The Books of Thoth: Starshot

The second episode of my audio drama anthology The Books of Thoth is here. It is titled “Starshot.” 

A fleet of alien space probes enter the night sky. But this is not our sky, and the probes are from Earth. A scientist from Alpha Centauri studies the probes aboard a space station. What will the scientist discover about their place in the universe?

A big thank you to Angela Yih for performing this episode. Be sure to listen to her audio drama Residents of Proserpina Park, if you haven’t done so already. You guys should know by now how much I love Residents of Proserpina Park. So, it was awesome to have Angela as part of The Books of Thoth.

What I wanted to do with “Starshot” is tell a story of First Contact between humanity and extraterrestrials, but from the perspective of the aliens. I wanted it to be hopeful and optimistic. Where the aliens are looking for a friend amidst the darkness, just like humanity is.

The title is a reference to Breakthrough Starshot. It is an proposed space mission to send a series of probes, via solar sail, to Alpha Centauri. It would take between 20-30 year, plus an additional four years for any messages from the probes to reach Earth. Hundreds of probes would initially be launched, with most being lost along the way due to collisions with interstellar dust and other debris. But, hopefully, a lucky few would survive the journey across the ebon sea. Pictures and/or video from another star? Now there’s a thought.

I also attempted to answer the question of the Fermi Paradox. That is, if the universe is so big, where’s all the alien. Perhaps they are in the same boat as us. Advanced enough to wonder who’s out there, but not advanced enough to initiate significant contact. Perhaps it is only just now that intelligent life has finally evolved in the universe. I suppose they would make a kind of sense. Look how long it took for intelligent life to evolve on Earth. Well, intelligent as we define it, anyway.

I wanted to evoke the feelings of wonder and frustration from archeology. Especially with regards to civilizations where we have yet to translate their languages such as the Minoans or the Indus Valley Civilization. I suppose that makes the protagonist a xenoarcheologist.

Still, that isn’t to say you can’t find at least some meaning. Even if it wasn’t the kind you were initially looking for. So, I wanted the story to end with a sense of awe and wonder. With the feeling the the universe is so much bigger, and isn’t that great?

But most of all, I hope that all of you enjoy “Starshot.” I kind of rushed this one so I could get it out before Christmas and New Year’s. It is a bit more low-key than my previous episode, “Paleontology Conference” was. But I felt Starshot was a very personal, intimate sort of story, and it didn’t need as many bells and whistles. And hey, we got some nice music to listen to along the way.

You can listen to The Books of Thoth on your podcast platform of choice. 

The Books of Thoth: My First Foray into Audio Drama Production

I’m back with another update post, and this one is an especially big update. You see, I’ve finally done it. I have officially launched my audio drama anthology podcast The Books of Thoth.

We’re kicking things off with “Paleontology Conference.” million years in the future. Humans are extinct and squids rule the Earth. They only know us from the fossils we leave behind. What will the squids make of us?

As you might guess, The Future is Wild was a big inspiration for this episode. I blame that show for igniting my love of terrestrial cephalopods. The part where the narrator speculates about the Squibbons developing their own civilization always sparked my imagination. The All Todays segment of the book All Yesterdays was another big inspiration. I love the way it pokes fun at how our notions of prehistoric animals sometimes turn out to be very wrong. You do get some references to how our views on prehistoric animals have changed. The part where the professor mentions chordates used to be viewed as slow and lumbering, but then were viewed as active and dynamic? That was almost word-for-word how our views of dinosaurs changed over the years. And there’s a few more in-jokes if you’re paying attention for them.

A bit about where the title for the podcast came from. Thoth is the god of wisdom, writing, and magic in Egyptian Mythology. He possessed an ultimate book of spells known as the Book of Thoth. Among other things, it had spells that could enable you to speak the language of animals, restore the dead to life, and peer through the layers of reality and gaze upon the gods themselves. Thoth acted as scribe of the gods, and he’s probably written quite a few scrolls in his time. And those scrolls are bound to have some pretty good stories within them.

The Books of Thoth has been a long time coming. I’m both nervous and excited. I admit that maybe there were a few things I could have tweaked. But after a certain point, perfect becomes the enemy of good. And so, I decided to release my audio drama into the wild for all to enjoy.

A big thank you to everyone who made this episode possible. Thank you to Marnie Warner, Amy Young, Faye Holliday, Juan Cruz III, Tiffany Perdue, and Melissa Bowens for providing the voices. As well as my thanks to Geno Samuel for providing the opening narration. And to Nadine Trollip, aka Stardust-Phantom, for providing the series cover art.

The Books of Thoth is hosted on RedCricle, and you can find it on all major podcast platforms. Including, but not limited to, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeart, Podcast Addict, Amazon Music, Player.FM, Audible, TuneIn, RadioPublic, Apollo Podcasts, and Goodpods. And yes, I do have transcripts available.

It hopefully won’t be too long before I have more episodes for your listening pleasure. But in the meantime, I do hope that you enjoy the inaugural episode of The Books of Thoth.

AlloAmericana, Sea Lion Press Interview, and Kill FM 2

It has been a while since I’ve done one of these life update posts. However, I’ve had many major developments happen. Several of these are well overdue. So, let’s get straight into it.

The first item on the agenda. I have had a short story published in an alternate history anthology. So, I’m in the Alternate History Online group on Facebook. I saw a post by my pal Alexander Wallace. He was calling for submission for an anthology he was putting together for Sea Lion Press. They are an independent publishing house specializing in alternate history. The collection is called AlloAmericana, and it focuses on folklore and legends from alternate versions of America. You better believe I jumped at the opportunity to be part of something like that.

My story is called “Coyote and the Great Sturgeon.” It takes place in a world where Japan colonized California in the 17th Century. My inspiration was a Japanese folktale about why Japan has earthquakes. According to legend, there is a giant catfish that lives beneath Japan. It is being held in place by a water god. However, occasionally the god will lose his grip, and that catfish is able to wiggle. And that is why earthquakes happen in Japan, so the legend goes. California is also prone to earthquakes. So, I thought about the myths and legends the Japanese settlers would bring with them. Specifically, how they would change and evolve to fit their new homeland. Shinto and Buddhism are highly syncretic religions that happily adopt deities from across cultures. So, I figured it wouldn’t be unreasonable to assume they might appropriate figures from Native American spirituality; such as the trickster Coyote.

Coyote is an interesting figure. He is a trickers, but he often winds up being the one who gets outwitted in his stories. The way I approach the story was to think of what I did with the stories I wrote for The Moonlit Road. “Irwin Tarheel and the Fair Folk” was an adaption of the Japanese folktale of Urashima Taro, and “Golem of the Gullah” was an adaption the Jewish folktale The Golem of Prague. So, I basically tried to imagine the story of stories I’d be retelling in this alternate world.

