The Audio File: The Dial-Up: Season 1

The world of audio drama is filled with shows that come in all shapes and sizes. I got my start listening to anthologies. I’ve listened to plenty of serialized shows, as is evidenced by my reviews. Still, I do have a tendency to gravitate towards shorter shows. It gives me lots of fun in a small package, and then I cast off for my next port of call. The audio drama we’re looking at today is definitely on the shorter side. In fact, it is less than an hour long. However, it still manages to tell a great story in that time. Without further ado, we’re taking a look at The Dial-Up.

The Dial-Up begins with a Scottish tech support worker named Lewis. It isn’t the most glamorous job, and the customers can be rather annoying, but it pays the bills. Recently, however, he’s gotten a call that has seriously spiced things up. He’s been contacted by another Scottish dude named Callum. It seems that Callum has never used the Internet before. In fact, he seems to big ignorant about quite a few things. It soon becomes clear that Callum is in the year 1999, while Lewis is in 2022. Lewis and Callum compare and contrast their respective lives. However, they also feel that fate has brought them together for a reason. But what could that reason be?

Like I said, The Dial-Up is very short. It is only four episodes long, and they clock in at a grand total of thirty-seven minutes long. That’s like time, plus change, for an episode of a typical anthology show. As such, this review is probably going to be a bit shorter than my typical output. Be that as it may, I shall try my best to do justice to The Dial-Up.

The Dial-Up is very much a two-man show. Well, technically a three man show. Let’s not forget series creator Philip Catherwood. In terms of voice acting, however, The Dial-Up is carried entirely by David Hepburn and Craig McDonald Kelly. I just loved how David performed Callum as a laidback devil-pay-care kind of guy. Craig did a fantastic job performing Lewis as a sensible straight man to all of Callum’s wisecracks.

This audio drama is a bit light on the sound-effects. We, of course, get to hear the iconic sound of a dial-up modem connecting to the Internet. We do get some cool sci-fi sound effects later on. Though, getting more specific would be spoilers. So, overall, a bit light on sound effects, but no shame in that. I’m working on the first episode of my own audio drama anthology, and it is also a bit light on the sound effects. I just felt that’s what would work best for that episode, and I’m sure Philip felt the same about The Dial-Up. Honestly, David and Craig gave such wonderful and lively performances, I didn’t even notice the lack of sound effects most of the time.

The major theme of The Dial-Up is about the power of the Internet to bring people together. I’m reminded of something Roger Ebert wrote in his review of the movie Pleasantville. He said, paraphrased, that perhaps it is true that we have more problems than people did in the past, but we also have more solutions and opportunities. Lewis bemoans 2022, and longs for the supposed simplicity of life in the 1990s. Callum is quick to point out that the 1990s had its share of problems as well. For example, yes, people did go out more to places like pubs and restaurants. However, that was because they didn’t have any choice but to do so. Callum also points out that many people from the 1990s would kill to have access to all of the apps and Internet stuff that Lewis has at his fingertips.

People having been complaining about how society is going to the dogs, and things were better back in the day, pretty much since human history began. To give on example, I’m reminded of a letter where a Roman rants about how the kids don’t want to wear togas, like good Romans, they want to wear pants like the barbarians. Aristotle was also fond of complaining about how the youths didn’t know what real hardship was.

You would not be reading this review if it weren’t for the Internet. In fact, The Dial-Up, and pretty much every other audio drama I’ve reviewed, would not exist without the Internet. I’ve meet so many amazing people, and kindled so many friendships, thanks to the Internet. As an autistic person, who struggles with social anxiety, I’m forever grateful for all the ways that the Internet has helped make my life easier. The Internet helped me find seamless socks, and for that I am eternally grateful. I’ve also started branching out into voice acting. Yeah, I technically could do that without the Internet, but it would be a lot harder.

Why don’t you take a minute to think about all the ways the Internet has made your life better? I’ll be here when you get back.

Okay, you back now? Good, let’s continue.

Now, all of this isn’t to say we should all cloister ourselves away. On the contrary, sometimes it is nice to get out and about in the real world. It can be quite good to do so every now and again. Indeed, Lewis does encourage Callum to try some of the fun classes and activities that his community center offers. Any virtue taken to excess becomes a vice, as Aristotle famously noted. Hey, he might have been wrong about the youths, but he was right about that. You don’t want to spend all your time in the digital world, but that doesn’t make the Internet a bad thing. On the whole, The Dial-Up takes an optimistic view about our ability to balance cyberspace and fleshspace.

This next bit is just a random observation I made. The plot of The Dial-Up kind of reminded me of the movie Frequency. It also features two dudes commutations across time. Albeit, using ham radio, rather than the Internet. I’ve never actually watched frequency, but I know the basic plot, and that it was later adapted into a television series on The CW. Now, to be clear, I’m not saying The Dial-Up ripped-off Frequency. From what I’ve seen of Frequency, The Dial-Up has enough difference to stand on its own merits. As I often say, it isn’t the plot you have, but how you use it, that truly matters. Still, it was an interesting parallel, and I do wonder if Frequency was a source of inspiration for The Dial-Up.

The Dial-Up tells a complete story, but I do wish it had been just a tad longer. I would have liked to have spent just a bit more time getting to know Lewis and Callum. But it seems this is all we will be seeing of The Dial-Up…or is it? Philip Catherwood has confirmed that we are getting a season two of The Dial-Up. I know that I can’t wait to listen to it. 

But whatever the future holds, I do know that The Dial-Up is a fantastic audio drama. It is about two guys communicating across time, and the power of the Internet to being people closer together for the better. It is short, but sweet. Here’s hoping we see more from Philip Catherwood in the future.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time. 

The Audio File: Hannahpocalypse: Season 1

As many of you know, I try to work on my own projects when time allows for it. I find myself with a bit less time for that now that I’m gainfully employed at the Shreveport Aquarium. However, I always make time for those who ask me to review their audio dramas. Frankly, I feel a bit guilty when I’m not writing new reviews. I’m aware it isn’t my job to keep the reviews coming, but still. So, without further ado, let’s get right into it. We’re taking a look at Hannahpocalypse. 

Hannahpocalypse is set in the year 2182. It has been 150 years since the zombie apocalypse destroyed civilization as we knew it. Humanity tried to counter the zombies by building an army of robots. Unfortunately, the robots went rogue, caused a robot apocalypse, and just made things worse. But hey, at least they killed all the zombies. Well, most of them anyway. A few zombies have managed to survive. Hannah is one of these zombies. She basically has dissociative identity disorder. Her human personality is basically a prisoner in her own body. Her animalistic zombie personality is the one in the driver’s seat. Hannah has led a dull and lonely existence. The highlights of her day include chasing red balloons and eating live crows. However, Hannah’s finally found some new companions: us, the listeners! Somehow, Hannah is hosting a podcast about her unlife, and we’re along for the ride.

Hannah’s world is turned upside down when she meets Cali. Cali is a scout from Golden Gate, a city-state in what was once San Francisco. Cali recognizes the spark of sentience buried deep within Hannah. Could this be the key to better relations between zombies and humans? This unlikely duo is about to make their way across the wastelands of what was once the United States. It is a story of love, death, and robots. But, you know, not the Netflix kind.

I was approached to review Hannahpocalypse by series creator Damian Szydlo. He is also the creator of the audio drama Cybernautica. Damian had some very nice things to say about my audio drama reviews. He felt very tacky about asking me to review Hannahpocalypse, but I see no issue. People have all sorts of ways of asking me to review their audio dramas. It is also always great to hear that people enjoy the work that I do with these reviews.

Hannahpocalypse is a member of the Fable & Folly network. If you’ve been following my reviews, then you know what that means. Audio drama roll call! The other fine members of the Fable & Folly family include, but are not limited to, Human B-Gon, Alba Salix, We Fix Space Junk, Harlem Queen, The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles, Spaceships, and Who is Cam Candor?

Hmm, wait a minute. So, the backstory of Hannahpocalypse involves a robot apocalypse. It is mostly set in the United States, but we do see that Canada, along with the rest of the world, was impacted as well. We also have a supposedly non-sentient that turns out to be smarter than she appears to outsiders. Does this mean that Hannahpocalypse is secretly a prequel to Human B-Gon? Well, actually, no. The answer is no. However, Damian Szydlo and Drew Frohmann are both friends, and have respect for each other's work. Both of them are also Canadian. This was all just some random observations I made that weren’t meant to be taken seriously.

Anyway, let’s get into my actual for real observations and thoughts on Hannahpocalypse. The series is billed as being hopepunk. Hopepunk, from what I understand, is fiction that strives to depict a better tomorrow, and a more hopeful future. It isn’t averse to conflict, or even bad things like climate change. However, rather than a future ravaged by climate change, hopepunk chooses to show humans works together to fight against things like climate change. The general philosophy of hopepunk is that sometimes things go bad, but we can work together to fix them.

