The Audio File: Feast of Fiction

It’s often said that good fiction is a feast for the imagination. In today’s edition of The Audio File we’re going to take that saying a bit more literally. All of our stories will be about food, drink and sharing a meal. I could talk about the significance of food and drink throughout speculative fiction, and literature in general. After all, sitting around a fire and sharing a meal with friends is one of the oldest traditions of humanity. However, I thought it would be more fun if we set the table using our imaginations.

Imagine you and I are sitting down for dinner at Chez Audio File. It is a fancy upscale restaurant renowned for the succulent audio offerings. The other patrons are spacemen, wizards, aliens, dragons, superheroes and anything else you can imagine. Our favorite drinks have been poured in our glasses and I have made an order for the restaurant’s finest offerings. Our meal has been prepared by some of the finest writers I have been able to find, and they’re cooking just for us.

Before long a team of waiters arrives at our table with steaming silver domes. With mounting anticipation the first dome is opening and our feast of fiction begins…

The Drabblecast

“A Memory of Seafood” by Tina Connolly
Narrated by Angela Lee
Originally Published in Yog’s Notebook

This story follows a futuristic travel writer who recounts a visit to the planet named Estplanet. It’s a marshy world with lots of rain, and more than a bit of strife between the locals, but the food is amazing. So she stops by a seafood restaurant run by two chefs from both of the feuding species. The meal is great, but what was that banging noise from the kitchen?

Yeah, I think you’ve probably pieced together by now that the thumping noise was one of the chefs getting murdered and cooked. To make matters worse he was apparently the most amazing thing the protagonist ever ate. Personally I kind of saw this story as allegory for the vegetarian vs. omnivore debate. True, farmed animals do often live in harsh conditions and they are often rather cute. On the other hand, meat is rather tasty and it is a good source of nutrition. All I’m saying is there’s shades of gray to go around, though I personally am omnivorous.

I’d like to take this opportunity to state that I do not condone the killing and eating of humans or other sentient species. I’d also like to take this opportunity to say that Angela did a really great job with the narration. A somewhat darkly humorous story that makes for a great first course. I very much recommend it.

“Local Delicacies” by Fran Wilde
Narrated by Lauren Synger
A Drabblecast Original

This story follows Besha, the manager of the El Corazon restaurant on the Vegas Strip. Besha often has to keep her boss Danny, who has a bit of a gambling problem, from completely ruining the restaurant. One day an alien named Xlot arrives and says Danny has betted that El Corazon is the best restaurant on Earth. A group of slug aliens are on their way to judge the contest. Besha’s in for the craziest shift of her life.

This was a really funny story just because of how over-the-top it got. I’ve never worked in the food industry before, but I imagine this story captured the feelings of stress and chaos those who do feel. I particularly liked the scene where the health inspector shows up, and how the characters took care of him. The little audio quirks really helped moved the story along, such as the record scratch at particularly incredulous moments. Speaking of audio, I thought that Lauren handled the narration quite well.

A humorous story that serves as a great pallet cleanser after heavy reading. Very much recommended.

“The Carnival Was Eaten, All Except the Clown” by Caroline M. Yaochim 
Narrated by Norm Sherman
Originally Published in Electric Velocipede

This story is about a sugar clown who has been created by a magician to be the leader of his candy carnival. It is the clown’s job to generate the other members of the carnival and instill them with joy that they are to be eaten at children’s birthday parties. Admittedly, she isn’t quite sure what it means to be eaten for she never gets to go to the parties. That all changes one day when she goes to spy on her crush, the gingerbread daredevil. What will the sugar clown do with this horrible revelation?

It would have been very easy to play this story for some very dark comedy. Therefore, the fact that Caroline played this story completely straight and have it work really shows her skills as a writer. I know we’re supposed to sympathize with the clown, and for the most part I did, but the descriptions of the candy carnival made it sound really tasty. Plus who wouldn’t have wanted something like that when they were a kid for their birthday? The writing itself has a very rhythmic and poetic quality to it.

Norm really nailed it with his narration. It’s a story that’s short, sweet and to the point.

“Ghost in the Coffee Machine” by Charity Tahmaseb
Narrated by Veronica Giguere
A Drabblecast Original

This story follows a ghost hunter named Katy who catches ghosts in a magic coffee machine passed down from her grandmother. Things had been going well, but now she’s got competition from a ghost hunter named Malcolm who uses a Persian tea samovar. It seems like Katy’s out of business, but a few ghosts in the machines could change all of that.

I guess you could kind of describe this story as Ghostbusters, but as a romantic-comedy with lots of coffee. Personally I’m surprised that it didn’t occur to Katy to team-up with Malcolm sooner. You gotta figure she must have encountered a ghost who didn’t like coffee at some point. I know that would be an issue if I were a ghost that needed to be captured. Then there’s the question of what to do when a ghost doesn’t like coffee or tea, but maybe I’m overthinking things. The story kind of reminded me of how Danny Phantom caught ghosts with his…well it wasn’t quite magical but it was a thermos.

Veronica’s narration certainly managed to capture my attention. All in all it’s a good little story that I give a recommendation.

Cast of Wonders

“The Rum Cake Runner” by Jessi Cole Jackson
Narrated by Michelle Ristuccia
Originally Published in Crossed Genres Magazine

This story takes place on the planet New Rio where sugar is a contraband substance. Nesi De Luca is a member of an Italian family who operate an illegal sweets bakery out of their home. Her job is to make deliveries for their various clients without getting caught. Little does Nesi know she’s about to make one of the biggest runs of her life.

Well first of all I thought that this was a fun little story. Having said that I had a few hang-ups with it. I guess my biggest one would be why is sugar banned on New Rio? I know Jessi was trying to draw parallels with Prohibition, but that ended after a few years whereas the sugar ban is implied to have been going on for generations. Surely there was a revolt at some point in New Rio’s history? On the other hand, maybe that goes to show possible dystopian undertones to New Rio’s government?

The name of the planet itself seems to suggest that it was colonized by Brazilians, but we don’t really see any in the story. Then again, Brazil is a fairly diverse nation, so perhaps its off-world colonies follow suit. There was like one racial slur in the story, but Nesi gets immediately reprimanded for using it. It didn’t bother me, and I think that Cast of Wonders really overdid it with their explanation of why it was included. Guys, we get it. Racism sucks, but you’re a young adult podcast. Young adults can handle that sort of stuff without being mollycoddled.

In terms of narration I thought that Michelle did a stellar job. I don’t want you to walk away thinking that I didn’t like this story. Despite its flaws I quite enjoyed it and I still give it a recommendation.

“Lizzy Viscera and the Quest for the Perfect Sandwich” by Spencer Koelle
Narrated by Danielle Daly
A Cast of Wonders Original

This story follows a college student/necromancer named Lizzy Viscera. She likes to eat different things for breakfast and dinner, but she likes her lunches to be consistent. She tries to make herself the perfect sandwich. Unfortunately, she’s all out of mayonnaise, and so Lizzy embarks on an epic quest to complete her sandwich before her next class begins.

I loved the way this story juxtaposes Lizzy’s cheerful and sunny personality next to some of the darker aspects of necromancy. For example, Lizzy uses a spellbook bound in human skin and written in blood and rides a flaming skeleton horse, all while being a slightly chubby blonde girl with rainbow streaks in her hair. Spencer has stated that he did this deliberately so that he could write about a female necromancer who wasn’t a stereotypical goth girl in a skull bra. I remember how hectic my first year of college was, so I can relate to Lizzy’s desire to beat the clock and get some decent lunch.

In terms of narration I thought that Danielle did a great job brining to story to life. It’s a fun little story that’s sure to liven up your day.