By all accounts, “Coyote and the Great Sturgeon” has been a great success. Reviews of AlloAmericana frequently signal it out as one of the best stories in the anthology. You can buy AlloAmericana for $7.81 on Amazon. If it is any consolation, I didn’t get a complimentary copy. I had to pay for my own copy just like the rest of you. I must also shout-out a few of the other stories in the collection. “Hear That Cold Steel Cling” by Josiah Depaoli is a really great take on the story of John Henry, but set in a world where the South won the American Civil War. Josiah had some very nice things to say about my story. “Bunyan’s Progress” by Jared Kavanagh is a fun take on Paul Bunyan. “Honest and Loyal” by Alexander Wallace retells the story of George Washington and the cherry tree, but in a world where Washington fought for the British during the Revolutionary War. Really, I could keep going, but suffice it to say, the who collection is absolutely fantastic.

Alex also booked us all some interviews on a couple of podcasts he’s been on in the past. This was to help promote the collection, and let us all explain our process for crafting the stories. We were on episode 9 of The Alternate History Show with Ben Kearns. Our segment begins at 1:09:44. We were also on Living a Life Through Books with Dr. Shaznaz Ahmed. The episode was devoted entirely to all of us talking about our stories, and alternate history in general. Dr. Ahmed was really nice. I had a lot of fun. My only regret is that I couldn’t find the mute button when my dog Wolfie decided to sound the alarm because the scary UPS man rang the doorbell. Thankfully, nobody seemed to mind.

Speaking of interviews, I got interviewed by Sea Lion Press. Alex Wallace put in a good word for me. Sea Lion Press loved interviewing prominent figures within the online alternate history community. This blog of mine is moving on up in the world. Gary Oswald and I chatted about my experience as an audio drama critic, some of my favorite alternate history audio dramas, what I’ve got going on in the future, and, of course, AlloAmerica. It was a really great interview. I’m very proud of it.

I’ve also starting expanding into the world of voice acting. I got to play a small role in 19 Nocturne Boulevard’s segment on Kill FM 2: Fortune’s Favors [Side A]. For those who don’t know, Kill FM is an annual event where several audio drama creators unite to make a weird fiction variety show. The 19 Nocturne Boulevard segment begins at 38:25 and I’m the announcer guy who says “The North Star!” I also provided some crowd chants. A big thank you to Julie Hoverson for letting me be part of the 19 Nocturne Boulevard segment. I loved the concept of a dystopian future with genetically engineered mutant gladiators duking it out. And also, shout-out to Project Gnosis for their awesome segment at 27:45.

19 Nocturne Boulevard is an anthology show created by Julie Hoverson. She also hosts a voice acting cold reads group. The cold read group is very laid-back and non-serious. It’s a great way to practice your voice acting skills in a fun and relaxing environment. Usually, we read scripts from 19 Nocturne Boulevard, but sometimes we read scripts from other audio dramas. For example, we read from Life With Althaar. I’ve had the pleasure of playing the title character, and Althaar has been my absolute favorite role in the group. Not to brag, but everyone always seems to find my take on Althaar to be pretty hilarious. 

The group meets on Wednesday at 6 PM Pacific time, and Sunday at 1 PM Pacific time. I’m usually too busy to join the Wednesday meeting, and my day job at the Shreveport Aquarium often means I can’t make Sundays lately. Still, I try to come whenever I can manage. There’s no commitments, so feel free to join us for whenever, and for however long, you want. You can join the group with this link.

There is one other major voice acting role I’ve had. I’m particularly proud of this one. However, I’m not going to tell you what it is just yet. If you want to find out, you’ll have to wait for my next blog post. My next post is going to be an audio drama review. That’s the only clue you get.

And with that, I’ll see you all next time.

My First Publication with The Journey Into Podcast

As per usual, I'm late to announce this on this blog, but I have exciting news. My short story "Chain Reaction" won third place in the Journey Into Journey short story writing contest from the Journey Into Podcast. Twelve people entered, but only six people, counting me, submitted stories. We were each assigned a different song from the band Journey. The title of the song would be the title of our story, and we build the story around the title. We also had to include at least two phrases from the song, of at least four words each somewhere in story. The story could be about whatever we wanted.

Third, second, and first place included monetary prizes plus getting your story produced on the podcast. Third place is $5, second place is $10, and first place is $25. Of course, publication order is, third, second, then first. I won third place, and as far as I’m concerned, I got the best deal, since that meant I was first to get my story produced. The true reward, for me, was always to hear my story produced in full cast audio.

My story is called "Chain Reaction." And it’s a full cast production with all sorts of talented voice actors. Nick Griffalco and Arthur Hikma have entered a contest to win $100,000. They must be the final ones to get off a roller coaster. However, one night Nick hears the roller coaster talking to him. It wants him to be the prophet of a new religion based around roller coasters. Arthur thinks Nick has completely lost it. He is determined to get Nick to snap out it before he goes completely off the rails. It’s sure to be one wild ride.

We’ve got Norm Sherman from The Drabblecast as our main character Nick, and he nails the role so well. Well, this story probably wouldn’t be out of place at The Drabblecast. Dave Robison uses his deep authoritative voice to great effect as the Rollar Coster God, and Marshall Latham himself gives a surprisingly spot-on performance as Arthur. There were many other characters with minor roles, but voice actors who gave exception performances. For example, Rish Outfeild gives a surprisingly fun performance as minor character Sean. His right hand man Big Anklevich cameos as AJ, another minor character. Tena Kolakowski Actually sounds pretty close to how I imagine Gwen sounding. Meanwhile, Bria Burton does a respectable job as Arthur’s girlfriend Molly. Great performances all around.

Normally, I'd take this opportunity to tell you more about the behind the scenes aspects, but Marshall already took care of that. He read and recorded those bits himself as an author's note. He intended to include it with the story, but he forgot in his rush to get the story out. In hindsight, if I'd been smart, I'd have called the Journey Into Podcast voice mail number and left a message of myself reading the author's note, but it is what it is. 

However, I will include some bit I forgot to put in the author's note. For those wondering, no, Arthur and Molly's names aren't a Harry Potter reference. Molly was originally named Holly, after an internet friend I used to have. However, said friend and I had a bit of a falling out, and I liked the name Molly, so I made the somewhat lazy switch of name. I didn't remember what Mr. and Mrs. Weasley's names were until after the story had been published. 

One the flipside, however, the part where Nick says that all is one, and one is all, was indeed a reference to Fullmetal Alchemist. When it comes to how I imagined Nick sounding, I wrote his lines with Gray, from the Let's Play channel GrayStillPlays, in mind. However, I was still pleasantly surprised by Norm's narration. And hey, it's not every day that Norm Sherman himself narrates your story. Hmm, I wonder if that makes "Chain Reaction" and honorary Drabblecast story. It certainly wouldn't have been out of place at The Drabblecast. 

On a similar note, Arthur's last name was going to be Drakoni originally. However, I decided to change it at the absolute last minute. My twitter handle, as you might be aware, is ArthurDrakoni, and I was worried people might assume that Arthur was meant to be a stand-in for me. 