Now, all of that being said, terms like zombie apocalypse and robot apocalypse are not typically included in the same sentence as the word hopepunk. And yet, despite these seemingly disparate elements, Hannahpocalypse does indeed live up to its descriptor of hopepunk. To explain why, let’s first meet our leading ladies.

Hannah has been a prisoner in her own zombified body for the last 150 years. Despite this, she’s in surprisingly good spirits. Well, at first glance anyway. As the series goes on it becomes increasingly clear that Hannah has gone a tad nutty over the years. To be fair, it would be weird if she wasn’t at least a little insane after all she’s gone through. Though, this does raise an obvious question, how exactly is it that Hannah is hosting a podcast if she can’t control her own body. For that matter, what’s she broadcasting on? The audio drama itself tells us not to think too hard about it. We have several characters, besides Hannah and Cali, who break the fourth wall. This includes those who logically shouldn’t know about Hannah’s podcast or Cali’s status reports. Of course, if we go back to Hannah being slightly crazy, then maybe all those instances are figments of Hannah’s imagination. Of course, in the immortal words of Albus Dumbledore, maybe it is all in her head, but why should that make it any less real?

Hannah is also a lesbian. She had bad luck finding a stable relationship, and turning into a flesh-eating zombie certainly didn’t help. Plus she did eat that pride parade when she first turned. But hey, she’s LGBTQ, and wasn’t in control of her body. So, uh, pretty sure it technically wasn’t homophobic to eat all those people. Anyway, it may have taken 150 years, during which time she kind of went bonkers, but at least Hannah found Cali eventually. And perhaps she’ll even find one of her old friends. Hannah’s friend Mel also got bit, but she turned into a mutant. That means she partially zombified, but retained her human mind. Unlike Hannah, mutants like Mel retain control of their bodies.

One of the things that makes Hannah such an endearing character is the phenomenal performance by her voice…actor? Amanda Hufford uses they/them pronouns, so I’m not sure if voice actor is the correct term. Whatever the case might be, Amanda just did such an amazing job making Hannah sound like a total sweetheart. Their performance reminds me of Amy Adams during the early days of her career in movies such as Catch Me If You Can, Enchanted, and Junebug. Amanda also adds several other layers to Hannah. We get to see Hannah’s endearingly dorky side, such as when Hannah worries about swearing in the podcast, even though nobody can hear her. However, we also get those hints of desperation within Hannah’s voice. You can hear this even when Hannah is clearly trying to put a metaphorical smile on. She’s obviously been screaming her head off mentally for quite some time. She still has a mouth, yet she cannot scream, no matter how hard she tries.

We, of course, have to talk about the other half of our two leading ladies. Cali has grown up in Golden Gate. The city-state prides itself on restoring the best of Old America. In reality, however, Golden Gate has a very warped view of what pre-apocalypse America was like. It is clearly based around rose-tinted nostalgia for a past that never truly existed in the first place. Golden Gate is clearly the right-wing view of America. Hmm, so we’ve got a post-apocalyptic setting, killer robots, mutants, and a moral about the dangers of being blinded by nostalgia. I’m definitely getting some Fallout vibes from Hannahpocalypse.

I bring all of this up because Cali does not fit the mold of Golden Gate. Cali is a lesbian, and Golden Gate is not a particularly LGBTQ friendly place, to put it lightly. So, being a scout was one of the few times she got to truly get herself. Cali is jaded, cynical, and rough around the edges. Despite this, she can be just as much of a dork as Hannah is. Cali gets very excited when she finds a stash of Tank Girl comics from the 1980s. It is a little odd that Cali would be a fan of pop culture from nearly 200 years in the past. On the other hand, it has been firmly established that Cali is definitely a nonconformist.

Abigail Turner gives a multifaceted performance for Cali. It perfectly compliments Amanda Hufford’s performance as Hannah. Cali starts off gruff, tough-as-nails, and gives the impression that she’ll do anything to survive. Then the cracks begin to form, and we start to see a softer side to Cali. The first, besides the comics, is when she sees the faint glimmer of humanity still within Hannah. Cali was taught to fear and hate zombies, and it would have been easy to snuff Hannah out. However, Cali chose to take a gamble on Hannah, and choose kindness over cruelty. Yet this wasn’t a choice born purely out of altruism. Further cracks form, and we get to see just how lonely Cali has become over the years. A good chunk of that bravado and prickliness is just a mask she wears to hide the sadness she carries. Perhaps on some level, Cali chose to spare Hannah because she wanted to believe she’d found someone she could truly be herself with. Granted, her faith was certainly not misplaced. The scene where Cali finally breaks down and admits how lonely she feels is particularly well performed.

One of the main themes of Hannahpocalypse is about how we deal with trauma. Hannah experienced one of the worst things that can happen to someone. However, she only regains control of her life when she stops try to fight against the zombie half of herself. One way of dealing with trauma is to accept what has happened to you and learn to live with it. Like it or not, what happened has happened, and will always be part of you to some degree. However, that acceptance doesn’t mean you have to be a victim for the rest of your life. Hannah is able to regain her agency, both physically and metaphorically, once she truly accepts that she is a zombie. She isn’t just a victim, she’s a survivor, and there is power in being a survivor.

The other major theme, as we’ve already touched upon, is the importance of choosing compassion over cruelty. There’s also a message about the dangers of confusing pessimism with realism or pragmatism. It is never outright stated, but it is implied that Golden Gate suppresses homosexuals in the name of repopulating humanity. There’s a kind of logic to this, but it also requires sacrificing individual liberties and happiness in the name of the “Greater Good.” But that begs an obvious question: who gets to define what the Greater Good is? The leaders of Golden Gate talk big game about the lofty ideals of Old America. However, it is pretty clear that their true vested interest is keeping themselves in positions of power.

To build a world on compassion requires taking risk and gambles. Cali gambled on Hannah still having humanity within her. She also gambled that this might lead to better relations between humans and zombies. I won’t give away the ending. However, I will say that sometimes risks are worth it. There can still be hope for a better tomorrow even when you live in a post-apocalypse world full of zombies and robots. Hannahpocalypse, despite its oddball premise, managed to live up to its hopepunk descriptor.

Now, that being said, I do have a few minor points of critique. As we have noted, Hannahpocalypse deals with several philosophical themes. For most of the series, these are woven into the story organically, and it never feels like I’m being beaten over the head. Episode fifteen, however, was an unfortunate exception to this. It had the characters spend several minutes lecturing the listener about what a terrible place Old America was. They go on and on about the rampant inequality and prejudice that filled America in those days. However, we already cover all of those point, so it came across as incredibly redundant. It also came across as heavy-handed and needlessly preachy. I felt like I was listening to a sermon rather than an audio drama. Thankfully, episode sixteen was a welcome return to form. It was also an incredible finale overall, but getting more specific would be spoilers.

This next one isn’t a complaint, but more an observation. Hannahpocalypse is set in the United States, and deals with American culture, but series creator Damian Szydlo is Canadian. Now, that isn’t to say that Canadians aren’t allowed to comment on America. However, I found it a little odd that Damian decided not to set the story in his home country. Maybe the theme he wanted to deal with worked better in an American context. I admit I’m not too familiar with Canadian post-apocalypse fiction. Here in the United States, we tend to assume that Canada gets eaten whenever the apocalypse happens. 

Damian had said that, in his view, America won the Culture War a long time ago. To give on example, in many countries, people will watch both local television shows and movies, but also American movies and television series. Canada, for instance, requires its television stations to air a certain amount of Canadian content in an effort to combat the torrential flood of American media. As such, if America falls, the rest of the world falls with it. So, he had the zombie outbreak begin in America. He also claims he didn’t think of Golden Gate as being particularly right-wing. I guess that’s where our cultural differences come into play. In America, it tends to be the political right that invokes nostalgia for the past, and the need to return to this so-called golden age. The political left, by contrast, tends to emphasize the negative qualities of the past, such as the rampant inequality and bigotry, and how we need to let go of the past. 

Hmm, here’s another random thought I had. Hannahpocalypse sounds like the phrase “an apocalypse.” And the word apocalypse contains the suffix -caly, which is like the name Cali. Could it be that Hannah and Cali’s names were puns all along? Accord to Damian, this was just coincidence. However, he did find my observation amusing. 

Season one has wrapped up most of the loose-ends fairly neatly. However, Hannah and Cali’s story isn’t over yet. Season two is already being planned. There are certainly several directions for the story to go. For example, we discovered that not all zombies are mindless killing machines. Does the same hold true for robots? It does appear we will get answers to that particular question in season two. I know that I can’t wait to find out which path the story takes.

