The Audio File: A Fox’s Guide to Deurbanisation

I’m back with another requested review. This one has talking foxes, rediscovering roots, and even a bit of chicken korma. So, without further ado, let’s get into it. We’re taking a look at A Fox’s Guide to Deurbanisation. 

Rusty is a fox that has lived in London his entire life. He and his friends get by scavenging food from rubbish bins. Chicken korma is their favorite. But lately, Rusty has grown disillusioned with urban life. His mom died from asthma caused by the smog and pollution, and his dad got run over by a taxi. Rusty’s dad was from the countryside before he met Rusty’s mom and moved to the city. Rusty wants to get back to nature and reconnect with his rural roots. Well, he hasn’t really experience true wilderness before. Still, he’s going to find the forest his dad grew up in, and reconnect with his estranged family. How hard can it be? And he’s going to record it all as part of a podcast he’s making.

This was another audio drama I received a request to review. Series creator Lisa Emily Petersen emailed me requesting a review. It took a while, between my day job at the Shreveport Aquarium, working on The Books of Thoth, and working on the new season of Residents of Proserpina Park. But I finally managed to get around to listening to A Fox’s Guide to Deurbanisation.

The audio drama this most reminds me of is Lights Out. They’re both dramdies that follow casts of semi-anthropomorphic animals. That is, the characters physically look like regular animals, but mentally, they’re basically human. And get into human-like shenanigans, with a animal coat of paint. Lights Out is a true gem of an audio drama, and I was delighted to find an audio drama that reminded me of it.

Amusingly, there is a kernel of truth to A Fox’s Guide to Deurbanisation. Scientists have observed some foxes adapting to life in urban areas. In fact, some scientists believe we’re witnessing the birth of a new subspecies of red foxes. These urban foxes are smaller on average. Easier to blend in and hide that way. And they primarily subsist by scavenging scraps of human food. Though, no word on whether they consider chicken korma superior to other curries. Also, as far as we know, none of these foxes have figured out how to create podcasts.

In some ways, this audio drama feels like an analogy for the experiences of diaspora kids. Children of immigrants grow up hearing stories about their parents’ homelands. It isn’t uncommon for them to wonder if the grass might be greener in the lands of their ancestors. Of course, it's also far from uncommon for them to discover that their parents’ countries have plenty of issues of their own. That, and these diaspora children discover they aren’t always welcomed with open arms, or automatically considered a member of the tribe.

I also see some parallels to…well, people experience a quarter life crisis, I suppose, but even that doesn’t feel quite right. The type who will convert to a new religion, like Buddhism or Paganism, and advocate getting back to nature and living in harmony with Mother Earth. Okay, Rusty isn’t quite that hippie dippie. The point being, they’re the type to take up farming, or living off the land, only to discover that it's actually much harder than they expected. 

A particularly tragic example of this was Christopher Johnson McCandless. He decided to try living off the land in the Alaskan bush. He was constantly starving, he couldn’t get back to civilization because he miscalculated the flooding of the river, refused to use a map and then probably starved to death. Though, some people think he accidentally ate a poisonous plant. 

On a brighter note, one of the major themes of A Fox’s Guide to Deurbanisation is that people are often more than they seem. Characters are frequently introduced in a way that paints them as one note, and often in a very unflattering light. However, later on it will turn out that they have hidden depths. People, and foxes, are complex and multifaceted.

Now, let’s talk about the characters. Rusty, of course, is our protagonist, and host of the in-universe podcast. We never find out how exactly he’s able to operate all of that podcast equipment without opposable thumbs or flexible digits. But details, details. He’s still the number one fox podcast creator. He’s also the only podcast creator who is also a fox, but hey, less competition. Rusty has high hopes for his journey into the wilderness. Suffice it to say, reality hits him like an eighteen wheeler and top speed.

Most of Rusty’s friends think he’s completely crazy out his head. However, he does have one supporter: his best friend Finnick. Get it, like a fennec fox. Anyway, Finnick initially seems like he's the typical best friend character. That is, always supporting Rusty, and having everything about him revolve around Rusty. However, Finnick has more of a spine to him. Rust and Finnick fall head over heels for Amber the Sexy Fox. And yes, that is how she’s listed in the show credits. She’s the most beautiful vixen either of them has either seen. 

Naturally, they have a slap-off. Apparently, that’s a thing foxes actually do to establish dominance. Finnick wins, and he had earlier advocated to Amber should be the one to pick which of them she wants. Nice foxes, it would seem, do not finish last. Of course, we later learn that Amber is into polyamory, so the point is a bit moot. But it was funny to listen to Rusty having to be kept up all night by Finnick and Amber…making baby foxes.

Yeah, despite the premise involving talking animals, A Fox’s Guide to Deurbanisation is not a kids show. Nor is it appropriate for kids. Besides the sex scene, there’s a bit of swearing, references to affairs, and references to alcohol. All well and good, but I do have to ding them in one regard. During the “not for kids” warning we are advised to keep our cubs out of the den. While this is technically acceptable, the more common name for a juvenile fox is kit. Though, points for having Rusty refer to himself as a tod, one of the terms for a male fox.

And another point for having Lucy the Canada Goose sing the sea shanty “Heave Away.” In my day job at Shreveport Aquarium, I will occasionally play the role of Captain Bones the Pirate. Sometimes, to get the kids excited, I’ll get them to do a pirate dance while I sing sea shanties. “Heave Away” is one of my go-to’s. Though, at times Lucy kind of sounded…well, back when Hugh Laurie was best known for A Bit of Fry and Laurie, his attempts to imitate an American accent were a bit off. Like, it was clearly American, but didn’t sound like any of the American regional accents. In fact, at times he sounded a bit constipated. Lucy kind of sounded like that to me, minus the constipation.

I also loved Fitzgerald the Cat. He was a lovable rouge who helped Rusty get out of several jams. I enjoyed the scene where he introduces Rusty to the wonders of wine, and tells him that humans engage in cannibalism every Sunday. They should probably not have been drinking that, given that wine is highly toxic to cats and foxes. Then again, in large enough quantities, it is to humans too. And based on a throw away line, foxes like to eat chocolate, another toxic substance, to get high. In fact, Rusty and his ex-girlfriend were going to move in behind the M&M store. So, uh, yeah, Rusty dodged a bullet on that one.

So, once Rusty makes it to the countryside he has to deal with fox hunters. I know that it is possible to obtain guns in Britain, but significantly harder than in America. For example, in British crime shows, a suspect using a gun is incredibly shocking. In American crime shows…it’s a pretty typical Thursday.

Now, obviously, Rusty reconnects with his family. However, that’s going to be part of the spoilers section. So, if you don’t want any of that, turn back now.

Last chance, sure you want to continue?

Okay, with that out the way, let's get into it.

Rusty’s country cousins are an eclectic bunch. We’ve got his Aunt Hillary. She drinks a bit too much, and she’s having an affair with a badger. But she seems reasonably…decent, I suppose. Then there are his cousins Cricket and Minnow. They consider literal dog shit to be the height of cuisine. He does have another cousin named Flint who shares his love of podcasting. Flint practically worships the ground Rusty walks on. And then we have Elder Estelle. She’s the oldest fox in the area. Why, she just turn four not to long ago. Wait, if four is considered old, how old is Rusty supposed to be?

And rounding out the group is Uncle Graham. Graham is very surly and a bit of a curmudgeon. You see, long ago he loved a beautiful vixen. And he even won the slap off for her paw. Unfortunately, she was a foodie, and the other fox wooed her with some delicious chicken korma. The two of them ran off to London together, and Graham never forgave his brother for stealing his girl.

Surprise! Rusty’s mom was the vixen that came between Uncle Graham and Rusty’s dad. And that’s why Graham taught everyone in his clan to shun delicious chicken korma, and embrace literal dog shit. Granted, the fact that his wife is having an affair with a badger probably doesn’t help.

So, yeah, we started off with fish out of water humor, and we end with family drama, but still comedy. And it all still works.

I enjoyed the scene where Rusty tells off his family for looking down on him for his city ways. I’ve had similar issues with my own family not understanding my interests. And yes, that includes both creating and reviewing audio dramas, and my work with the aquarium.

But it was nice he was able to patch things up with everyone in the end. It was especially amusing that Amber’s slightly hippie-ish methods worked. Just talking things out and using I statements. For example, instead of saying “You’re a dickhead” say instead “I feel that you’re a dickhead.” Actually, that’s not how that’s supposed to work, and Amber says as much, but it was funny that they actually went with that joke.

I also love how the audio drama ends. After everyone has made up we are treated to the sounds of the forest, which transitions to the sounds of the city. The message being that home isn’t a physical place. It’s wherever the people who love you and care about you are. And, you know, having access to chicken korma doesn’t hurt.

So, there you have it. A Fox’s Guide to Deurbanisation is a fun, lighthearted audio drama about a city fox trying to reconnect with his rural roots. It’s got humor, heart, and a cast of fluffy red foxes. Listen to it today, preferably with some chicken korma on hand.

Well, I think that should do from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: Human B-Gon

My policy for reviewing serialized audio dramas is that I require at least one complete season before I commit to a review. Well, today we’re taking a look at a show that asked me to review them a while back. They have now finally met that requirement. I won't waste any more time, let’s get into it. We’re taking a look at Human B-Gon.

Human B-Gon is a science fiction comedy set in a post-apocalyptic future. Well, post-apocalyptic future if you’re a human. Robots declared war on humanity, and the robots won. The robots have reshaped the world in their image. Though, that image really isn’t all that different from when humans were running the show. Humans lurk in the shadows and crevices of this brave new mechanical world. Naturally, the robots consider them quite the nuisance. Fortunately, for the more Hominid Rights minded robots, there’s one team who are always on-call: Human B-Gon! They are a trio of robots who specialize in the ethical relocation of humans. Well, on paper anyway. In reality, our trio of heroes are complete morons who barely know what they’re doing. Still, they’re going to try their level best. After all, they’re the finest ethical human relocation service in the greater Droidston, Nanotoba area. Then again, they’re also the only one. But hey, that’s something, right?

I’d interacted with Human B-Gon on various social media platforms; Reddit, Facebook, Twitter. They’ve been supportive of my work with these reviews, and with my own endeavors to create audio drama. Naturally, they ask if I’d review the show. They now fit my minimum requirements, so here we are now. Human B-Gon is created by Drew Frohmann. 

Human B-Gon is a member of the Fable & Folly network. Time for an audio drama roll call! The other members of Fable & Folly include, but aren’t limited to, Spaceships, Alba Salix, We Fix Space Junk, Harlem Queen, The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles, and Who is Cam Candor.

