The Audio File: Christmas Special: Part 2

Welcome back. For those of you just joining the fun, this is part two of The Audio File’s look at speculative fiction stories all about Christmas. Part one can be found over here. This time we’re taking a look at stories from The Moonlit Road, The Journey Into Podcast, The Truth, Earbud Theatre, Pseudopod, StarShipSofa, Dunesteef, Edward French’s Fiction Fantastique, and LibriVox. Well, that’s enough preamble from me. Once more tis story time…

The Moonlit Road

"A Christmas Haunting" by Craig Dominey

Narrated by Thomas Fuller

This story follows a man who is spending Christmas alone for the first time in years. He’s recently become divorced and the death of his parents has left him to care for his old childhood home. He had a rough childhood, though the family dog always tried to show him affection. He’s about to find out the unconditional love can come from many places, even beyond the grave.

Have a box of tissues handy, because this story is a heartwarming tearjerker. This story especially hits close to home if you have a beloved dog, or any beloved pet in your life. There’s not too much more I can add to this, other than that Thomas does an amazing job with the narration.

A Christmas ghost story that sure to put a tear in your eye. I couldn’t recommend it more.

"The Missing Cookies" by Craig Dominey

Narrated by Babs Bagriansky

This story follows a young girl whose family has moved into a new home just south of Nashville, Tennessee. Well, it’s a historical Victorian home, but it’s new to her. Ever year the plate of cookies her family leaves out for Santa disappears, only it doesn’t seem like Santa’s the one eating them. So then who is eating the cookies?

This one’s another heartwarming Christmas haunting story. If you’ve got some family members who you haven’t visited in a while, perhaps take inspiration from this story and give them a visit. I’d tell you a bit more, but I wouldn’t want to give the story away. I can, however, tell you that Babs does a good job with the narration.

Another heartwarming Christmas story that you won’t want to miss out on.

The Journey into Podcast

 "Gift of the Magi" by O. Henry

A Full Cast Production

A Public Domain Story

Unless you've been living under a rock, you've probably heard this one before.  It's the one where the man sells his watch to get his wife hairbrushes, and the woman sells her hair to get her husband a chain for his watch. Like I said, a well-known tale, but still worth giving a listen. It isn't too long, and the narrators all do an excellent job. Though, personally, I always though the wife got the better deal. At least her hair will grow back, and it does grow fast. Not like the husband can grow a new watch. Still, the point is that it is the thought that counts.

A well-loved Christmas classic, and on that is still worthy of your time.

"If Dragon's Mass Eve be Cold and Clear" by Ken Scholes

A Full Cast Production

Originally Published on Tor.com

This story follows a half-troll named Mel Farrelly. She's coming to terms with her father's recent death. This is getting harder as Dragon's Mass, a holiday near and dear to them both, draws near. Throughout the story we also hear of the legend of the Santaman. He is a legendary mystical hero who, when times grew dark and hopeless, lead humanity to a new home.

Okay, it didn't sound like much, but I promise that it is good. This one really stuck a cord with me. I lost my maternal grandfather several years ago a few days before Christmas. I was listening to this story not long after I lost my maternal grandmother. I originally listened over on Far-Fetched Fables, where it is narrated by Graeme Dunlop. A great narration, but I always listen to a full cast production whenever I get the chance. I'm certainly glad that I listened to this one. I thought it was interesting how the legend of the Santaman combined the secular and religious aspects of Christmas. Also, in this world, apparently hope is a physical substance than can be mined.

When I was a kid, I found a lot of my family's holiday traditions hokey and contrived. As the years have passed, I wonder if perhaps my grandparents, in their own way, trying to give my siblings and I a way to remember them when they were gone. Throughout her life, Mel fought with her father about whether or not she ought to settle down and start and family. She was always opposed, but after her father's passing, begins to reconsider. I've frequently had those debates myself. I'm not sure I'd be much good as a parent. Yet I also wonder if I might regret not starting a family when I'm older.

It is a very emotional story, and the entire cast delivers it well. A more melancholy Christmas tale, but more than worth your time.