Well, there you have it. Hannahpocalypse managed to genuinely surprise me. It billed itself as a post-apocalypse zombie hopepunk audio drama. Despite these seemingly disparate elements, it managed to find hope for a better tomorrow within the wastelands of what was once North America. And it did so quite well at that. Give it a listen, and perhaps it will surprise you as well.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

Riordan Retrospective: The Sun and The Star

Welcome once again to my Riordan Retrospective. For those of you just joining the fun, this is my look back at the works of Rick Riordan. That means Percy Jackson, its sequels, and spin-offs. This is less of a formal review and more of a relaxed look back.

Last time, we took a look back at Daughter of the Deep. Rick Riordan’s first science fiction novel, and one based on 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. This time, we’re returning to the Riordanverse for a standalone adventure with Nico and Will. We’re taking a look at The Sun and The Star. 

Nico di Angelo is the brooding son of Hades. Will Solace is a son of Apollo with a generally sunny disposition. Together, they are a gay couple at Camp Half-Blood. Through the power of plot convenience, literally every other camper has left camp at the end of summer. What about all those campers who don’t have families to go home to? There must be quite a few of them, right? Uh…hey, now Nico and Will don’t have to worry about people walking in on their cuddle time! Well, except for Chiron and Dionysus, because plot convenience can’t fix everything. And you know what else plot convenience can’t fix? The fact that Bob the Titan, aka Iapetus, is stuck in Tartarus. Quest time! Percy and Annabeth really should be involved, or at least Hazel and Reyna. But hey, can’t be having any icky straight people raining on our yaoi parade, am I right? Nico and Will are going to talk about their feels, retread old ground, lose their previous character development, and, uh…oh, right, they need to get Bob out of Tartarus. Well, anyway, prepare for the beloved world of Rick Riordan to almost literally go to hell in a handbasket. Mark Oshiro’s narcissism and ego are about to take us for a wild ride with two boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, boyfriend, and furthermore, boyfriend.

Usually, I try to objectively summarize the novels we’re looking back at. Unless, of course, Rick Riordan really shit the bed. Though, even then, the only time I felt the need to do so was with The Hammer of Thor. That was a unique blend of bad. Not that The Ship of the Dead was much better. But I guess we’ll have to reset the clock. The Sun and The Star is the worst Riordanverse book since Magnus Chase, and that’s really saying something!

Now, I tried to keep an open-mind going into this book. I was hoping that it would subvert my expectations. And indeed it did…by being infinitely worse than I could possibly imagine. I mean, when the opening scene has the characters playing a G-Rated version of Fuck, Marry, Kill: Star Wars Edition, well, it’s only going to go downhill from there. Everything about that opening scene, from the dialogue, the characterization, and the general set-up, feel like something you’d find in a poorly written fanfiction. Then again, that’s basically what this book is.

So, just who is the co-author of this book? Mark Oshiro is a gay, non-binary, Hispanic who uses they/them pronouns. They used to run a blog where they would review various works of media, usually of the nerd/geek persuasion. Almost invariably, Mark would find some way to talk about either being gay, having had a traumatic childhood, or being a gay person with trauma. If your sexuality is the most interesting thing about you, then you need to seriously broaden your horizons.

Anyway, Mark got popular with a certain clique of speculative fiction writers. The type whose idea of political activism is going on angry Twitter rants, and then blocking anyone who disagrees with them. Very few of said writers actually have the talent to back-up their delusions of eloquence. They loved how Mark parroted their views back at them, and stroked their egos. So, through the power of nepotism, Mark became the It Boy. This was back when Mark still identified as male. Naturally, Rick Riordan was among this throng of clapping seals. We must assume that Rick looked at Mark and said, “My darling! Where have you been all my life?” 

It is painfully obvious that Rick let Mark have almost complete free-reign of The Sun and The Star, and only did the bare minimum of editing. This probably explains the scene where Nico claims that Bianca is his mother, when she’s actually his sister. Really confirms my suspicion that Rick has gotten so big that he’s basically immune to editors at this point. I wonder if that’s part of why Percy Jackson and the Olympians turned out as well as it did. Maybe the editors reigned-in Rick’s excess. Well, that and he had his sons to call him out, and was actually taking his time with crafting the books. Honestly, it was probably a lot of things.

Even at his worst, Rick Riordan books have a certain feel to them. You can always tell that you’re reading a Rick Riordan novel. I don’t get that feeling with The Sun and The Star. I’ve never read any of Mark Oshiro’s other novels, nor do I have any plans to. However, I get the impression that the general feeling and tone would be akin to The Sun and The Star. At times, I had to remind myself I was reading an actual, officially published novel, and not just a poorly written fanfiction.

Now, I want to take a moment and address something. People often use the term fanfiction as shorthand for poor writing. And to be fair, about ninety percent of fanfiction isn’t all that good. I’ve certainly written my fair share of less than stellar fanfics. However, the other ten percent is genuinely quite good. That’s why I’m trying to specify bad fanfiction in this review. Being fanfiction doesn’t make something automatically bad in and of itself. A lot of fanfiction writers just don’t have the same intimate knowledge of the characters that the author does. And you have to factor in all the fanfic writers who are just kids trying to seriously write for the first time. And, of course, there are the zealous shippers, the High School AU writers, the fetish writers, and all the other seedier groups who give fanfiction a bad reputation. But even with all of that, there’s still that ten percent, and it is so worth it to find the diamonds in the rough of the fanfiction world.

Mark Oshiro, however, is most decidedly not part of that glorious ten percent. Many people have noted that Nico felt incredibly off in The Sun and The Star, and I think I know why. Put simply, Nico isn’t being written as Nico di Angelo. He’s being written as Mark Oshiro’s self-insert. Think about it. Mark has pretty much no personality beyond being gay and having experienced trauma. Nico is gay, and he has experienced quite a bit of trauma. So, it isn’t unreasonable to assume Mark felt a kindred spirit in Nico. Unfortunately, Mark grafted their experience onto Nico, and basically turned him into a self-insert of Mark. I’d argue that the same thing happened to Will as well, just in a slightly different way. Will got the chipper manchild side of Mark’s personality, whereas Nico got all the depressed parts. Mark’s depiction of Will can also potentially be read as Mark’s idea of an idealized boyfriend.

Oh yeah, did I mention that Mark just loves the word boyfriend? It appears, at absolute minimum, at least 120 times through The Sun and The Star, according to my rough guesstimation. It gets very grating very quickly. We get it Mark, they’re gay, and they’re in love! You don’t have to remind us every gods damn paragraph! If I was a teacher, I would have docked Mark several points for repetition, and told them to use a damn thesaurus already. I’d also dock Rick several points for buming all the work off to Mark, and for not pulling his own weight in this group project.

I stand by the fact that, prior to The Sun and The Star, Nico was one of the best LGBTQ characters in the Riordanverse. He’s gay, but that isn’t the be all and end all of him. There is way more to his personality than just his sexuality. Unfortunately, Mark Oshiro and Rick Riordan don’t seem to care for silly things like nuance and character development. If anything, Nico has seriously regressed in this book. Back in The Trials of Apollo, Nico was finally taking steps to leave his past behind him, and he was actually starting to become happy. Apparently, Mark and Rick subscribe to the Joss Whedon School of Character Writing. Basically, when in doubt, just make your characters as miserable as possible, and claim it makes them more interesting that way. Needless to say, this thinking is a load of Minotaur dung. Conflict is the driver of stories, yes. However, conflict is not the same as misery. There are ways to create conflict without putting your characters through the wringer. It is the mark of a poor writer who confuses misery with conflict.

I know a lot of people felt Will Solace wasn’t the best choice to be Nico’s love interest. I concede it was a bit random, but I was willing to overlook that for several reasons. First, it was nice to see Nico actually catch a break for once. I also adored how Will called Nico out on his bullshit. The part in The Blood of Olympus where Will tells Nico to stop wallowing in self-pity was the stuff of legends. Oh, but don’t expect to see any of that here. In fact, a big part of Will’s character arc, and I use the term loosely, is learning that it is okay for Nico to be dark. What does that mean? The heck if I know! Mark Oshiro is big on using flowery words and sentences that don’t actually mean anything if you stop to think about them. Best I can figure is that Nico should be allowed to be a perpetually mopey Gloomy Gus because he’s been twisted into Mark Oshiro’s self-insert. Actual self-improvement is like kryptonite to people like Mark.

Speaking of Nico being Mark’s self-insert, let’s talk about Nico’s coming out party. Oh yes, Nico tried to go on a picnic with Will, but the satyrs and dryads misunderstood, and threw a picnic themed coming out party. He even got to wear a flower crown, just like Mark Orshio loves to wear. And then Nico decided to come out to the whole camp in a truly Stunning and Brave way. But wait, there’s more! Nico became a true gay icon. Nay, he became the Homosexual Jesus of Camp Half-Blood. He was so Stunning and Brave that it inspired Jake Mason, Malcom Pace, and Paolo Montes to come out of the closet. That seems like a pretty important detail about all of them to neglect until just now. But hey, did I mention just how Stunning and Brave that Nico was?