Human B-Gon is presented in the form of a fictional television series. It reminds me a bit of the sort of shows you tend to see these days on Discovery Channel and History Channel. The sort of shows they air now that they’ve both, mostly, given up on educational documentaries. In fairness, much as I rag on Discovery and History of that, there have been a few diamonds in the rough. Pawn Stars actually does a pretty good job teaching people about history, and I do love those crazy dudes. And I also admit that I used to watch Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe fairly frequently.

I was particularly reminded of Billy the Exterminator. It was a show on Discovery Channel about, well, an exterminator named Billy. Fun fact, Billy is from Bossier. It is the city directly across the Red River from Shreveport, where I live. Shreveport and Bossier are collectively counted as a single metro area, but Shreveport is the bigger of the two. I’m not sure if Billy the Exterminator was a direct influence on Human B-Gon, or if it was just coincidence.

Anyway, getting back on topic, Human B-Gon really captures the feeling of those sort of shows. Albeit, with a fair bit of farcical exaggeration. We’ve got a cast of three wacky characters taking us on a tour of their day-to-day lives in a somewhat unusual, by robot standards, line of work. It is mentioned that the robots speak their own language, which is rendered as English for our convenience. Human languages, by contrast, are depicted as a series of high-pitched hooting and chittering.

There are also several ads for various in-universe services and products. They’re included alongside out-of-universe ads, and at times, I can’t tell which is which. That’s some very good ad integration. The in-universe ads offer things such as a service that will remove your personality circuits. That way, you don’t have to feel any of those negative and dissatisfied feelings, and can get back to work as a newly mindless drone. Your productivity is sure to skyrocket! Or how about a tasty burger made from radioactive materials? Robots can’t get enough of those radiative burgers, and there’s so many options to choose from.

The world of Human B-Gon really isn’t too different from our own, just with robots running the show. There’s plenty of robot puns to be found. For example, our heroes live in Scanada. Specifically in the province of Nanotoba. Okay, Scanada is Canada, and Nanotoba is Manitoba. What would Droidston be? Canadians, help me out with this one. Well, anyway, we also meet famous robot celebrities, such as 8-Blanchett, 3-Anu Reeves, and 9-an Reynolds. We also meet a robot named Buggy Eddie, who is probably a nod to Crazy Eddie, which is apparently an electronics chain. I assumed it was a reference to Honest Ed’s, a famous discount store from Toronto. I freely admit that I only know about that one because of Scott Pilgrim. In contrast to all of this, based on the brief descriptions we get, the robots aren’t even remotely anthropomorphic. I suppose this makes sense, given that most robots view humans as little more than vermin.

So, let’s talk about the main characters. Kit is the owner of Human B-Gon. He inherited the company from his father, and his greatest desire is to make his father proud. Kit has a generally sunny and chipper disposition, though he can be easily flustered. He’s also very enthusiastic about helping peacefully relocate humans. He’s enthusiastic, but he’s an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. In fairness, his partners aren’t much better. There’s plenty of information available about human behavior, dietary habits, and other important human things. However, Kit can’t be bothered to look any of that up. After all, who should we trust more? Well qualified and certified experts, or a schlub like Kit? Kit is played by Paul JP.

Hundo is Kit’s second-in-command, and primary love interest. In contrast to Kit, she’s very brash, bold, and assertive. Though, this is partially a conscious act on Hundo’s part. She’s trying to present herself as a serious rapper. However, rapping isn’t the first time Hundo was involved in music. When she was younger, she used to be known as Robecca Black, and recorded a song called “Pi Day.” This made her an overnight laughing stock on the Robot Internet. “Pi Day” is treated as so bad that it is painful for humans to listen to, but I thought it was kind of catchy. Of course, I don’t know what it sounds like in the original robot language. Hundo likes to think of herself as more on the ball than Kit, but she’s often just as scatterbrained as he is. Hundo is played by Kat Letwin 

Rounding out the main trio is Influx. He’s a level twelve intelligence, and thinks of himself as far smarter than Kit, Hundo, and basically all other robots. Influx is incredibly arrogant and condescending. He’s also a paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes that the world is ruled by a secret cabal known as the Algorithminati. In fact, for all of his delusions of genius, Influx isn’t much better than Kit and Hundo. It probably doesn’t help that he likes to indulge in magnets, which are basically the robot equivalent of marijuana and LSD. The effect seems to depend on how strong the magnets are. Influx also serves as the primary transport for Human B-Gon. As in, he’s like a Transformer, and can turn himself into pretty much any vehicle. Influx is played by Ian Slessor. He’s familiar, but I can’t think where I’ve heard him before. 

Then there’s Poo-Poo. He is Kit’s long suffering pet human. Hardly an episode goes by without Poo-Poo getting set on fire, slammed against a wall, stabbed like a pincushion, or otherwise brutalized. It also doesn’t help that Kit insists on feeding Poo-Poo “foods” such as wire insulation, silicone gel, and metal ball bearings. Like all humans, Poo-Poo’s speech is rendered as monkey-like hooting and chittering. Though, we can still tell that he very clearly isn’t happy with the way that Kit tries to take care of him. Influx likes to troll Kit by threatening to drop Poo-Poo off on Garbage Island, where all of the other humans are dropped-off.

Garbage Island is located in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. It is indeed a real collection of plastic located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It is twice the size of Texas, or three times the size of France. Though, there is a bit of artistic license here. In reality, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is primarily made of microplastics. True, some patches are more visible to the naked eye, but certainly not stable enough to build settlements on. Though, since Human B-Gon clearly isn’t going for realism, I’ll let that one slide.

The way Poo-Poo is treat is clearly played for laughs. That being said, at times it felt a tad uncomfortable. I was reminded a bit too much of the short story “The People of Sand and Slag” by Paolo Bacigalupi. It is set on a far future Earth that is completely polluted and environmentally damaged beyond repair. Humans genetically modified themselves into cyborgs that are barely organic anymore. In doing so, removing themselves from the web of life. So, it follows three of these cyborgs who work as guards for a mining company. They find a dog that has survived against all odds, and decide to take care of it. A big theme is about how the cyborgs just can’t comprehend how delicate, fragile, and ill-suited for the polluted world that the dog is. And the cyborgs are two guys and a girl, and the guy and girl are in a relationship…hmm, I wonder if “The People of Sand and Slag” was an influence on Human B-Gon?

Well, anyway, it is an excellent short story, but very brutal at times. Doubly so if you have a beloved pet dog, like I do. So, when I listen to all the shit Poo-Poo gets put through, I think of the poor dog from “The People of Sand and Slag.” But I concede this is really more of a me thing.

Human B-Gon is fairly episodic, but there are plot threads that run throughout the episode. For example, Kit’s continuing struggles to keep the business floating. I’ll briefly mention some of my favorite episodes. I liked the episode where Human B-Gon has to unexpectedly clear out a former human mall on Sunday. Influx uses Sundays as his fun day, and by fun day, I mean he gets high on magnets. So, he shows up to work high as a kite. At one point, he hallucinates that he can hear humans talking. And they tell him…that he is the smartest robot in the world, and they will be his loyal servant to help him take over the world.

Another fun episode was where the Human B-Gon crew have to clear out humans from a quantum reactor facility. This leads to some fun quantum shenanigans. We hear two versions of the characters talking. At first, they say totally opposite things, then they say the same thing, but phrased differently. The number of humans also fluctuates, due to quantum uncertainty. The episode where Influx builds an assistant robot named ADM, and he proves to be way better at everything than the rest of Human B-Gon, was pretty fun too.

I won’t give away the season finale. However, I will say that it sets up some very exciting possibilities for season two. And I certainly can’t wait to see what comes next for Human B-Gon.

So, there you have it. Human B-Gon is a science fiction comedy about three idiot robots trying, and often failing, to peacefully relocate verminous humans. It takes the form of a fictional television series, and has a lot of fun with the format. Season one is a lot of fun, and I can’t wait to see what season two brings to us.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: The TEMP: Season 2

Welcome back to my review of The TEMP. We’re taking a look a season two this time. If you haven’t already checked out my review of season one, you can find it over here. With that out of the way, let’s get into season two.

Just a quick recap, The TEMP follows a man named Bernie Pfelger. He's a temporary worker, a temp if you will. He has worked many strange jobs, with many strange employers. We are joining him on all the wacky misadventures in his quest to find permanent employment. I realize that isn't much of a summary, but I promise that this is a good show. I was approached by series creator Michael Wilhelm to review this audio drama. He noticed my frequent posting of reviews in the Audio Drama Lovers Facebook group. I said yes, after I took care of a couple other reviews, and now here we are.

Episode Nine is titled "Mother's Nature." Bernie is having deal with a real mean girl at his latest office job. Her name is Maxine and she's got it out for temps, and Bernie is her latest target. Will Bernie innocence and charm win her over, or are more drastic measure required?

We have some new things this season. For example, the formerly instrumental theme song now has lyrics. It's a fun little ditty, as you might expect. Also, Bernie and Penny's daughter Menorah finally makes an on-screen appearance, for lack of a better way of putting it. She's dropped out of college...because she's making a six-figure salary reviewing stuff on YouTube. Bernie was worried that it involved nudity, but his fears are misplaced. Now, if it had been Twitch or OnlyFans, well, then he might have had a more legitimate concern.

Clearly, Menorah isn't reviewing audio fiction. You don't make...well, actually, I don't make any money doing this. It is a labor of love. Of course, that's partially on me. I don't run ads on this blog, because you guys have enough ads in your life, and I probably wouldn’t make much anyway. I don't have a Patreon, because I don't know what to give as rewards, and there are tons of audio dramas that deserve your money more than I do. I also take my reviews pro bono. I will never charge to review someone's show. Audio drama is expense enough as it is, and charging for reviews would be exploitative. Like I said, labor of love. But enough about me, back to the show.

So, Menorah is doing pretty well for herself. Though, I do understand Bernie's concern about her dropping out of college. I mean, imagine if her YouTube career fizzles out. She'd be wandering around aimlessly from temporary job to temporary job. Oh, everything would be fine for a bit, but then she'd inevitably get fired and have to find a new job. But what would Bernie possibly know about that?

Good thing The TEMP is a comedy. Bernie is a middle-aged white man being tormented by a young white woman. That sort of set-up, especially in the post-MeToo world, would not have ended well in a more serious show. Bernie would be at a serious disadvantage. Well, that and Bernie would have gotten into trouble for the scene where he wears a baseball cap backwards and goes "yo, yo, yo." In real life, somebody probably would have complained that he was being racist.