"The Four Stewpots" by DK Thompson
Narrated by Tina Connolly
Collected in And Welcome Back

This story takes the form of a Yelp review. She recently took her daughter to a new restaurant called The Four Stewpots. Her daughter loved it, but she though it had something to be desired. The stews claim to be made of things such as kraken and leviathan, and the waiters are dressed as creatures in surprisingly convincing costumes. Her daughter also talks about going on adventures with pirates, and where did she get those new clothes?

This was another really fun story. There's clearly some magical stuff happening, but the mother can't see it. Maybe it could be seen as a metaphor  for how kids are more open to new things and experiences, while adults tend to be more set in their ways. That or maybe the mother is so focused on the mundane and the day-to-day that she's forgotten how to dream. I liked how the story took the form of a review, and mixed up the style of a typical story.

Once again, Tina does an excellent job with the narration. A short but satisfying story that I'm sure that you'll enjoy. 

Escape Pod

“Thanksgiving Day” by Jay Werkheiser
Narrated by Paul Haring
Originally Published in Analog

This story follows a group of colonist on a planet in the Tau Ceti system. Their crops haven’t been growing in the native soil, and local plants contain dangerously high levels of blood-thinners. The food supply is getting lower by the day and the colony is teetering on the edge of an all-out civil war. Can a good source be found in time to prevent disaster?

I was considering saving this one for my post about space colonization, but at its heart this is a story about the quest for food. Therefore, I figured it would fit in pretty well here. Navigating biochemical barriers is always a concern when colonizing other worlds, as are the different paths that evolution may have taken. I did find it a bit odd that the colonists had a ship that got them to Tau Ceti in ten years and artificial wombs for cloning rats, yet they still used manual labor rather than using robots. Of course, if they had those then it might have meant no story.

It was nice to see a story about two different groups of people learning to set aside their differences to solve a problem. It was also nice to hear Paul’s narration of the story. It’s a science fiction take on the story of Thanksgiving, and one you won’t want to miss out on.

“The Love Quest of Smidgen the Snack Cake” by Robert T. Jeschonek 
Narrated by John Cmar
Originally Published in Space and Time Magazine

This story is set in the not too distant future in which all foods have limited AI capability. That means that items in a grocery store will do everything in their power to talk you into buying and eating them. The story follows a chocolate snack caked named Smidgen as he tries to convince a woman named Linda that he’s the snack she’s been desiring all along.

Smidgen can get fairly suggestive at times, but overall nothing too inappropriate happens in this story. That having been said, it certainly brings a new meaning to the phrase “food porn.” The scary part about this is that I can totally see this happening. Companies are always looking for new ways to push their products onto the public, and they’d probably leap at an opportunity like this. I’m not sure how the FDA would feel, but money certainly goes a long way with that sort of thing.

To pull off a story like this you need a good narrator, and Paul more than delivers in that regard. It a fun and slightly sexy story with a sweet ending. Very much recommended.

Pseudopod

“It’s Easy to Make a Sandwich” by S.L. Bickley
Narrated by Ben Phillips
A Pseudopod Original

This story follows a young man who is a bit down on his luck. Life has dealt him more than a few knocks and he now finds himself working a dead-end job at a sandwich restaurant that is most likely a Subway. One day he decides to liven up his life by deliberately poisoning his customers.

I know that isn’t much for a description, but it isn’t that long of a story. It might no be a long story, but it is a very effective story. Whenever we go to a restaurant we put a certain amount of trust that those behind the counter won’t try to harm us. As this story show, if they wanted to, those in the service industry to do quite a bit of damage before anyone noticed. Though if you think that’s bad you might want to look at all the stuff the frequently goes on behind the scenes in the fast food world. It’s enough to make you swear the stuff off for good.

The story may be stomach-churning, but Ben’s narration goes down smooth. It’s a story that’ll have you thinking twice about where your food comes from. It’s also one I readily recommend.

“Raw Appetite” by Christa Pagliel
Narrated by Brian Rollins
Originally Published in Fictionvale’s Kitchen Sink

This story follows a culinary student who is living in Paris and studying under Chef Catalan, one of the finest chefs in all of France. One day Catalan take our protagonist into his confidence and unveils his latest plan. One of their finest customer’s is about to move away, and Chef wants to throw a farewell dinner so that he can murder the customer and cook his flesh into a delicious dish.

Again, the summary doesn’t sound like much but I promise it’s a good story. It kind of has a Ratatouille meets Sweeney Todd vibe to it. If there is a theme throughout this story it’s about the dangers of letting your passions consume you and going too far in pursuit of your art. The scene where they dispose of the customer’s car was kind of unintentionally funny. They find a series of fast food wrappers and Chef reacts as if he just discovered that his lover was having an affair. Though I suppose, from a certain perspective, that’s what it was.

The story may leave a bad taste in your mouth, but Brain’s narration is pleasing to the ears. A cautionary tale about raw passion gone wrong, and one that is very much recommended.

PodCastle

“Help Summon the Most Holy Folded One!” by Harry Connolly 
A Full Cast Production 
Originally Published in Help Fund My Robot Army! and Other Improbable Crowdfunding Projects

This story is told as a series of Kickstarter posts. It follows two former Chipotle employees as they try to raises funds to summon the great taco god Tacothulhu. He is the holder of filling and the feeling that is held. They claim that Tacothulhu will unveil the secret to the perfect taco to them. Hilarious commentary occurs along the way.

If you hang around Kickstarter enough you’ll probably run into something very similar to this story. Though to my knowledge no real world Kickstarters have ever actually summoned a Lovecraftian taco deity. It was funny seeing the various ways the duo attempted to pitch their wild scheme to the masses, and that their taco religion had experienced a schism at some point. It was also rather humorous that the character True American was obviously voiced by a New Zealander.

Speaking of the narration, I thought everyone involved in the production did an amazing job. There not really much more I can add other than that this is a fun little story you won’t want to miss out on.

"Recipe: 1 Universe" by Effie Seiberg
Narrated by Wilson Fowlie
Originally Published in Galaxy's Edge 

This story is told in the form of a recipe for how to cook a universe into creation. Briefer description than usual, but this is a flash fiction story. I always like story that are told in an unusual format, such as a recipe. There's tons of little references to what science knows about the early formation of the universe scattered throughout the story. For example, one of the steps mentions that the universe will look orange in the early stages. Cosmologists do indeed believe that the early universe had an orange color to it.

As is usual, Wilson does an excellent job with the narration. A fun little story where you might even learn something. I recommend it. 

Lightspeed Magazine

“Observations About Eggs from the Man Sitting Next to Me on a Flight from Chicago, Illinois to Cedar Rapids, Iowa” by Carmen Maria Machado
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki

This story…well, the title really says it all. It’s told as a series of observations an old man makes to a young woman sitting next to him on a flight. He waxes on about the many magical qualities of eggs and the mysteries contained within them.

Okay, that’s not much of a description but…well, I assume you know the drill by now. I think we’ve all met the old man in this story at some point in our lives. It makes the story relateable. Plus the story is just pure unwatered down fun. In terms of narration Stefan does the same great job that he always does.

Not much more to add other than that this story is more than worthy of your time.

"Taste the Singularity at the Food Truck Circus" by Jeremiah Tolbert
Narrated by Paul Boehmer

This story takes place in Kansas City in the not too distant future. Nico is an accountant with a love of food, and he's just run into his old cooking class buddy Alberto. Alberto is part of a secret group of food truck chefs who use science to make fantastical new culinary creations. He's about to give Nico a golden ticket to a world of pure imagination.