The Truth

"Naughty or Nice" by Jonathan Mitchell and Seth Lind

A Full Cast Production

Featured on NPR's All Things Considered

This story follows an elf named Spark. He works at the Naught and Nice division of Santa's workshop. He and his coworkers sort all children onto either the Naughty or Nice list. Lately, however, more and more children are winding up on the Naughty list for misdemeanors. Something's going on, and Spark is going to get to the bottom of it.

This was a really fun story. Of course, in order to discuss it we're going to have to talk about the twist. Why are so many children getting coal? Santa is in bed with the coal industry, that's why! You'd think he'd be concerned about Global Warming, due to living in the Arctic and all. Maybe he has enough magic where it wouldn't be a problem? In any event, Santa was well-written, and seemed believably nice before the big reveal. I love these stories that give a more technological edge to Santa's workshop and its employees. Also, great sound editing to make the actors playing elves sound convincing.

A fun, slightly satirical tale that I'm sure you'll enjoy. This one is on the nice list.

"Mall Santa" by Louis Kornfeld

A Full Cast Production

This story follows a longtime mall Santa named Al. He's growing increasingly disillusioned with the cheeriness of the holidays. However, he's about to have an encounter with an amateur Santa that just might help him rediscover the magic of Christmas.

It is cliche, but true, that giving is better than receiving. There's is a certain magic that can be found in helping your fellow man. This magic isn't exclusive to the holidays. It can be found any time of the year. I think that's really the take away from this story. You don't have to move mountains to make the world a better place. Spare some time for those who need someone to talk to, and perhaps could use a few kind words.

Not much more to say here, other than that I recommend this one. 

Earbud Theatre

"This Monstrous Life" by Casey Wolfe 

A Full Cast Production 

 

This story is presented as an episode of the radio show This Monstrous Life. It is an NPR-esque radio show aimed at the monster community. This installment focuses on Christmas within the monster community. The first segment heads to the North Pole where Santa has taken on a monster apprentice to act as an Anti-Santa. A Santa for the monster community, if you will. Meanwhile, the second segment interviews the son of Cthulhu himself, who has been having some daddy issues.  

 

This was a really fun episode. They really nailed that detached matter-of-fact narration style so famous to NPR. There's a scene where a pair of swamp monster mention killing humans as casually as if they were a pair of mechanics being interviewed about their job. And I love the little details, like how This Monstrous Life is hosted by Ira Slash rather than Ira Glass.  

 

In its own weird way, this episode managed to combine the sacred and secular aspects of Christmas. The segment with Santa seemed that have the moral that nobody is truly beyond redemption. Santa's logic with giving presents to monsters is that they just need know that someone believes in them. The segment with Cthulhu's son supports this. Turns out, Cthulhu is perfectly aware that he hasn't been a very good father, and he wants to spend more time with his boy. And this episode introduced me to the song "Father Christmas" by The Kinks. I also loved the part where the monster interviewing Santa gets a present, and it's exactly what he wanted. When questioned about this, Santa replies, "Dude, I'm f*ckin Santa Claus." 

 

Another very fun Christmas episode to add to our list.  

 

Pseudopod

“Saint Nicholas’ Helper” by D.K. Thompson

Narrated by Marie Brennan

A Pseudopod Original

This story follows a girl named Greta who wants nothing more than to have her deceased father brought back. She’s gone everywhere, even meeting Saint Nicholas himself, but to no avail. Then her sister Heike gets kidnapped by Krampus. Greta must embark on a quest to get her sister back, but it will be perilous, and not even Saint Nicholas can protect her.

I liked how this story featured the darker side of Krampus. In many ways it almost felt like Krampus could be read as a metaphor for the forces beyond our control. Specifically, those uncontrollable forces that harm our loved ones. This is a horror story, but like the song says, scary ghost stories and tales of the glories of Christmas long, long ago. D.K. Thompson is better known as Dave Thompson, former editor and co-host of PodCastle. Dave is just as much an amazing writer as he is an editor and host. I always look forward to seeing new stories from Dave.