Still, I guess one of the upsides of Bernie constantly getting fired is that, no matter how terrible his job, it's only temporary. It's like Avenue Q says, everything in Bernie's life is only for now. Well, except for death and paying taxes, but hopefully he won't die anytime soon.

Episode Ten is called “Gumshoe.” Bernie gets a job working at the Marge in Charge Detective Agency. Despite the name, it’s actually Marge’s husband who is the head detective. Well, he’s kind of an idiot, and she does most of the work. But still, he’s still head detective on paper. Bernie mostly just holds down the fort while the detectives are away, but hey, he’s living his detective dream. What could possibly go wrong?

Well, there was a bit of unintentional bit of synergy in my life with this episode. I listened to it not long after beating all of the detective endings on Kyle is Famous. It is a Choose Your Own Adventure type game where you are a talk show host preparing for his latest episode. Well, that’s the basic plot. There are over 117 possible endings, and things can quickly go off the rails, and into complete insanity. You can become a ghost, time travel, or even show up to the interview totally naked. You can also have Kyle change jobs, one of which is being a detective. You’ll probably need a guide sooner or later, but it is worth it to experience Kyle is Famous in all its insane glory.

Anyway, back to The TEMP. Bernie mentions that it has been his lifelong dream to drive around in a van and solve mysteries. Does he also plan on adopting a Great Dane as part of this plan? Bernie, I really can’t sugarcoat this, so I’m going to give it to your straight: you’re simply too old to be a meddling kid. Also, I’m pretty sure meddling kids don’t get paid, and you can’t afford to be working pro bono. But hey, even if Bernie is too old to live out his Scooby-Doo fantasies, he’s still the right age to give us plenty of laughs and entertainment. I also realize that I’ve heard the theme music on certain commercials before, but nothing wrong with that. Audio drama is expensive, and royalty-free stock music is a good way to save on cost, while also utilizing a quality product.

This was, all things considered, another reasonably good episode.

Episode Eleven is “Meme, Myself, and I.” Bernie becomes a meme after accidentally eating some insanely spicy potato chips, and washing them down with copious amounts of milk. Bernie is suddenly inundated with job offers and opportunities. It’s almost too good to be true, but how long will it last?

This is another episode that shakes things up. Bernie gets fired halfway through the episode, but that’s when the real fun starts. We also see a different side of Menorah. When she first appeared, she seemed fairly sweet and kindhearted. Come this episode, I’m tempted to believe that Menorah is slightly evil. She’s the one who tricked Bernie into eating the spicy chips, and knew he’d make a fool of himself with the milk. I also appreciated the brief nod to Penny getting stuck in the mascot costume in episode two. Also, milk is indeed useful in combating spicy food. Water spreads the oils within chilis around your mouth, but milk bonds with the oils, and draws them away.

So, about the meme itself. The TEMP prides itself on being a family-friendly comedy audio drama. A bring this up because, in real life, I can see the memes getting very perverted very quickly. Given what milk looks like, it wouldn’t take long for places like 4chan, and the seedier parts of Reddit and Twitter, to take the meme in some very family-unfriendly directions.

I figured that Bernie’s meme would die fairly quickly. That’s just how it tends to go with the lifecycle of memes. Still, didn’t see him becoming a creepypasta. Well, it’s called Spooky Noodles, but it’s pretty clearly meant to be a parody of creepypastas. For those who don’t know, creepypastas are horror stories that are posted on the Internet. Bernie is reimagined as the Milky Man, which sounds vaguely similar to Slender Man. Maybe the company didn’t want to risk a repeat of the Slender Man Stabbings. Back in 2014, two girls attempted to murder their friend because they believed Slender Man want them to become his avatars. Before anyone clutches their pearls, I would point out the girls were determined to be suffering from mental illness, and were later committed to a psychiatric institute. Also, the creepypasta community held a fundraiser to raise money for the victim of the stabbings.

So, we’ve got another episode that decides to mix thing up, and I’m definitely here for it.

Episode Twelve is “Royal Flush.” Bernie decides that he’s stuck in a rut, and decides to shake things up. By that, I mean he tries out a different temp agency. He lands a pretty sweet position as a bathroom attendant at a very prestigious country club. The tips alone bring in quite a bit of money. It’s like a dream come true. But things rarely stay stable for long with Bernie.

There are indeed fancy places that have bathroom attendants. Said attendants offer visitors a variety of soaps, towels, cologne, and amenities. I suppose it seems kind of nice, but public restrooms always make me feel rather nervous, especially when there’s a lot of people in them.

Bernie is told that he cannot use the restroom himself. Employees have their own bathroom in the basement. It seemed like that was setting things up. I assumed Bernie would eat something that would disagree with him, and he would have no choice but to use the fancy toilets. That, or he’d try to hold it, but would wind up soiling himself. However, it seems that this was a red herring.

He does, however, find himself in the middle of a class war. Several of the other employees decide to revolt against the country club, and barricade the fancy bathroom. I guess you could say they were planning a shit-in. The leader speaks with a noticeable lisp, and he reminded me of Barry Kripke from The Big Bang Theory. He’s the one who says stuff like “Hewwo, Swelldon Cwoopa. It is me, Barwwie Kwipke.”

Well, Bernie learned a valuable lesson from all of this. If an offer seems too good to be true, chances are, it’s probably a load of shit.

Episode Thirteen is “Chemical Reaction.” He has been assigned to work at a toy factory. Bernie feels like he’s just gotten hired by Willy Wonka, and in a way he’s correct. That is, he’s not working in an office, but on the ground floor of the factory. So, he’s basically an Oompa Loompa. The toys are made using several highly toxic chemicals, and the factory is a very unsafe place in general. But hey, what’s the worst that could happen?

The episode description described the toy factory as progressive. I assumed this might mean that the episode would be poking fun at political correctness. This would be odd, as The TEMP is usually fairly apolitical. But this was not the case. The factory is a decidedly unsafe place to work, with numerous OSHA violations. I’d probably be just as nervous as Bernie was, if not more so. But hey, Bernie’s probably already been exposed to all sorts of horrible chemicals. Depending on how old Bernie is, his body is probably full of lead. It was used all the time in gasoline and paint back in the day. It’s just like how everyone in my generation are probably full of microplastics.

Usually, The TEMP is pretty episodic. However, this episode adds a bit of continuity. Bernie and his temp agent are still dealing with the consequences of the previous episode. In fact, Bernie thinks his agent set him up as revenge for going to a different temp agency. Oh, and in other Wonka references, Bernie calls his agent a Vermicious Knid. I guess we’ll have to see if this plot thread continues in future episodes.

So, Bernie has saved the day and stop a toxic factory. Well, there’s a decent chance the factory owners will regroup and move production somewhere else. Presumably, somewhere with fewer safety regulations, such as China or India. But hey, Bernie should count his wins no matter their size

Episode Fourteen is “Class Trip.” Bernie enrolls in a class that promises to help land him a permanent job. Bernie feels like he’s a kid in school again. The class covers things like rhymes, hopscotch, proper siting, and being efficient. Is this really going to help him be better? Does Bernie even need to be fixed?

This episode was deceptive. Well, to me it felt like it was. I have had many nightmares about having to repeat college and/or high school. I mean, overall I did enjoy my time in college, but I am glad to have finally put my formal education behind me. I’m still not entirely convinced that the teacher of the class wasn’t a cult leader. She takes away everyone’s cellphones, thereby limiting their contact with the outside world, constantly tries to shame and gaslight everyone, tries to get everyone to tie their self-worth to her approval, and she claims her method is the path to salvation. Sounds like a cult leader to me. When the teacher offers everyone juice boxes my first thought was “No, Bernie! Don’t drink the Kool-Aid!”

Speaking of our main man, we learn that he likes to watch the movie The Towering Inferno whenever he’s feeling down. Apparently, the sight of a skyscraper full of people burning to death calms him down. Well, now we know why Bernie has never been able to hold down a job. His agent did give him bad jobs, but with good reason. If Bernie stay in one place for too long, he might get bored, and give into his pyromaniac tendencies. Wait, a minute, Bernie is pretty heavily based upon Michael Wilhelm. Uh, will you please excuse me, I need to call the Fort Wayne, Indiana Police Department. That was a joke, just in case it wasn’t obvious.

This episode is probably the closest that The TEMP will come to a horror episode. I like the part where Bernie lists all of his accomplishments over the course of the series. It will be interesting to see where he goes from here.

Episode Fifteen and Episode Sixteen are a two-part episode. The first half is “Lost & Alone” and the second half is “Lost In Space.” Bernie Pfelger is missing! Well, not really. He’s actually been brought in for questioning by some government agents. But hey, Penny and Menorah don’t know that. They’re determined to find Bernie no matter what it takes. Meanwhile, Bernie recounts his latest misadventure. He got hired as the personal assistant to a very eccentric genius at a rocket company. Bernie’s new boss had some truly out of this world ideas. Like wanting to launch himself into orbit to defend the Earth from aliens.

This was a lot of firsts for The TEMP. We had our first two-part episode. We also got to see Penny and Menorah take the lead for a good chunk of the first half. That was a fun change of pace. It was interesting to witness Bernie’s escapades from the perspective of someone other than Bernie himself. I initially wondered if Bernie’s new boss was going to be a parody of Elon Musk. However, this was not the case. He was more of a generic mad scientist type.

I also liked how there were some real space facts slipped in with the comedy. For example, seven miles-per-second is indeed the escape velocity for launching into Earth orbit. Also, Earth orbit is indeed filled with all sorts of junk and debris. This is a major problem, and is known as Kessler Syndrome. Basically, the more debris in orbit, the more likely collisions are; and the more likely those collisions set off the chain reaction of collisions. I also liked the bit with the radio transmissions coming from all around the world.

This two-part episode certainly didn’t crash on the launch pad. It was truly out of this world, and a fitting note to end season two on. 

We had a great first season of The Temp. Our second season not only continues this quality, but manages to shake things up and try new things. I’m very much looking forward to season three. Especially because I acted as a consultant for one of the episodes. But, uh, more on that when season three gets here. 

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: Absolutely No Adventures

I’ve found that, when it comes to secondary world fantasy, I tend towards the comedic. I have found, especially with the standard Medieval-style worlds, I prefer ones that don’t take themselves completely seriously. Also, to clarify, secondary world means set in a world other than the one we live in. It doesn’t have anything to do with the Soviet Union, or the Eastern Bloc nations. I’m willing to take a secondary world fantasy more seriously when it doesn’t play its premise completely straight. So, without further ado, let’s get into the audio drama we’ll be reviewing today. We’re taking a look at Absolutely No Adventures. 