This was a really fun story. Jeremiah was clearly trying to invoke Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and he certainly succeeded in this regard. There was so many amazing and wondrous things at the food truck circus.  I think my favorite was the Kaiju Experience. It's like a Godzilla movie where you get to play Godzilla. You get to stomp around a gingerbread city full of gummy people who run around and scream. Then, at the very end, a cotton candy atomic bomb gets dropped on you. I also loved spaghetti on a stick.  It's a 3D-printed spaghetti wrapped around a 3D-printed breadstick.  Simple, yet sounds delicious. There's also mention of soup on a stick; I just gotta know how that one works. Interesting, 3D-printed food is a thing that exists in our world, but isn't nearly as good as the food featured in this story. There's also these mechanical tapeworm things that convert the calories from the food into charge for you phone and bio-implants. I gotta get some of those in my life.

As per usual, Paul does an excellent job with the narration. Why are you still reading this? Go out and listen to this wonderful story.

Tales to Terrify

"Dining with the Devil" by Arthur Davis
Narrated by Drew Sebesteny
Originally Published in Allegory Magazine

This story follows a waiter in an upscale restaurant in New York City. One day, a customer comes in who, by all accounts, appears to be the Devil himself. He asks for a cooked human soul. Our protagonist is even more surprised when the head chef actually produces the cooked soul. Just what is going on here?

I guess the Devil is a big fan of soul food. Well puns aside, I really enjoyed this story. Apparently, the head chef comes from a village in rural Spain that was hit bad by a plague. The Devil agreed to spare the village if the chef's family cooked souls whenever he asked for them. Of course, this raises the question of where the chef gets the souls, and how they are harvested. Strangely enough, the description of the cooked souls sounded rather tasty, as did all the other descriptions of the various foods.

I also enjoyed Drews narration. A devilishly delectable story that you won't want to miss out on.

Mr. CreepyPasta

"A Gifted Chef" by Max Lobdell
Narrated by Mr. CreepyPasta
Originally Published in Unsettling Stories 

This story follows a man whose next door neighbor is a professional chef. The chef always whips-up amazing smelling dishes, and the two soon strike-up a friendship. Then, one day, our narrator smells a particularly alluring scent coming from his neighbor's house. Except that it's been several days since he's seen his neighbor.

To discuss why I liked this story I'm going to have to give away the ending. Cannibalism creepypastas are a dime a dozen. Usually, the protagonist will discover some fabulous new mystery meat, but wouldn't you know, it turns out to be human flesh. This story looks like it's setting up to be another of these, but then subverts it. Turns out the chef got drunk and died in his indoor hot tub, and the mysterious smell was his flesh being cooked by the hot water. I love it when stories surprise me like that.

A story that subverted my expectations, and one that I happily recommend.

Strange Horizons

“The Witches of Athens” by Lara Elena Donnelly
Narrated by Anaea Lay

This story takes place in Athens. Athens, Ohio that is! It follows a pair of witch sisters who each run their own diner. The sister on Court Street is beautiful and runs a very flashy diner, while the sister on Union Street has a more working class look and her diner is more down to Earth. Despite their differences they often work together to help those around them. The story follows their attempt to play match makers with two gay men.

I really liked the way that magic in this story was based around different foods. For example, scrambled eggs and jalapeño burgers give you the ability and courage to speak up. It was also nice that the two witches were still close despite their differences. Admittedly I was a little disappointed that this story didn’t have anything to do with Greek Mythology, but the story I got more than made up for it. All things considered it’s a really sweet and heartwarming story.

I give it a hearty recommendation.

Apex Magazine

“Soul of Soup Bones” by Crystal Lynn Hilbert
Narrated by Wendy Bowlsby

This story follows a necromancer named Adrienne. She has revived the famous necromancer named Jacoben Stoyan. She expects that he’ll be a fountain of knowledge, but all Jacoben does is cook all day. Could the nonstop cooking be the key to it all?

Well what I can I say without giving it all away? It’s a fun and lighthearted story. It’s another one of those stories that combines necromancy and cooking. The descriptions of the food were mouth-watering. Wendy’s narration was spot on.

Uh…why don’t you go ahead and check the story out for yourself.

Conclusion

Ah, wasn't that a lovely meal we just enjoyed? A true feast for the imagination. Well, the bill has been payed for, everyone has their doggie bags, and it is time for us to leave the restaurant. I hope that you will return to The Audio File again some time. There are many more great stories to discover across a wide range of subjects. Do be careful on your trips back home, and I will see you all again next time.  

Book Review: Agent of Byzantium by Harry Turtledove

2019 is really turning out to be a great year for alternate history audio fiction.  I've gotten my chance to listen to A Different Flesh at long last.  It seems like we're getting a new Harry Turtledove audiobook practically every month, and I hope that it doesn't stop any time soon.  Now I've got another classic Turtledove novel to review.  At long last we are taking a look at Agent of Byzantium by Harry Turtledove.  

Agent of Byzantium is a collection of short stories that all take place in the same world.  In the world of Agent of Byzantium, the Prophet Mohammad converted to Christianity and was eventually canonized as a saint.  He becomes known as St. Mouamet, the patron saint of changes.  As a result, Islam is never founded, and the Byzantine Empire remains strong and able to expand its territory.  By the 14th Century, the Byzantines have managed to mostly reunite the Roman Empire, save for a few provinces such as Britannia and most of Gaul.  It's a somewhat conservative world, in the sense that it is more similar to the Late Antiquity than Europe and the Mediterranean were in our 14th Century.  However, all of that is about to change.  The stories follow Basil Argyros.  He is a magistrianos, which is like a cross between a secret agent and a civil servant.  Basil travels across the Byzantine Empire and beyond to both foil plots against the empire and discover many new inventions to put in service of the empire. 

So, I'm going to give some overall thoughts before we go over the individual stories.  This is another Turtledove book I've wanted in audio, and now the wait is over.  Harry Turtledove has a PH.D. in Byzantine History, and it definitely shows in this novel.  Turtledove was famously inspired by L. Sprague de Camp's novel Lest Darkness Fall to study Byzantine History.  He say in the introduction to Agent of Byzantium that he hopes it does the same for someone else.  I can say with certainty that he achieved this goal, at least for me.  I liked the way Argyros' discoveries are presented.  He managed to bring about some pretty significant changes, or what will be in the long-run, but without being a one-man industrial revolution.  A lot of his discoveries happen by chance, and are things that someone else has invented.  That isn't to say that he is lacking in the brains department.  He certainly had to be smart in order to be a magistrianos.  Also, I love the stories as great adventure stories set in an alternate world. 

A few things to note before we go forwards.  The Byzantines did not refer to themselves as such.  That's a term assigned to them by later scholars, based on how Constantinople used to be called Byzantium.  The Byzantines initially referred to themselves as the Eastern Roman Empire.  They viewed themselves as a continuation of Rome, not something separate from it.  Turtledove correctly has the character refer to themselves, and their empire, as Roman.  In fact, by the time of the book, they've dropped the Eastern part of the name and just call themselves the Roman Empire.  Hey, they've reconquered Italy and Rome, along with North Africa, the Iberian Peninsula, and the southern coast of France.  

Also, the Byzantines used their own unique calendar call Etos Kosmou, meaning Era of the World in English.  They determined the year based not on the birth of Christ, but on the creation of the universe, or what they thought was the creation of the universe.  So, for example, 1315 AD would be 6824 in the Byzantine Calendar.  The stories were not individually published in chronological order, but thankfully the book arranges them chronologically.

Our first story is called "Eyes of Argos" and takes places in the year 1305 AD. Basil Argyros is an officer in the Byzantine Army station along the Danube boarder on the frontier of the empire.  The Jurchen Horde has been driven far to the west, and now they threaten the Byzantine Empire.  The Jurchens seem to have some sort of device that allows them to see over long distances.  Basil is going to have to go undercover to infiltrate the Jurchen Horde and uncover the secret of the strange device.  