As far as the narration goes, I thought Marie did a great job. It’s another Krampus story that I happily recommend. 

StarShipSofa

"Tis The Season" by China Mieville

Narrated by Charles Marvin

Original Published in The Socialist Review, collected in Looking For Jake

This story is set in a slight dystopian near future in which holidays have become privatized and require special licenses to celebrate. The rich celebrate Christmas while the working class have to settle for cheaper knock-offs. The story follows a man who has finally saved up enough to buy a Christmas license, but he soon finds himself swept up in a revolution to take back Christmas from the bourgeoisie.

As you may have guess, this is a story where Mieville’s Marxist views really shine through. That being said, it doesn’t make this story any less enjoyable. I read it as satire on privatization by taking that concept to its logical extreme. And hey, it’s a story that feature an organization called The Gay Men’s Christmas Liberation Choir, it’s just crazy awesome like that. I especially like the little sound effects that go with the little badges all the characters where to remind them that Christmas is a Yule co trademark, among other intellectual property. The little high-pitched voice sounds really funny.

I don’t know if Charles was the one who did that particular voice, but I do know that he did a great job with the narration. Do I need to say that I recommend this one? 

Dunesteef 

"A Princes of Earth" by Mike Resnick

Narrated by Rish Outfield and Big Anklevich

Originally Published in Asimov's

2005 Hugo Award Finalist

This story follows a an old man whose wife has recently died. One Christmas Eve night he receives a strange visitor. The stranger claims to be none other than John Carter of Mars himself. Is the stranger just blowing smoke, or might he be telling the truth after all?

Not a Christmas story in the traditional sense, but it takes place at Christmas, so I'm counting it. There are times in our life when the world makes us grown cynical, and we lose our sense of wonder. We're so concerned about living in the gutter that we fail to look up and see the stars. As the story itself notes, many of the great innovators, explorers and thinkers were often thought to be fools or insane. Yet they persevered, and the world is better for it. Sometimes you just need to take a crazy chance. As our protagonist learns, there are wonders just waiting for you to discover them.

Once again, Big and Rish do an excellent job with the narration. A story about rediscovering your sense of wonder. I happily recommend it. 

Edward French's Fiction Fantastique 

"The Boy Who Laughed at Santa Claus" by Ogden Nash

Narrated by Edward E. French

We're changing gears slightly for this one and reviewing a poem. It's about a naughty boy who doesn't believe in Santa Claus. I can't tell you much more, but I can tell you that Santa gets the last laugh in the end. Not really much more to add on this one. I always love a poem with a good rhyme scheme, and with a good narrator. Check it out for yourself. You'll be glad that you did. 

LibriVox

"Christmas Everyday" by William Dean Howells

Narrated by Brain Hostage and Jessica Mells

A Public Domain Story

This story follows a young girl who loves Christmas very much. So much that she wishes for it to be Christmas every day. A fairy decides to grant her wish on a trail basis of one year. However, the girl soon comes to find that her wish might not be such a good thing after all.

This is another story that you might have heard before, but it is still worth going over. As I've said before, any virtue carried to an extreme becomes a vice. That's really the moral of this story. Along the way we do get some darkly comedic moments. There's mass deforestation due to everyone needing Christmas trees, everyone is in the poor house because of spending money on presents, but then get sent home after the poor house exceeds capacity. Also, turkey and cranberries now cost $1000 due to high demand. Keep in mind, this story was written over 100 years ago. Luckily, my family eats ham and finger foods for Christmas, so we'd be good in that regard. There also a particularly funny scene where everyone tries to celebrate the 4th of July, but all the firecrackers and cannons turn into candy and presents. I guess Christmas in July didn't go so well that year.

This is one of those stories that emphasis not getting caught up in the commercialism of Christmas. However, it does so without being preachy or moralizing. Both of a narrators did an excellent job, especially give that this was an amateur production.

A humorous Christmas classic that you won't want to miss out on. 