Also, there was one minor error. During the part where Nick says "I'll give three truths..." that was suppose to be Arthur's line. It my fault for not making that more clear, and I don't gold it against Marshall and the gang. 

But enough of all that. Go give it a listen now, and be sure to listen to the author's note too. This is very exciting progress, and I'm very pleased with the final result. 

My First Publication with The Centropic Oracle

As usual I'm late getting this to you. I've had a major breakthrough with my writing career. I recently sold a story to The Centropic Oracle and they have turned it into episode of their podcast. The Centropic Oracle is a tragically underrated science fiction and fantasy podcast that is hosted on YouTube. They specialize in story that make you think and feel. The Centropic Oracle  first came to my intention via The Templin Institute. They're a YouTube channel that examines the lore behind different works of fiction. They mentioned The Centropic Oracle on their Facebook page. I'm always on the look for new podcasts, so I decided to check it out.

I listened to a few story and instantly I was hooked. I knew from that moment on that I wanted to be a part of The Centropic Oracle. I patiently awaited the day submissions would reopen. Eventually, that day arrived. My first couple submissions were...less than successful. Then I decided to try a new flash fiction story I'd recently completed. This time I actually gained traction, and the story made it past round after round. Still, I worried that I might come up short. In fact, I almost didn't submit the story, as I felt it was more of a poem than a short story. Then a surprise happened. The story made it to the final round, and got accepted.

Ironically, this made me not all that dissimilar from the protagonist of the story itself. Now, after patiently waiting several months, the story has been recorded and published. It is called "Spelling Test" and follows an young wizard as he/she struggles with a spelling test at school. But, given my love of puns, this is a spelling test based around magic spells, not grammar. I say he/she because I didn't have any particular gender in mind when I wrote this story.

I obviously drew from my own elementary school experience, and how I always dreaded spelling tests. Unfortunately, my school did not observe Opposite Day as a holiday, so I was never as lucky as the protagonist turns out to be. I'm quite pleased with how Larissa Thompson narrated the story. She brought depth and pathos to the story. It allowed me to experience the story in a way I previously hadn't considered. This was also the first time I got paid for a story. I was paid one cent per word in Canadian dollars, since Centropic Oracle is based in Vancouver. I made $4.41 CAD, which is about $3.34 USD. Not much, but I consider it a pretty big deal.

Well, I think that's enough for now. Go ahead and experience "Spelling Test" for yourself. And while you're there, be sure to check out to many other fines stories The Centropic Oracles has to offer.   

Nile High: Field Trip Day

A field trip is always an exciting occasion for the gods and goddesses of Nile High.  It could mean a closer look at mythical realms such as Olympus or Asgard, a behind the scenes look at the jobs of the elder gods or just an excuse to get off campus for a bit.  Though sometimes, such as in this particular tale, it literally meant a trip to a field.  Mind you, hardly anyone complained about this.  After all, it was still an opportunity to get out of class and blow off some steam.  

Hephaestus glanced up from the canvass he was painting.  He was trying his best at truly capture the colors of the rolling waves of grass.  He was second to none when it came to using the forge and shaping metal into marvelous machines and stunning sculptures.  So why was it that painting always seemed to give him so much trouble?  It seemed like he'd never be anywhere near as good a Frey.  Frey's paintings always seemed so realistic they were like looking through a window at a landscape.  Hephaestus' paintings just seemed so flat and lifeless by comparison. 

Frey put his hand on Hephaestus' shoulder reassuringly. "Looks like it's really coming along."

"Thanks.  I mean, I know you're only saying that to be nice, but thanks all the same."

"No, I really mean it.  Everyone views the world differently, and we express those differences through our art.  Okay, that might be a little cliché, but I guess what I'm trying to say is this: not all art has to be representative."

Hephaestus gave a weak smile as he whipped off his googles. "You always know just what to say, don't you?"

The two gods stretched out on the grass and out their hands behind their heads.  The golden green steppe seemed to stretch on as endlessly as the azure blue sky.  Usually, Hephaestus was more at home among the clanking metal and the hissing steam of machine, but maybe nature wasn't so bad.  He hadn't been stung by a swarm of bees, trampled by stampeding bulls or mauled by lions.  As far things when for Hephaestus, the steppes were shaping up to be his best field trips yet. 

Presently, a heard of wild horses appeared of in the distance.  Hephaestus and Frey got up to take a closer look, but then a metallic glint caught Hephaestus' eye.  Two sets of Roman centurion armor were laying in the grass.  That was a bit odd, as neither Hephaestus nor Frey had heard of any Roman settlements in Central Asia.  All the same, the two gods decided to have a little fun and put on the armor.  Hephaestus stood at attention while Frey paced back and forth like a general. 

"Soldiers!  A fish loves water, and squirrels love the trees, but what do we Romans love?"

"Sir!  We love to expand our territory, sir!"

"Exactly!  And why do we love to expand our territory?"

"Because the barbarians are too stupid to know what is good for them, sir!  We must bring them the light of civilization, sir!"

"Good work, solider!  Keep that up and you just might get a raise...but probably not."

The two gods shared some good laughs over their performance.  However, their laughter abruptly stopped when they noticed the school bus driving off without them.  The bus was nearly identical to a Greek trireme, save that it could fly though the air, and it had a set of retractable wheels for driving on land.  Hephaestus tried his best to make a mad dash for the bus, but his bad leg seized up and he fell flat on his face.  

Hephaestus had been crippled even since he'd been thrown off of Mount Olympus when he was a small child.  He could never remember if it had been his mother or his father who'd done it, but he supposed, in the grand scheme of things, it didn't really matter that much.  What did matter was that, after he'd crash landed, he'd become permanently crippled.  Though, his siblings Apollo and Athena speculated that he might have already been crippled, and that the fall had merely a preexisting condition.  He had to wear a metal leg brace just to keep his bad leg from giving out; not that his "good leg" was all that reliable either. 

Frey slung Hephaestus over his shoulders and sprinted across the fields of rippling grass.  Frey was, Hephaestus noted, keeping surprisingly good pace despite the heavy load he had to bear.  With one final burst of energy Frey leaped through the air and landed on the top deck of the bus.  He perfectly stuck his landing...right on top of Dionysus.  

"Oh, pardon me, Dionysus!  Guess I didn't see you there."

"You know, we were going to stop for you."

"So, how much trouble are we in?" asked Hephaestus.

"Well, you missed roll call, so you'll probably be on latrine duty for the next week or so.  Stiff up lip, lads.  It happens to us all at some point.  Oh, and one more thing, my name is Bacchus.  I don't care what you say about me, just so long as you remember to spell my name correctly.  Now, go run along and find some seats below deck."

Something seemed a bit off about Dionysus, or whatever he was calling himself.  Hephaestus just couldn't put his finger on what it was.  Had he gotten a haircut, or perhaps a new set of clothes, and why did the name Bacchus seem familiar?  Hadn't he heard that somewhere before?  Oh well, he'd figure it out eventually.