Absolutely No Adventures follows a baker name Sig. He lives in a stereotypical fantasy world, and has a fairly impressive pedigree. He’s a seventh son of a seventh son, he’s a minor noble in several kingdoms and principalities, and features into several prophecies. Naturally, he’s quite the hot commodity. Almost everyone has tried to rope him into various quests and adventures. However, as the name of the show says, Sig wants no adventures. He just wants to bake, and will do whatever it takes to avoid going on a quest. The show follows the (un)adventures of Sig and his friends at his bakery, Sig’s Signature Eats. They’re serving up cookies, cakes, pies, bread, and absolutely no adventures.

I first became aware of Absolutely No Adventures thanks to the Audio Drama Infinitum feed over on Twitter. It is run by Julie Hoverson, who also produces the audio drama 19 Nocturne Boulevard. Audio Drama Infinitum is dedicated to helping promote free scripted audio dramas. That means the shows aren’t for sale, but they are available on most major podcast apps or YouTube. It also means it isn’t just an audiobook narration, but something that is acted out and performed.

I saw a tweet promoting Absolutely No Adventures, and was very impressed by the high-quality cover art. The premise also sounded like it would be fun, so I decided to give it a listen, and proceeded to have great time. I’d been wanting to review this one for a while. I’d been waiting til Absolutely No Adventures put out it’s latest episode; a full one hour special, in contrast to the usual runtime of twelve to fifteen minutes. Series creator Destiny Howell wanted to know what people thought of the latest episode. So, I decided to do one better and formally review the entire show.

As I hinted at in the preamble, Absolutely No Adventures takes a more comedic approach to the fantasy genre. It is lighthearted and humorous, and doesn’t take itself too seriously. It is cut from the same cloth as audio dramas like Alba Salix, Royal Physician and The Two Princes. I really love the bouncy Medieval-style music that accompanies the opening of each episode. Absolutely No Adventures also frequently parodies and pokes fun at other works of fantasy such as The Chronicles of Narnia, The Wizard of Oz, and Harry Potter. But it does so, mostly, in a good-natured and affectionate way. Of course, before we discuss all of that, we’re going to need to discuss the characters first. 

Sig can be seen as a deconstruction of a typical fantasy protagonist. More specifically, he’s a deconstruction of the reluctant hero archetype. There have been many chosen one, throughout fantasy, who resent their role and wish they hadn’t been chosen. Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Avatar Aang, and Bobby Pendragon are just a few examples of reluctant chosen ones. However, most reluctant chosen ones wind up resigning themselves to their fate. By contrast, Sig takes proactive measures to escape the many prophecies and quests he figures into. Naturally, Sig has become very quick-witted, and is good at weaseling his way out of tough situations. 

Sig’s name is short for Sigourney. His mom is from Earth, and she was really into 1980s action movies. All of Sig’s brother have names like Arnold, Sylvester, Jean-Claude, Dolph, Kurt, and Chuck. Sig’s mom was hoping for a daughter she could name after Sigourney Weaver. Instead, she got Sig, but she named him Sigourney anyway. Though, interestingly, Sigourney was originally considered a male name. Also, Sig’s mom was from Europe, but he speak with an American accent. Then again, so does pretty much everyone else in his world. Sig discovered his love of baking at a young age. It is his happy place, and his is quite the talented chef. Sig is voiced by Wes Haas.

Speaking of happiness, let’s talk about Happy. Well, his full name is Happiness Escapes All Who Behold His Great and Terrible Visage. Yeah, demons tend to have elaborate names like that. The queen of the demons sent Happy to bring Sig to the underworld. She was hoping that Sig would help usher in the apocalypse. Instead, Sig wound up taking on Happy as his assistant. Happy has a very deadpan personality, and can be a bit literal-minded at times. A lot from humor comes from how he approaches everything with a comically serious demeanor, and speaks in a deep monotone voice. Think a bit like Drax from Guardians of the Galaxy. Happy is voiced by Karsten Otto.

Rounding out the cast is Bea. She’s from our world, but wound up in Sig’s world thanks to the magic of Wi-Fi connections. No, really. Apparently, Wi-Fi is a form of magic. Sig’s world, being full of magic, has really great Wi-Fi. So, Bea can share all sort of Netflix shows, such as The Great British Bake-Off, with Sig and Happy. Actually, Wi-Fi being a form of magic kind of makes sense. I remember one time my dad and I set up Wi-Fi at my grandpa’s house. I tried my best to explain how it works, but even I had to admit that it does kind of sound like magic. Well, Clarke’s Third Law does say that any sufficiently technology is indistinguishable from magic. Perhaps the reverse holds true as well.

Bea is absolutely ecstatic about being in an actually fantasy world. She’s very energetic, happy-go-lucky, and squees with joy over pretty much everything. She gets to attend Hexwell, a school for aspiring wizards and witches. It is divided into three houses; Trueclaw for the hero kids, Direclaw for the evil kids, and Toad for everyone else. One of Sig’s brother went to Hexwell, and went on many adventures…where he almost got killed in several horrific ways. Sig also questions why the evil students are even thought advanced magic in the first place. In case it wasn’t obvious, Hexwell is a parody of Hogwarts from Harry Potter. Sig does raise some very good points. It might be fun to read about fantasy adventures, such a Harry Potter, but it would probably be pretty terrifying to actual be in a fantasy adventure. Especially true if you aren’t very skilled in magic. Plus, most actually parents would probably horrified at Hogwart’s safety record. Hexwell wanted to recruit Sig, but he was able to convince them to let Bea go in his place. The recruiter for Hexwell is a talking cat, which might possibly have been a Sailor Moon reference. Alternatively, it could have been a reference to how Professor McGonagall has the ability to turn into a cat.

When Bea first met Sig and Happy, she’d been sent on a mission to killed a wicked witch. The supposedly wicked witch is named Petra the Crooked, and the supposedly nice witch is named Adelaide the Serene Sorceress. Wait a minute, a witch named Adelaide who isn’t as nice as she is claimed to be? Is that a reference to Over the Garden Wall that I spy? If so, I totally approve; Over the Garden Wall is an amazing miniseries. Sig pointed out Petra provides many essential services to the region. He also questioned why Bea was so eager to take part in an assassination, give that she’d only just arrived in a world she knows next to nothing about. This is all obviously a nod to The Wizard of Oz, but also a clear reference to the book/musical Wicked. Bea is voiced by Sarah Ruth Thomas. There were a few times she kind of sounded like Caitlin Glass’ portrayal of Winry Rockbell from the English dub of Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood). That made the time Bea describes a spell as an equivalent exchange rather amusing.

On a personal note, I almost auditioned for Absolutely No Adventures. During the one-hour special, Sig and the gang find themselves briefly transported to a Narnia-esque world. They meet a half-man half-rabbit named Timor. No, he’s not some mix of human and rabbit, nor is he one on the top and the other on the bottom. He’s split down the middle; human on one side of his body, and rabbit on the other. I had wanted to audition for the role, but I was afraid my microphone wasn’t up to snuff, so I didn’t bother sending in a submission. However, Andrew Oakes, who was cast as Timor, did an amazing job with the role. He did way better than I probably would have, so good for him. And good for Absolutely No Adventures.

Now, I am perfectly happy with the typical twelve to fifteen minute episode, but I am pleased to see Absolutely No Adventures trying new things. The hour-long special was a lot of work, but it was clearly a labor of love. I also really liked the episode title card. It looked like a title card from a hypothetical animated adaption of Absolutely No Adventures. Everyone involved with the episode clearly gave their all to whatever part they played in the production. I don’t know where Absolutely No Adventures is planning on heading in the future, but it clearly has a bright future ahead of it. I can’t wait to see what else this show has in store for us.

I think that’s a good note to end on. Absolutely No Adventures is a fun fantasy audio drama that parodies the tropes of the fantasy genre. It isn’t devoid of serious moments, but it usually doesn’t take itself too seriously. If you’re looking for something light-hearted and comedic, you can’t go wrong with this show.

Well, I think that’s enough form me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles

It is a new year, and that means there are new reviews of audio dramas to be had. There’s nothing really more for me to add, so I’ll get straight to the point. We’re taking a look at The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles. 

Kitty Kinicki was just a girl from Picatinny, New Jersey. She had big dreams, and she knew that she should expect more out of life than working at the town armory and eating chicken parm on Sunday nights. So, she decided to throw caution to the wind. She moved to Hollywood with big dreams of becoming an actress. To that end, she would need to reinvent herself. So, she picked a new name, a name as glamorous and exciting as her dreams: Carlötta Beautox! Carlötta has high hopes…but her acting abilities leave something to be desired. Still, come hell or high water, she will do whatever it takes to become a famous celebrity. Gird your loins, Hollywood, because here comes Carlötta Beautox!

The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles is created by Ann Sloan and is a member of the Fable & Folly network of podcasts. Amusingly, it turns out that the Fable & Folly network exists in Carlötta’s world as well. There’s a scene during season three where Carlötta goes to a podcast convention. She learns about what audio dramas are, and of one team that is creating a comedy set in Hollywood. To this Carlotta responds, “So, not in space, or a fantasy realm?” This is s sly reference to fellow Fable & Folly shows We Fix Space Junk and Alba Salix, Royal Physician.

I first became aware of The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles while listening to…hmm, which Fable & Folly show was it? I want to say either We Fix Space Junk or Alba Salix. Probably wasn’t Harlem Queen. In any event, I had a gap in my listening schedule, and decided to give The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles a try. It only took a few episodes before I was hooked, and before long I’d listened to the entire show. How can I best describe The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles? Well, start with The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, but with the rules of reality turned down even lower. Actually, send the rules of reality out to lunch, and make damn sure they don’t return. Add a pinch of paint fumes for flavor, and you have this audio drama.

The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles is almost completely lighthearted and silly. There’s nary a serious moment to be found, and the show is all the better for it. The show has a great theme song, and the lyrics change every season to reflect major developments in Carlötta‘s life. Let’s take a look at the cast of characters who inhabit this world, shall we?

