The Audio File: Human B-Gon

My policy for reviewing serialized audio dramas is that I require at least one complete season before I commit to a review. Well, today we’re taking a look at a show that asked me to review them a while back. They have now finally met that requirement. I won't waste any more time, let’s get into it. We’re taking a look at Human B-Gon.

Human B-Gon is a science fiction comedy set in a post-apocalyptic future. Well, post-apocalyptic future if you’re a human. Robots declared war on humanity, and the robots won. The robots have reshaped the world in their image. Though, that image really isn’t all that different from when humans were running the show. Humans lurk in the shadows and crevices of this brave new mechanical world. Naturally, the robots consider them quite the nuisance. Fortunately, for the more Hominid Rights minded robots, there’s one team who are always on-call: Human B-Gon! They are a trio of robots who specialize in the ethical relocation of humans. Well, on paper anyway. In reality, our trio of heroes are complete morons who barely know what they’re doing. Still, they’re going to try their level best. After all, they’re the finest ethical human relocation service in the greater Droidston, Nanotoba area. Then again, they’re also the only one. But hey, that’s something, right?

I’d interacted with Human B-Gon on various social media platforms; Reddit, Facebook, Twitter. They’ve been supportive of my work with these reviews, and with my own endeavors to create audio drama. Naturally, they ask if I’d review the show. They now fit my minimum requirements, so here we are now. Human B-Gon is created by Drew Frohmann. 

Human B-Gon is a member of the Fable & Folly network. Time for an audio drama roll call! The other members of Fable & Folly include, but aren’t limited to, Spaceships, Alba Salix, We Fix Space Junk, Harlem Queen, The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles, and Who is Cam Candor.

Human B-Gon is presented in the form of a fictional television series. It reminds me a bit of the sort of shows you tend to see these days on Discovery Channel and History Channel. The sort of shows they air now that they’ve both, mostly, given up on educational documentaries. In fairness, much as I rag on Discovery and History of that, there have been a few diamonds in the rough. Pawn Stars actually does a pretty good job teaching people about history, and I do love those crazy dudes. And I also admit that I used to watch Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe fairly frequently.

I was particularly reminded of Billy the Exterminator. It was a show on Discovery Channel about, well, an exterminator named Billy. Fun fact, Billy is from Bossier. It is the city directly across the Red River from Shreveport, where I live. Shreveport and Bossier are collectively counted as a single metro area, but Shreveport is the bigger of the two. I’m not sure if Billy the Exterminator was a direct influence on Human B-Gon, or if it was just coincidence.

Anyway, getting back on topic, Human B-Gon really captures the feeling of those sort of shows. Albeit, with a fair bit of farcical exaggeration. We’ve got a cast of three wacky characters taking us on a tour of their day-to-day lives in a somewhat unusual, by robot standards, line of work. It is mentioned that the robots speak their own language, which is rendered as English for our convenience. Human languages, by contrast, are depicted as a series of high-pitched hooting and chittering.

There are also several ads for various in-universe services and products. They’re included alongside out-of-universe ads, and at times, I can’t tell which is which. That’s some very good ad integration. The in-universe ads offer things such as a service that will remove your personality circuits. That way, you don’t have to feel any of those negative and dissatisfied feelings, and can get back to work as a newly mindless drone. Your productivity is sure to skyrocket! Or how about a tasty burger made from radioactive materials? Robots can’t get enough of those radiative burgers, and there’s so many options to choose from.

The world of Human B-Gon really isn’t too different from our own, just with robots running the show. There’s plenty of robot puns to be found. For example, our heroes live in Scanada. Specifically in the province of Nanotoba. Okay, Scanada is Canada, and Nanotoba is Manitoba. What would Droidston be? Canadians, help me out with this one. Well, anyway, we also meet famous robot celebrities, such as 8-Blanchett, 3-Anu Reeves, and 9-an Reynolds. We also meet a robot named Buggy Eddie, who is probably a nod to Crazy Eddie, which is apparently an electronics chain. I assumed it was a reference to Honest Ed’s, a famous discount store from Toronto. I freely admit that I only know about that one because of Scott Pilgrim. In contrast to all of this, based on the brief descriptions we get, the robots aren’t even remotely anthropomorphic. I suppose this makes sense, given that most robots view humans as little more than vermin.