Ugh, why? Just why did it have to have such a stupid and cliche scene as that? Oh, wait, I know why. Many people complained that Cupid forcing Nico to admit he was gay was a violation of consent. So, Rick needed to cover his ass, and Mark wanted to feel Stunning and Brave. It was a match made in Tartarus. Also, Cupid violated Nico’s consent, but the satyrs and dryads somehow didn’t, and they all got off scot-free? Uh, do what now? Like I said, Nico is a great character because he’s more than just a gay kid. Apparently, Mark Oshiro and Rick Riordan no longer agree. That, or Rick can’t write minorities unless they’re at least somewhat stereotypical.

We also get flashbacks to how Nico and Will’s relationship developed. This is theoretically good, but given how poorly written these scenes are, they only serve to make the relationship look even more flimsy and contrived. Sometimes less really is more. On the subject of flashbacks, the flashback dreams Nico had were stupid. The first one was convoluted, and was basically Mark Oshiro going “look at all these cool writing tricks I can do!” The second flashback saw Nico get even more out of character than usual for this trainwreck of a book. It goes back to his first time in Tartarus, and how he first met Nyx, the goddess of night. Nico’s dialogue would have made sense…if it had been written for Percy! It reminds me of how people complained that everyone in Captain America: Civil War sounded like they were trying to imitate Ironman. There was one flashback I enjoyed. I actually liked the bits where Will talks about his adventures with his mom in New York City. Those were some best written parts of the book. Though, I wonder if those were the bits Rick Riordan actually wrote.

Now we need to talk about how Percy and Annabeth got absolutely butchered. Nico and Will decide to visit Mrs. Jackson so they can send an Iris Message to Percy and Annabeth. Why didn’t they just do that at camp before they left? At this point, half this book’s issues can be chalked up to “Mark and Rick didn’t give a damn.” Annabeth especially acts completely out of character. She and Percy make a joke by referring to Tartarus as tartar sauce, and pretend they didn’t hear what Nico and Will said. Annabeth certainly wouldn’t do that, and neither would Percy! He knows when it is time to get serious. I’ve said it before, and I will say it again, Percy might not be book smart, but he’s smart in other way. And I refuse to believe Percy and Annabeth wouldn’t demand to go with Nico and Will. You seriously expect me to believe that the guy, whose fatal flaw is loyalty to friends, would just sit this one out?!

Oh, and apparently, Percy and Annabeth totally forgot about Bob. Even though they were quite guilty about that in previous books. But wait, turns out they’ve been thinking about Bob nonstop. Pick one, preferably the latter! Their advice is decidedly of the no duh variety. Guess we can’t be having the heterosexuals do anything useful. That wouldn’t be very Stunning or Brave. And why didn’t Nico go to Hazel, possibly recruiting her? Seems like she’d be pretty useful on an underworld quest. Oh, right, same reason with Percy and Annabeth. I’d also ask why Nico didn’t ask Reyna, but Rick neglected their brother-sister relationship long ago. More on that in a bit.

It is also incredibly bizarre to actually hear the word Percabeth in a Rick Riordan novel. It is a popular portmanteau of Percy and Annabeth used by shippers. Just like Solangelo is used for Nico and Will. However, it has never, until now, appeared in an actual Rick Riordan novel. It is just plain bizarre to see such a term used in an actual Riordanverse book.  I don’t know if it was Rick or Mark who decided to throw that red meat to the shippers. 

However, I do feel it was a bad idea. You have to be careful about feeding the shippers, or else you’ll empower the rabid ones. Trust me, you don’t want the rabid shippers to feel like they have power over you. It never ends well. Huh, you know, a lot of this book’s problems can be explained if we assume it was meant to pander to the shippers. I will say that shipping isn’t bad in and of itself. It becomes bad when you let it get out of hand, or develop unreasonable exceptions. As Aristotle noted, any virtue taken to an extreme becomes a vice.

And the pop culture references. I mean, yikes, this book can give Magnus Chase a run for its money in bad pop culture references. My biggest problem is that Nico has way more pop culture knowledge than he realistically ought to. The biggest offender was the scene where Nico references Lil Nas X, but Will has no idea who that is. Uh, do what now? Nico is from the 1940s, whereas Will is from the present day. He should not know who Lil Nas X is. For those who don’t know, Lil Nas X is an openly gay rapper who raps about being gay. Presumably, he is Mark Oshiro’s favorite rapper. Then there’s all the times Nico refers to Will as a Care Bear. Once again, how does Nico know what those are? The apathy is strong with this one. At least they had him know about Star Wars due to Will being a huge Star Wars fan. On the other hand, we did get the Fuck, Marry, Kill scene as a result of that.

On the subject of other demigods, we learn at the start of the book that literally every other demigod, other than Nico and Will, has left camp. No, no, gods no! Nooooooo! What about all of the campers who don’t have families to go back home to?! Yeah, I know the book tries to explain this by saying they all went to see the world. However, I’m of the opinion that this is a stupid-ass explanation. I refuse to believe that Chiron would allow a bunch of kids, several of whom are pre-teens, to just galavant around the country. Yes, he often sends campers on quests, but that’s a necessary evil. Of course, he’d also refuse to let Nico and Will go to Tartarus unless they had a third person to go with them. So, really, Mark and Rick just magiced everyone away so they wouldn’t have to deal with that. Well, that, and so nobody could cockblock Nico and Will during cuddle time. Chiron still managed to do an admirable job of that, despite everything else.

Chiron’s characterization wasn’t as off as everyone else. However, he should have provided more pushback to Nico’s plan. There were also times, especially towards the end, where he came across as a bit too much like a bumbling sitcom dad. Chiron is supposed to be the wise, grounded fatherly figure of Camp Half-Blood.

Mr. D is once again back at camp. Yay! But his characterization is kind of off. Boo! He never once screws-up Nico’s name. That’s, like, Mr. D’s main schtick. He provides therapy sessions for Nico, except he already did that in The Tower of Nero, but this is treated like he’s doing it for the first time. Mr. D will come across as weirdly nice one minute, and then cartoonishly sadistic the next. The way Mr. D is written comes across like a fanfiction author’s caricature of him. Then again, I guess that’s what it actually was.

I felt that Nyx was not a very good villain. Kronos, Gaea, and Nero all had very clear motivation for their villainy. Nyx, by contrast, just came across as a bland, generic, and overall uninteresting antagonist. It felt like Rick and Mark were really scraping the bottom of the barrel to come up with villains for this book. Also, based on actual mythology, I just can’t buy Nyx as a villain. There really isn’t anything to suggest that she’d be villainous. Tartarus should also not have been the main destination for the quest. As a general rule of thumb, you never revisit major villains after you’ve already defeated them. Case in point, Emperor Palpetine just happening to come back in The Rise of Skywalker. Though, in fairness, Rise of Skywalker was certainly flawed, but J.J. Abrams was trying to course correct after Rian Johnson shit the bed in The Last Jedi.

Getting back on track, Tartarus felt completely underwhelming this time around. We already experienced its horrors, far more effectively, with Percy and Annabeth. So, everything had a “been there, done that” feeling to it. The parts where Iapetus regains his memories were a noticeable step-up in terms of writing. Clearly, this was the part where Rick Riordan actually got off his ass. But once again, it would make way more sense of Percy and Annabeth to be the ones to rescue Iapetus. Also, I just gotta ask, how were Will and Nico planning on escaping Tartarus? They just jumped right in with no escape plan. At least Percy and Annabeth knew they needed to get to the doors of death.

I’ll admit the part where Nico gets a family reunion was kind of sweet. Well, if you ignore the fact that Bianca should not be there, since she already reincarnated. I also liked the scene where Nico talks about how he got made fun of for saying the Ares card in Myth-O-Magic looked pretty. I actually related to that. Once, in high school, a classmate asked what music I liked. I mentioned Elton John, because I like his music, and I still do. I got funny looks, and was made fun of, for liking an openly gay musician. I didn’t really see why that was an issue, but this was the same era when “That’s so gay!” was the insult of choice among teenagers. Well, personally, it always struck me as dumb, and needlessly mean, but I’ve always been a nonconformist.

But then we get the scene where Nico calls Piper on Iris Message. Uh, when have they ever interacted, because I sure can’t think of any times. And yet, they act like they’re old friends, and even joke around. Ugh, Mark Oshiro was clearly in the drivers seat once again. Oh, wait, I know why, and so do you. All together now: it’s because they’re both gay. Well, Piper kissed a girl, and she liked it, but she doesn’t know if she’s gay or bisexual, or maybe pansexual. There’s a message her about not getting hung-up on labels. Except we already did that with Reyna! Oh, and Reyna and Nico have brother-sister relationship going on, so why didn’t Nico called Reyna?!