Agent of Byzantium starts off strong with a great opening story.  This was very much Basil's origin story, and serves to set-up the future stories.  It is also an excellent story in its own right.  Interestingly, there was an actual historical figure named Basil Argyros in our history, but he was born in the 10th Century. The Basil Argyros of Agent of Byzantium was born in the 13th Century.  Also, the historical Argyros was a nobleman, while the fictional Argyros was a commoner born in the Balkans.  I'm almost certain that Turtledove named his character on purpose.  

Anyway, I liked how Argyros' wound up gaining some respect for the Jurchen and their culture.  He learns that, though the Jurchen venerate many spirits, they also believe in a god who is above the spirits.  There's a really great scene where he and a Jurchen shaman discuss the differences in their religious beliefs, and Argyros realizes that maybe the Jurchen aren't so different from the Byzantines after all.  All the same, he has a duty to his emperor and his empire to fulfill first and foremost.  The strange devise, as I'm sure you've figured out, is a telescope.  The way it is depicted is, I would say, realistic for the time period.  The title comes from how Argyros likens the telescope to the all-seeing eyes of Argos Panoptes from Greek Mythology. 

There's also the question of just what drove the Jurchen to Europe.  The Byzantines don't particularly care, but I'm curious.  They're presented as no different from any of the other invaders the Byzantines had to deal with such as the Huns, Magyars, Avars and Cumans.  There's also no mention of any Mongol invasion.  Did Genghis Khan fail to unite the Mongols?  Did the Chinese crush the Mongols?  Did the Mongols focus solely on Asia and ignore the West?  Or is it something else entirely?  We don't know, but it is fun to speculate.

True, Argyros does get kicked out of the army for his loose cannon behavior.  However, he gets promoted to a magistrianos, so it all works out in the end.  All in all, this story is a great start to Agent of Byzantium.

Our second story is entitled "Strange Eruptions" and takes place in 1307 AD.  Basil Argyros has been enjoying his new life as a magistrianos in Constantinople.  He has a beautiful wife named Helen and a baby boy named Sergios.  Things take a turn for the worse when the city finds itself in the midst of a smallpox epidemic.  Though he doesn't know it, the epedimic will change Argyros' life forever. 

I should have mentioned before, but each of the stories will almost always begin with Argyros thinking about St. Mouamet in some capacity.  In this story he does so when he notices a procession of presets chanting St. Mouamet's canticle.  The canticles are pretty obviously Koranic verses with the wording changed to reflect Christianity.  For example, one goes "Truly there is no god, but the Lord, and Christ is his son."  This is obviously a modification of "Truly there is no god but Allah, and Mohammad is his messenger.  Peace be onto him."  Also, apparently St. Mouamet's feast day is July 16th.    

From what we heard, St. Mouamet was the most zealous convert to Christianity since Paul.  Argyros loses Helen and Sergios to the epidemic, and he still mourns them even into the later stories.  Overall, their deaths are written well, but maybe could have been a bit better.  This is the only story where they are alive, so we don't get to know them very well.  Then again, Argyros has to travel as part of his work, so we might not necessarily have gotten more time with them.  However, because he has to run to the dairy farm to get milk for Sergios, Argyros inadvertently inoculates himself against smallpox.  This leads to the inadvertent discover of vaccines.  Many of the greats inventions happened totally by accident, so I find it very believable. 

Also, apparently Constantinople has dairy farms located within the city walls.  Was that something that happened in our history too?  Anyway, it is another solid addition to the collection.

The third story is entitled "Pillar of Cloud, Pillar of Fire" and takes place in 1309 AD.  Basil Argyros has been dispatched to Alexandria, Egypt.  The Pharos, also known as the Lighthouse of Alexandria, is being rebuilt.  However, construction has stalled because the works feel they are being overworked and underpaid, especially given how dangerous the work is.  Argyros will have to find some way to reconcile the two factions. 

Agent of Byzantium first came out in 1987, but did not include this story.  Thankfully, the second edition, which came out in 1994, corrected this.  Its kind of amusing that this story involves a strike and the invention of labor unions.  The first recorded strike in history occurred in Ancient Egypt in the year 1152 BC.  From this story we learn that certain heretical strains of Christianity have survived for long than they did in our world.  For example, many of the strikers are Monophysites, and it's mentioned that Nestorians are still running around in the eastern parts of the empire.  Personally, I don't blame the strikers for what they did.  I got vertigo just listening to the descriptions of the construction site.  

I know it's been two years since he lost them, but Argyros seems to have moved on from the death of his wife and child surprisingly well.  Well, he does briefly consider becoming a monk, but he decides the desires of the flesh are too strong for him to ignore.  That, and the rest of the stories wouldn't be nearly as interesting if he was a monk.  Though granted, he does seem to still somewhat being mourning them.  Perhaps he's done his best to bury himself in his work.  

Once again, a more than worthy addition to the collection.

The fourth story is entitled "Unholy Trinity" and takes place in 1315 AD.  The Franko-Saxon Kingdom has been getting into border skirmishes with the Byzantine Empire in the Pyrenees.  The Franko-Saxon have invented a highly combustible substance they call hellpowder, and use it to great effect.  Basil Argyros is going to have to go undercover to the Abbey of St. Gall, where it is rumored the Franko-Saxons produce the hellpowder.  He's also teaming up with some agents from the Kingdom of Angleland.  

There's a lot of great worldbuilding in this one as we glimpse the world outside the Byzantine Empire.  Apparently, the Norman Conquest never happened, since the Kingdom of Normandy was never founded.  As a result, Anglo-Saxons remain the dominate cultural force in England, but they've still managed to unite into a single political entity.  The world of Agent of Byzantium also had something akin to the Great Schism, but under much different circumstances.  After the Byzantines reconquered Italy, they deposed of the Pope, and replace him with a pope loyal to them.  The deposed pope fled to the Franko-Saxon Kingdom and set-up shop there.  The Byzantines consider the Franko-Saxon popes to be heretics.  The Byzantine Pope controls all the bishops of the western half of the empire, but he is subservient to the Patriarch of Constantinople.  

Also, it appears that the empire of Charlemagne managed stick together and avoid Balkanizing.  Well, it did that and eventually took to calling itself the Franko-Saxon Kingdom.  Though the absence of Normandy does make me wonder about how the Viking Age went in this world.  For that matter, did the Danelaw still happen in England?  In any event, I liked that the Byzantines and the Anglelanders teamed up for pragmatic reasons.  The Byzantines hope to one day bring the Angleland back into the empire, but Angleland would prefer to stay independent.  All the same, they have a common enemy in the Franko-Saxons.  The title refers to the trio of ingredients needed to make hellpowder.  

Once again, a more than worthy addition to the collection.

The fifth story is titled "Archetypes" and takes place in 1316 AD.  The Persian Empire has been spreading propaganda in the eastern provinces of the Byzantine Empire at an alarming rate.  They are encouraging Nestorians and Monophysites to breakaway and join Persia.  Basil Argyros is dispatched to the city of Daras in the province of Mesopotamia to investigate. 

This story is significant in that it is the first appearance of Mirrane.  She's an agent from Persia, and provides both challenge and intrigue for Argyros.  This wasn't a bad story, but it didn't quite hold my interest like the ones before it did.  I did like the concept of the printing press getting invented earlier.  The archetypes of the title are the clay letters used in the printing press.  I also found the scene where Argyros convinces his boss how useful the printing press to be amusing.  His boss, George Lakhanodrakon, is apparently writing an epic poem about Emperor Constans II's reconquest of Italy called the Italiad.  Well, not much more to say here, let's move on.