So, let’s talk about the main characters. Kit is the owner of Human B-Gon. He inherited the company from his father, and his greatest desire is to make his father proud. Kit has a generally sunny and chipper disposition, though he can be easily flustered. He’s also very enthusiastic about helping peacefully relocate humans. He’s enthusiastic, but he’s an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. In fairness, his partners aren’t much better. There’s plenty of information available about human behavior, dietary habits, and other important human things. However, Kit can’t be bothered to look any of that up. After all, who should we trust more? Well qualified and certified experts, or a schlub like Kit? Kit is played by Paul JP.

Hundo is Kit’s second-in-command, and primary love interest. In contrast to Kit, she’s very brash, bold, and assertive. Though, this is partially a conscious act on Hundo’s part. She’s trying to present herself as a serious rapper. However, rapping isn’t the first time Hundo was involved in music. When she was younger, she used to be known as Robecca Black, and recorded a song called “Pi Day.” This made her an overnight laughing stock on the Robot Internet. “Pi Day” is treated as so bad that it is painful for humans to listen to, but I thought it was kind of catchy. Of course, I don’t know what it sounds like in the original robot language. Hundo likes to think of herself as more on the ball than Kit, but she’s often just as scatterbrained as he is. Hundo is played by Kat Letwin 

Rounding out the main trio is Influx. He’s a level twelve intelligence, and thinks of himself as far smarter than Kit, Hundo, and basically all other robots. Influx is incredibly arrogant and condescending. He’s also a paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes that the world is ruled by a secret cabal known as the Algorithminati. In fact, for all of his delusions of genius, Influx isn’t much better than Kit and Hundo. It probably doesn’t help that he likes to indulge in magnets, which are basically the robot equivalent of marijuana and LSD. The effect seems to depend on how strong the magnets are. Influx also serves as the primary transport for Human B-Gon. As in, he’s like a Transformer, and can turn himself into pretty much any vehicle. Influx is played by Ian Slessor. He’s familiar, but I can’t think where I’ve heard him before. 

Then there’s Poo-Poo. He is Kit’s long suffering pet human. Hardly an episode goes by without Poo-Poo getting set on fire, slammed against a wall, stabbed like a pincushion, or otherwise brutalized. It also doesn’t help that Kit insists on feeding Poo-Poo “foods” such as wire insulation, silicone gel, and metal ball bearings. Like all humans, Poo-Poo’s speech is rendered as monkey-like hooting and chittering. Though, we can still tell that he very clearly isn’t happy with the way that Kit tries to take care of him. Influx likes to troll Kit by threatening to drop Poo-Poo off on Garbage Island, where all of the other humans are dropped-off.

Garbage Island is located in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. It is indeed a real collection of plastic located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It is twice the size of Texas, or three times the size of France. Though, there is a bit of artistic license here. In reality, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is primarily made of microplastics. True, some patches are more visible to the naked eye, but certainly not stable enough to build settlements on. Though, since Human B-Gon clearly isn’t going for realism, I’ll let that one slide.

The way Poo-Poo is treat is clearly played for laughs. That being said, at times it felt a tad uncomfortable. I was reminded a bit too much of the short story “The People of Sand and Slag” by Paolo Bacigalupi. It is set on a far future Earth that is completely polluted and environmentally damaged beyond repair. Humans genetically modified themselves into cyborgs that are barely organic anymore. In doing so, removing themselves from the web of life. So, it follows three of these cyborgs who work as guards for a mining company. They find a dog that has survived against all odds, and decide to take care of it. A big theme is about how the cyborgs just can’t comprehend how delicate, fragile, and ill-suited for the polluted world that the dog is. And the cyborgs are two guys and a girl, and the guy and girl are in a relationship…hmm, I wonder if “The People of Sand and Slag” was an influence on Human B-Gon?

Well, anyway, it is an excellent short story, but very brutal at times. Doubly so if you have a beloved pet dog, like I do. So, when I listen to all the shit Poo-Poo gets put through, I think of the poor dog from “The People of Sand and Slag.” But I concede this is really more of a me thing.