Conclusion

Well here we are at the true end of the list. These two editions of The Audio File were a long time coming, and I hope they were worth the wait. I think the greatest present of all I getting to write these articles, and to know that you guys love them so much. That’s enough for now. Up the chimney I go, and to my sleigh to fly. With a smile on my face and a twinkle in my eye, happy listening to all, and to all a good night. I will see you all next time.

The Audio File: Feast of Fiction

It’s often said that good fiction is a feast for the imagination. In today’s edition of The Audio File we’re going to take that saying a bit more literally. All of our stories will be about food, drink and sharing a meal. I could talk about the significance of food and drink throughout speculative fiction, and literature in general. After all, sitting around a fire and sharing a meal with friends is one of the oldest traditions of humanity. However, I thought it would be more fun if we set the table using our imaginations.

Imagine you and I are sitting down for dinner at Chez Audio File. It is a fancy upscale restaurant renowned for the succulent audio offerings. The other patrons are spacemen, wizards, aliens, dragons, superheroes and anything else you can imagine. Our favorite drinks have been poured in our glasses and I have made an order for the restaurant’s finest offerings. Our meal has been prepared by some of the finest writers I have been able to find, and they’re cooking just for us.

Before long a team of waiters arrives at our table with steaming silver domes. With mounting anticipation the first dome is opening and our feast of fiction begins…

The Drabblecast

“A Memory of Seafood” by Tina Connolly
Narrated by Angela Lee
Originally Published in Yog’s Notebook

This story follows a futuristic travel writer who recounts a visit to the planet named Estplanet. It’s a marshy world with lots of rain, and more than a bit of strife between the locals, but the food is amazing. So she stops by a seafood restaurant run by two chefs from both of the feuding species. The meal is great, but what was that banging noise from the kitchen?

Yeah, I think you’ve probably pieced together by now that the thumping noise was one of the chefs getting murdered and cooked. To make matters worse he was apparently the most amazing thing the protagonist ever ate. Personally I kind of saw this story as allegory for the vegetarian vs. omnivore debate. True, farmed animals do often live in harsh conditions and they are often rather cute. On the other hand, meat is rather tasty and it is a good source of nutrition. All I’m saying is there’s shades of gray to go around, though I personally am omnivorous.

I’d like to take this opportunity to state that I do not condone the killing and eating of humans or other sentient species. I’d also like to take this opportunity to say that Angela did a really great job with the narration. A somewhat darkly humorous story that makes for a great first course. I very much recommend it.

“Local Delicacies” by Fran Wilde
Narrated by Lauren Synger
A Drabblecast Original

This story follows Besha, the manager of the El Corazon restaurant on the Vegas Strip. Besha often has to keep her boss Danny, who has a bit of a gambling problem, from completely ruining the restaurant. One day an alien named Xlot arrives and says Danny has betted that El Corazon is the best restaurant on Earth. A group of slug aliens are on their way to judge the contest. Besha’s in for the craziest shift of her life.

This was a really funny story just because of how over-the-top it got. I’ve never worked in the food industry before, but I imagine this story captured the feelings of stress and chaos those who do feel. I particularly liked the scene where the health inspector shows up, and how the characters took care of him. The little audio quirks really helped moved the story along, such as the record scratch at particularly incredulous moments. Speaking of audio, I thought that Lauren handled the narration quite well.

A humorous story that serves as a great pallet cleanser after heavy reading. Very much recommended.

“The Carnival Was Eaten, All Except the Clown” by Caroline M. Yaochim 
Narrated by Norm Sherman
Originally Published in Electric Velocipede

This story is about a sugar clown who has been created by a magician to be the leader of his candy carnival. It is the clown’s job to generate the other members of the carnival and instill them with joy that they are to be eaten at children’s birthday parties. Admittedly, she isn’t quite sure what it means to be eaten for she never gets to go to the parties. That all changes one day when she goes to spy on her crush, the gingerbread daredevil. What will the sugar clown do with this horrible revelation?

It would have been very easy to play this story for some very dark comedy. Therefore, the fact that Caroline played this story completely straight and have it work really shows her skills as a writer. I know we’re supposed to sympathize with the clown, and for the most part I did, but the descriptions of the candy carnival made it sound really tasty. Plus who wouldn’t have wanted something like that when they were a kid for their birthday? The writing itself has a very rhythmic and poetic quality to it.