Finding an empty seat was easy enough, but something still just didn't seem right.  Hephaestus opens his satchel and his comic scrolls promptly spilled on the floor.  He bent down to gather them up and was greeted by a shocking sight: there was no gum stuck to the bottom of the seats!  Not only that, but the backs of the bus seats completely lacked any sort of graffiti.  It finally clicked for Hephaestus about what seemed so off about the bus.  That morning the bus had smelled like fish and seaweed; it had been donated by Hephaestus' uncle, Poseidon, so that certainly made sense.  Now, however, it smelled like fresh baked bread and pine trees!  

By now, Hephaestus and Frey had gotten a better look at the various gods and goddesses on the bus.  There were young deities from pantheon across the world, but they were all wearing, with some variation, Roman style clothes.  Their suspicions were raised even more when they noticed the banners hanging from the ceiling.  The banners were crimson and embroidered with the letters T.A. in gold thread.  There was a god with spiral Gallic style tattoos sitting in front of Hephaestus and Frey.  Hephaestus tapped the Gaulish deity on his shoulder.

"Excuse me, but is this bus going to Tiber Academy?"

The Gaul frowned. "But of course.  Where else would it be going?"

That was what Hephaestus and Frey had been dreading.  Tiber Academy was Nile High's primary rival school.  It billed itself as a school for gods of all pantheons, but everyone knew that the Roman gods were the ones calling the shots.  To say that the students of Tiber Academy weren't terribly fond of Nile High would, perhaps, be a bit of an understatement.  Though, in fairness, the students of Nile High didn't think too highly of Tiber Academy either.  Whenever students from the two schools crossed paths it was all but guaranteed that some kind of fight would ensue. 

Hephaestus and Frey pulled out their tablets so as to avoid any eavesdroppers.  Hephaestus used a steam-powered bronze mechanical tablet, while Frey preferred to use a magic-powered tablet made of leather and parchment.

"Oh my me!  We got on the wrong bus!" Hephaestus texted. 

"Don't panic, let's stay positive here.  Maybe if we just explain what happened, and admit that it was an honest mistake..."

"No!  They'll crucify us for sure if we do that!"

"Okay then, so any ideas about how we get out of here?" asked Frey.

"I'm afraid not.  Oh, if only Athena was here, she'd know what to do.  Wait a second, that's it!  Quick, get out your paints and a sheet of paper.  If we can paint a rainbow we might be able to get Iris to run a message for us.  Oh, and uh, you wouldn't happen to have a couple gold coins you could spare, would you?"

"Does your rainbow goddess take Norse red-gold?"

"I guess we're about to find out."

Hephaestus used his fingers to quickly scrawl what he hoped was a reasonably passable rainbow.  He took the gold coins from Frey and folded the rainbow painting around them.  All the while he desperately hoped that Iris would get the hint.  After a few tense minutes Hephaestus felt the weight of the coins disappear.  Not long after that the paper began to glow with rainbow light.

"Hello!  Thank you for choosing the message service of Iris the Goddess of Rainbows!  Due to an unexpectedly heavy amount of message requests, I've been forced to switched to my automated service.  For a shinier rainbow, draw the number one.  To subscribe to my newsletter, draw the number two.  If you wish to leave a review, draw the number three.  Your messages are super important to me!  If you are new to my messaging service, draw the number four. To request a refund of your message..."

Hephaestus summoned a flame in his hand and hastily ignited the scroll.  Thankfully, despite how loud the scroll had been, hardly anyone seemed to have noticed.  Those that had noticed merely gave Hephaestus and Frey a suspicious look before losing interest.  It seemed like they were in the clear, for the moment at least, until Hephaestus felt a tap on his shoulder.

She was clearly a student of some importance; that much was obvious from the air of authority she exuded.  Her eyes were filled with a fierce and calculating look to them; she was obviously some kind of war goddess.  Her long hair was black, but depending on how the light hit it, it appeared to have flecks of purple as well.  Her name was on the tip of Hephaestus' tongue, but what was it?  She was a friend of Athena's and her name sounded like a kind of food.  Lasagna?  Carbonara?  Pancetta?  No, it started with a B.  

"Bellona, I presume?"

"You presume correctly, Hephaestus of the Greeks."

"Oh dear me, is it really that obvious?"

"You're the spitting image of my brother Vulcan; just the way Athena always described you in her letters."

"You're not going to turn us in, are you?" asked Frey.

Bellona sighed. "If I'm being perfectly honest, I really ought to.  I have a duty to my school and my empire, but Athena is a good friend of mine.  I owe her for...well, it's not important.  Look, you guys are important to Athena, so you're important to me.  Don't panic, I'm going to get you guys out of here."

The first part of Bellona's plan involved keeping a low profile.  For a few minutes, the three gods sat together in near silence.  At first, Hephaestus was worried about getting found out.  As time went on, however, he become more concerned about dying from boredom.  He was still clutching some of his comic scrolls.  Hephaestus supposed that it wouldn't hurt to look at only one for only a few minutes.

He settled on one of his favorites: The Legion of Interplanetary Deities.  It was about a team of young gods and goddesses from other planets having adventures in outer space.  This particular issue saw Magnatar, the leader of The Legion, teaming up with the goddesses Karatika and Dream Weaver to save their fellow legionnaire Scorpius from the clutches of the dreaded planet Tyranos.  Hephaestus practically had the scroll committed to memory, but it was fun to gaze at artwork.  He tilted the scroll so that Frey could look at it as well.  To his surprise, however, it was Bellona who leaned in for a closer look.

"Planet Heist is a good storyline.  Though, personally, Tomb of the Unknown God is my favorite."

Hephaestus raised his eyebrows in surprise. "You're a fan of The Legion?"

"Well, I wouldn't say I've read every issue..."

"You can reference storylines by name, and you know about The Unknown God.  He's not exactly a character most non-fans would be able to name drop.  In fact, some would say that you're hiding your love of Legion of Interplanetary Deities in order to keep up appearances," Frey chimed in.

Bellona smiled sheepishly. "That...might be somewhat true.  I mean, I've missed out on all the storylines that were censored for political reasons, but other than that...you could possibly say I'm a bit of a fan."

"Censored for political reason?  What do you...oh!  You missed out on Rings of the Namori?  Aw, that was the one where Pharaoh Lad dies!  Hang on, I might be able to help you with that."

Hephaestus rummaged around in his satchel and pulled out a series of spare mechanical parts, a half-eaten gyro, a live weasel, a sack of gold coins, 100 origami cranes, a series of unfinished love poems and some text scrolls.  After digging around just a bit more he found it: Legion of Interplanetary Deities issues 165-171.  Hephaestus attempted to hand the scroll to Bellona, but she raised her eyebrow in surprise immediately pushed the scroll back to him.  

"But you've just met me."

"You're helping us out, it's the least I could do.  Besides, it's kind of nice to find another Legion fan."

"It might be a bit before I can get it back to you."

"That's okay, better that someone read it and enjoy than for it to just sit in my satchel all day."

Hephaestus offer the scroll again, and this time Bellona took it. "Thank you, Hephaestus.  It really is quite kind of...oh no, Minerva's coming this way!"