Human B-Gon is fairly episodic, but there are plot threads that run throughout the episode. For example, Kit’s continuing struggles to keep the business floating. I’ll briefly mention some of my favorite episodes. I liked the episode where Human B-Gon has to unexpectedly clear out a former human mall on Sunday. Influx uses Sundays as his fun day, and by fun day, I mean he gets high on magnets. So, he shows up to work high as a kite. At one point, he hallucinates that he can hear humans talking. And they tell him…that he is the smartest robot in the world, and they will be his loyal servant to help him take over the world.

Another fun episode was where the Human B-Gon crew have to clear out humans from a quantum reactor facility. This leads to some fun quantum shenanigans. We hear two versions of the characters talking. At first, they say totally opposite things, then they say the same thing, but phrased differently. The number of humans also fluctuates, due to quantum uncertainty. The episode where Influx builds an assistant robot named ADM, and he proves to be way better at everything than the rest of Human B-Gon, was pretty fun too.

I won’t give away the season finale. However, I will say that it sets up some very exciting possibilities for season two. And I certainly can’t wait to see what comes next for Human B-Gon.

So, there you have it. Human B-Gon is a science fiction comedy about three idiot robots trying, and often failing, to peacefully relocate verminous humans. It takes the form of a fictional television series, and has a lot of fun with the format. Season one is a lot of fun, and I can’t wait to see what season two brings to us.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

Flag of Buddhist India

This is the flag of Buddhist India. It comes from a world where Buddhism remained the dominate religion of India. It began during the reign of Ashoka the Great. As in our world, Ashoka converted to Buddhism after spending much of his life as a warlord who united much of India. Unlike our world, however, Ashoka formalized the relationship between the Sangha and the secular government. Ashoka’s system can be thought of as similar to the role the Catholic Church played in Medieval Europe in our world. Buddhist monasteries received funding via taxes, and the monks often involved themselves in the affairs of the state.

Another result of Ashoka’s reforms was that the Maurya Empire lasted several centuries longer than it did in our world. The empire covered almost all of the Indian Subcontinent, and its continued existence lead to a sense of Pan-Indian identity. In fact, the Maurya Empire would come to hold the same cultural significance in India as the Roman Empire does in the West, and the Han Dynasty does in China. All future Indian empires would, to varying degrees, attempt to emulate the glories of the Maurya Empire.

The changes resulting from Ashoka’s reforms ultimately meant that Vedantic Hinduism never came to be. However, life for the average Indian didn’t really change all that much under Buddhism. Most people continued to worship the same local gods they always had. The old traditions mixed freely with the new. For example, you might go to the Buddhist temple to pray for enlightenment and contemplate philosophy. However, if your child got sick, you would pray to whoever the local healer deity happened to be. The caste system never came to be, but there was a still a strict social hierarchy within Indian society.

In time, several Buddhist monks began to study the natural world, and developed natural philosophy of a sort. This led to several discoveries and innovation, the most significant of which was the discovery of gunpowder. India went on several campaigns of expansion. Several of these were nominally to spread Buddhism, but in practice, were really about expanding India’s political and cultural power. India conquered Persia, and even managed to push as far west as Egypt and the Levant. However, holding these lands proved harder. The empire shrank to only the Indian Subcontinent in a little over 100 years. However, this brief period of expansion did lead to Buddhism spreading further. Iran follows a combination of Zoroastrianism and Buddhism, and Central Asia is majority Buddhist. Southeast Asia is also majority Buddhist. It also helps that Islam was never found in this world.

Buddhist remain a significant minority in the Near East. Unfortunately, there have also been numerous conflicts between Buddhists and Christians in these lands. Buddhism never made major in-roads in Europe, barring a few minor communities in the Balkans. There were some Buddhist communities in Spain and Southern France, but they were whipped-out by Christian forces. Unlike our world, most Westerners do not stereotype Buddhists as being pacifists. In fact, due to a misunderstanding about Buddhist belief in reincarnation, many Christians stereotyped Buddhists as being violent, and having an incredibly cavalier attitude towards human life. However, during this world’s equivalent of the Enlightenment, several European scholars began to re-examine and reevaluate Buddhism. Though, they also often viewed it through a heavily Orientalist lens.

The flag is orange and maroon in reference to the colors of Buddhist monk robes. The white is to offset the orange and maroon. The Wheel of Samsara, also known as the Wheel of Rebirth, is displayed prominently in the center of the flag.