Norm really nailed it with his narration. It’s a story that’s short, sweet and to the point.

“Ghost in the Coffee Machine” by Charity Tahmaseb
Narrated by Veronica Giguere
A Drabblecast Original

This story follows a ghost hunter named Katy who catches ghosts in a magic coffee machine passed down from her grandmother. Things had been going well, but now she’s got competition from a ghost hunter named Malcolm who uses a Persian tea samovar. It seems like Katy’s out of business, but a few ghosts in the machines could change all of that.

I guess you could kind of describe this story as Ghostbusters, but as a romantic-comedy with lots of coffee. Personally I’m surprised that it didn’t occur to Katy to team-up with Malcolm sooner. You gotta figure she must have encountered a ghost who didn’t like coffee at some point. I know that would be an issue if I were a ghost that needed to be captured. Then there’s the question of what to do when a ghost doesn’t like coffee or tea, but maybe I’m overthinking things. The story kind of reminded me of how Danny Phantom caught ghosts with his…well it wasn’t quite magical but it was a thermos.

Veronica’s narration certainly managed to capture my attention. All in all it’s a good little story that I give a recommendation.

Cast of Wonders

“The Rum Cake Runner” by Jessi Cole Jackson
Narrated by Michelle Ristuccia
Originally Published in Crossed Genres Magazine

This story takes place on the planet New Rio where sugar is a contraband substance. Nesi De Luca is a member of an Italian family who operate an illegal sweets bakery out of their home. Her job is to make deliveries for their various clients without getting caught. Little does Nesi know she’s about to make one of the biggest runs of her life.

Well first of all I thought that this was a fun little story. Having said that I had a few hang-ups with it. I guess my biggest one would be why is sugar banned on New Rio? I know Jessi was trying to draw parallels with Prohibition, but that ended after a few years whereas the sugar ban is implied to have been going on for generations. Surely there was a revolt at some point in New Rio’s history? On the other hand, maybe that goes to show possible dystopian undertones to New Rio’s government?

The name of the planet itself seems to suggest that it was colonized by Brazilians, but we don’t really see any in the story. Then again, Brazil is a fairly diverse nation, so perhaps its off-world colonies follow suit. There was like one racial slur in the story, but Nesi gets immediately reprimanded for using it. It didn’t bother me, and I think that Cast of Wonders really overdid it with their explanation of why it was included. Guys, we get it. Racism sucks, but you’re a young adult podcast. Young adults can handle that sort of stuff without being mollycoddled.

In terms of narration I thought that Michelle did a stellar job. I don’t want you to walk away thinking that I didn’t like this story. Despite its flaws I quite enjoyed it and I still give it a recommendation.

“Lizzy Viscera and the Quest for the Perfect Sandwich” by Spencer Koelle
Narrated by Danielle Daly
A Cast of Wonders Original

This story follows a college student/necromancer named Lizzy Viscera. She likes to eat different things for breakfast and dinner, but she likes her lunches to be consistent. She tries to make herself the perfect sandwich. Unfortunately, she’s all out of mayonnaise, and so Lizzy embarks on an epic quest to complete her sandwich before her next class begins.

I loved the way this story juxtaposes Lizzy’s cheerful and sunny personality next to some of the darker aspects of necromancy. For example, Lizzy uses a spellbook bound in human skin and written in blood and rides a flaming skeleton horse, all while being a slightly chubby blonde girl with rainbow streaks in her hair. Spencer has stated that he did this deliberately so that he could write about a female necromancer who wasn’t a stereotypical goth girl in a skull bra. I remember how hectic my first year of college was, so I can relate to Lizzy’s desire to beat the clock and get some decent lunch.

In terms of narration I thought that Danielle did a great job brining to story to life. It’s a fun little story that’s sure to liven up your day.