The sixth story is titled "Images" and takes place in 1317 AD.  There's trouble brew in Constantinople, and in the Byzantine Empire at large.  A group of Egyptian monks from Alexandria are preaching that icons are blasphemous and must be destroyed.  The population is sharply divided over the issue, and there's fighting in the streets.  Basil Argyros suspects that the Persians are plotting to show discord in Byzantium again.  It's going to take all of his wits and cunning to defeat the Iconoclasts. 

Iconoclasm was indeed something that happened in our world as well.  However, in our world the Byzantines decided in favor of iconoclasm, at least until they reversed the decision.  This was because Islam was slowly starting to influence the empire, though the Byzantines would never admit it.  So I found it believable that, in a world without Islam, there would be less support for iconoclasm.  And yes, the whole thing is caused by Mirrane trying to stir things up for the Persians.  Since much of the story involves ecumenical councils, we get more insight into this alternate Eastern Orthodox Church.  For example, apparently the Byzantines regard Pope Gregory the Great, also known as Gregory I, as more Gregory the So-So.  In particularly, they take umbrage to the fact that he spent so much time in Constantinople, and yet never learned how to speak Greek.  

This story was actually surprisingly enjoyable.  Who knew debates about church doctrine could be this much fun?  I liked Argyros' explanation for why the iconoclasts were wrong.  He argues that, if mortal materials aren't proper to portray the divine, then you might as well be saying that the incarnation never happened.  Argyros is certainly no slouch when it comes to debating theology.  After all, as he notes, theological debates are Constantinople's favorite pastime, after the Hippodrome races.  

A pleasant surprise of a story, and another worthy addition of the collection.

The final story is title "Superwine" and takes place in 1320 AD.  Basil Argyros is on assignment to the Kingdom of Alania.  He's posing as a merchant of a new drinking called superwine.  While there he bumps into the Persian agent Mirrane.  The two agents are going to have to put aside their differences and work together.  The king of Alania is planning on letting the Kyrgyz Horde through his lands so that they can reek havoc on Byzantium and Persia, and he can swoop in and pick up the scraps.  

This story didn't quite hold my attention like the previous stories did.  It started off good, but about halfway through I felt like it kind of ran out of steam.  That was a shame, as the second half of the story is where the action really picked up.  I did like the idea of Argyros and Mirrane having to put aside their differences to save their empires.  For those who don't know, Alania was a kingdom in the Caucasus Mountain founded by the Alan people.  Alania is strategically located as one of the few gateways through the Caucuses.  We also find out from this story that Byzantium and Persia have a mutual agreement to not persecute followers of each other's religions.  Zoroastrians can worship in Byzantium as long as Christians can worship in Persia, and vice versa.  

Well, I wasn't really intrigued by the last story, but maybe you'll like it better. 

I'd be remiss if I didn't discuss a story not included in this collection.  Turtledove also wrote a short story titled "Departures" that is a prequel to Agent of Byzantium.  It takes place 700 years before Agent of Byzantium and follows St. Mouamet during his time at a monastery in Syria.  Later in life he apparently traveled to Constantinople and went on to become an archbishop in Spain.  It is not included in the collection, and is the only story not to feature Basil Argyros as the protagonist.  Perhaps that's why it wasn't included, which is a shame in my opinion.  Oh well, maybe someday it will be. 

I'd also be remiss is I didn't talk about the long-awaited audiobook edition of Agent of Byzantium.  It is narrated by Tim Campbell, and he does an excellent job.  This audiobook was well worth the wait.  

There you have it.  Agent of Byzantium is a classic Harry Turtledove novel that was more than worth the wait.  I hope the Harry Turtledove audiobook gravy train doesn't slow down any time soon.  Well, I think that's enough from me for now.  I will see you all next time.   

Book Review: A Different Flesh by Harry Turtledove

I've discussed this before, but a plenty of times I really want to listen to a book, but it just won't be available for various reasons.  Of course, over the years, my patience has been rewarded in some very big ways.  Case in point, the book we're going to be reviewing today.  We're going to be taking a look at A Different Flesh by Harry Turtledove.  

A Different Flesh is a collection of short stories set in the same universe.  In the world of A Different Flesh, the ancestors of the Native Americans never crossed the Bering land bridge during the Ice Age.  However, Homo Erectus did cross into the Americas.  Thus, when the Europeans discover the Americas, they don't find any Native American civilizations, but they do find tribes of Homo Erectus, whom they refer to as sims.  Also, the Ice Age megafauna of the Americas never went extinct, so the Europeans also discover a land full of woolly mammoths, sabertooth cats, giant ground sloths, and giant armadillos among other things.  

The stories follow the history of the Federated Commonwealths of America, this world's equivalent of the United States of America.  Before the start of each story, the mood is set with an excerpt from a book about the history of the FCA.  It also provides great details about the history of this world that don't quite make it into the stories.  The excerpts also chronicle the relationship between humans and sims.  

We're going to take a look at each of the stories individually, but I'm going to give some overall thoughts first.  Well, I can most certainly say that this book was well worth the wait.  Harry Turtledove says that he got the idea for this series when he read an article by the late great paleontologist Stephen Jay Gould.  Gould pondered what might have happened if John Smith and the Jamestown colonists had discovered Australopithecus rather than Native Americans in Virginia.  Gould concluded that it would not have ended well for Australopithecus.  Turtledove certainly seems to have come to the same conclusion.  One thing I think he did well was that, though he wrote the sims as sympathetic, he never made them too anthropomorphized.  You can definitely see similarities between humans and sims, as is to be expected, but at the same time sims clearly act and think differently than humans. 

The first story is called "Vilest Beast" and is set in Jamestown, Virginia in the year 1610.  Without the Native Americans and their corn, the colonists are having an even hard time than they did in our world.  Despite this, Edward Wingfield and his wife Anne are making the best of things.  Things change when their infant daughter Joanna is kidnapped by a tribe of sims.  Edward must lead a search party to get her back. 

Given what inspired these stories, it's fitting that the first should take place in Jamestown.  Speaking which, we learn how things went with John Smith and the Sims.  It ended badly...for John Smith.  Apparently, the sims killed him in 1607, and his death was a considerable blow to the moral of the colony.  Overall, I would say the way Turtledove portrays the sims still holds up based on what we know about Homo Erectus.  There's never called Homo Erectus in any of the stories, but Turtledove has confirmed this is the case in interviews.  Also, the excerpt from the text book mentions that sim fossils have been discovered in East Africa, South China, and the island of Java.  All of which are places Homo Erectus fossils have been found.  

It might come across as a bit silly that they're called sims, but how was Turtledove to know that there would one day be a video game called The Sims?  These stories were written between 1985-1988, with A Different Flesh being published in 1988.  I'm guessing it was intended to be short for simians, or something like that.  

Also, fun fact, Edward Wingfield was a real person who existed in our world.  I've got to admit, this story hooked me from the start.  I've always been fascinated by the colonization of the Americas, especially the different ways it often plays out in alternate history.  I'm also a big paleontology fan, so this story was kind of a match made in heaven.  Really, the whole book was kind of like that.  I found it realistic that the colonist struggled more without corn to supplement their diets.  It can't be stressed enough what a difference corn made to the early colonization of the Americas.  Curiously, later stories make mention of a colony in Massachusetts, which is called Plymouth in this world because Massachusetts got its name from the Native Americans.  Obviously, this means the Pilgrims still happened, but without any corn they would have been completely screwed. 

Anyway, I loved how the story resolves.  Turns out the sims took Joanna because they wanted to learn more about the colonists by studying one of their young.  By all accounts, the sims treated Joanna no differently than one of their own young.  Edward spends most of the story viewing the sims as nothing more than wild animals, but after this, he starts to realize they aren't so different.  He even briefly worries about what's going to happen to the sims as the European continue to colonize the New World.  All in all, "Vilest Beast" is a great start to the collection. 