As I have said, Carlötta has high hopes, but zero talent. To give one example among many, in the first episode she gets cast as a corpse on Castle. She had to keep perfectly still and play dead, but manages to fails rather spectacularly. But hey, she did make number eleven on Variety’s “Top 10 Extra’s Nobody Want to Work With” list. So, win some lose some, I guess. In terms of intelligence, Carlötta is somewhere between a sack of bricks and a bag of half-eaten cannolis. Still, despite how funny it is to listen to her fail, she’s endearing enough that we all want to see her succeed, even if only a little. Carlötta supplements her acting gigs, such as they are, by working various odd jobs. Among other things, she’s been a dog-walker, a personal assistant, and even babysat some alpacas. She thought they’d be alpacas sweaters, not literal alpacas, despite a galactic-sized amount of evidence to the contrary. Carlötta is voiced by Samantha Gordon, who is clearly having an absolute blast with the role.

Of course, Carlötta wouldn’t get anywhere without her trusty manager/landlord Dave. He helps find acting roles, and assorted odd jobs, for Carlötta. He’s actually pretty good at it too. For example, he manages to score Carlötta a job selling merchandise at Cannes. Yes, the world famous film festival, and what’s really surpassing is that they usual don’t sell…oh dear, that’s not correct at all. I’m sorry everyone, that was my mistake. Let’s take it from the top, shall we?

What I meant to say is that Dave gets Carlötta a job selling merchandise at Cans, the largest porno convention in America. In his defense, Carlötta can’t really afford to be picky with her jobs. And hey, at least it was selling porno merchandise, not actually being in a porno. And Dave does usually get better gigs for Carlötta. He gets her a job in a film where she plays an Irish person. Naturally, Carlötta felt the need to take a DNA test just to be sure she wasn’t committing cultural appropriation of Irish culture. Thankfully, Carlötta is part Irish, and part, well, just about everything. She even has DNA from nations that don’t have set ethnicity, like Canada. Did I mention that the rules of reality are out to lunch on this show? As you can see, while The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles does occasionally touch on serious and/or controversial issues, it does so with tongue planted firmly in cheek.

Dave is voiced by Trevör Lissauer. Dave sounds kind of like Gubbin from The Axe and Crown, and I initially thought it might be the same voice actor, but I was wrong.

Dave also took a DNA test, and discovered that he is 100 percent Neanderthal. Interestingly, most humans, other than those of predominantly Sub-Saharan African ancestry, have a small amount of Neanderthal DNA. I myself am 2.1 percent Neanderthal. Of course, having near 100 percent would be pretty much unheard of, but again, this isn’t a show where reality is on the guest list. Dave does later discover that he is distantly related to a minor British noble named Dame Pickles. He goes to the United Kingdom to visit her, and winds up with a mouth full of spotted dick when Carlötta calls him unexpectedly.

It’s a type of British steamed pudding, get your minds out of the gutter. Yeah, The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles gets a lot of mileage out of words and phrases that have multiple meanings. One episode see Carlötta get a visit from her Aunt Flo. No, not her period, her Aunt Florence. She is referred to as Literal Aunt Flo by everyone for the rest of the episode. In another episode, after eating wild berries, Carlötta goes on a vision quest and receives wisdom from the Fairy God Cougar. As in, a magical talking mountain lion, not the other kind of cougar. Although, the way the Fairy God Cougar talks certainly brings the other kind of cougar to mind.

Rounding out the main trio is Siri. Yes, the virtual assistant from Apple. She’s rather snarky and sarcastic, constantly makes fun of Carlötta. Of course, during the ads, Siri gives Ann Sloan no end of grief. You know, I do wonder if Ann Sloan might be drawing from her own life, at least a little, for Carlötta‘s misadventures. Some of the jokes about living in a small town in New Jersey do feel like they’re poking fun in an affectionate sort of way. Ann and Carlötta also both moved to Hollywood with dreams of big success.

In any event, there are a lot of references to current celebrities, as is to be expected. Normally, this would potentially limit the shelf life of a series. However, I think that The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles has some staying power. Mel Brooks once said that a parody should still be funny even if you don’t know what it is making fun of. I would argue that The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles falls into this category. It is still perfectly funny even if you don’t know who all of the celebrities are.

But which celebrities make appearances? I’ll give a few examples. The first episode, being on the set of Castle, features a cameo by Nathan Fillion. Well, the voice actor sounded nothing like him, but knowing this show, I’m tempted to say that was deliberate. Another episode sees Carlötta discover that a beloved talk show host is, in fact, a terrible person. Said host is only identified under the fake name of Helen. Hmm, talk show host, name rhythms with Helen, scandalous secrets…I’m stumped. Could be anyone really. What’s that now? Ellen DeGeneres? Why ever do you say that?

Carlötta frequently says that Khloe Kardashian is her spirit animal, and even gets to meet her at the end of season one. The voice actress playing her sounds fairly spot-on. Ooh, Carlötta better be carful. Native America social media activists aren’t going to take kindly to her using the term spirit animal. Native Americans have some serious reservations about that sort of thing. There are several other celebrity cameos, but I’ll leave those for you to discover. Even the ones I couldn’t place still managed to be funny, so I usually got the gist of the jokes.

Well, I think that covers everything not related to serious spoilers. Yes, even a show like this has serious plot-line related spoilers. If you want to know why I said “paint fumes” when describing this show, well, you’ll see when you get to the end of season one.

Suffice it to say, I am very glad that I gave this show a chance. The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles is a wacky, zany, tongue-in-check look at Hollywood and celebrity culture. It is lighthearted, silly, doesn’t take itself too seriously, and is a lot of fun. I strongly recommend that you give it a listen today.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: Alba Salix, Royal Physician

As I've said, on multiple occasions, sometimes it takes a bit before I get to some of the more popular, or more recommended, audio dramas out there. However, I usually wind-up falling in love with them once I finally give them a listen. Without further preamble, let's get into today's review. We're taking a look at Alba Salix, Royal Physician.

Once upon a time, in a kingdom far, far away, there lives a witch named Alba Salix. She's the head of the House of Healing, and oversees all the medical clinics in the Kingdom of Farloria. Alba is joined by her assistant, a fairy named Holly. She's the chief herbalist at the House of Healing. Recently, the House of Healing has also taken on a former monk named Magnus. He's providing public service in lieu of a debt he owes. There's plenty of laughs and fun times to be had as the House of Healing team handles a new case each episode.

I'd seen Alba Salix recommended a few times in the "you may also like" section of my Apple podcast app. However, what finally convinced me to give it a try was a promo I listened to. It played at the end of an episode of We Fix Space Junk I was listening to. Alba Salix, Royal Physician and We Fix Space Junk are both part of the Fable and Folly network of podcasts. It is the same network that Harlem Queen is part of. The promo sounded promising, but what really won me over was the theme music. It is a combination of Medieval-style flutes and modern electric guitars. Snippets of the theme music are used for scene transitions. It perfectly encapsulates the style that Alba Salix goes for; a stereotypical fairytale setting, but with modern humor and sensibilities. Also, the theme music sounds completely awesome. If only we had an extended version of it.

So, I figured, even if I didn't like the show, at least I'd get to listen to the awesome theme music. I gave it a try, genuinely enjoyed the episodes, and now here we are. You guys know my thing about how I prefer non-British accents in fantasy audio dramas. Well, Alba Salix is the first to give me Canadian accents in a fantasy setting. The production team is based in Toronto. I should add they don't sound stereotypically Canadian, except for Holly at times, but they don't sound British, and that is a net positive. Not that I'm completely opposed to British people on fantasy settings, but I find British accents to be over represented in fantasy. I feel that, at times, fantasy fiction is a bit like 19th Century India: it suffers an excess of British accents.

As you might have gathered, Alba Salix is a sitcom in a stereotypical fairytale world. And you might also recall my love of the Shrek movies, which took a similar approach to their setting. So, that was another point in favor of Alba Salix. There are plenty of nods and references to classic fairytales and fairytale adaptations. For example, while on an ingredient run gone wrong, Holly comes across a cottage full of three bowls of porridge. One is too hot, one is too cold, and one is just right. Naturally, said cottage is owned by a family of three bears. In another episode, cute little animals offer tips to help Magnus with his chores. However, he blows them off repeatedly, and they get miffed. So, when he finally gives in and asks for help, they give him deliberately bad advice to teach him a lesson.

Now, let's talk about the characters. We'll start with the title character herself. Alba is one of the only people in Farloria with more than a few atoms of common sense and rationality. As such, she plays the straight woman to the antics of Holly, Magnus, Queen Parabel, and pretty much everyone else in Farloria. She's cynical, grouchy, and snarky. But considering what she has to put up with on a daily basis, it isn't hard to see why. Still, despite it all, it is clear that, deep down, she does genuinely care about Holly and Magnus. You don't often see older female characters playing major roles in fantasy fiction, and Alba is a nice change of pace. Despite Alba being the title character, there were times it felt that Magnus and Holly were the true focus of the show. Though, I suppose that's a side effect of Alba serving as the voice of reason. Magnus and Holly can screw-up more easily than she can. Alba is voiced by Barbara Clifford.

Also, Alba's name is a bit of a pun. Salix alba is the scientific name for white willow. Its bark contains salicylic acid, which can be used to make aspirin.

Holly is a fairy who serves as the herbal specialist at the House of Healing. She's almost perpetually cheery, sunny, and happy-go-lucky. It's always really cute when she gets excited and says "Yay!" Holly likes to sing while she works, and is always eager to help out, but has a tendency to be a bit of scatterbrain. For example, she loves to cook, but believes that the most important part of cooking his having fun, rather than following recipes and directions. This line of thinking once resulted in a batch of cookies that caused everyone who ate them to sprout tails. Holly also has terrible handwriting, which causes issues with labeling ingredients. But hey, at least bad handwriting is expected in the medical profession. About the only thing that can truly rattle Holly is the fear that she might be a bad fairy. Thankfully, Alba always assures her that she's a good fairy.

Holly is voiced by Olivia Jon. Personally, I hope we'll learn how Holly came to work for Alba at some point. Holly definitely doesn't seem like someone Alba would seek out of her own volition.

Magnus used to be a monk at the Dragon Mountain Monastery. Unfortunately, due to a martial arts performance gone horribly wrong, he incurred quite a bit of debt. So, he's working for Alba as a form of community service. Magnus has a tendency to slack-off, and otherwise shirk his chores and assignments. He also isn't above scamming the patients in order to make quick money. He wants to learn magic, but has a rather cavalier towards safety and rules. Naturally, he tends to butt heads with Alba. Still, though she wouldn't be quick to admit it, deep down Alba does care about Magnus. It is hinted that Alba sees a lot of herself in Magnus. Magnus has a sort of brother-sister relationship with Holly. They argue and squabble, as siblings are want to do, but when the chips are down they're there for each other. Magnus is voiced by Julian Sark.

