Marnie is a witch who lives in a cave at the edge of the village. She’s not really evil, just kind of a mess. She’s still single even though she’s in her thirties, and that certainly won’t do. At least, that’s what everyone in her life keeps telling her. We’ll follow Marnie as she goes on blind dates, deals with nosy friends and relatives, and tries to decide if she even wants a romantic partner.
I was approached to review this audio drama by series creator Yasmine Alice. She personally emailed me. Now, I’m a bit wary about giving my email address to strangers on the internet. But there are a few places you can find it. Such as the critics list on GreatPods, or on the Residents of Proserpina Park cast page. I’m guessing the former is how Yasmine found me. But I’m willing to give it out to those who ask. You can always reach out to me on BlueSky, Reddit, or Instagram. Or leave a comment on one of my review posts.
Yasmine has founded her own media company called Baset Productions. An obvious nod to the cat goddess from Egyptian Mythology. As someone who named his own audio drama after Thoth, the god of wisdom in Egyptian Mythology, I approve. Yasmine hopes that Witch, Please! will be the first of many audio drama productions. Though, her biggest dream is to voice act in a cartoon. Yasmine has eleven years of experience providing narration for commercials and audiobooks.
Yasmine pitched the show to me by explaining that Witch, Please! was inspired by her own experiences. She had to deal with well meaning, but severely misguided, friends and family. They all assumed she was depressed and miserable due to being an unmarried woman in her thirties. She comes from a Middle Eastern family, so she excepted their objections. Though, not so much the objections of her supposedly modern and progressive friends. However, let the record state that Yasmine is now in a stable and happy relationship.
Witch, Please! kind of reminded me, in terms of tone, of Shrek! by William Steig. Yes, Shrek was in fact a picture book before it became a movie. In the book, Shrek is every bit as evil as people claim. However, ogres have a bad is good, and good is bad, sort of morality. So, Shrek is actually acting morally by his species standards. And he’s incredibly entertaining. That’s the impression I get with Marnie. She swears in the name of Satan, makes weird potions, collects toenail clippings and bat wings. However, those are all things that come naturally to witches, and Marnie doesn’t seem like a bad person. She just wants to be left alone to do her own thing.
On the other hand, she does go on a date with a warlock, who is appalled that she isn’t actively trying to summon the devil. Apparently, this is the goal of all witches and warlocks, at least according to him.
Marnie’s best friend is a fellow witch named Rosamund. She is voiced by Lucy Wordsworth. Rosamund is constantly chipper and upbeat, and seems determined to get on Marnie’s last nerve. Though, that last part is probably because she constantly tries to set Marnie up on blind dates with…less than stellar men.
I should mention that Witch, Please! is only four episodes long, and clocks in at about thirty-two minutes. So, the characters are more archetypes, rather than fully fleshed out characters. Presumably, had it been longer, we might get more insight into why Marnie and Rosamund are friends. And if Marnie even has other friends, give that Rosamund is the only one ever mentioned.
In many ways, Witch, Please! is a subversion of the typical rom com formula. You’ve got the jaded heroine who has given up on love, the bubbly best friend, the nosy relatives, the bad dates. However, in this audio drama our jaded heroine throws up her hands and says “Screw this!” to the whole affair. She never finds her Prince Charming, and that’s okay. I particularly liked when she’s getting ready for her date with the warlock. She actually combs her hair for once, puts on a nice dress and lipstick, and…laughs to herself about all the great casual sex that is surely on the way.
Though, I will say there is an alternate solution to Marnie’s problems. It is mentioned that they sell slaves at the village market. So, why doesn’t Marnie buy a slave, and get him to pretend to be her boyfriend? Hmm, on the other hand, perhaps actively engaging in slavery would be too horrible even for a witch like Marnie.
Shifting gears, Marnie is described as unkempt and perhaps a little frumpy. However, if the series title card is anything to go off of, she isn’t that bad looking. In fact, some might say she’s kind of cute. And it isn’t her being self-conscious. The other characters frequently have to remind her to comb her hair.
There is a narrator who describes the set-up of each scene for us. He is voiced by Morrison James. The narrator gives Witch, Please! a lighthearted sitcom feel to it. That said, there were a couple times I felt the narrator was a bit superfluous. Like, there were certain scenes where I could easily figure out what was going on just based on the dialogue and sound effects.
Witch, Please is pretty clearly a first attempt at making audio drama. However, for a first attempt, it is well executed. The music and sound effects are on point. The voice acting is excellent for the most part. My only complaint was that the series felt a little too short for its own good. Maybe if it were just a little longer, we could flesh out the characters more, and they’d feel less like just archetypes. Also, knowing that Yasmine wants to get into cartoons, part of me wonders if this series might be something of a pitch reel to potential investors.
Now, I would like to take a moment to talk about the ending. As such, there will be spoilers. So, this is your chance to get off the ride.
Last chance, you sure you want to keep going?
If everyone who wants off is out, then let’s get into it.
So, during Marnie’s date with the warlock, he demonstrates a necromancy spell. Marnie halfheartedly copies it, but screws up the incantation. This caused a tombstone to explode, and a chunk lodges in the warlock’s head, killing him instantly. I kind of figured that Marnie wasn’t going to find Mr. Right by the end of the series. That was just the direction the show was heading. But I certainly wasn’t expecting her to murder one of her suitors. Well, it was an accident, so that makes it manslaughter, but still. So, we end with Marnie wiping the warlock’s splattered brains off her dress, and fretting about where to hide the body.
Like I said, I wasn’t expecting it, but I loved it. Until then, the series had been a decent, if a bit predictable, rom com subversion. After I listened to the ending, I thought “Now that’s how you end a series like this!” The ending is a big part of why I wish that Witch, Please! had a few more episodes to its name. It felt like the series was really hitting its stride and finding its footing.
It doesn’t look like we’ll be getting any more episodes of Witch, Please! However, I feel that Yasmine Alice had proven herself capable of creating audio dramas. And I eagerly await to see what she’s going to cook up for us next.
So, there you have it. Witch, Please! is a semi-autobiographical fantasy non-rom-com. It flows a witch who just wants to do her own thing, and it ends with quite a bang. If you’re looking for a bite-sized audio drama, you can’t go wrong here.
Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.
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