The next story is called "And So To Bed".  It is set in 1661 and is told in the form of the diary of Samuel Pepys.  He's a figure from our world, a great English statesman, and the Pepys of our world is indeed famous for his diary.  In the world of A Different Flesh, however, Pepys' diary holds a different significance.  He notes that there is a clear link between chimps, Sims and humans.  He wonders if there's some process that slowly changes life over time. 

This was one of the weaker stories, but it has some interesting ideas.  It makes sense that the Theory of Evolution was developed earlier.  Sims are an obvious link between humans and animals.  It was also fun to learn about a historical figure I'd never heard of before.  Well, anyway, moving right along. 

The third story is titled "Around the Salt Lick".  It takes place in the year 1691 and follows a scout named Thomas Kenton and his loyal sim companion Charles.  Thomas is hunting spearfang cats for their valuable fangs.  Spearfang cats have gotten a bit rare in Virginia, so Thomas and Charles have had to push into the frontier to find the bounty.  However, things get a bit complicated when they come into conflict with a tribe of wild sims.  

This one was maybe not my favorite, but not too bad either.  I did find it funny at the end where Charles turns out to be snobby towards wild sims.  He views them much the same as humans do.  We learn that sims can communicate via sign language, but not vocal speech.  The excerpt from the history book provides more worldbuilding hints.  Apparently, England adopted the Divine Right of Kings model of government.  People who objected to this moved to America in droves.  This would suggest that the English Civil War never happened in this world.  Well, that or maybe the Royalist won.  Also, apparently Spain had a much harder time colonizing the New World without the Aztec and Inca to conquer.  By the time of "Around the Salt Lick" they've only got two successful colonies: Argentina and New Grenada. 

Argentina makes sense, because it has a fairly European climate, but New Grenada?  That was in Colombia, Venezuela and Ecuador in our world.  Unless it was somewhere else, that makes a bit less sense, especially since it is said Spain struggled to colonize the tropics without any corn.  Also, without Aztec and Incan gold and silver, Spain would have a harder time financing their wars in Europe.  That would potentially mean the European History took some very different turns.  Of course, that might explain what happened in England.  Turtledove is mostly focused on stories about the sims, but he's certainly lead tantalizing hints at a wider world.

The fourth story is titled "The Iron Elephant" and is set in 1782.  Hairy elephants play a major role in the Federated Commonwealths of America.  They haul passenger carriages and freight cars all across the nation.  However, this time-honored institution is facing competition from the new invention of steam-powered locomotives.  A race has been organized between a team of mammoth drivers and a train engineer.  Can flesh and blood triumph over iron and steam?  

Yeah, this one is sort of an alternate history retelling of the legend of John Henry.  John Henry is my favorite American Folk Hero, so I'm not complaining.   We get even more worldbuilding here.  Apparently, in order to tame the wooly mammoths, America started importing elephant trainers from India.  The protagonist of the story, Premier Chand, is descended from these.  Also, the Federated Commonwealths got their independence in 1732, so the American Revolution happened earlier.  This story appear to be set in Illinois based on mention of Cairo (pronounced Kay-Roe) and the New Nile is obviously the Mississippi River.  Again, no Native Americans, so it isn't called Illinois.  I guess that means Chicago, if it exists, is named something else as well.  It's kind of amazing how many places in America get their names from the Native Americans.  

As fascinating as the world of A Different Flesh is, not sure I'd wanted to live there.  True, I'd get to see all sorts of Ice Age animals, but it would be a poorer world without the richness of Native American culture.  Also, I have a small amount of Native American ancestry, so I would not exist in the world of A Different Flesh.  

It's interesting that this story features sims the least of all the stories in the collection.  Oh, but they're not absent from this story.  The sims appear towards the end of the story, and they're are the ones who get the last laugh in the big race.  Without giving too much away, I can say it shows that sims are smarter than they are given credit for.  "The Iron Elephant" is another great story in the collection. 

The fifth story is titled "Though Heavens Fall" and takes places in 1804.  From the textbook excerpt we learn that Americans used sims as laborers on plantations and farms.  This blunted the Transatlantic Slave Trade to a large extent, but didn't completely prevent it.  Africans were brought to America as slaves, but most of them wound up as house slaves.  Sims make terrible housekeepers, apparently.  The story follows a slave named Jeremiah.  He's got a pretty good life on the Gillen plantation in Virginia.  Still, he dreams of the day he saves up enough money to buy his freedom.  Unfortunately, the sims have recently come down with an illness, and Jeremiah gets sends to the fields to supplement the work force.  After a day of hard labor he decides to make a run for it try his luck in Portsmouth, Virginia.  He takes up residence with lawyer Alfred Douglas, and together they set out to put the institution of slavery on trial.  The outcome of the trail will impact not just Jeremiah, but Black Americans as a whole.

I think this was possibly my favorite story of the bunch.  Well, "Vilest Beast" was pretty good too, but it is tied with "Though Heavens Fall".  I think the way slavery was depicted made sense.  Slavery has existed as far back as Ancient Mesopotamia, and I don't think sims would completely element it.  The Greeks and Romans believed in human-like creatures such satyrs, cyclopes, and centaurs, yet they still had slavery.  Still, as is noted in the story, people would have to recognize that a white person has far more in common with a black person than with a sim.  

Even before the trails you can kind of see that the characters have kind of figured this out.  Mr. Gillen treats Jeremiah almost like an employee rather than a slave, and seems almost apologetic when he has to send Jeremiah to the fields.  Still, the overseer makes it clear that he has nothing but contempt for Jeremiah, and black people as a whole.  Moreover, Jeremiah is under no delusions that he is anything other than a slave.  On the flip side, I enjoyed how Jeremiah and Alfred's relationship developed.  They start off as employee and employer, but soon develop a genuine friendship with one another. 

We also get a glimpse into the legal and political system of the Federated Commonwealths.  Apparently, courts use three judges, one senior judge and two junior judges, for trials.  Two of the three judges must agree for a verdict to pass.  Also, the government of the Federated Commonwealths is bi-cameral legislature divided into the Popular Assembly and the Senate.  Popular Assembly is directly elected by the people, while the Senate is made of former governors and censors who serve lifetime terms.  At the top of the government are the two censors.  They are elected by the people and serve a single five-year term.  The thinking is that they'll keep each other in check, especially if they're from opposing parities.  As you can see, the Conscript Fathers of the Federated Commonwealths modeled the nation very closely on the Roman Republic.  

I also noticed some similarities to British Parliament, but that makes sense.  We know that America got a lot of political refugees after England adopted the Divine Right of Kings.  That means that ideas of parliamentary government were floating around in America.  Some of those ideas probably got incorporated into the fabric of the Federated Commonwealths.  It also turns out that sims can speak, but it takes a considerable amount of effort, and they can only say like one or two simple words at a time.  This is why they use sign language.  

There's a really great scene at the end where Jeremiah is mean to sim that bumps into him on the street.  He knows he's being kind of a dick, but he also knows that blacks would be at the bottom of society if the sims didn't exist.  All in all, a really great addition to A Different Flesh.

The penultimate story is titled "Trapping Run".  It is set in the Rocky Mountains in 1814 and follows a trapper named Henry Quick.  During a trapping run he gets attacked by a bear, but fortunately, a tribe of sims find him and nurse him back to health.  Quick has always though to the sims as nothing more than animals, but spending so much time with them allows Quick to see them as something almost human. 

This one took me a but to get into, but I did enjoy it once it took off.  I guess you could say that Quick was really having some Dances with Sims after his leg healed.  Also, from this story we learn that sims and humans can indeed have hybrid children.  I really did enjoy how Quick came to view the sims as more human as the story went on.  He apparently goes on to become the founder of the Sims Justice Movement.  As we learn in the next story, Henry Quick became quite famous among the sims because of this.  Well, I think that's enough for this one, let's move on.