Frey frowned. "The goddess carrying the scrolls?  That's who you're worried about?"

Hephaestus leaning out into the aisle to see what all the fuss was about.  When he saw her, he had to blink to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him.  Superficially at least, she could have been Athena's doppelgänger, and yet there was just something off about her.  For one, Minerva had red hair rather than blue hair, and she was noticeably shorter than Athena was.  She was also, perhaps, a bit less confident and sure of herself.  It was as though she was a faded copy of Athena.

Minerva tripped and her scrolls sprawled all over the floor.  Frey quickly leapt up from his seat and helped Minerva pick up the scrolls.  Minerva looked completely gobsmacked when she laid eyes on Frey.  Frey smiled warmly, unfolded his hand and flower instantly sprouted out of his palm.  He plucked the flower from his palm and handed it to Minerva.  The wisdom goddess giggled like a love-struck school girl...which is, of course, precisely what she was.

"Hi, I'm single...I mean, Minerva!  My name is Minerva!  That what I meant to say before I...I don't believe we've been introduced.  What did you say your name was?"

"My name?  Ah, yes, my name!  My name is Yngvi, and over there is my dear friend Mulciber.  We're recent transfers to Tiber Academy, and we are really excited to be here."

"New transfer students?  That's strange, I don't remember reading about new students in any of the paperwork for this month."

"Oh?  That is strange indeed.  You're an intelligent goddess, and always so thorough with your paperwork," said Bellona, an eyebrow raised as she sipped from a cup of complimentary wine.

"I-I-I, that is to say that...well, you see it's really...um, I, uh.  Oh!  Goodness, I've forgotten to get your coffee.  Here, let me go get that for you."

Minerva was about to rush off, but then Hephaestus caught her attention.  Hephaestus did his best to seem unassuming and nothing out of the ordinary, but Minerva persisted.  There was a worrisome look of recognition in her eyes.  Hephaestus didn't exactly help matters by pulling down his helmet's visitor just a bit too swiftly. 

"You seem strangely familiar."

"Well, you know, I've got one of those faces."

"You look like Vulcan, but you can't be Vulcan.  I just spoke with him before I got here.  So then how can it be that you...ow!  Ow!  Weasel!  Weasel on my toe!  Ow!  Ow!  Get it off!  Get it off!  Get it off!"

The weasel that Hephaestus had pulled out of his satchel had clamped down on Minerva's big toe.  Minerva tried her best to pull the weasel off, but that only caused it to bite harder.  She resorted to hobbling around in circles and trying to kick the weasel off, but she wound up falling flat on her face when the bus came to an abrupt stop.  By now the bus was filled with a chorus of laughter from students reveling in the schadenfreude of the situation.  Bellona took the opportunity to take Hephaestus and Frey to the upper deck of the bus; hopefully, away from prying eyes. 

There were a few gods and goddesses working the masts and rigging of the upper deck, but thankfully not many.  Bellona pulled a small blue bird out of the folds of her cloak.  At first, Hephaestus thought that it was a living bird, but upon closer inspection, the bird turned out to be completely mechanical.  The metal bird ticked and creaked with the sound of interlocking clockwork gears.  Bellona cupped the bird in her hands and gently stroked its head.  The bird's eyes began to glow with red light, and its beak opened with a click.

"What's on your mind?" 

"Begin new message to @Olive_Owl.  Code 405, signifiers Heta Fehu, end message.  Send immediately."

The mechanical bird made a series of whirring and clicking noises; it then gave a bow to Bellona and took flight.  Hephaestus had never really been much for social media, but he had to admit, the technical aspect had more than peaked his interest.  He'd have to take a closer look at one of the message birds once he and Frey were safely returned to Nile High.  For now, however, it would have to wait.  

Surprisingly enough, it didn't take long for a response to come.  A new bird landed on Bellona's hand.  This one appeared to be purple rather than blue; no, not purple, wine dark.  With a few clicks, the metal bird's chest opened and a rolled-up piece of paper slowly extended outwards. 

"You have received a new photo from @WineDude69."

Bellona sighed and pushed the photo back into the metal bird. "Bacchus again.  Delete it, I'm not interested."

"You sure?  He could be a fellow artist giving you some references for your sketches," said Frey. 

"Trust me, they're not the sort of photos you share in polite company or...wait a minute, how did you know I sketch?"

"Well, the first tip-off was the graphite under your fingernails.  Then I saw the way you were looking out the window at the landscape.  You were memorizing every little detail so that you could recreate it later.  Don't deny it, I'd know that look anywhere.  Of course, the biggest clue was when I caught you flipping through your sketch book."

Bellona pulled out her sketch book and handed it to Frey.  "It's a hobby of mine, when I can find the time.  I mostly sketch in black and white.  It's practical, if not always ideal."

"Have you considered using a color-changing pencil?  I've got plant to spare, strait from the craft fairs of Alfheim."

"That's okay, you don't have to..."

"No, I insist.  It's no trouble at all.  I'll have plenty more soon enough.  Light elves are good people, but they can be a bit of a handful at times.  I remember, on this one trip to Alfheim, I had to wear a sack over my head just so the paparazzi would leave me alone.  Man, that was one crazy...hey, look!  The bird's back!"

Sure enough, Bellona's metal bird had arrived with a scroll sticking out of its beak.  Bellona was about to unfurl the scroll when there was a clanging of bells from atop one of the bus’s masts.  Everyone look up to see a god leaping from mast to mast.  He effortlessly soared through the air as though he didn't have a care in the world.  There wasn't the slightest hint of fear nor hesitation in any of his movements.  The god slid down a rope ladder before somersaulting in the air and sticking his landing.

Hephaestus was finally able to get a good look at the god.  He was wearing the finest Roman armor, the gladius on his belt gleamed in the sunlight, his beard and haircut were tripped to precision.  He was, both literally and figuratively, dressed to kill.  There was something familiar about this god; Hephaestus just couldn't put his finger on it.  Then it clicked: this god was the spitting image of Hephaestus' brother Ares!  He was certainly a lot more well-groomed than Ares, but the resemblance was there.  The answer to the god's identity was on the tip of Hephaestus' tongue.

"You're Mars Ultor!" Hephaestus inadvertently spoke aloud.

"My reputation precedes me!  Say, I don't believe we've met before.  Are you recent transfer students?"

"Heph-er, Mulciber!  Mulciber at your service, and this is my friend Yngvi."

Mars gave them each a hearty slap on the back.  Hephaestus nearly got toppled over, but thankfully, Frey caught him before that could happen.  Mars took in an, almost comically, deep breath before slowly exhaling and gazing out at the rolling steppe.

"You boys couldn't have picked a better school to attend.  Here at Tiber Academy we like to suck out the marrow of life.  Wherever we find ourselves, be it the eternal city or out in the wilderness, we learn with a vigor like no others.  You'll have the time of your eternal lives turning wild lands into provinces of the greatest empire our world has ever known.  You'll see plays, experience gladiator matches, listen to poetry, watch chariot races and so much more.  Most important of all, when it is time for Bellona and I to have our day of days, you shall be at our wedding!"

