.

"I can and I will.  Oh, you can be assured of that.  It's one of the benefits of being vice principal."

"Wait," said Anubis. "Thoth and Athena wouldn't have been here if it wasn't for me.  Let them go free; I'm the one who deserves to be punished."

"Don't worry, you'll get your punishment in due time, but the fact remains that...wait, what are you doing?  Put that tea set down right now, or so help me..."

A mighty and thunderous roar fill the room, and made everyone freeze in their tracks.  Thoth, Athena and Anubis turned to see where the roar had originated from.  A wise and ancient dragon stood in the doorway.  He looked like neither the dragons of Europe nor the dragons of East Asia, but both of these at once.  His eyes bore many years of knowledge, but they also radiated warmth and happiness.  He could be gentle and and easy going, but he would fight tooth and claw to defend his students from harm.  He was Mungu Joka, Principal of Nile High.

Principal Joka was the god of a people living somewhere in East Africa; though nobody could ever remember where specifically.  As soon as Principal Joka walked into the office he made a beeline for the dish of toffees Argus kept on his desk.  He selected his toffee with the upmost of care, gently unwrapped it and plopped the candy in his mouth.  As Principal Joka savored his sweet he quizzically titled his head at Argus and the students.

"Well, don't you want a toffee?  I bet that you do."

"Mr. Principal, with all due respect, this is a very serious..." before Argus had a chance to finish he found himself with a mouthful of toffee courtesy of Principal Joka.

"Oh, I agree, this is very serious indeed.  Seriously good, that is!  Don't be shy, there's plenty for everyone.  Some of Athena, some for Thoth and some for Anubis!  Okay, everyone have their toffees?  Good!  Now let's chew our toffees together!  So much fun, our lips are moving up and down, up and down.  Well, Thoth has a beak, but it is moving up and down, up and down.  We savoring the flavor, the toffees are being mashed into a pulp and isn't it glorious?  And we are still chewing, but soon it over and time to...swallow!  Okay, has everybody eaten their toffees?"

Everyone noded their heads in agreement.  Principal Joka stroked his beard thoughtfully.

"Really, are you sure?  Come on, open up and let's have a look.  Hmm, hmm, indeed!  You have all successfully eaten your toffees!  Wasn't that fun?  There's never a wrong time for something sweet.  Now then, why were the four of you arguing so passionately when I got here?"

"They burned my prized portrait of the Lady Hera!  Principal Joka, I strongly urge you to take theses vandals to your office and have them expelled!"

"Hey, we're not Vandals!  I'm Egyptian, Thoth's Egyptian and Athena's a Greek!"

"Not those kind of Vandals," whispered Thoth.

"Well maybe if you weren't such a thick-head jerk I wouldn't have had to sneak in and..."
Principal Joka tapped his claw against the toffee dish to get everyone's attention. "So you snuck into Argus' office.  Now why would you do something like that?"

"We were trying to catch the baku that Anubis was supposed to be petsitting for Amaterasu.  Anubis and Thoth were the diversion while I caught Haku."

"I see, and did you ask Argus for his help?"

"But he wouldn't have..."

"Athena, did you ask Argus for help?"

Athena sighed. "No, I figured he would have just said no."

"Well, if it's any consolation, you guessed correctly.  Also, I would have killed that little rat thing if I'd found it," Argus remarked.

"It seems to me that you two still don't see eye-to-eye.  There will be a day when this is not so.  Oh yes, there will be, but not today I think.  Now then, I think this portrait can be fixed with a simple mending spell.  Isn't that correct, Thoth?"

"I'm on it, sir!"

Thoth drew the hieroglyphics for mending in the air in front of the portrait's ashes.  Like a video being played in reverse, the ashes rose from the floor and assembled themselves back together.  Soon their vibrant colors began to return and before long the portrait was just as it had been before.  Argus stared at the portrait like an art critic at a painting content.  After five minutes, he gave a nod and smiled with approval.

"My darling!  I'd thought I'd lost you forever!  Now that we are back together nothing can ever, right, are we done here?  I need to go have a word with my insurance agent."

"Hmm, I don't know Argus.  Are we truly done here?" Everyone stared in confusion at the wise old dragon god.  Principal Joka smiled and let out a hearty laugh.  "I'm just messing with you!  Children, you try your best to stay out of mischief.  And you, Mr. Eye-Guy, you gotta learn to be more compassionate to the students.  You're all free to go!"

Thoth, Athena and Anubis walked out of the office with their heads held high.  Despite the numerous mishaps they’d finally caught Haku.  The little baku was curled up in a pet carrier Athena had snagged while she was invisible.  They were on top of the world and nothing could bring them down.  As they made their way down the hall Thoth put his arm around Anubis.