Mark, if I haven’t made it painfully clear by now, being gay is not the same as having a personality. Making a character LGBTQ does not make them well-rounded. There has to be more to them than just “I’m gay!” Having trauma also doesn’t automatically make a character interesting and well-rounded. You intended this book to be for LGBTQ kids, but those kids deserve way better than this tripe! They are not stupid, they deserve good writing, and actually well-developed characters. Empty representation alone does not a plot make.

There is, of course, and audiobook version. I often debate who the best of the Riordanverse narrators is. I’m still not sure how I’d make that tier list. However, I do know that A.J. Beckles is one of the worst, if not the worst, I’ve encountered. He did a horrible job differentiating the characters, and frequently sounded like he was phoning it in.

Well, I guess we should analyze the cover. Yikes, Nico and Will look hideous! Nico looks like a girl, and it looks like he’s wearing lipstick. It almost looks more like Thalia cosplaying as Nico. Not that Will is much better. This has got to be one of the worst Riordanverse book covers. It doesn’t even look like a Riordanverse cover. It looks more like the cover of one of those cheap fantasy paperbacks from the early 2000s. Save my sanity, Viria! 

Ah, now that’s much better. Excellent work as always, Viria. You know what? Let’s also have Nico’s character art from Read Riordan. The Read Riordan character art doesn’t get enough love. 

Now that is one fine looking son of Hades.

Well, we have at long last reached the end of the dissertation on why Mark Oshiro should be put on trial at The Hague for crimes against the Riordanverse. There is nothing of value in this abomination that is laughably referred to as a book. Referring to The Sun and The Star as glorified fanfiction is being incredibly generous. I urge you to skip this one for your own sanity. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Trust me, you aren’t missing much. Regrettably, Nico has pet demons literally made out of his trauma. They’re named Coco-Puffs, because of course they are. So, this book will still impact the wider Riordanverse. I’m not holding my breath in hopes of a retcon.

If this is what the future holds for the Riordanverse, we should all be very afraid. Boy, I sure can’t wait to see which hack author Rick Riordan prostitutes his characters out to next. Not! A thousand times not! Well, later this year we’ve got Chalice of the Gods, a new novel starring Percy, Grover, and Annaberth coming out. Premise could be good, and Mark Oshiro’s slimy tentacles won’t be anywhere near it, so that’s a plus. We’ve also got the live-action Disney+ series coming out. To be honest, I’m kind of worried about how it will turn out, but I’ll reserve judgement til it officially premieres. 

Anyway, that’s all I’ve got to say. Join me next time when we take a look back at Chalice of the Gods.

Riordan Retrospective: Daughter of the Deep

Welcome once again to my Riordan Retrospective. For those of you just joining the fun, this is my look back at the works of Rick Riordan. That means Percy Jackson, its sequels, and spin-offs. This is less of a formal review and more of a relaxed look back.

Last time, we finished our look back at The Trials of Apollo with a look back at The Tower of Nero. We thought that we’d said goodbye to the worlds of Rick Riordan. Little did we know that a new book was about to surface. As such, we’re taking a look back at Daughter of the Deep.

Ana Dakkar is about to finish her freshman year at Harding-Pencroft Academy. It is a five-year academy specializing in marine science. She, and her nineteen classmates, are about to begin their freshmen trials. Harding-Pencroft holds its students very high standards. However, before they can take off, the school is destroyed by a series of sonic torpedoes. The remaining students and professors of Harding-Pencroft regroup aboard their yacht the Varuna. Ana discovers several major revelations. Jules Verne’s novels 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and The Mysterious Island were based on actual events. Captain Nemo was indeed a real person, and Ana is his direct descendant. In fact, the whole point of Harding-Pencroft Academy is to safeguard Nemo’s legacy and technology. Their next stop is Lincoln Island, the final resting place of Nemo and the Nautilus. But danger lurks around every corner as the survivors of Harding-Pencroft are hunted by their old rivals: Land Academy.

Well, it looks like we’re back sooner than I expected. I thought we’d be back for that Irish Mythology book Rick said he was planning. However, that seems to have been put on the back-burner. Daughter of the Deep apparently has been a long time coming. Way back in 2009, Disney executives asked Rick what Disney property he would want to write a book based on. It could be anything he wanted. He chose 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, as the 1954 film adaptation is one of his favorite movies. Technically, Disney only owns the rights to the movie, not the original book. The original Verne novel has long since slipped into the public domain. I’m tempted to think that Rick was, at least somewhat, trolling the executives.

I actually went back and watched the 1954 movie adaptation of 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. I agree with Rick here. The movie is, I must say, a truly underrated gem among live-action Disney films. In fact, I might even give it its own review at some point. Now, the movie does take some liberties with the source material. Though, personally, I’d say that was to its benefit, as it made for a more engaging story that worked better in film. Verne was known for doing a lot of research with his novels, and often devoted entire paragraphs to explaining the science in detail. Unfortunately, this does make for a rather dry reading experience. I’ve heard Verne works better in the original French, but that is a language I do not speak. Amusingly, students at Harding-Pencroft are required to read 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea and The Mysterious Island. Ana found them both to be a bit dry for her taste. I myself enjoyed The Mysterious Island slightly more than 20,000 Leagues, but it still suffered from many of the same issues.

I’ve heard a few people wonder what it might be like if Rick Riordan were to write a science fiction novel. Well, we now have our answer. We know more about the surface of the Moon than we do our own deep oceans. Twelve people have walked on the surface of the Moon, but only two have ever been to the bottom of the Marianas Trench. Ocean-based science fiction is still comparatively rare compared to space-based or terrestrial-based science fiction. So, I’m glad to see that Daughter of the Deep tapped into some of the vast potential of ocean-based science fiction.

Now, I should probably clarify that Daughter of the Deep is set outside of the Riordanverse. Rick has confirmed that it takes place in its own self-contained world. So, don’t expect to see any cameos from Percy, Annabeth, or any other Riordanverse characters. Still, it is similar enough in terms of style to a typical Riordanverse novel, and thus, I’ve chosen to include it as part of the retrospective.

Speaking of style, let’s begin there. Rick has said he took a film writing course before he wrote Daughter of the Deep. That is very apparent in how the prose itself is written. It reads very much like a movie script. The narration is presented in first-person present tense. This helps add to the sense of action and urgency as the plot movies along. The pacing also feels very much like what you might find in a movie. We got a lot of action scenes in quick succession. We get the usual info dumps, but we don’t really take as much time for introspection. As we’ll discuss a bit later, this lack of introspection was very much to the book’s detriment. I’m willing to bet that all this is very much by design. Daughter of the Deep is being adapted into a movie on Disney+. In fact, the movie was announced even before the book came out. So, it certainly feels like Rick wrote Daughter of the Deep with an eye towards the movie adaption.

I would have liked if we had gotten to explore Harding-Pencroft Academy a bit more before it got destroyed. What brief glimpses we do see are utterly fascinating. The students are all decided into four different houses based on their area of study. Yeah, they’ve heard all the Harry Potter jokes plenty of times. Though, personally, when I saw the initials HP in an ocean-themed book, I briefly wondered if Rick Riordan was going to tackle the Lovecraft Mythos. Back on topic, the houses are Dolphin, Shark, Cephalopod, and Orca. Dolphin focuses on communications, exploration, cryptography, and counterintelligence. Shark handles command, combat, weapons systems, logistics. Cephalopod deals with engineering, applied mechanics, innovation, and defensive systems. Orca is all about medicine, psychology, education, marine biology, and communal memory. If you’re wondering about that last one, it basically means the history of Harding-Pencroft and Captain Nemo.

One of the things I appreciated was that each of the four main characters is from a different house. One of my gripes about Harry Potter is that pretty much all the important characters come from Gryffindor. Well, unless they’re a villain, and come from Slytherin. Ravenclaw had Luna and Cho, I guess, but Hufflepuff got the short end of the stick for sure. Getting back on track, having the four main protagonists of Daughter of the Deep be from different houses provided a theme that everyone has something unique to bring to the table. You can also see it as advocating for multiculturalism, but without being preachy about it. 

 However, I do have on criticism. House Orca needed a better name. Orcas are a type of dolphin, the largest, in fact. We’ve got representatives for mammals, fish, and mollusks. How’s about giving some love to the reptiles? Personally, I would have named them House Sea Turtle instead. Or failing that, show some love to the echinoderms, and name them House Seastar. House Sea Cucumber would also work. Don’t give me that look! Sea cucumbers are noble animals and wonders of nature.

I do wish that we’d gotten to see more of Harding-Pencroft before it was destroyed. What brief glimpses we do get are utterly fascinating. As you might expect, they have quite an expansive aquarium full marine creatures. Upperclassmen train in submarine simulations using full-size mock-up submarines submerged in deep pools. However, the most fascinating class is one where students get to consider, and theorize, about the ways technology and science might have developed had history gone differently. As a major fan of alternate history I have but one thing to say: sign me up now! Well, its actually there as a way to slowly ease the students into learning the truth about Captain Nemo and his inventions. Still, sounds like a very fun class to take. I also liked how the various sections of the school are named after famous ocean explorers. There’s one part named after the Chinese navigator Zheng He, and one named after the polar explorer Ernest Shackleton.