Parabel is Queen of Farloria and is also Alba's younger sister. Many years ago, King Gunther was turned into a goat by a curse. Three sisters came to the kingdom in hopes of breaking the curse. Alba was the oldest sister, and tried to use a spell, but it didn't work. Parabel was able to break the curse with true loves kiss. As such, King Gunther promptly married her once he became human again. True, Alba missed her shot at being queen, but she doesn't strike me as type who would enjoy that sort of lifestyle. And hey, she got to be head of the House of Healing. Like most siblings, they tend to bicker, and don't always see eye-to-eye. Parabel's royal decrees often given Alba no end of headaches. For example, at one point Parabel orders that the all gardens within sight of the palace be uprooted and filled with nice looking flowers. This included the herb garden at the House of Healing. Alba and the gang need those herbs to make potions and healing salves. Parabel is voiced by Marisa King.

Not much to say about King Gunther. He seems like a reasonably nice guy; if a bit too indulgent of Parabel at times. He is voiced by Geroge Bertwell, who also voiced the badgers from the time Holly and Magnus had to go to Badger Town. That was especially funny. The badgers all sounded like Mr. Meeseeks from Rick and Morty, and it made me laugh.

In season two, Alba and company have to put up with Antalia Pearcey. She's in charge of overseeing all magical things and practitioners in the kingdom. As such, she imposes some very strict regulations on the House of Healing. Alba and the gang constantly chafe under these regulations, but to be fair, Mrs. Pearcey did have a point about the House of Healing being disorganized, and that the jars needing better labels, and that making Magnus sleep in the old tool shed was a bit much. Actually, she raised a lot of good points, but seeing Alba and company trying to comply with the regulations made for good episodes. Antalia is voiced by Elaine O'Neal.

There is a series of mini-episodes that take place between seasons one and two. They're meant to help hold everyone over while season three is in production. They're really fun little vignettes that provide some amusing (mis)adventures for the characters. I particularly liked the one where Magnus and Holly had to collect dragon tears by going to a dragon opera. They had to deal with stuffy well-to-do dragons who considered them riff-raff. Another fun one is where Holly finds a pigeon, which she believes to be a person turned into a pigeon, and is determined to do whatever to take to help it. That one was written, and featured a guest appearance, by Beth Crane of We Fix Space Junk. From this, we must conclude that Alba Salix actually takes place in the world of We Fix Space Junk. Well, actually not really, but they are both members of Fable and Folly. And I'm just saying, we have seen a couple pseudo-medieval planets in We Fix Space Junk. 

There is another series set in the same world as Alba Salix, Royal Physician. It is called The Axe and Crown, and can be found in the same podcast feed Alba Salix is found in. The Axe and Crown follows a troll named Gubbin who owns a tavern, really more of a dive bar, named The Axe and Crown in the run-down part of town. Business is, if not exactly booming, then reasonably well. But the times they are a changing. The Axe and Crown has a new landlord named Stan. He's the son of the deceased former landlord, and is very excited to be part of The Axe and Crown, much to Gubbin's dismay. Before long, Gubbin's niece Betula comes to town to work for the black-market guild. Together, the three of them work together to keep their heads above water, and keep The Axe and Crown from going out of business.

Each season of The Axe and Crown is set between season of Alba Salix. They usually have twice as many episodes as Alba Salix, but the episodes are only half as long, so it evens out. Much of the comedy comes from the contrast between Gubbin and Stan's personalities, and general outlook on life. Gubbin is an almost stereotypical surly bar owner. He's cynical, sarcastic, and places an emphasis on practicality, and sticking with the way things have been. One of the biggest contrasts between Gubbin and most dive bar owners is that he is gay. His ex-boyfriend Johann used to be the head chef at The Axe and Crown, but then he cheated on Gubbin and run off to work at another pub. Gubbin was so heartbroken he boarded up the kitchen door for many years afterwards.

Stan, by contrast, is a wide-eyed idealist with a generally sunny disposition. He's kind of like one of those sheltered rich progressives who want to change the world, but don't have much in the way of real-world experience. He frequently gets knocked on his ass, literally and metaphorically, but always manages to dust himself off and get back up.

Betula is a bit like Gubbin, but with better social skills, and maybe not quite as cynical. Stan thinks she's the most beautiful woman he's ever met. Gubbin thinks Stan is nuts, well, more so than usual, but it is soon hinted that Betula returns Stan's feelings. Betula wants to try her hand at cooking. She's pretty good at making traditional troll foods. Unfortunately, troll food isn't exactly edible by human standards. But hey, at least she's learning and getting better.

As much as they can get on each other's nerves, at the end of the day, all three members of The Axe and Crown genuinely do care about each other. One of the biggest challenges facing The Axe and Crown is that a Bucket Pub has moved in across the street. They're a pub chain whose names are always something plus bucket; Badger and Bucket, Unicorn and Bucket, Walrus and Bucket, etc. They have many things that Stan is envious of, such as outdoor patios, brunch service, and designer craft beers. Many episodes of The Axe and Crown involve our main trio trying to outwit the Bucket Pub, or else take them down a peg.

The theme music for The Axe and Crown isn't quite as catchy as the theme music for Alba Salix, but it did grow on me with time. It involves a lot of snare drums and horn. It's unpolished and rough around the edge, just like the titular pub.

So, there you have it. Alba Salix, Royal Physician and The Axe and Crown, are fun and funny fairytale sitcoms. Don't wait around like I did, go give them both a listen today. They are well worth your time.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: We Fix Space Junk

As I've said before, sometimes there are audio dramas that are just too big to ignore. Sometimes I put them off for a bit; try to focus on the lesser-known shows. Eventually, however, something will force my hand and I just have to give them a listen. If only to see what all the fuss is about. That brings us to that audio drama we're taking a look at today. We're going to take a look at We Fix Space Junk.

We Fix Space Junk takes place several centuries in the future. Samantha Trapp is the heiress of the incredibly wealth Trapp Mining Company. However, she's recently been disinherited and is now millions of dollars in debt to Automnicon. They're a megacorporation that owns...basically everything in the Milky Way Galaxy. In fact, pretty much everyone is a debt slave to them. Most of people spend their entire lives working off debt they owe to Automnicon. Oh, and you can inherit debt from family members. Fear, not, Samantha has been assigned to an excellent partner. Kilner is an experienced repairwoman, and a cyborg, who has worked numerous odd jobs over the years. She's the perfect person to show Samantha the ropes. Together they shall travel the stars and complete all sorts of odd jobs and repair jobs.

I'd been aware of We Fix Space Junk for a while. It always popped up on those "if you liked this show you might also like" features on the Apple podcast app. It is created by Battle Bird Productions, and is also a member of the Fable & Folly network of podcast. Fable & Folly is home to many other fine podcasts, such as Harlem Queen. Promos for these podcasts are often played at the end of episodes of We Fix Space Junk. Although, bizarrely, one of these was a promo for We Fix Space Junk.

So, one day on Twitter I noticed that We Fix Space Junk had followed me. I got the feeling that this was subtle way of fishing for a review. If this was indeed it, then congratulations, it worked. I had a gap in my listening schedule and so I gave it a listen. Well, that or the team has good taste in quality reviews. The two options are not mutually exclusive.

Though, in all seriousness, if any of you who create audio drama would like a review, just be direct. You can message me on Reddit, or send me a direct message on Twitter. You can also comment on one of my many posts on r/audiodrama. Or you can message me on Facebook; I'm active in the Audio Drama Lovers group. You can also message my Facebook fan page for this blog, Sam McDonald's The Audiophile. Point is, there's a lot of way to get in touch with me. The best way to guarantee that I'll review your show is to directly contact me. As you might have noticed, I'm more than happy to give any show a shot.

Okay, so enough about me, let's talk about We Fix Space Junk. As a British science fiction comedy, there is an inevitable comparison to shows such as The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy or Red Dwarf. The writing does overall convey a sense of humor and lightheartedness. Though, that isn't to say the show never has any serious moments. The lighthearted tone does at times make it easy to forget that the setting is rather dystopian. Allow me to elaborate. At some unspecified point in the future, Earth was hit by a massive solar flare. Pretty much all information and entertainment had been digitized, and thus was whipped out. However, Automnicon kept hard copies in a lead-lined vault. As such, Automnicon was able to rebuild the world in their image. I wonder if they might, perhaps, have played a role in the solar flare somehow.

By the present day, Automnicon has spread their influence across the galaxy. Also, all movies are remakes. Very bad remakes. At one point we get a brief glimpse of one of the numerous remakes of When Harry Met Sally, and it's laughably bad. Pretty much everyone is in debt to Automnicon, and if you die with debt then your children and/or other relatives inherit your debt. Automnicon is, in many ways, like those predatory student loan companies. There are some rich people who live without debt, but the wealth gap is astronomically large. Despite all of this, pretty much every character we encounter seems to take it in stride. Thought, that might be because everyone has consigned themselves to the way things are.

Now, let's talk about the characters, starting with our two leads. Kilner, as previously mentioned, is a cyborg who has been in the repair business for quite a while now. She and Samantha often go into cryosleep in-route to an assignment, because space is so big. So, Kilner is probably well into her triple digits by now. She is voiced by series creator Beth Crane. Nothing seems to truly phase her, and she takes pretty much everything in stride. Of course, given how long she's been doing repair jobs, she's probably seen just about everything. So, she's probably a bit justified in her blasé outlook on life. Kilner grew up on a small mining colony on Pluto. In contrast to Samantha, she never had much in the way of luxuries in her life. In fact, when Samantha asked her what she really wants most out of life, Kilner simply says she wants two jars of peanut butter.

Samantha used to be a spoiler sheltered member of the landed gentry. However, she's taken to her new life reasonably well. In fact, you get the feeling she's a bit happier now that she has Kilner as a friend. As we see, the feeling is very much mutual, and Kilner values her as a friend as well. Samantha also conveniently provides someone for Kilner to provide exposition and explanations to. She's a bit more easily fluster than Kilner, but Samantha is learning to take it in stride. Samantha is voiced by Rebecca Evans.