The final story is called "Freedom" and is set in 1988.  Over the years, sims have been used in all sorts of scientific research, including AIDS research.  The story follows a sim named Matt.  He's a teat subject at the AIDS research center in Terminus, Georgia.  Overall, he's got a pretty cushy life with plenty of food, females, and regular injections of HIV inhibitor than suppress his symptoms and make him feel like he doesn't have HIV at all.  Maybe he's not technically free, but he's not complaining.  However, a group of sims rights activists disagrees and decide to kidnap him to set him free.  Of course, as they soon discover, this is easier said than done. 

The collection began on a strong note, and it certainly ends on a strong note as well.  A recusing theme throughout A Different Flesh is about what it means to be humans.  Sims are far more intelligent than most animals, but aren't quite at human levels of intelligence.  This certainly creates a moral conundrum about their place in society.  Even the sims rights activists acknowledge that sims will never, for example, be elected to public office.  Before we get to anything else, let's address the city name.  Terminus is the A Different Flesh version of Atlanta, Georgia.  It might seem odd that this is the case, given that Atlanta is from Classic Mythology, and wouldn’t be impacted by the lack of Native Americans.  However, Terminus was indeed the original name of the city.  It was changed in 1732, when the colonial governor of Georgia renamed the city after his daughter.  We know that the alternate American Revolution happened in 1732, or else that’s when America officially became independent.  So, that means the rename never happened.  That, or the Americans refused to acknowledge the name change. 

Anyway, the Sims Rights activists kind of reminded me of certain more extreme animal rights groups.  I'm talking PETA and their ilk.  Given that this was written in 1988, I can't help but wonder if Turtledove had that in mind.  The activist are certainly well intentioned, but they clearly didn't think things through, and you know what they say about the road to hell.  They have a hard time convincing Matt not to have sex with other sims, lest he give them HIV, and they don't bring nearly enough HIV inhibitor.  So, in the end, they have to return him to the AIDS research center. 

From the excerpt we learn that sims were used as slave labor in factories, and that many displaced factory workers lead sims rights movements.  However, they did this less because they cared about sims, and more because they didn't like that the sims were taking their jobs.  It's interesting that they helped the sims, but not necessarily for altruistic reasons.  Also, apparently the FCA equivalent of NASA used sims to test their spacecrafts.  

Another theme in this story is about how a freedom is relative and subjective.  The activist think they're freeing Matt, but they're way more restrictive and stifling than the institute ever was.  In the end, Matt's happy to return to the institute.  I especially liked the end where the other sims ask him what it was like outside.  He says that it isn't like on TV, and that the activist are like all the other humans; they only care about sims when it serves their personal goals. The story ends on a bittersweet note.  Matt is happy and back home, but the future of sims remains uncertain.  True, it is mentioned that there are three major reserves the size of moderate sized states, but the sims are also losing their habitats to development and the continued encroachment of humans.  And, as mentioned, there's the question of just how do that fit into society.  Both issues have been pretty consistent across all the stories, and I guess it just goes to show that, the more things change, the more they stay the same. 

Ending on a bittersweet note seems pretty realistic to me.  A lot of times, bittersweet is the best you can hope for in real life.  But hey, that's history for you.  

Before we wrap things up I've got to talk about the audiobook edition that is here at long last.  It is narrated by Paul Woodson.  He's equally adept at pulling off both British and American accents.  I also closed how he gave the sims a distinct accent of their own.  What can I say?  The audiobook was worth the wait.  

Well, I think that does it for this review.  I absolutely loved A Different Flesh, and I hope that more classic Harry Turtledove novels get their audiobooks.  Hey, we've already got Agent of Byzantium and The Case of the Toxic Spell Dump, things are really looking up for alternate history audiobook lovers.  And yes, my review of Agent of Byzantium will be here before you know it.  

For now, however, I will see you all next time.  

Flag of the Kingdom of Mongolia

This is the flag of the Kingdom of Mongolia.  It comes from a world where China successfully repelled the Mongols early on.  As a result, the Mongol Empire never came to be.  The Mongols continued to be pushed farther and farther west until they arrived in Eastern Europe.  Eventually, they settled around where Romania and southern Poland are in our world.  Thus, the Kingdom of Mongolia was born.  The Mongols were frequently visited by Byzantine missionaries, and the Mongolian Orthodox Church is the official state religion.  The Byzantine Empire also remains a major trading partner for Mongolia.  In more peculiar alliances, Mongolia is also a major ally of the tiny mountainous nation of Neo Hellas, the final remnant of pagan Greece.  

The coming of the Mongols altered the migration patterns of several other peoples.  For example, the Bulgars settled in Russia, establishing the Czardom of Bulgaria.  Meanwhile, several Germanic tribes invaded Greece, and Byzantium is currently ruled by a Germanic dynasty.  Islam was still founded, but it never expanded beyond the Arabian Peninsula.  

In terms of bad relations, Mongolia has always had a very tense relationship with the Franco-Saxon Kingdom.  Throughout the years the Franco-Saxons have repeatedly attempted to conquer the Mongolians.  Even after all these years, Mongolia remains bitter about the Franco-Saxon invasion that occurred during the Second Great Patriotic War.  Despite this, in more recent times there has been increasing emphasis on moving on and letting go of the past.  Younger generations in particular are more likely to support reconciliation between the two nations.  

Mongolia takes pride in its dual mature of East Asian heritage and Eastern European culture.  The flag reflects this dual heritage.  The blue recalls both the cloak of the Virgin Mary and the eternal blue sky of the Tengrism.  The horse symbolizes the nomadic past of the Mongolian people, before they settled in Eastern Europe.  The cross represents the Mongolian Orthodox Church, with the flame representing the flames of Pentecost.  The interlocking circles halves represent the dual nature of the Mongolian people.  The golden bands represent the hope that the Mongolian people will always prosper no matter what life throws at them.  They also help to offset the blue on the main body of the flag.  

Riordan Retrospective: The Dark Prophecy

Welcome once again to the Riordan Retrospective.  For those of you just joining the fun, this is my look back at the works of Rick Riordan.  That means we're taking a look at Percy Jackson, its sequel series and its spin-off series.  This is less of a formal review, and more of a look back, along with my thoughts and observations.  Last time we took a look back at The Hammer of Thor, the absolute rock bottom of both the Magnus Chase series and Rick Riordan's writing career.  This time, we're returning to The Trials of Apollo for a much, much better written book.  We're taking a look back at The Dark Prophecy, The Trials of Apollo book 2.  Let's kick things off with a brief summary.

Apollo is on a quest to restore his godhood by restoring the sources of prophecy.  He and his companions Leo Valdez and Calypso have arrived in Indianapolis, Indiana.  Apollo needs to restore the Oracle of Trophonius, but that's easier said than done.  Our trio of heroes will find danger around every corner as they try to outsmart the second member of the Triumvirate.  However, they'll also find new friends and allies in unexpected places.  Being a depowered god isn't easy, but Apollo will get by with a little help from his friends.

As per usual, there will be spoilers beyond this point, so turn back now if you don't want any of that.  

As I've mentioned before, it really feels like The Trials of Apollo was written to address the criticisms of The Heroes of Olympus.  For starters, Leo is far less annoying and overall it feels like he's been considerably toned down.  It almost redeemed him to me.  Almost, but not quite.  I also like how Leo and Calypso's relationship felt a bit more realistic.  They get into more fights and disagreements, and it was always a joy to reading about Calypso hitting Leo.  One of the big causes of friction with Calypso and Leo is that Calypso has lost her magic after leaving Ogygia.  Yeah, I'd probably be pissed too in that situation.  Though, I will say I have to take issue with Calypso's dream of going to high school.  