"That, uh, that's certainly a lot to take in."

"Fear not.  It can seem overwhelming at first, but I have full confidence that you two will find your place at Tiber Academy in no time at all.  Still though, it does seem rather odd that I've never encounter either of you before."

"That is because we have been very busy with our extracurricular activities," Frey interjected.

"Oh, really?  And what might these extracurricular activities be?"

"Why, singing in the choir, of course."

"Singing in the choir?" Mars repeated, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

One look at Bellona was all Frey and Hephaestus needed to realize that this was the worst possible answer they could have offered.  They needed to salvage the situation before Mars connected the dots.  Perhaps a joke could defuse things?  Yes, that could be something.  It would have to appeal to Roman sensibilities while still being side-splittingly hilarious.  Frey decided to take the initiative.

"So, who wants to hear a joke?  It's really, truly and honestly hilarious."

"Well, with those credentials you'll need a proper audience.  Gather round everyone, Yngvi is going to regale us with a joke.  Whenever you're ready."

"Okay then, what would Neptune say if all the seas were to boil away?"

"Hmm, I don't know.  What would Neptune say?"

"Well don't look at me, I haven't got a notion!"

Instead of a chorus of laughter, there was a series of confused murmurings.  Frey exchanged an uneasy glance with Hephaestus, worried that their plan hadn't worked.  Then the coin dropped.  All of the assembled Romans were practically rolling on the deck laughing once the joke clicked.  Hephaestus supposed that it had been a cleaver joke, but not anywhere near as gut-bustingly funny as the Romans seemed to find it.  Still, who was he to argue with results?  Mars gave Frey, a very enthusiastic, handshake.  

"You sir have a gift.  A gift I say!  You should write your jokes down in a book.  You could fill the world with a lot laughter and joy.  I think we could all use some more laughter in our lives."

"Why, thank you.  I'll certainly keep that in mind."

Bellona leaned up against Mars and batted her eyes. "Dearest, we have been traveling for quite a while.  Perhaps it would be best for everyone if we were to   make a stop at a trading post?  We're not too far from Ulan Barter."

Hephaestus frowned. "Don't you mean Ulan Bator?"

"Actually, no.  That really is what it's called."

Mars rubbed his chin in thought. "It would be an opportunity to get better equated with the local culture.  That could be useful for when we annex this region in the name of the empire.  Yes, I do believe we can arrange that."

As soon as Mars had his back turned Bellona mimed gagging to Hephaestus and Frey.  That certainly seemed a bit odd gesture for a betrothed goddess to be making.  Hephaestus also not that, in the time he'd been on the Tiber Academy bus, he had yet to encounter a single teacher or other faculty member.  For that matter, the students of Tiber Academy seemed far more disciplined than the students at Nile High.  Perhaps they didn't need as many teachers to keep an eye one them?  

Hephaestus wasn't quite sure what he expected Ulan Barter to look like.  As it turned out, it was a series of enormous interconnected tents.  No, not tents, there was a technically terms that was escaping his mind.  Yurts?  Ah, yes, that was it.  Back below deck, Mars was standing in front of a podium situated at the bow of the bus.  The students were standing at attention, extended their right arms forwards, their fingers pointed forwards and their thumbs tucked under their palms.  Hephaestus and Frey shared a knowing glance with one another and tried their best not to laugh.  Performing the Roman Salute in Greece or Scandinavia was a good way to get socked in the face.  There was a certain thrill to, secretly, breaking such a taboo. 

Mars tapped his spear against the ground and cleared his throat. "My fellow Romans, and assorted other deities, we have arrived at our first pit stop.  There are many of you who may think that this is just a trading post.  I would caution you to remember that this trading post is situated on a tributary of the Silk Road.  I'm sure I don't need to remind you what an advantage it would be for Rome to control and command the Silk Road's wealth.  Treat this as you would any educational activity.  Now, that doesn't mean you can't take this opportunity to stretch your legs or acquire some trinkets for your collections.  However, anyone caught spending more than five denarii will receive latrine duty for a week.  Have I made myself clear?"

"Yes, Mr. Praetor!" replied the students in unison.

"Excellent!  Remember, Rome is ever expanding.  Today the Silk Road, tomorrow China, and a week from next Tuesday it'll be the Americas!  Then, three months from now, Proxima Centauri!  Let's make it happen people!  To the trading post!"  

Before long the Romans were swarming the stands and displays of trinket and knickknacks.  Hephaestus, Frey and Bellona found a comfortable stop at the trading post cafe and tried to look assuming.  The cafe menu wasn't really much to snuff at; pretty much everything included yak's butter in some capacity or another.  The trio ultimately settled on ordering yak's butter tea.  Hephaestus took a single sip, just to see what it tasted like.  It took every ounce of his will power just to keep it down.  Or, to put it another way, it took everything had in him not to yak.  Hopefully it wouldn't be long before the bus from Nile High arrived and he could put all this behind him.  

"So, you're going to married to Mars.  Congratulations?" said Frey as he smiled cautiously.

Bellona suddenly become very interested in her tea glass. "It's mostly for symbolic and political purposes.  The top god and top goddess currently attention Tiber Academy, together in marriage.  It wouldn't be considered proper...that is, Father wouldn't have us marry anyone else.  Not lesser gods, and especially not any barbarians."

"And by barbarians, I'm assume you're referring to gods such as Hephaestus and I?"

"Do understand, I meant no slight again wither of you.  In Rome, anyone who is not a Roman is referred to as a barbarian."

"But you do love Mars, don't you?" asked Hephaestus.

Bellona sighed. "I love him like a brother.   Of course, that's primarily because he actually is my brother.  He is a good god, a god who will serve Rome well, but..."

"But there someone else who holds you heart."

"There was, but I've learned to let it go.  I have my duty to Emperor and Empire.  Sometimes that means I have to put the needs of Rome ahead of my own wants and desires."

"But everyone deserves to be with the ones they love!"

Bellona sullenly traced circles on the table with her finger. "Would that it were so easy.  Would that it were so easy."

Now, in light of the above conversation, the gentle reader would do well to keep in mind a few facts about divine relationships.  Gods, lacking any sort of DNA, are not subject to the negative effect associated with incest.  Thus, such relationships are not considered taboo in the slightest.  For though gods may look and act human, they are very different from you or I.  Without further delay, allow us to resume the story.

Hephaestus placed his hand on Bellona's arm in sympathy.  When he looked up he found Mars and Minerva standing before him.  The weasel that had been on Minerva's toe was now hanging from her nose.  She and Mars were holding a large bundle of scrolls and papers.  The scrolls were completely decked out in wax seals and gilded emblems.  Hephaestus, a sinking feeling swiftly forming in his stomach, soon realized what the scrolls were: administration records!  Oh no, they'd finally been found out!