"The Four Stewpots" by DK Thompson
Narrated by Tina Connolly
Collected in And Welcome Back

This story takes the form of a Yelp review. She recently took her daughter to a new restaurant called The Four Stewpots. Her daughter loved it, but she though it had something to be desired. The stews claim to be made of things such as kraken and leviathan, and the waiters are dressed as creatures in surprisingly convincing costumes. Her daughter also talks about going on adventures with pirates, and where did she get those new clothes?

This was another really fun story. There's clearly some magical stuff happening, but the mother can't see it. Maybe it could be seen as a metaphor  for how kids are more open to new things and experiences, while adults tend to be more set in their ways. That or maybe the mother is so focused on the mundane and the day-to-day that she's forgotten how to dream. I liked how the story took the form of a review, and mixed up the style of a typical story.

Once again, Tina does an excellent job with the narration. A short but satisfying story that I'm sure that you'll enjoy. 

Escape Pod

“Thanksgiving Day” by Jay Werkheiser
Narrated by Paul Haring
Originally Published in Analog

This story follows a group of colonist on a planet in the Tau Ceti system. Their crops haven’t been growing in the native soil, and local plants contain dangerously high levels of blood-thinners. The food supply is getting lower by the day and the colony is teetering on the edge of an all-out civil war. Can a good source be found in time to prevent disaster?

I was considering saving this one for my post about space colonization, but at its heart this is a story about the quest for food. Therefore, I figured it would fit in pretty well here. Navigating biochemical barriers is always a concern when colonizing other worlds, as are the different paths that evolution may have taken. I did find it a bit odd that the colonists had a ship that got them to Tau Ceti in ten years and artificial wombs for cloning rats, yet they still used manual labor rather than using robots. Of course, if they had those then it might have meant no story.

It was nice to see a story about two different groups of people learning to set aside their differences to solve a problem. It was also nice to hear Paul’s narration of the story. It’s a science fiction take on the story of Thanksgiving, and one you won’t want to miss out on.

“The Love Quest of Smidgen the Snack Cake” by Robert T. Jeschonek 
Narrated by John Cmar
Originally Published in Space and Time Magazine

This story is set in the not too distant future in which all foods have limited AI capability. That means that items in a grocery store will do everything in their power to talk you into buying and eating them. The story follows a chocolate snack caked named Smidgen as he tries to convince a woman named Linda that he’s the snack she’s been desiring all along.

Smidgen can get fairly suggestive at times, but overall nothing too inappropriate happens in this story. That having been said, it certainly brings a new meaning to the phrase “food porn.” The scary part about this is that I can totally see this happening. Companies are always looking for new ways to push their products onto the public, and they’d probably leap at an opportunity like this. I’m not sure how the FDA would feel, but money certainly goes a long way with that sort of thing.

To pull off a story like this you need a good narrator, and Paul more than delivers in that regard. It a fun and slightly sexy story with a sweet ending. Very much recommended.

Pseudopod

“It’s Easy to Make a Sandwich” by S.L. Bickley
Narrated by Ben Phillips
A Pseudopod Original

This story follows a young man who is a bit down on his luck. Life has dealt him more than a few knocks and he now finds himself working a dead-end job at a sandwich restaurant that is most likely a Subway. One day he decides to liven up his life by deliberately poisoning his customers.

I know that isn’t much for a description, but it isn’t that long of a story. It might no be a long story, but it is a very effective story. Whenever we go to a restaurant we put a certain amount of trust that those behind the counter won’t try to harm us. As this story show, if they wanted to, those in the service industry to do quite a bit of damage before anyone noticed. Though if you think that’s bad you might want to look at all the stuff the frequently goes on behind the scenes in the fast food world. It’s enough to make you swear the stuff off for good.

The story may be stomach-churning, but Ben’s narration goes down smooth. It’s a story that’ll have you thinking twice about where your food comes from. It’s also one I readily recommend.

“Raw Appetite” by Christa Pagliel
Narrated by Brian Rollins
Originally Published in Fictionvale’s Kitchen Sink

This story follows a culinary student who is living in Paris and studying under Chef Catalan, one of the finest chefs in all of France. One day Catalan take our protagonist into his confidence and unveils his latest plan. One of their finest customer’s is about to move away, and Chef wants to throw a farewell dinner so that he can murder the customer and cook his flesh into a delicious dish.