Kilner and Samantha travel the galaxy on a spaceship named The Yellow Submarine. It was owned by a man named Derek who was obsessed with collecting Beatles memorabilia. Fittingly enough, his AI was named RINGO. Tragically, The Beatles have been lost to the sands of time, and Joel may be their last fan in the universe. As such, he was determined to preserve their legacy. This extended to the name of the ship. Clearly, the future world of We Fix Space Junk truly is dystopian if The Beatles have been all but forgotten. The Yellow Submarine is controlled by an AI named DAX. He's pretty much a human who happens to have a spaceship for a body. He is voiced by Jack Carmichael. Most AI are like DAX, but they have no rights under the law. Then again, humans barely have any rights under the law. He's nice enough, and a loyal friend to Kilner and Samantha, but he gets bored during the long stretches they spend in cryosleep. Not much in the way of entertainment beyond endless movie remakes and the occasional bit of Sudoku.

Overall, We Fix Space Junk tends to be fairly episodic. Though, there are some plot treads hinting at a larger overarching story. There are also elements that carry over between seasons. For the most part, however, each episode is concerned with the latest assignment Kilner and Samantha have to complete. I'll discuss a few of my favorite episodes. In one episode they have to repair a movie projector on a planet of sentient popcorn people. Apparently, this was the result of an abandoned entertainment complex being subject to massive doses of radiation. Yeah, We Fix Space Junk tends to be soft science fiction. Emphasis is placed on what makes for a good story, or what would be funny, rather than what is scientifically plausible. The popcorn people are actually fairly nice, but there is one law that you must never break: don't talk while a movie is playing. Violators are subject to execution on the spot via mob justice. We even get to check in on the popcorn people during a between-seasons mini-episode.

Another memorable episode is where Kilner and Samantha visit a prison planet. The inhabitants are kept docile via a special ray generator that makes them productive members of society. You've got the usual mix of violent criminals like murderers, thieves, and sex maniacs. However, then we meet a character named Lucas. You see, he's the worst criminal of them all. He committed a heinous and unforgivable crime. He was...a book reviewer! He got sent to the prison planet after he gave a bad review of a young adult series written by the dictator of some other planet. Well, I guess that means I'd be sent to the prison planet too. Especially if Leigh Bardugo tattled on me to the authorities because of what I said about Shadow and Bone. I was very pleased that Lucas eventually reappeared during the season three finale.

A third really fun episode was when Kilner and Samantha have to fix a vending machine on the planet Apollo. Seems simple enough, but Apollo is designed to be a bodybuilder planet. It has a gravity generator that keeps things four times stronger than Earth gravity. At that gravity level, prying the door off the vending machine isn't just a herculean task, it's potentially hazardous to your health. As such, Kilner and Samantha have to recruit the help of a pair of bodybuilders named Lutar and Karns. I hope we get to check in with them in a future episode.

There's plenty of other great episodes. There's an episode where Kilner and Samantha have to entertain an alien princess from a planet of pacifists. Said princess is completely obsessed with true crime and murder, and wants to tour famous murder sites. There's another episode where they must answer a distress call from a spaceship modeled off of the Titanic. There is even one where they enjoy a lovely day at the spa. As you might have guessed, that one quickly goes pear-shaped. I could go on, but we'd be here all day, and I should probably leave some things for you to discover on your own.

There are ad breaks in the middle of each episode that feature SponsorBot. He's a perpetually cheery and friendly sales bot from Automnicon who advertises both in-universe and real-world products. He really, really loves you. From the sound of thing, many of the viewers love him too. I know I always look forward to seeing what he'll be advertising. Sometimes the other characters also get in on the advertising act.

Also, random observation, the character often swear in the name of Bruce. Christmas has also been replaced by Brucemas. We get a bonus special explaining the holiday. Apparently, it is a joke about Die Hard being a Christmas movie. Bruce Willis is both Santa and Jesus in the future of We Fix Space Junk. Instead of Christmas Trees, people have Brucemas Towers, and put little helicopters on top instead of stars. They all gather to remember how Bruce saved the world from the evil Grubers. There was Wizard Gruber, Depressed Android Gruber, Alien Gruber, and a few others. They're all obviously nods to the various roles that Alan Rickman played over the years. 

In between each season is a series of mini-episodes. Between seasons one and two we got to see glimpses into the life of Marilyn. At one point, Kilner and Samantha encounter Kilner's former partner Jault on a mission. He got chosen as the father of the future ruler of a race of wasp aliens from the planet Gontano. Unfortunately, the process almost always proves fatal to the host, so they use a steak to save him...somehow. I'm still not sure I understand the exact details. Anyway, the rulers of Gontano are always hybrids of wasp aliens and whatever the host is, usually human. But in this case, cow DNA got added to the mix. Thus, Marilyn is fifty percent Gontanan, twenty-five percent human, and twenty-five percent cow. She also matures at an accelerated rate, but that's normal for the wasp aliens. Marilyn is voiced by Francesca Mintowt-Czyz. Marilyn was going to play a bigger role in the series, but Francesca moved to America, where she teaches theatre at Western Nebraska Community College. As such, Marilyn had to be written out of the show, but with the possibility of reappearing if the opportunity arises. 

The miniseries, Marilyn's Diary, sees her trying to learn about life, the universe, and everything. She's under the watchful eye of HAROLD; he's the AI who runs Jault's ship. Apparently, AIs can spin-off parts of themselves into separate AIs. This happens to HAROLD, and the resulting AI is given the very creative name Haroldson. Haroldson reminds me of Arthur Christmas from the movie of the same name; both the way he talks and his general worrywart personality. Of course, he's voiced by James Carney, so he is not literally Arthur Christmas. The mini-series between seasons two and three is a series of mini-episodes that checks-in with various characters from the first two seasons. There’s also a second season of Marilyn's Diary between seasons three and four of the main show. It follows the counting adventures of Marilyn and Computer as they explore other worlds on their way to Gontano.   

Well, I think that's everything of note. We Fix Space Junk is an excellent science fiction comedy audio drama podcast. I can't believe it's taken me this long to listen to it. Don't sit on this one, listen today. You'll be glad that you did.

I think that's enough from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: The TEMP: Season 1

I've already established, on multiple occasions, that I'm happy to help anyone who ask me to review their audio drama podcasts. I don't really have any more preamble to add, so let's jump right into it. We're taking a look at The TEMP.

The TEMP follows a man named Bernie Pfelger. He's a temporary worker, a temp if you will. He has worked many strange jobs, with many strange employers. We are joining him on all the wacky misadventures in his quest to find permanent employment. I realize that isn't much of a summary, but I promise that this is a good show.

I was approached by series creator Michael Wilhelm to review this audio drama. He noticed my frequent posting of reviews in the Audio Drama Lovers Facebook group. I said yes, after I took care of a couple other reviews, and now here we are.

A few general thoughts before we delve into the individual episodes. The TEMP is recorded before a live audience. The first few episodes were recorded in a coffee shop with an audience of about thirty. Later episodes were recorded in a television studio with a slightly smaller audience, but the microphone was better able to record audience reactions. So yes, that is real laughter you are hearing in the episodes.

The acting is good, but it felt like something was off when I first listened to The TEMP. I guess recording in front of a lives audience does result in a different sound that recording in a studio. It's also a bit more barebones compared to most audio dramas. Not as much music or sound effects as most other audio dramas. The dialogue and acting certainly carry the show, but there were a couple times I felt that a little music, or a touch more of sound effects would have gone a long way.

The humor and writing are very reminiscent of Hanna-Barbera cartoons. Stuff like The Flintstones, The Jetsons, Scooby-Doo and the like. That's interesting because Hanna-Barbera cartoons were often criticized by animation veterans as being illustrated radio plays, due to how dialogue-heavy they were. Of course, that was kind of a necessity due to the limited animation style Hanna-Barbera utilized. And some would argue the dialogue was part of the charm of those shows.

Okay, now let's move onto the individual episodes. Episode One is called "Voices." It sets up the basis premise of the series. Bernie is working a terrible job for a terrible boss. He decides to use his knack for doing impressions to get back at the boss. This works, but he gets fired, and thus we have our series. Okay, got to admit, this was the weakest episode of the bunch. The series was still trying to find its footing, and the humor came across as corny rather than charming. Well, let's leave this one behind and move on to Episode Two, what I consider to be the true start of the series.

Episode Two is titled "Child's Play." Bernie is hired to work at a video game company. It is a very youth oriented start-up. In fact, Bernie is the oldest person there. Oh, and did I mention that the second oldest employee is eleven? Yeah, not only is the company aimed at kids, it is also run by kids. Bernie is hired to wear a high-tech mascot suit at conventions. It seems like a fairly simple and fun job. What could possibly go wrong?

This is the episode where the series really found its footing, and is the one I recommend starting with. The true charm of The TEMP is having Bernie, our everyman, finding himself in absurd and unusual situations. The suit he wears did sound kind of cool. It has its own internal air conditioning system, and the face of the mask is synchronized with the facial movements of the wearer. If I did have one criticism of the episode, and I admit this is more of a nitpick than anything, it would be that some of the stuff the kids like seemed a bit outdated. For example, it was pretty strange that there were no Fortnight references, despite the company being run by and for kids.

The kids also have cubical so based on things from cartoons. One kid has a cubical shaped like the Mystery Machine from Scooby-Doo. Okay, that's acceptable, and fitting, given how similar to a Hanna-Barbera cartoon The TEMP is. Except another kid had Snoopy's doghouse. I'm not so sure The Peanuts are as popular as they used to be. Though the kid with a pineapple cubical was a nice touch. If you're wondering what that one is, answer the following question: who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Though I'd also add that it was odd that the superhero represented in the meeting room were all DC, but no Marvel. Especially odd given how big the MCU is. Though, like I said, these are just minor nitpicks. Overall, I greatly enjoyed this episode.

Of course, given the nature of the show, we know that Bernie's going to lose his job by the end of the episode. In this case, he showed his wife Penny the suit, but it went into lockdown mode while she was wearing it, and the paramedics have to come cut her out. Bernie explain at work the next day that it happened when he and his wife were messing around in the bedroom. Good thing he was the only adult at the company, or else someone might think he was making an inappropriate sex joke, and he'd wind-up in hot water. All in all, and excellent episode.

Episode Three is titled "Beauty Treatment." Bernie has gotten a job at a cosmetics company where he is surrounded by beautiful women all day. His coworker are all very nice and very friendly; especially since he's pretty much the only man at the company. This makes Penny worried that Bernie is going to have an affair sooner or later.

We had some technical issues with this episode. I only got sound out of one earbud. And no, it wasn't a problem with my headphones. I checked, it worked just fine on everything but this episode. A problem such as that is a major issue for a podcast episode. Were I not listening for review, I probably would have skipped this episode because of this. Thankfully, Michael immediately fixed this issue when I brought it to his attention, and now all is well.