"Oh, hello there.  Funny thing, Mars and I were nosing through some records..."

"And speaking of noses, might you feel better if I were to remove that weasel, dear sister?"

Minerva's cheeks turned as red as a hot iron fresh from the forge. "Oh, right.  Yes, thank you dear Mars.  That would be most divine."

Mars hadn't taken more than a single step towards Minerva before the weasel let go.  The weasel promptly scurried across the floor and promptly made beeline for Hephaestus' satchel.  As much as Hephaestus tried, he just couldn't think of where the weasel had come from, or why it loved his satchel so much.  There were a few minutes of awkward silence as everyone just stood around shuffling their feet.  Eventually, Mars broke the silence by clearing his throat. 

"So, anyway, Minerva and I were going through some records.  It seems that there is a slight problem with your membership in the choir.  You see, neither of you are in the choir.  Ask me why."

"Um...okay, why?"

"Why what?  Be specific, Hephaestus of the Greeks."

"Why aren't Frey and I part of the choir?"

A disturbing knowing grin was spreading across Mars' face. "You aren't part of the choir because Tiber Academy does not have a choir!"

"Oh, doesn't it now?  Well...that was just a slip of the tongue!  What we really meant to say was that we were...uh, tap dancing with the Math Club?"

"Mars, wait!  It's not what you think!" Bellona pleaded.

"Oh, I think it's exactly what I think it is, my dear Bellona.  Clearly, you lured these intruders into a false sense of security until they could be apprehended. Well done!  In fact, I think we can all learn from the example Bellona has set."

By now a large crowd of Roman gods and goddesses had amassed around Hephaestus and Frey.  Hephaestus gasped with shock when he saw a tall muscular Germanic god wielding a double-bladed battle axe.  He shrieked in terror when he saw an Aztec god with two sacrificial knifes.  He almost fainted when he caught the sight of two goddesses holding a large wooden cross.  Mars himself was swinging a large metal chain around his head as though it was a lasso.  Amidst his fear, Hephaestus was vaguely reminded of gladiator games.  Well, he'd never actually been to a gladiator game, but he had read about them in books.   

Strangely, Frey seemed completely calm despite the impending doom.  In fact, he was examining his fingernails and looking rather bored.  Almost mechanically, he looked up and extended his hand forwards. 

"Now, correct me if I'm wrong, but don't Romans offer those condemned to death or torture a few words?  You know, a little preamble before the main event, and all that."

"Alright, that's a fair point.  What words do you have to offer?" asked Mars.

Frey smiled. "Oh, just these two: Alf Seidr!"

Frey clapped his hands together three times in rapid succession.  On the third clap, a burst of glowing green energy erupted from Frey's hands.  The magical energy knocked the Tiber Academy students to the ground like a stack of dominos, but left Hephaestus and Bellona standing.  Hephaestus was ready to bolt form the door when he realized that he wasn't being chased.  Tentatively, he tapped a Roman with his foot.  The Tiber Academy students had been knocked completely unconscious by Frey's magic.

"There, that should buy us a few minutes before they come around."

"I don't understand..."

"Elf magic, just a little gift I gave the light elves.  What you just witnessed was a slight variation on a stun spell..."

"No, I mean that I don't understand where the Nile High bus is.  Athena said it would be here about now," said Bellona.

"Key word being 'about.'  Hardly anything at Nile High ever runs on time," said Hephaestus.

"Well, with a ringing endorsement like that, we'll need somewhere to lay low."

The choices of hiding spots that wouldn't be blindingly obvious was severely limited.  About the only real option was the, much neglected, set of toilet stalls.  Still, desperate times called for desperate measures.  The three deities took a collective deep breath and do their best to all squeeze into a stall.  The stench of the stall reminded Hephaestus of what he'd always assumed the Underworld would smell like.  Actually, that was a tad hyperbolic; he was fairly certain that Uncle Hades kept a much, much stricter sanitation service than Ulan Barter.  

Hephaestus tried he best to imagine that he wasn't crammed into a smelly bathroom stall, desperately hoping not to be found by a school of very pissed off Roman gods.  He envisioned himself back at his forge on Mount Olympus, working on a new automaton design, or perhaps making some jewelry for Aphrodite.  He tried to imagine this, but that strain on his imagination was just too much.  Presently, there was a knock on the door of the stall. 

"Um, er, uh, o-occupied!" Hephaestus stammered between coughs and gags.

"Oh!  Terribly sorry sir, my mistake.  Say, you wouldn't have happened to have seen a Greek god and a Norse god, would you?"

"No!  No!  I mean, no, can't say that I have."

"Okay then, you take care now."

"Wait just a minute!" shouted Minerva. "Bacchus, don't you think it's just the tiniest bit suspicious that this man has three sets of legs?"

"Hmm, well, when you put it like that..."

Suddenly the stall's door became covered in grape vines, and before long it was completely yanked off its hinges.  The next thing Hephaestus knew he and Frey were being dragged out of the stall by even more grape vines.  They'd barely had time to recover before they found themselves pinned beneath a large net.  The net began to hoist itself into the air and displayed Hephaestus and Frey as though they were a pair of prize fish.  Hephaestus felt a sharp pan erupting from his side.  He looked down to see Minerva jabbing him with some kind of wooden staff.  The other Tiber Academy students appeared to be rummaging around for objects to toss.

Hephaestus and Frey had officially hit rock bottom, but they couldn't give up.  Hephaestus was god of fire, and could summon flames at will, but he always had trouble during times of stress.  Still, anything was worth a shot at this point.  He closed his eyes and tried his best to block out the jeers of the Romans.  He only needed enough fire to burn a hole in the net, and possibly clear some space for running.  Hephaestus could something hot churning deep within him.  It was growing rapidly and raising higher by the second.  Now it was in his mouth and seemed ready to burst at any moment.  

Hephaestus exhaled and...blew a steady stream of hot air onto the net.  Oh no, it hasn't worked!  Hephaestus tried a few more times, growing increasingly desperate with each attempt, but the most he produced was a few measly embers.  

"Look everyone, his pilot light's gone out!" laughed Gaulish god from earlier. 

Mars gave Hephaestus and Frey and disappointed look. "I can't tell you how let down I am!  You boy were on your way to becoming such good Romans.  But spies have to face their punishment sooner or later." 

"You're not gonna crucify us, are you?"

"Goodness no!  You're first time offenders; it's far too early for that sort of thing.  What this situation calls for is something on the lighter side.  I'm told that the natives of this region have a custom where lawbreakers have their arms and legs tied to four different horses, and then swiftly yanked apart.  Sounds like a lovely opportunity for cross-cultural enrichment, wouldn't you say?"

"How's about this: you let Hephaestus and I go free, and then we all have a good laugh about what a misunderstanding this was," said Frey.

"Nobody asked what you think!" Minerva snarled as she jabbed her staff into Frey's face.

Mars' eyes suddenly when wide and he snapped his fingers. "Good gracious, we've forgotten the Two Minutes Shame!  Romans, ready your rocks for a shaming.  Now then, since the lovely Bellona was the one who identified these spies, she gets to cast the first stone.  Whenever you are ready, dearest Bellona."