I thought all of the diving scenes were particularly well-written. Rick Riordan has a true passion for scuba diving. This really shines through during the diving scenes. I also really like how the diving suits all use jet-propulsion that mimics the siphons of cephalopods. That was a really creative touch. 

Also, for those wondering, Land Academy was named after Ned Land. He founded it, along with Professor Aronnax, in hopes to keeping the world safe from Nemo. Aronnax and Land viewed Nemo as a madman. I assume Aronnax was the brains behind that one. Ned Land was good natured, but not terribly bright. 

Okay, let’s talk about the characters. Ana is the protagonist, but I want to save her for last. We’ll start with her roommates, and best friends, Nelinha and Ester. Nelinha da Silva grew up in an orphanage in Rio de Janeiro, but got to attend Harding-Pencroft on a scholarship. She’s also the closest the series gets to referencing Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I can best describe Nelinha as what would happen if Charles Beckendorf and Silena Beauregard were to have a kid. And, you know, if they were still alive. She’s a complete mechanical genius, and geeks out over machines and engine parts. She’s a member of House Cephalopod, naturally. However, she is also obsessed with fashion, and always makes sure to look her best at all times. Nelinha doesn’t just pack outfits, she packs entire wardrobes.

One of my prior complaints about Rick Riordan is that he only seems to know how to write one type of female character. Namely, he seems to believe that being a strong female character means being a tomboy who hates all things girly. So, it was nice to see Nelinha as a course correction on that front. Nelinha being from Brazil is likely a nod to how popular Rick Riordan’s books are in Brazil. So, I’m sure Brazilian fans were excited to finally get a Brazilian main character.

On the flipside, we also get Ester Harding. She’s a member of House Orca. She is a blood relative of one of the founders of Harding-Pencroft. She is also the first autistic character in a Rick Riordan book. I’m still bitter about how he wrote a Muslims character before he wrote an autistic character. In the Riordanverse, anyone can be a demigod, unless you’re autistic, it would seem. I had high hopes for Ester. You don’t see autistic girls too often in the media. Riordan has said that he got sensitivity readers to help him with writing characters from different cultural backgrounds. However, it would seem none of them offered insight into autistic people. It almost feels like Riordan watched a couple episodes of The Good Doctor and was like “I got this!” You know those TikTok clips of that guy having a temper tantrum while shouting “I am a surgeon!” Yeah, that’s The Good Doctor. It was another show I had high hopes for, but fell back on stereotyping autistic people. Don’t get me started on my problems with The Good Doctor, we’ll be here all day.

Anyway, Ester displays a number of stereotypical traits. She yo-yos between being basically non-verbal, and shouting at the top of her lungs. She does this all in a robotic monotone voice. In contrast to Nelinha, Ester has basically no fashion sense, and seems to be going for the long-lost daughter of Albert Einstein look. Ester also doesn’t have much in the way of common sense, and though it never comes up, she’s probably Jewish. Not too many gentiles name Ester. She’s got an excellent memory, to the point of being almost eidetic, but that’s somewhat accurate. Well, maybe not eidetic, but most autistic people do often have amazing memories. How do you think I’m about to write these retrospectives?

Ana briefly remarks about how some people claim that autistic people can’t feel love or other emotions, and that Ester proves this isn’t true, due to how empathetic she is. Again, this is true, as autistic people can be quite empathetic. Though, I can’t help but wonder if Disney specially made Rick insert that line to cover their asses. See, this isn’t the first time Disney has tackled autism. There was an episode of Girl Meets World about how we should all be nice to autistic people. All well and good, but they also claim that autistic people are incapable of experiencing emotions, including love.

Gemini Twain has been assigned as Ana’s bodyguard. He’s a no-nonsense member of House Shark. He’s also a member of the Church of Jesus Christ and Latter Day Saints. This is certainly an interesting choice, as Gemini is also Black. Historically, Mormons haven’t exactly gotten along well with Black people. Or Native Americans, or Polynesians, or…well, pretty much anybody who isn’t White. The most infamous instance was when Mormon schools refused to desegregate. The American government threatened to revoke their tax exemption status, but wouldn’t you know it, Mormon God rather conveniently changed his mind about Black people. Though, Gemini’s faith doesn’t really come up that much. He doesn’t like swearing or taking the lord’s name in vein, and he mentions his grandma raised him and his brother in the LDS church, but that’s about it. Well, he did get into a minor scuffle with Nelinha. Gemini’s brother went on his mission trip to Brazil, and Gemini assumed Nelinha would know his brother, because she’s from Brazil.

Well, nice touch having one of the non-White characters be flawed enough to be accidentally racist. I remember back in The Hammer of Thor retrospective when I said, paraphrased, “A Muslim demigod? What’s next, a Mormon demigod?” I have on occasion wondered if Rick Riordan reads these retrospectives. Probably a long shot, but you never know.

Technically, there is a fifth main character: the Nautilus itself. It took until about halfway through the book before the Nautilus showed up. Yeah, this book has some pacing issues. The Nautilus has what can best be described as an artificial intelligence system. Also, apparently it also includes some organic components. As you might imagine, it is extremely untrustworthy of anyone who isn’t a blood relative of Prince Dakkar, aka Captain Nemo. So, Ana’s biometrics are key to unlocking the Nautilus.

Unfortunately, the Nautilus also highlights one of the issues I had with the book. Apparently, every major invention of the 20th Century was a result of Harding-Pencroft discreetly releasing them to the public. That, or Land Institute stealing them. This caused Daughter of the Deep to evoke the Great Man Theory of History. The theory goes that society gets stuck in ruts until a great man, and it’s always a man, shakes up the status quo and moves the world forward. This view has largely fallen out of favor with mainstream historians. Most historians emphasis how the changes were put into motion, often by complex chains of influences, long before the supposedly great men came about. 

You do kind of get this with the main Riordanverse, where pretty much anyone who did anything was either a demigod or a magician. However, that was softened by just how many demigods and magicians there were throughout history. So, it felt more like a team-effort. By contrast, Daughter of the Deep gave us a single scientific übermensch who, apparently, leapfrogged from steam-power to cold fusion reactors. Now, granted, this is also true of Nemo in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Still, maybe Rick shouldn’t have depicted Nemo in such a lock, stock, and barrel sort of way.

And that segues into my next point. Harding-Pencroft is deathly afraid of letting the general public get access to Nemo’s technology. They only release technology sparingly, and only when they feel humanity has earned it. Uh, and what metric do they use to determine how worthy humanity is? Beats me, the book offers no details. The adults all make a big deal about how corporations would try to monopolize Nemo’s technology, but nobody ever suggests releasing it as open-source tech. Well, I know the real reason for that. There’s no way that Disney, the poster boy for copyright abuse, is going to be advocating for open-source. A particularly facepalm worthy moment is that fact that Harding-Pencroft refuses to release cold fusion technology…despite climate change being a serious issue! The book would have you believe Harding-Pencroft are the good guys. However, I’m tempted to think Land Institute had a point about Harding-Pencroft being corrupt and selfish.

Hey, wait a minute. Harding-Pencroft is a secretive organization that is very selective of its membership. It trains its students so that, effectively, they’re cut-off from the outside world. They indoctrinate their students from a young age into their views. They have charismatic leaders and founders. Yikes, I hope the cafeteria never served Kool-Aid! Harding-Pencroft is a cult!

It would seem that Harding-Pencroft has something akin to the Prime Detective from Star Trek. There has been a lot of debate about the morality of the Prime Detective. The main thinking seems to be don’t give advanced weaponry to civilizations that aren’t morally mature. The Original Series also says that it is okay to break the Prime Directive if a planet is in imminent danger. Contrast this with Next Generation, where one episode has Captain Picard dithering about if he should save a planet, even if it break the Prime Directive. Of course, the worst offender was Voyager. It had an episode where the moral was, basically, don’t save a baby trapped in a burning car, or else the baby will grow-up to be Hitler. Yeah, the Prime Directive kind of devolved into an immoral religious dogma as Star Trek went on.

Point is, Harding-Pencroft’s Prime Directive seems to lean towards that of the later Star Trek entries. Apparently, screw the planet, we need to keep the tech away from corporations! The irony of Disney railing against corporations is so thick you can practically cut it with a machete. Also, if the concern is that the corporations would hoard stuff like the cure for cancer, well, how’s that any different than what Harding-Pencroft is doing?