Technical issues aside, this was another well-written episode. Penny's fears were for nothing. Bernie only has eyes for her. So he quits the job so she won't have to worry anymore...well, that and he's allergic to the perfume that the company specializes in. There really isn't much more for me to add here other than that, apart from the sound issues, this was a really great episode and I enjoyed it.

Episode Four is titled "Detour." Bernie gets hired as a hearse driver for a funeral company. Unfortunately, he has a terrible sense of direction. So he has a handy GPS installed in the hearse. But what's going to happen when he accidentally resets the GPS?

I very much related to this episode. Driving has always made me nervous, and I'm not the best at improvising. I used to have a GPS, but I lost it, that's how bad I am with finding my way. Thankfully, I've got the Google Maps app installed on my iPhone now, and that helps a lot. I liked the scene where Bernie takes the hearse to a drive-thru and orders in his vampire voice. The cashier assumes he's joking about the hearse, but nearly has a heart attack when Bernie pulls around. I can kind of understand why everyone was mad that Bernie didn't make it to the funeral on time. I sort of can, but come on, it isn't Bernie's fault that the dead are always late to their engagements.

All of this having been said, the audio issues from the last episode persisted in this episode. Thankfully, this has also been resolved, and all is well with the world once again.

Episode Five is titled "Temp Games." Bernie is competing against several other temps for one of seven positions at a company. And when I say competing, I mean like on a game show. Bernie is face tests of strength, cunning, and tasks that actually have little to do with actual office work, but they sure are entertaining to watch.

First off, I'm happy to see that the audio issues of the previous two episodes are completely absent here, and remain so for the other two episodes after this one. This episode kind of reminded me of The Next Food Network Star. It's that show Food Network does every few years to pick a new headliner for a new show. Said new shows never seem to stick around too long, unless your name is Guy Fieri. Though some of the other winners occasionally show up as judges on other shows. Food Network Star will make the contestant do all sorts of crazy things that don't really have much to do with having a show on Food Network. For example, one challenge is that you have to keep filming even though the lights go out, or something falls over. In real life, production would stop and those issues would be fixed, but the challenge makes for better television. That, and Food Network can probably assure that the winner will be reasonably loyal to them. Especially ironic in that Bobby Flay and Giada De Laurentiis constantly mumbled and failed to look at the camera when they started out.

Where am I going with this? Well, Bernie finds himself in a very similar situation. One challenge is to change the toner on a copy machine, but he must climb a rope to get to the toner. Another challenge is to answer what do when your printer isn't working. Giving three wrong answers eliminates you from the competition. Bernie gets two strikes when he says he ask other people for help. Then, in frustration, says he'd fix it himself, and this turns out to be the correct answer. A similar challenge has "I don't know" as the correct answer. So, Bernie bumbles his way towards victory and even becomes team captain. Of course, given the nature of The TEMP, he gets stabbed in the back at the last minute, and all his trials and tribulations were for naught.

I suppose this episode could be read as a commentary on the struggles of finding employment in a struggling economy...nah, I'm overthinking it. This is, however, another excellent episode from The TEMP.

Episode Six is titled "Love Language." Bernie gets hired as the personal assistant to an old ex-girlfriend of his. She's married to a famous writer, and they're both very cerebral people who pride themselves on their intelligence. Bernie and Penny are invited over for dinner, but given what show this is, things go pear-shaped before long.

I'm also happy to report that there are no sound issue for this episode either. So, we have an episode where Penny plays a major role almost from the start. We also get some insight into her relationship with Bernie. She married him because he made her laugh. Of course, after several years of marriage, the voice impressions got rather annoying. Still, despite it all she does still love him very much, and the feeling is mutual. Of course, Penny runs foul of what ought to be a golden rule: never correct smart people when they're on a roll. So for once, Bernie loses his job for reasons outside his control. But hey, that's just how the show goes. And this is another great episode.

Episode Seven is titled "Flexibility." Bernie gets a job working for a military contractor. It's mostly stuff like writing technical manuals or drawing schematics. However, the boss runs things with military precision. That means no listening to music, no joking around, and pretty much no creativity or self-expression. The other workers are miserable, but Bernie is determined to help them express themselves.

Maybe it's because I've grown up around military types, but Bernie's boss seemed oddly mellow for a military guy. I would have expected him to yell more, or be more boisterous. Thought that was just a minor nitpick. This was another episode I greatly enjoyed, and that was free of audio issues. Some of Bernie's coworkers had cool sounding ideas. One guy tacks rubberbands to the wall, and puts little note cards explains their fake history. For example, one is said to have been found on the Yellow Brick Road, and is claimed to have held up the Scarecrow's pants. Another person draws animals, like butterflies and rabbits, in the technical manuals. Since the manuals must be followed to the letter, then means there are navy ships with hidden butterflies and bunnies drawn on their inner workings. So, they were all subtly resisting even before Bernie showed up.

Still, good that he helped them stand-up to the boss. We all know that Bernie is doomed to fail eventually, but he's endearing enough as a character that we want to see him succeed, even if only briefly. Another great episode from The TEMP.

Next is a Christmas Special titled "A Christmas Stocking Full of Easter Eggs." It's the holiday season, but Bernie still has to work. Specifically, he's a concierge at a Christmas party...thing, held at the municipal center. It's just as well; at least he won't have to go to Penny's family's Christmas party. Bernie's going to find himself dealing with quite the cast of characters, and perhaps discovering a little Christmas magic along the way.

I would have reviewed this episode sooner. However, one of the few rules that I actually have for these reviews is no Christmas episodes until two days after Thanksgiving. I'll do whatever I can to fight back against Christmas creep.

As the title suggests, there are a ton of shout-outs to various Christmas movies and specials. Let's all get out our field guides and see how many I managed to spot. Bernie meets a man named Ralphie who is carrying a Red Rider BB Gun, and Bernie warns he'll shoot his eyes out (A Christmas Story). He also meets a man named Griswold (Nation Lampoon's Christmas Vacation). There's a grown man named Buddy running up and down the stairs in an elf costume while proclaiming his love for Santa and Christmas (Elf). Bernie and Penny have to remember if they turn onto 34 Street (Miracle on 34th Street). At one point Bernie is visited by a man claiming to be an angel sent to help him (It's A Wonderful Life). There's a girl selling matches who say "Keep the change you filthy animal" (Home Alone and The Little Match Girl). Bernie asks if anyone knows the true meaning of Christmas, and someone begins residing from the Gospel of Luke...before Bernie tell him to get out of the doorway (Peanuts Christmas Special).

One girl is crying because her grandma got run over by a reindeer...at the indoor reindeer petting zoo. There's mention of a contract containing a Santa Clause. Another girl wants a hippopotamus for Christmas, and says that her teach said that hippos are vegetarians. Just as an aside, technically hippos are omnivores, and they kill more humans each year than lions and crocodiles combined. Getting back on track, a bunch of people dressed as elves are going on strike, and say that they will not just be elves on shelves. That might possibly have also been a reference to the Barenaked Ladies song "Elf's Lament" but I could be wrong. As another aside, I always found Elf on a Shelf stupid. If you want your kids to behave, just remind them that Santa is always watching. You'll save twenty bucks, or however much that humbug is changing for these days. But, if nothing else, it did indirectly give us the endlessly amusing Jewish alternative Mensch on Bench. But I digress.

The episode ends with the narrator saying, in those immortal words of Tiny Tim from A Christmas Carol, God bless us everyone. As for which adaption of A Christmas Carol is the best, well, it's a toss-up between the Flintstones and Muppets adaptions. Anyway, back on topic, at one point Bernie meets a group of atheists who are protesting the event. I'm an atheist myself, and I can take a joke. There are stupid atheists in this world. I would, however, point out that in real life most atheist don't mind the secular aspects of Christmas, given that most of them are rooted in pre-Christian paganism. It's only when the government endorses religion that most of us take issue.

Also, May the Fourth is not a religion; nobody, of sound mind, seriously believes the Force is real. It is a scam run by an eastern syndicate, and by that, I mean Disney. Well, that's what some people say. Personally, I'm pretty neutral on the whole thing.

What else can I say? It was a fun episode and I enjoyed being on the look for references to Christmas stuff.

Episode Eight is titled "Tardy." Bernie is on his way to his latest job at the law firm of Castle, Frank, and Stein. Unfortunately, his car breaks down in-route, so he has to scramble to find a bus. Along the way, he'll meet a cast of colorful, and rather crazy, characters. Strap in tight, Bernie's about to face his greatest foe yet: the American Public Transit System!

When I first saw the title card for this episode, I thought Bernie was going to try out to be a bus driver. Not exactly a good idea, given how driving hearses went. Doing the same thing twice, and exciting different results, is the definition of insanity. Though, thankfully for Bernie's sake, this was not the case.

This episode breaks the mold a bit. We follow Bernie doing something other than a job. Though, granted, it is related to the job he's trying to get to. But as with many things, it is the journey, not the destination, that matters in the end. The parts on the bus with all the crazy people were my favorite bits. We've got a lady with an emotional support snake, a superstitious old Russian woman, and a possibly mentally ill man with an unhealthy obsession with cheese. Hey, at least none of them were exhibitionists or chronic masturbators. I was reminded of the Weird Al song "Another One Rides the Bus." That's good, I always liked that song. Speaking of songs, after the episode there is a song based on Bernie's trip on the bus.

Buses have something of a bad reputation in America, but their image getting better. Buses started get a bad rep around the time cars really took off. That meant the buses tended to be used by people who had no other choice such as people who had their licenses suspended, disabled people, the mentally ill, poor people, and so on. Buses were also associated with cities, which tend to attract people who fall outside of what is considered normal. Of course, with greater emphasis on public transport, buses are starting to be seen in a more positive light.

We also get lots of animal and vehicle noises courtesy of the cast. Even the audience gets in on the act by helping create the rain sounds. There's also a part where Bernie tries to hitchhike, but everyone thinks he's flipping them off. Amusingly, there are several parts of Europe where raising your thumb is considered akin to raising your middle finger in America. Try hitchhiking American style in Turkey, for example, and drivers will notice you, but then deliberately speed up so that they'll miss you.

This was another very enjoyable episode of The TEMP. Good to see Michael and company shaking things up a bit.

And so that's season one of The TEMP that have been released thus far. Despite a rocky first episode, this is overall a great series. The writing, while not the most sophisticated I've ever seen, always manages to show the listener a good time. I'm glad I've gotten to listen to it, and I happily recommend it to all of you. 

And hey, the fun keeps going in my review of season two of The TEMP.

Well, I think that's should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.