Seriously?  After thousands of years Calypso is finally free, the world is her oyster, and her big dream is to go to high school?  She seems to forget high school is...well, school.  There's test, grades, projects and shit.  You don't spend all day goofing around with your friends.  Also, high schools have bullies, just saying.  Something tells me that she's going to be thinking "you know, comparatively speaking, this shithole is more of a prison that Ogygia ever was." 

Yeah, Calypso clearly has an overly romanticized view of high school.  Let's put a pin in that concept, it will be important when we get to The Burning Maze.  Anyway, continuing on with the theme of minimalism, this book is set entirely in the city of Indianapolis.  Once again, Riordan tells a compelling story without it ever feeling claustrophobic.  I also really loved that we finally get some older demigods playing a role in the story.  Well, technically speaking, Hemithea is a legacy of Dionysus and a former minor goddess, but the point still stands.  Hey, Josephine is a daughter of Hecate, which is nice in itself.  Good to see the children of the minor gods getting more representation.   Emmie and Jo live in a magical building called the Waystation, a refuge for demigods and other magical beings.  The Waystation is bigger on the inside than outside, and thus we must conclude that Emmie and Jo are Time Lords, and Waystation is their TARDIS...nah, I'm just being silly. 

On a more serious note, Emmie and Jo also teach us quite a bit about how the Hunters of Artemis work.  Apparently, when Artemis said no romance, she meant it.  Gay romance is just as off-limits as straight romance in the Hunters. Well, that's the opposite of what I figured.  I always pegged the Hunters as the type to have nightly lesbian orgies, but I guess I was wrong.  It also appears that, upon leaving the Hunters, the former Hunters resuming aging at a normal rate.  Their clocks become unpaused, as it were.  I'll add that one thing I liked about Jo is that she shows the potential creativity and flexibility demigods have with their powers.  She's a daughter of Hecate, but her specialty is magical technology.  As such, she makes all kinds of lovely magical machines to rival anything a child of Hephaestus might craft. 

Also, Emmie and Jo are well written LGBT characters, unlike a certain green-haired sociopath hailing from the Magnus Chase series.  I'm just saying, it's pretty clear that Rick knows how to write gay and bisexual characters, but he's pretty clueless about transgender characters.  Also, just a thought, but Rick says that the reason his leads tend to be dudes are because he's a dude, and that's his experience.  Now consider that Apollo is a bisexual...hey, Uncle Rick?  Is there something you'd like to share with the class?  On the other hand, Rick isn't black like Carter, or a girl like Sadie, so I suppose that pokes a hole in that theory.  

Among notable monsters, this book sees the blemmyae make an appearance.  They're those creatures that look like people with faces in the center of their chests.  I found the way they were described amusing, as Apollo make them sound like monsters off of an episode of Power Rangers.  Marco Polo claimed to have encountered blemmyae on his famous journey to China.  Hmm, I wonder if Marco Polo was a demigod in the Riordanverse?  

Among the new gods to appear, Britimartis was interesting.  She used to be the Minoan goddess of the hunt, but now is the Greek goddess of nets and traps.  There are scholars who believe that Britimartis was a pre-existing goddess who got incorporated into the Greek Pantheon.  Of course, we know basically nothing about the Minoans, since we have no Minoan version of the Rosetta Stone, so who knows?  Headless Agamethus and his magic eight ball were fun too. 

Now let's talk about the second member of the Triumvirate.  We know that Nero is emperor one, and pretty much everyone called Caligula as emperor number three, but there was a lot of speculation about emperor two.  I'd floated around the idea that it might be Commodus, and it appears I was right.  I'd actually been a bit hesitant about pinning Commodus as number two.  Few would argue that Commodus wasn't an incompetent emperor, but it might be a bit of stretch to say he was as evil as Nero and Caligula.  Commodus was, basically, a spoiled trust-fund kid.  He was more interested in living it up and partying than he was in governing Rome.  He also loved to dress us as Hercules, hence his nickname The New Hercules.  To put it into perspective how ridiculous that is, imagine if the president of the Untied States insisted on giving speeches while dressed as Superman or Captain America. 

I will say that I give props to Riordan for including how Commodus died.  He was indeed drowned in a bath.  Though, in the Riordanverse, it was his lover Apollo that did him in.  That's one of the things the film Gladiator gets wrong, though to be fair, it would be hard to make that an emotionally dramatic scene.  Also, Commodus did not kill his father Marcus Aurelius, and there was no movement to make Rome a republic again.  Gladiator plays fast and loss with history, but it's still an enjoyable and well-made film.  While not completely historically accurate, it captures the feeling of what it was like to live in the Roman Empire well.  Perhaps I'll give it a proper review at some point.  Well, that aside over, back to the retrospective.

You know, it gets me thinking, what if there's a good counterpart to Triumvirate Holdings?  If the bad emperors are running around, it stands to reason that there are the good ones somewhere out there.  Maybe they could be emperors with connections to the Triumvirate?  Obvious, Marcus Aurelius for Commodus, and Claudius for Caligula.  He was Caligula's uncle, and is widely considered the smartest of the emperors.  For Nero, perhaps Augustus?  Julius Caesar wasn't emperor, but maybe he could appear too?  Titus and Tiberius might also make good candidates.  

We also get some excellent worldbuilding in this book.  We know that Chinese Mythology is real, as Apollo mentions nearly hitting a Chinese dragon with his sun chariot one time.  Then we meet Olujime from Nigeria.  He's clearly got a connection to the Yoruba orishas, meaning Yoruba Mythology is true.  Specifically, he's got some kind of connection to Shango, orisha of thunder.  Orisha's are basically the same things as gods, just a matter of semantics.  Shango is associated with black and red, as is Jaime.  Shango's symbol is the double headed axe, which Jamie fights with.  Jaime also has lighting powers, and as mentioned, Shango is god of thunder.  Shango is also believed to possibly be an inspiration for the American folk hero John Henry.  Oh course, John Henry was real in the Riordanverse, but he was a son of Thor.  Yet another mark against Magnus Chase, but I digress.   

It's a damn shame that Rick isn't going to be tackling non-Western mythologies.  He's clearly got a passion and knowledge in them, much as he'd like to deny that.  Of course, just look at how many books he's written as it is.  My theory on why the Rick Riordan Presents imprint came about is that Rick is getting worn out from all the writing, and knows it was this or hiring ghost writers to keep up with demand.  The fact that it gave him an opportunity to virtue signal about promoting minority writers just happened to be a nice bonus.  Like I said, just speculation on my part. 

The scene where Apollo loses his memories when going to the Oracle of Trophonius was fun.  Rick should have his characters get high more often. Also, note that he destroys Trophonius, rather than restoring him.  I can't help but wonder if that's going to have significance in the future books of the trilogy.    Also, yay, Thalia is back.  I was a bit disappointed that she didn't play a bigger role, but I'll take what I can get.  It would have been nice if Artemis had appeared to, but maybe in the future books.  In other small, but by no means insignificant appearances, Grover is back!  He's back at last!  Of course, we'll talk more about him when we get to The Burning Maze.  

Now then, let's analyze the cover.  The see Apollo riding on a griffin along with...well, I'm not entirely sure.  My impulse is to say Calypso, but the Hunters of Artemis jacket is throwing me for a loop.  We also see war ostriches wearing Imperial German pickelhaube.  I just knew I was in for a good time when I saw this book cover.  Robbie Daymond continues doing excellent work as narrator of the audiobook version.  

Well, that should do it for this retrospective.  I know I've said it before, but I'm glad to have all of you along for the ride with me.  It was nice to do one of a book I enjoyed.  I bring this up because next time we're heading back to Magnus Chase for another bad book beat down.  Join me again next time when we take a look back at The Ship of the Dead.  I will see you all next time.