Again, the summary doesn’t sound like much but I promise it’s a good story. It kind of has a Ratatouille meets Sweeney Todd vibe to it. If there is a theme throughout this story it’s about the dangers of letting your passions consume you and going too far in pursuit of your art. The scene where they dispose of the customer’s car was kind of unintentionally funny. They find a series of fast food wrappers and Chef reacts as if he just discovered that his lover was having an affair. Though I suppose, from a certain perspective, that’s what it was.

The story may leave a bad taste in your mouth, but Brain’s narration is pleasing to the ears. A cautionary tale about raw passion gone wrong, and one that is very much recommended.

PodCastle

“Help Summon the Most Holy Folded One!” by Harry Connolly 
A Full Cast Production 
Originally Published in Help Fund My Robot Army! and Other Improbable Crowdfunding Projects

This story is told as a series of Kickstarter posts. It follows two former Chipotle employees as they try to raises funds to summon the great taco god Tacothulhu. He is the holder of filling and the feeling that is held. They claim that Tacothulhu will unveil the secret to the perfect taco to them. Hilarious commentary occurs along the way.

If you hang around Kickstarter enough you’ll probably run into something very similar to this story. Though to my knowledge no real world Kickstarters have ever actually summoned a Lovecraftian taco deity. It was funny seeing the various ways the duo attempted to pitch their wild scheme to the masses, and that their taco religion had experienced a schism at some point. It was also rather humorous that the character True American was obviously voiced by a New Zealander.

Speaking of the narration, I thought everyone involved in the production did an amazing job. There not really much more I can add other than that this is a fun little story you won’t want to miss out on.

"Recipe: 1 Universe" by Effie Seiberg
Narrated by Wilson Fowlie
Originally Published in Galaxy's Edge 

This story is told in the form of a recipe for how to cook a universe into creation. Briefer description than usual, but this is a flash fiction story. I always like story that are told in an unusual format, such as a recipe. There's tons of little references to what science knows about the early formation of the universe scattered throughout the story. For example, one of the steps mentions that the universe will look orange in the early stages. Cosmologists do indeed believe that the early universe had an orange color to it.

As is usual, Wilson does an excellent job with the narration. A fun little story where you might even learn something. I recommend it. 

Lightspeed Magazine

“Observations About Eggs from the Man Sitting Next to Me on a Flight from Chicago, Illinois to Cedar Rapids, Iowa” by Carmen Maria Machado
Narrated by Stefan Rudnicki

This story…well, the title really says it all. It’s told as a series of observations an old man makes to a young woman sitting next to him on a flight. He waxes on about the many magical qualities of eggs and the mysteries contained within them.

Okay, that’s not much of a description but…well, I assume you know the drill by now. I think we’ve all met the old man in this story at some point in our lives. It makes the story relateable. Plus the story is just pure unwatered down fun. In terms of narration Stefan does the same great job that he always does.

Not much more to add other than that this story is more than worthy of your time.

"Taste the Singularity at the Food Truck Circus" by Jeremiah Tolbert
Narrated by Paul Boehmer

This story takes place in Kansas City in the not too distant future. Nico is an accountant with a love of food, and he's just run into his old cooking class buddy Alberto. Alberto is part of a secret group of food truck chefs who use science to make fantastical new culinary creations. He's about to give Nico a golden ticket to a world of pure imagination.

This was a really fun story. Jeremiah was clearly trying to invoke Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory, and he certainly succeeded in this regard. There was so many amazing and wondrous things at the food truck circus.  I think my favorite was the Kaiju Experience. It's like a Godzilla movie where you get to play Godzilla. You get to stomp around a gingerbread city full of gummy people who run around and scream. Then, at the very end, a cotton candy atomic bomb gets dropped on you. I also loved spaghetti on a stick.  It's a 3D-printed spaghetti wrapped around a 3D-printed breadstick.  Simple, yet sounds delicious. There's also mention of soup on a stick; I just gotta know how that one works. Interesting, 3D-printed food is a thing that exists in our world, but isn't nearly as good as the food featured in this story. There's also these mechanical tapeworm things that convert the calories from the food into charge for you phone and bio-implants. I gotta get some of those in my life.