Bellona was caught between the axe and the alter.  She had her duty to Rome, but she'd grown fond of Hephaestus and Frey.  They might not have been Romans, but they were good gods at heart.  They certainly didn't deserve to be subject to torture just for being from another school.  There was only a handful of occasions that Bellona had questioned her commitment to Rome and its ethos; this certainly qualified as one such occasion.  Everyone was starting to get antsy and questioning why she hesitated.  Perhaps she could deliberately miss?  No, she was one of the best markswoman at Tiber Academy; everyone would suspect that something was amiss.  She could toss the rock gently, but that would just kick things off, so that wouldn't do.  

Thankfully, Bellona caught a lucky break, and was saved from having to make a decision.  Seemingly form out of nowhere, a banana cream pie sailed through the air and hit Mars directly in the face.  If Mars had looked like Ares before, he was a near perfect facsimile now.  His eyes turned into balls of flaming hatred and anger as he scanned the room for the culprit.

"Who threw this pie at me?!  Tell me!  Tell me now!"

As if in response, another pie hit Mars in the face.  The students of Tiber Academy turned around to see Athena, along with the rest of Nile High, standing next to a large stack of pies.  At long last, Hephaestus and Frey's salvation had arrived!  Athena picked up another pie and tossed it up and down in her hand.  The Tiber Academy students drew their weapons and prepared to attack, but Athena wasn't perturbed in the slightest. As a matter of fact, she actually yawned as she lobbed yet another pie at Mars.  

"Oh, I'm sorry, would you care for some whipped cream with that?  It's only one drachma extra."

"Romans, change of plans!  Nile High has compromised our position, and they must be eliminated posthaste.  Fall into rank and prepaid for battle!"

Before long the entire yurt was consumed by speeding pies, clashing swords, crackling magic spells, smoking potion bombs, jabbing spear and slapping fish.  In a way, it would of have been oddly comforting, if Hephaestus and Frey hadn't been sitting ducks in the middle of a battlefield.  Nike and Victoria were attempting to strangle each other, Horus and Mithras had mutually pied one other with cherry pies, and Thor and Donar were sparing with their hammers.  Meanwhile, Pan and Faunus were smoking joints together, while Bacchus and Dionysus compared notes on types of wine.

Thankfully, Bellona was able to use the chaos as an opportunity to cut the net containing Hephaestus and Frey open.  The trio of deities searched for a spot to rendezvous with Athena amidst the swelling chaos.  Before long, they found a spot behind a stand of dried meat snacks, and decided to observe the fighting.  The Tiber Academy students were organized and coordinated, but they were completely caught off-guard by the sheer disorganization and unpredictability of the Nile High students.  What the Nile High students lacked in precision, they more than made up for in enthusiasm.

Out of the smoke of battle a figure emerged.  She had long blue hair, grey eyes, olive green chiton and bronze battle armor.  At long last, they had found Athena.  Bellona and Athena embraced one another in a hug, but almost immediately, they let go and look a bit embarrassed of themselves.  Their shame soon turned to happy laugher, as though they were sharing a private joke, and they smiled together like old friends.

Bellona placed her arms around Hephaestus and Frey. "Excuse me, miss.  We're having a two-for-one special.  They're house broken and they've had all their shots."

"Hmm, I don't know.  I'll have to think about it...okay, I thought about it.  Yeah, I think I'll take them."

Just then, Minerva charged forwards with her staff pointed towards Hephaestus.  She stopped dead in her tracks as soon as she saw Athena.  Minerva's eyes went wide, as though she were a sheep who had just stumbled across a wolf.  Athena simple smiled and waved, which proved more than enough to cause Minerva to faint and collapse to the ground.  Bellona picked up Minerva and slung her over her shoulder.  

"Duty calls.  Farewell, Hephaestus and Frey.  Perhaps we could have been friends, if things were different."

"You know, we could always write each other," Hephaestus offered.

Bellona smiled. "Yes, I think I'd like that very much."

"If you're ever in Vanaheim, give me a call.  I'll show you my favorite sketching spots," said Frey.

Bellona pressed the tips of her fingers against Athena's. "I kept my promise."

"Don't keep your distance," said Athena, a wistful look in her eyes.

With that, Bellona rushed off the join her fellow Romans.  Athena, meanwhile, made damn well sure that Hephaestus and Frey made it onto the Nile High bus.  By now, the yurt had caught on fire and everyone was making their way to their respective buses.  That was how it usually went when Nile High and Tiber Academy got into a scuffle; it usually ended in a draw because everyone got board of fighting.  As soon as the three of them had sat down, Athena slapped Hephaestus and Frey on the back of their heads.

"That's for not looking before you leaped!" said Athena, but then she pulled them into a hug. "And this is for making it back."

"Got it, look before we leap...literally," said Frey.

"So, anything interesting happen while we were away?"

"You want to know about me and Bellona, don't you?"

Hephaestus smiled nervously. "Well, I kind of parsed out that you used to be her girlfriend.  It's just...well, kind of not what I expected."

Athena arched her eyebrow in surprise. "You do know that it's called Greek Love for a reason, right Hep?"

"No, no, I get that's part!  I meant it's weird because she's a Roman..."

"And I'm a Greek," Athena finished. "That's what did us in.  Dad and Jupiter were less than enthusiastic about our relationship.  We broke up, so it goes, but we've learned to make our peace with it.  I found love with Thoth, and hopefully, Bellona will find someone to love her."

"I suppose that good and all but...I don't know, it seems a little sad.  Bellona's such a noble goddess, even if she is one of the Romans."

Athena smiled. "That's the thing about the Romans, not all of them are bad.  Really, none of them are truly evil.  Misguided, a bit thick at times, but at heart they are good people.  No matter what else happens, always remember that."

At long last, Hephaestus and Frey could simply sit back and relax.  The scent of fish and seaweed, which had seemed so off-putting before, now had an almost comforting quality to it.  The graffiti on the back of the seats, and the mysterious green stain on the ceiling, seemed to have an almost artistic quality to them.  There were some gods and goddesses tossing a glowing ball across the aisle, others who were playing pranks on everyone, and a few who were just chatting loudly and shouting at each other from across the bus.  Overseeing it all, a group of teachers were desperately trying to bring about some semblance of order.  

It was disorganized, chaotic, wild, unpredictable and overall it felt like home.  It was a Nile High field trip, and Hephaestus and Frey wouldn't have had it any other way.  There was just one slight problem: there were two version of Dionysus, and one of them was wearing Roman clothes.  Not only that, but unless Hephaestus had come down with a case of double vision, there were also two version of Apollo.  Hephaestus and Frey looked at Athena, and it was obvious that she'd noticed as well. 

"Here we go again," said Hephaestus and Frey in unison.

Athena sighed and pulled out an olive green mechanical bird. "Start new message to @Daughter_of_Rome.  Tag, now I'm it."