Much is made about how Ana must choose to reconcile both the good and the bad of Nemo’s legacy. However, nothing really comes of this. We don’t see her seriously debate or challenge Harding-Pencroft and Land Institute’s views of Nemo. In fact, she gets indoctrinated into Harding-Pencroft’s views pretty quickly. It would have been a great opportunity to show Nemo’s complexity, not just tell us about it. How many innocent lives did he take in his quest for vengeance? Should he have shared his technology with the oppressed peoples chafing under the yoke of colonialism? Is it possible that Land Institute has some valid points, and that Harding-Pencroft has lost its way? All excellent questions that sadly go unanswered.

As for why that is, it ties into the biggest problem I have with Daughter of the Deep. Overall, it feels like merely the novelization of the yet to be produced movie. I was hoping that the novel would be able to stand on its own merits. However, Riordan clearly wrote it so that the adoption process would be streamlined. Debating ethics might not translate to film. Though, it could work in the hands of a competent scriptwriter.

I feel this streamlining was ultimately to the novel’s determent. I certainly didn’t hate Daughter of the Deep. It had plenty of the action and adventure you’d expect from a Rick Riordan novel. However, for every thing I liked, there was almost always something else I didn’t like. It is ironic that Rick claims he spent years working on Daughter of the Deep. It overall feels like it was yanked out of the oven before it had a chance to bake properly. Then again, he also claims to have gotten the idea for Magnus Chase before he wrote Percy Jackson, and look how that turned out.

The audiobook is narrated by Soneela Nankani. She’s the narrator for the Aru Shah audiobooks. Personally, I wasn’t too thrilled when I saw that Soneela would be narrating. However, she gave a fairly decent performance. She voiced Ester in a rather stereotypical way, like she was imitating Sean from The Good Doctor, but that was the only true sour note. Speaking of music, the audiobook is filled with music. There’s lots of musical cues throughout the audiobook. Scenes of wonder and whimsy have inspirational music, action scenes have exciting music. There’s a scene where Ana plays a pipe organ aboard the Nautilus, and we actually get to hear it. I thought that was a really nice touch.

Now, let’s analyze the cover. This is a nice looking cover. The undersea landscape is bright and vibrant. We see Ana and Gemini in their divining suits. Their faces are clear and unobscured. The Rick Riordan Presents books goes with this approach as well. Something about it being important for minority kids to see themselves clearly represented on book covers. We also see the Nautilus in the background, along with a giant octopus.

So, Daughter of the Deep has a lot of potential, and I certainly wouldn’t mind a sequel. However, there’s a lot of room for improvement. It needed to stand on its own merits, not just be the dry run for the movie script. Still, it's lightyears better than our next port of call. Next time, we’re tackling The Sun and The Star. The claws are coming out, and I’m prepared to fully eviscerate Mark Oshiro’s glorified self-insert fanfic.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

The Audio File: Human B-Gon

My policy for reviewing serialized audio dramas is that I require at least one complete season before I commit to a review. Well, today we’re taking a look at a show that asked me to review them a while back. They have now finally met that requirement. I won't waste any more time, let’s get into it. We’re taking a look at Human B-Gon.

Human B-Gon is a science fiction comedy set in a post-apocalyptic future. Well, post-apocalyptic future if you’re a human. Robots declared war on humanity, and the robots won. The robots have reshaped the world in their image. Though, that image really isn’t all that different from when humans were running the show. Humans lurk in the shadows and crevices of this brave new mechanical world. Naturally, the robots consider them quite the nuisance. Fortunately, for the more Hominid Rights minded robots, there’s one team who are always on-call: Human B-Gon! They are a trio of robots who specialize in the ethical relocation of humans. Well, on paper anyway. In reality, our trio of heroes are complete morons who barely know what they’re doing. Still, they’re going to try their level best. After all, they’re the finest ethical human relocation service in the greater Droidston, Nanotoba area. Then again, they’re also the only one. But hey, that’s something, right?

I’d interacted with Human B-Gon on various social media platforms; Reddit, Facebook, Twitter. They’ve been supportive of my work with these reviews, and with my own endeavors to create audio drama. Naturally, they ask if I’d review the show. They now fit my minimum requirements, so here we are now. Human B-Gon is created by Drew Frohmann. 

Human B-Gon is a member of the Fable & Folly network. Time for an audio drama roll call! The other members of Fable & Folly include, but aren’t limited to, Spaceships, Alba Salix, We Fix Space Junk, Harlem Queen, The Carlötta Beautox Chronicles, and Who is Cam Candor.

Human B-Gon is presented in the form of a fictional television series. It reminds me a bit of the sort of shows you tend to see these days on Discovery Channel and History Channel. The sort of shows they air now that they’ve both, mostly, given up on educational documentaries. In fairness, much as I rag on Discovery and History of that, there have been a few diamonds in the rough. Pawn Stars actually does a pretty good job teaching people about history, and I do love those crazy dudes. And I also admit that I used to watch Dirty Jobs with Mike Rowe fairly frequently.

I was particularly reminded of Billy the Exterminator. It was a show on Discovery Channel about, well, an exterminator named Billy. Fun fact, Billy is from Bossier. It is the city directly across the Red River from Shreveport, where I live. Shreveport and Bossier are collectively counted as a single metro area, but Shreveport is the bigger of the two. I’m not sure if Billy the Exterminator was a direct influence on Human B-Gon, or if it was just coincidence.

Anyway, getting back on topic, Human B-Gon really captures the feeling of those sort of shows. Albeit, with a fair bit of farcical exaggeration. We’ve got a cast of three wacky characters taking us on a tour of their day-to-day lives in a somewhat unusual, by robot standards, line of work. It is mentioned that the robots speak their own language, which is rendered as English for our convenience. Human languages, by contrast, are depicted as a series of high-pitched hooting and chittering.

There are also several ads for various in-universe services and products. They’re included alongside out-of-universe ads, and at times, I can’t tell which is which. That’s some very good ad integration. The in-universe ads offer things such as a service that will remove your personality circuits. That way, you don’t have to feel any of those negative and dissatisfied feelings, and can get back to work as a newly mindless drone. Your productivity is sure to skyrocket! Or how about a tasty burger made from radioactive materials? Robots can’t get enough of those radiative burgers, and there’s so many options to choose from.

The world of Human B-Gon really isn’t too different from our own, just with robots running the show. There’s plenty of robot puns to be found. For example, our heroes live in Scanada. Specifically in the province of Nanotoba. Okay, Scanada is Canada, and Nanotoba is Manitoba. What would Droidston be? Canadians, help me out with this one. Well, anyway, we also meet famous robot celebrities, such as 8-Blanchett, 3-Anu Reeves, and 9-an Reynolds. We also meet a robot named Buggy Eddie, who is probably a nod to Crazy Eddie, which is apparently an electronics chain. I assumed it was a reference to Honest Ed’s, a famous discount store from Toronto. I freely admit that I only know about that one because of Scott Pilgrim. In contrast to all of this, based on the brief descriptions we get, the robots aren’t even remotely anthropomorphic. I suppose this makes sense, given that most robots view humans as little more than vermin.

So, let’s talk about the main characters. Kit is the owner of Human B-Gon. He inherited the company from his father, and his greatest desire is to make his father proud. Kit has a generally sunny and chipper disposition, though he can be easily flustered. He’s also very enthusiastic about helping peacefully relocate humans. He’s enthusiastic, but he’s an idiot who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. In fairness, his partners aren’t much better. There’s plenty of information available about human behavior, dietary habits, and other important human things. However, Kit can’t be bothered to look any of that up. After all, who should we trust more? Well qualified and certified experts, or a schlub like Kit? Kit is played by Paul JP.

Hundo is Kit’s second-in-command, and primary love interest. In contrast to Kit, she’s very brash, bold, and assertive. Though, this is partially a conscious act on Hundo’s part. She’s trying to present herself as a serious rapper. However, rapping isn’t the first time Hundo was involved in music. When she was younger, she used to be known as Robecca Black, and recorded a song called “Pi Day.” This made her an overnight laughing stock on the Robot Internet. “Pi Day” is treated as so bad that it is painful for humans to listen to, but I thought it was kind of catchy. Of course, I don’t know what it sounds like in the original robot language. Hundo likes to think of herself as more on the ball than Kit, but she’s often just as scatterbrained as he is. Hundo is played by Kat Letwin 

Rounding out the main trio is Influx. He’s a level twelve intelligence, and thinks of himself as far smarter than Kit, Hundo, and basically all other robots. Influx is incredibly arrogant and condescending. He’s also a paranoid conspiracy theorist who believes that the world is ruled by a secret cabal known as the Algorithminati. In fact, for all of his delusions of genius, Influx isn’t much better than Kit and Hundo. It probably doesn’t help that he likes to indulge in magnets, which are basically the robot equivalent of marijuana and LSD. The effect seems to depend on how strong the magnets are. Influx also serves as the primary transport for Human B-Gon. As in, he’s like a Transformer, and can turn himself into pretty much any vehicle. Influx is played by Ian Slessor. He’s familiar, but I can’t think where I’ve heard him before. 