As per usual, Paul does an excellent job with the narration. Why are you still reading this? Go out and listen to this wonderful story.

Tales to Terrify

"Dining with the Devil" by Arthur Davis
Narrated by Drew Sebesteny
Originally Published in Allegory Magazine

This story follows a waiter in an upscale restaurant in New York City. One day, a customer comes in who, by all accounts, appears to be the Devil himself. He asks for a cooked human soul. Our protagonist is even more surprised when the head chef actually produces the cooked soul. Just what is going on here?

I guess the Devil is a big fan of soul food. Well puns aside, I really enjoyed this story. Apparently, the head chef comes from a village in rural Spain that was hit bad by a plague. The Devil agreed to spare the village if the chef's family cooked souls whenever he asked for them. Of course, this raises the question of where the chef gets the souls, and how they are harvested. Strangely enough, the description of the cooked souls sounded rather tasty, as did all the other descriptions of the various foods.

I also enjoyed Drews narration. A devilishly delectable story that you won't want to miss out on.

Mr. CreepyPasta

"A Gifted Chef" by Max Lobdell
Narrated by Mr. CreepyPasta
Originally Published in Unsettling Stories 

This story follows a man whose next door neighbor is a professional chef. The chef always whips-up amazing smelling dishes, and the two soon strike-up a friendship. Then, one day, our narrator smells a particularly alluring scent coming from his neighbor's house. Except that it's been several days since he's seen his neighbor.

To discuss why I liked this story I'm going to have to give away the ending. Cannibalism creepypastas are a dime a dozen. Usually, the protagonist will discover some fabulous new mystery meat, but wouldn't you know, it turns out to be human flesh. This story looks like it's setting up to be another of these, but then subverts it. Turns out the chef got drunk and died in his indoor hot tub, and the mysterious smell was his flesh being cooked by the hot water. I love it when stories surprise me like that.

A story that subverted my expectations, and one that I happily recommend.

Strange Horizons

“The Witches of Athens” by Lara Elena Donnelly
Narrated by Anaea Lay

This story takes place in Athens. Athens, Ohio that is! It follows a pair of witch sisters who each run their own diner. The sister on Court Street is beautiful and runs a very flashy diner, while the sister on Union Street has a more working class look and her diner is more down to Earth. Despite their differences they often work together to help those around them. The story follows their attempt to play match makers with two gay men.

I really liked the way that magic in this story was based around different foods. For example, scrambled eggs and jalapeño burgers give you the ability and courage to speak up. It was also nice that the two witches were still close despite their differences. Admittedly I was a little disappointed that this story didn’t have anything to do with Greek Mythology, but the story I got more than made up for it. All things considered it’s a really sweet and heartwarming story.

I give it a hearty recommendation.

Apex Magazine

“Soul of Soup Bones” by Crystal Lynn Hilbert
Narrated by Wendy Bowlsby

This story follows a necromancer named Adrienne. She has revived the famous necromancer named Jacoben Stoyan. She expects that he’ll be a fountain of knowledge, but all Jacoben does is cook all day. Could the nonstop cooking be the key to it all?

Well what I can I say without giving it all away? It’s a fun and lighthearted story. It’s another one of those stories that combines necromancy and cooking. The descriptions of the food were mouth-watering. Wendy’s narration was spot on.

Uh…why don’t you go ahead and check the story out for yourself.

Conclusion

Ah, wasn't that a lovely meal we just enjoyed? A true feast for the imagination. Well, the bill has been payed for, everyone has their doggie bags, and it is time for us to leave the restaurant. I hope that you will return to The Audio File again some time. There are many more great stories to discover across a wide range of subjects. Do be careful on your trips back home, and I will see you all again next time.