"I want you to know that I'm proud of you for what you did back there."

"Hey man, it was nothing.  You guys would have done the same for me.  Say, what time is it?"

"There's a water clock right over there," said Athena.

Anubis' eyes bulged out of their sockets when he saw the clock. "Oh, shit!  We gotta get to Japanese Dorm right now!"


Tsukuyomi closed the shoji screen doors while Amaterasu poured green tea.  A large stack of tea cakes in the middle of the table.  It took all of Anubis' willpower to resist grabbing one.  Thoth and Athena had given him a crash course in Japanese etiquette on the way to Japanese Dorm.  Tsukuyomi took his seat and gave everyone a nod of encouragement.  Anubis gently lifted his teacup and took a few tentative sips.  He wasn't the biggest tea drinker in the world, but he had to admit the green tea wasn't half-bad.  It tasted earthy with just a hint of either lemon or mint. 

Haku was curled up in Amaterasu's lap.  The Japanese sun goddess gently stroked the little baku's fur.  "Thank you so much, Anubis.  I hope looking after Haku wasn't too boring."

"Boring?  Nah, I found ways to stay entertained," Anubis laughed as he glanced over at Thoth and Athena.

"Well, you've certainly proved yourself to be a god of honor and good character.  Such gods are most dreadfully hard to come by.  I should think that a job well done merits a reward," said Tsukuyomi.

Tsukuyomi clapped his hands and a large barrel was carried into the room by a team of pure white foxes.  The foxes bowed in deference to Amaterasu, Tsukuyomi and the other assembled gods.  Amaterasu gave a nod of encouragement and the foxes sacked themselves to form a tower leading up the barrel's lid.  The lead fox climbed atop its companions and loosened the barrel's lid.  Anubis peered into the barrel and gazed upon his reward: a barrel's worth of rice.

"I can't find it.  Is the reward buried under all of that rice?"

"Your reward is that rice.  It's the finest rice in all of Japan.  It comes directly from the private rice paddies of our rice deity Inari," said Amaterasu.

Anubis scooped some rice in his hand and poured it into his mouth.  He did his best to smile, but that proved somewhat difficult while simultaneously eating the uncooked rice.  He took a swig of tea in hopes that it would soften the rice, but to no avail.  By now Anubis was more than aware of just how much noise his rice crunching was making.  He glanced over at Tsukuyomi and noticed that the moon god was twitching his hand.  With a bit of effort, Anubis swallowed the rice and bowed the way Thoth had shown him.

"Perhaps, next time, it would be better to cook the rice first?" asked Tsukuyomi.

"Oh, you're supposed to cook it before...but then how do you...nevermind.  Well, uh, at least everything worked out in the end."

Amaterasu smiled. "That's a really good outlook.  Now all we have to do is finalize the paperwork and..."

Tsukuyomi emitted a bloodcurdling scream as he gazed out at the Japanese Dorm common room.  Everyone immediately rushed over to see what had distressed him.  There didn't seem to be anything obviously wrong, save for a bit of mud on the floor.  Of course, to a god as OCD as Tsukuyomi, a bit of mud was worthy of sounding the alarm.  Anubis felt sorry for the unfortunate deity who had ruined the floor; then he looked over at the shoe locker. A sinking feeling of dread grew within Anubis' stomach as he realized that he was the one who'd muddied the floor.

"My floors!  My beautiful clean floors have been defiled!  Who?  Who would do such a terrible, terrible thing?!  Why would they!"

Anubis backed up nervously. "Now Tsuki, let's not do anything crazy here."

A silver light extended from Tsukuyomi's hand until it formed the shape of a bow and arrow.  Tsukuyomi aimed the arrow directly at Anubis.  "Oh, I agree.  For instance, it would be absolutely insane if I were to let you go without proper punishment."

Twang!  Anubis dove out of the way just barely in time to avoid getting hit by the shimmering arrow.  A new arrow began to form along the bow and Tsukuyomi realigned his aim.  Anubis darted past a series of vases in hopes that Tsukuyomi wouldn't risk harming the priceless works of art.  Unfortunately, almost all of the vases were destroyed by a volley of arrow, which only served to make Tsukuyomi's anger burn even brighter.  Before long Anubis was making a mad dash for the dorm’s front door with Tsukuyomi in hot pursuit. 

"Get back here!  I really want to hurt you!"

"Brother, come back!  Oh, why can't you just let it go?" Amaterasu called as she chased after them.

"You know, our lives would probably be a lot less chaotic if we just let Anubis clean up his own messes," remarked Athena as she and Thoth joined the chase.

"True, but we wouldn't have nearly as many fun stories to tell."

"We there is that, I suppose."