Then there’s Poo-Poo. He is Kit’s long suffering pet human. Hardly an episode goes by without Poo-Poo getting set on fire, slammed against a wall, stabbed like a pincushion, or otherwise brutalized. It also doesn’t help that Kit insists on feeding Poo-Poo “foods” such as wire insulation, silicone gel, and metal ball bearings. Like all humans, Poo-Poo’s speech is rendered as monkey-like hooting and chittering. Though, we can still tell that he very clearly isn’t happy with the way that Kit tries to take care of him. Influx likes to troll Kit by threatening to drop Poo-Poo off on Garbage Island, where all of the other humans are dropped-off.

Garbage Island is located in the Great Pacific Garbage Patch. It is indeed a real collection of plastic located in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. It is twice the size of Texas, or three times the size of France. Though, there is a bit of artistic license here. In reality, the Great Pacific Garbage Patch is primarily made of microplastics. True, some patches are more visible to the naked eye, but certainly not stable enough to build settlements on. Though, since Human B-Gon clearly isn’t going for realism, I’ll let that one slide.

The way Poo-Poo is treat is clearly played for laughs. That being said, at times it felt a tad uncomfortable. I was reminded a bit too much of the short story “The People of Sand and Slag” by Paolo Bacigalupi. It is set on a far future Earth that is completely polluted and environmentally damaged beyond repair. Humans genetically modified themselves into cyborgs that are barely organic anymore. In doing so, removing themselves from the web of life. So, it follows three of these cyborgs who work as guards for a mining company. They find a dog that has survived against all odds, and decide to take care of it. A big theme is about how the cyborgs just can’t comprehend how delicate, fragile, and ill-suited for the polluted world that the dog is. And the cyborgs are two guys and a girl, and the guy and girl are in a relationship…hmm, I wonder if “The People of Sand and Slag” was an influence on Human B-Gon?

Well, anyway, it is an excellent short story, but very brutal at times. Doubly so if you have a beloved pet dog, like I do. So, when I listen to all the shit Poo-Poo gets put through, I think of the poor dog from “The People of Sand and Slag.” But I concede this is really more of a me thing.

Human B-Gon is fairly episodic, but there are plot threads that run throughout the episode. For example, Kit’s continuing struggles to keep the business floating. I’ll briefly mention some of my favorite episodes. I liked the episode where Human B-Gon has to unexpectedly clear out a former human mall on Sunday. Influx uses Sundays as his fun day, and by fun day, I mean he gets high on magnets. So, he shows up to work high as a kite. At one point, he hallucinates that he can hear humans talking. And they tell him…that he is the smartest robot in the world, and they will be his loyal servant to help him take over the world.

Another fun episode was where the Human B-Gon crew have to clear out humans from a quantum reactor facility. This leads to some fun quantum shenanigans. We hear two versions of the characters talking. At first, they say totally opposite things, then they say the same thing, but phrased differently. The number of humans also fluctuates, due to quantum uncertainty. The episode where Influx builds an assistant robot named ADM, and he proves to be way better at everything than the rest of Human B-Gon, was pretty fun too.

I won’t give away the season finale. However, I will say that it sets up some very exciting possibilities for season two. And I certainly can’t wait to see what comes next for Human B-Gon.

So, there you have it. Human B-Gon is a science fiction comedy about three idiot robots trying, and often failing, to peacefully relocate verminous humans. It takes the form of a fictional television series, and has a lot of fun with the format. Season one is a lot of fun, and I can’t wait to see what season two brings to us.

Well, I think that should do it from me for now. I will see you guys next time.

Flag of Buddhist India

This is the flag of Buddhist India. It comes from a world where Buddhism remained the dominate religion of India. It began during the reign of Ashoka the Great. As in our world, Ashoka converted to Buddhism after spending much of his life as a warlord who united much of India. Unlike our world, however, Ashoka formalized the relationship between the Sangha and the secular government. Ashoka’s system can be thought of as similar to the role the Catholic Church played in Medieval Europe in our world. Buddhist monasteries received funding via taxes, and the monks often involved themselves in the affairs of the state.

Another result of Ashoka’s reforms was that the Maurya Empire lasted several centuries longer than it did in our world. The empire covered almost all of the Indian Subcontinent, and its continued existence lead to a sense of Pan-Indian identity. In fact, the Maurya Empire would come to hold the same cultural significance in India as the Roman Empire does in the West, and the Han Dynasty does in China. All future Indian empires would, to varying degrees, attempt to emulate the glories of the Maurya Empire.

The changes resulting from Ashoka’s reforms ultimately meant that Vedantic Hinduism never came to be. However, life for the average Indian didn’t really change all that much under Buddhism. Most people continued to worship the same local gods they always had. The old traditions mixed freely with the new. For example, you might go to the Buddhist temple to pray for enlightenment and contemplate philosophy. However, if your child got sick, you would pray to whoever the local healer deity happened to be. The caste system never came to be, but there was a still a strict social hierarchy within Indian society.

In time, several Buddhist monks began to study the natural world, and developed natural philosophy of a sort. This led to several discoveries and innovation, the most significant of which was the discovery of gunpowder. India went on several campaigns of expansion. Several of these were nominally to spread Buddhism, but in practice, were really about expanding India’s political and cultural power. India conquered Persia, and even managed to push as far west as Egypt and the Levant. However, holding these lands proved harder. The empire shrank to only the Indian Subcontinent in a little over 100 years. However, this brief period of expansion did lead to Buddhism spreading further. Iran follows a combination of Zoroastrianism and Buddhism, and Central Asia is majority Buddhist. Southeast Asia is also majority Buddhist. It also helps that Islam was never found in this world.

Buddhist remain a significant minority in the Near East. Unfortunately, there have also been numerous conflicts between Buddhists and Christians in these lands. Buddhism never made major in-roads in Europe, barring a few minor communities in the Balkans. There were some Buddhist communities in Spain and Southern France, but they were whipped-out by Christian forces. Unlike our world, most Westerners do not stereotype Buddhists as being pacifists. In fact, due to a misunderstanding about Buddhist belief in reincarnation, many Christians stereotyped Buddhists as being violent, and having an incredibly cavalier attitude towards human life. However, during this world’s equivalent of the Enlightenment, several European scholars began to re-examine and reevaluate Buddhism. Though, they also often viewed it through a heavily Orientalist lens.

The flag is orange and maroon in reference to the colors of Buddhist monk robes. The white is to offset the orange and maroon. The Wheel of Samsara, also known as the Wheel of Rebirth, is displayed prominently in the center of the flag.

Flag of the Commonwealth of New England

This is the flag of the Commonwealth of New England. It comes from a world where the Huron won the Huron-Iroquois War of 1648-1650. This resulted in the complete destruction of the Iroquois Confederacy. Some Iroquois were absorbed into other tribes, including the Huron themselves. The Huron’s victory meant that their vast trading network was never disrupted. This meant that Europeans weapons were able to make their way towards the interior tribes of North America. This made Native American tribes better able to resist European colonialism. New England remained involved in the fur trade longer than it did in our world. Meanwhile, the Huron largely cut France out of the fur trade. 

Another result of all this was that King Philip's War never happened. There were still armed conflicts between the English colonists and Native Americans, but they were part of the larger English-French rivalry. New England never got drained economically by King Philip's War and remained financially self-sufficient. Before long, many in New England began to question if they needed to remain part of England. The Commonwealth of New England formally declared its independence in the early 1700s. It initially included the New England Colonies plus New York and New Jersey, but later expanded to include Pennsylvania, Maryland, and Virginia. The Middle Colonies faced competition and raids from tribes allied with the Hurons.

By the present day, North America is a patchwork of nations. There are several Native American tribes who were able to maintain their independence and carve out nationstates. Canada has remained largely French, while to the south, the Republic of Grand Florida also includes what would have been the Carolinas. Towards the west lies the nation of Caddo, a result of English and French settlement in Texas.

The New England government takes inspiration from the Roman Republic. It is a bicameral legislature composed of a People’s Council and a Senate. The Council is directly voted on by citizens of New England, and serves as the lower house. The citizens also elect the two praetors, who serve as the co-heads of the executive branch. The Senate is the upper house, and is composed of experts in various fields, as well as former governors and praetors. Praetors serve a single term of six years, while members of the Senate serve for life. Elections for the Council happen every four years. All political parties receive proportional representation within the Council. Praetors are not required to share the same political party. In fact, many people feel it is better when they don’t, as they will keep each other in check.

New England isn’t a major world power like the United States in our world. It is more comparable to Japan or the United Kingdom of our world in terms of international influence. However, New England is quite wealthy, and quite involved in international trade and commerce.

This is reflected in the design of the flag. A golden New England clipper ship is proudly emblazoned in the center of the flag. The green references the forests of New England, and the white recalls snowy New England winters.